LAWRENCE  J.  GUTTER 

Collection  of  Chicogoono 

THE    UNIVERSITY   OF   ILLINOIS 
AT  CHICAGO 

The  University  Library 


OUR  COURTSHIP  AND  OUR  MARRIAGE. 


OUR  COURTSHIP 


OUR  MARRIAGE 


INCIDENTS  PRECEDING  AND  RELATING  THERETO, 

AND  OBSERVATIONS  SUGGESTED 

THEREBY. 


INTENDED  EXCLUSIVELY  FOR  OUR  FAMILY. 

£|0 

BY  JOHN  DEAN  CATON,  LL.D., 

LATB  CHIEF  JUSTICE  OF  THE  SUPREME  COURT  OF   ILLINOIS. 


OTTAWA,    ILLINOIS. 

1870. 


. 


TO 

MY    WIFE: 

WHOSE  LIFE  AND  ACTIONS  FURNISH   AN   EXAMPLE 

WORTHY    OP 

IMITATION. 


PREFACE. 


In  the  following  account  of  the  most  interesting,  and,  in  many 
respects,  the  most  important  passage  of  our  lives,  I  have  adhered  to 
the  literal  facts  as  they  occurred,  with  the  most  scrupulous  fidelity,  so 
far  as  a  pretty  retentive  memory,  assisted  by  such  aids  as  were  within 
my  reach,  would  enable  me  to  do  so.  Nothing  has  been  invented  to 
give  piquancy  to  the  tale.  I  have  exaggerated  nothing  of  the  inci- 
dents, and  it  was  impossible  to  exaggerate  any  thing  of  the  sentiment. 
I  have  submitted  all  to  the  inspection  of  another,  and  it  receives  the 
sanction  of  her  recollection  as  to  those  incidents  which  came  within 
her  observation.  My  short  quotations  of  oral  observations,  and  my 
extracts,  may  be  relied  upon  as  literally  correct.  In  the  longer  quota- 
tions of  conversations,  I  could  only  hope  to  give  the  substance  of  what 
was  said,  in  language  as  nearly  accurate  as  possible. 

I  have  interwoven  with  the  narrative  episodes  and  dissertations,  as 
they  have  occurred,  germane  to  the  subject,  with  the  hope  that  they 
may  be  instructive  or  interesting. 

This  has  been  truly  a  labor  of  love,  for,  in  writing  it,  I  have  lived 
over  again  the  happiest  and  the  most  exciting  period  of  my  life,  and 
it  has  afforded  me  an  opportunity  to  do  justice,  at  least  in  some 
measure,  to  one  who  has  performed  her  duties  and  fulfilled  her 
obligations,  often  under  the  most  trying  circumstances,  with  a  quiet 
earnestness  and  firm  fidelity  which  are  worthy  of  the  highest  com- 
mendation. So  has  it  also  enabled  me  to  lay  before  you  some  of  the 
striking  characteristics  of  my  sainted  mother,  who  discharged  her  duty 
to  her  children  with  so  much  judgment  and  so  faithfully,  when  sur- 
rounded with  so  many  difficulties  and  embarrassments.  Would  that  I 


viii  Preface. 

could  perpetuate  her  virtues,  her  goodness,  and  I  may  add,  her  great- 
ness, in  some  more  enduring  form.  I  can  never  sufficiently  acknowl- 
edge how  much  I  owe  her  for  all  that  I  have  been,  and  all  that  I  am 
which  is  good.  It  has  also  given  me  an  opportunity,  in  the  course  of 
the  narrative,  to  make  mention  of  several  others,  as  dictated  by  a 
remembrance  of  the  kindness  shown  me  at  a  time  when  kindness  was 
so  grateful. 

May  what  I  have  written  prove  not  only  interesting,  but  instructive, 
to  those  few  for  whose  perusal  alone  it  has  been  prepared.  This  por- 
tion of  my  memoirs  was  commenced  on  the  23d  of  December,  1869, 
and  occupied  my  leisure  hours  till  the  i8th  oi  January  following,  and 
when  written,  was  not  designed  to  be  put  in  print;  but  as  that  mass  of 
manuscript  can  only  be  held  by  one  of  my  children,  I  have  been  per- 
suaded to  get  out  a  few  copies  of  this  portion  for  family  distribution. 
Had  it  been  designed  for  the  public  eye,  I  should  have  assumed  a 
tone  less  free  and  confidential,  and  should  have  omitted  many  things 
which  are  now  inserted.  I  trust  that  all  into  whose  hands  a  copy  may 
come,  will  read  in  the  spirit  and  treat  it  with  that  confidence  in  which 
it  has  been  written. 

OTTAWA,  ILL.,  January,  1870. 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

OUR  FIRST  INTRODUCTION i 

MY  FIRST  LOVE-LETTER 3 

I  CONSULT  A  FRIEND — WHY  I  DID  NOT  CALL '5 

I  MEET  HER  SISTER 7 

SCENE  AT  THE  CHURCH 8 

WESTWARD  Ho,  WITHOUT  CALLING n 

CORRESPONDENCE  OPENED 14 

THE  ETHICS  OF  LOVE-LETTERS 18 

I  START  TO  SEE  HER 23 

AN  ESCAPE ' 25 

THE  SOUND  OF  THE  CHURCH  BELL 26 

HARD  AGROUND — CAPTAIN  BLAKE  IN  A  RAGE 26 

IN  DETROIT 29 

WHO  I  MET  IN  THE  STAGE  COACH 29 

AMONG  FAMILIAR  SCENES — I  LOSE  MY  VOICE 32 

OH,  FOR  A  PHOTOGRAPHER 33 

AT  MY  UNCLE'S 37 

WHAT  ARE  OUR  DREAMS? 40 

THE  MORNING  DAWNS 41 

JANUARY  i,  1870 43 

THE  SITUATION 43 

WK  MEET,  AND  How 45 

A  HAPPY  Two  HOURS 51 

I  MEET  THE  FAMILY 53 

THE  DINNER 58 

LOVERS  ALONE  TOGETHER  AGAIN 59 

V 


x  Contents. 

PAGE 

THE  RETURN  —  OBSERVATIONS  —  THE  PROOF 62 

AT  DEANSVILLE  AGAIN 67 

MY  SECOND  VISIT 68 

I  OFFER,  AND  How  I  WAS  ACCEPTED 72 

WE  PART  AGAIN 76 

I  MEET  MY  MOTHER 77 

ANOTHER  VISIT  TO  NEW  HARTFORD 80 

A  LONG  RIDE  AMONG  FAMILIAR  SCENES 82 

INTERVIEW  WITH  A  STRANGER 90 

AN  INTERLUDE 92 

MY  MOTHER'S  COUNSELS 95 

SATURDAY'S  VISIT  ...  * 97 

THE  TIME  FIXED 98 

THE  LADIES  BY  LAMP-LIGHT 102 

OUR  FIRST  NIGHT  UNDER  THE  SAME  ROOF 102 

A  SABBATH  MORNING  IN  THE  COUNTRY 107 

ANOTHER  SCENE  AT  THE  SAME  CHURCH 108 

I  ASK  CONSENT  AND  GET  IT — How 114 

AFTERWARDS 120 

WITH  MY  MOTHER  AGAIN 122 

MY  LAST  VISIT 125 

THE  LAST  GOOD-NIGHT 131 

THE  PARSON  SUMMONED 132 

MY  LAST  PARTING  WITH  Miss  SHERRILL     .......  132 

OF  THE  ANALYSIS  OF  LOVE 134 

THE  NIGHT  BEFORE 135 

FRIENDS — THEIR  DISCIPLINE 136 

CONDUCT  AND  TENETS  OF  FRIENDS 138 

I  START — THE  WAY  TO  THE  WEDDING 140 

MY  ARRIVAL — SOME  THOUGHTS  —  MY  TOILET 142 

(  )CK  MEETING  IN  FULL  ATTIRE 145 

THE  TOILETS  OF  THE  BRIDESMAIDS  AND  OF  THE  BRIDE    .    .  146 
THE  MARRIAGE 149 


Contents.  xi 

PAGE 

THE  SERENADE 157 

MEMORY 158 

THE  MORNING  AFTER 161 

COMMENCEMENT 162 

THE  CONTRAST 163 

MY  MOTHER'S  FAREWELL 167 

THE  SECOND   EVENING 169 

ANOTHER  FAREWELL — A  HARD  PARTING     . 169 

WE  START — OUR  TRAVELING  COMPANIONS 170 

AT  AUBURN — THE  LAST  FAREWELL 171 

THE  NEXT  DAY'S  RIDE 173 

AT  BUFFALO  —  I  FIND  SOME  FRIENDS 177 

THE  TOBACCO  SCENE 178 

I  INTRODUCE  HER  TO  MY  FRIENDS 182 

BUSINESS — THE  QUEEN  CHARLOTTE 182 

WE  BOOK  FOR  THE  VOYAGE  ON  THE  QUEEN 184 

A  PROFESSIONAL  OBJECT  IN  VIEW 185 

MY  WIFE  DISPOSED  TO  HELP  ME 185 

WE  VISIT  HER  BROTHER 188 

WE  Go  ON  BOARD 188 

WE  GET  UNDER  WAY 189 

NAUTICAL  LESSONS 190 

SAIL  THROUGH  LAKE  ERIE 191 

BECALMED  IN  THE  RIVER 193 

CROSSING  THE  FLATS — AGAIN  HARD  AGROUND 193 

FOREKNOWLEDGE  NOT  DESIRABLE 194 

A  FRIGHTFUL  INCIDENT 195 

IN  THE  ST.  CLAIR  RIVER 197 

THE  CAPTAIN  RUDE 198 

A  STORM  —  SEA-SICKNESS 199 

SHORT  RATIONS  —  HARD -TACK 200 

AN  EXCITING  RUN .  200 

IN  MACKINAW  —  WHITEFISH   .    .    .    ,  ,    .    .    .    .  201 


xii  Content*. 

PACE 

A  STEAMER  —  SAIL  THROUGH  THE  STRAITS 202 

A  SQUALL 203 

IN  LAKE  MICHIGAN — BIG  SEAS 203 

CHICAGO  IN  SIGHT 205 

ETHICS  OF  EARLY  CONJUGAL  LIFE 205 

READINGS 223 

FIRST  GLIMPSES  OF  A  NEW  HOME 223 

AIR  CASTLES 224 

WE  LAND — AN  AFFECTING  MEETING 225 

THE  INDIANS 227 

THE  BEACH  —  THE  MOONLIT  LAKE 228 

OUR  LITTLE  HOME * 229 

A  GOOD  HOUSEWIFE — HER  FAULTS 232 

DINNER  AND  AN  AFTERNOON  WALK 233 

SOME  CALLERS 235 

HISTORY  OF  THE  POTTAWATTAMIES 237 

MY  INDIAN  RIVAL 242 

THE  INDIAN  WAR -DANCE 243 

You  LEAVE  Us  IN  OUR  HAPPY  LITTLE  HOME 248 


OUR    COURTSHIP  AND   OUR 


OUR   FIRST   INTRODUCTION. 

I  have  already  stated*  how  I  was  first  introduced  to  Miss 
Laura  Adelaide  Sherrill.  I  now  propose  to  give  in  a  connected 
form  the  progress  of  our  courtship  and  our  marriage,  and  to 
state  how  I  brought  her  to  Chicago.  This  was  a  long  time  ago, 
but  my  memory  is  still  fresh  on  a  subject  in  which  I  was  so 
much  interested  then,  and  which  laid  the  foundation  for  so 
much  happiness  since. 

From  dates  which  I  have  lately  consulted,  I  can  state  that 
my  first  introduction  to  Miss  Sherrill,  on  the  sidewalk  in  Clin- 
ton, Oneida  county,  New  York,  must  have  been  in  June,  1831. 
She  was  with  my  cousin,  Miss  Hannah  Dean.  They  were 
room-mates  at  the  boarding-school,  and  intimate  and  confi- 
dential friends.  The  introduction  was  as  we  passed  each 
other,  and  merely  elicited  a  simple  recognition.  We  barely 
paused,  but  hardly  stopped.  No  word  of  conversation  oc- 
curred between  us.  From  that  single  glance  I  knciu  she 
was  the  most  beautiful  girl  th:.t  I  had  ever  seen,  and  I 
have  never  changed  that  opinion.  I  instantly  felt  that  I  was 
struck.  It  was  love  at  first  sight.  In  a  moment  I  formed  the 


*  This  and  several  other  similar  allusions  which  occur  in  the  course  of  this 
narrative  have  reference  to  my  MS.  memoirs,  written  for  the  perusal  of  my 
children,  from  which  this  is  taken. 


2  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

resolution  that  I  would  marry  that  girl  if  it  were  possible,  and 
I  never  wavered  for  a  moment  in  that  resolution  or  lost  sight 
of  that  object.  Her  hair  was  hanging  loosely  down  her  back; 
her  face  was  fair  as  a  lily,  her  checks  blooming,  her  lips  like 
cherries,  her  blue  eyes  bright  and  beaming,  and  her  whole 
countenance  lighted  up  by  an  expression  of  intelligence,  which 
was  confirmed  by  a  high  broad  forehead,  not  seen  in  one 
woman  in  ten  thousand.  As  with  a  flash  of  light,  all  this  was 
photographed  on  my  heart  in  a  single  moment ;  and  there  has 
the  picture  ever  remained,  and  I  trust  it  will  never  fade.  A 
post  mortem  examination  should  disclose  it,  distinct  in  every 
lineament. 

"  She  was  a  form  of  life  and  light, 
Which,  seen,  becomes  a  part  of  sight." 

If  I  was  speechless  for  a  time,  I  could  not  resist  the  tempta- 
tion to  turn  round  and  study  the  form  of  my  charmer,  which  I 
did  very  soon  after  we  had  passed  each  other.  The  form  I 
thought  fully  equal  to  the  face.  A  little  above  the  usual  height 
for  girls  of  her  age ;  a  full,  robust  contour,  large  chest,  medium- 
sized  waist,  and  step  elastic  as  a  fawn's.  She  and  my  cousin 
went  skipping  along,  half-hopping  and  half-walking,  in  which 
I  thought  she  displayed  a  most  enchanting  grace.  I  even 
persuaded  myself  that  she  cast  one  or  two  inquisitive  glances 
behind  her,  of  which  I  was  the  object ;  but  this  much  she  has 
never  admitted,  though  I  may  have  been  the  subject  of  some 
conversation  between  the  girls. 

This  gave  rise  to  a  new  class  of  thoughts.  I  had  never 
before  seen  a  girl  for  whom  I  felt  the  least  partiality  in 
the  sense  which  we  call  love.  For  a  time  she  seemed  to 


My  First  Love -Letter.  3 

engross  all  my  thoughts.  New  lights  shone  in  upon  me  —  new 
ambitions  awakened  within  me  —  new  energies  animated 
me.  So  I  went  on  till  I  found  my  studies  were  actually 
being  interrupted.  Then  came  my  first  great  struggle  between 
the  will  and  the  impulses  in  order  to  make  my  inclinations  con- 
form, or  rather  yield,  to  duty.  Although  I  partially  succeeded, 
it  was  a  long  time  before  the  springs  of  thought  were  completely 
subordinated  to  the  control  of  the  will  and  made  to  submit  to  the 
dictates  of  the  judgment.  In  spite  of  all,  I  pursued  my  studies 
to  some  purpose.  The  fact  that  every  day  at  school  cost  me  a 
day  of  toil  on  the  farm  was  a  great  stimulant  to  diligence,  and 
besides,  the  new  situation  was  a  new  incitement  to  increased 
industry.  I  was  at  that  time  pursuing  my  studies  at  Mr.  Gros- 
vener's  school,  at  Rome.  I  boarded  at  Mr.  Fish's,  about  a  mile 
out,  and  I  remember  I  used  to  indulge  myself,  while  walking 
either  one  way  or  the  other,  in  thinking  of  my  lady-love,  so 
that  she  actually  became  associated  in  my  mind  with  every 
stone  and  stake  along  that  road. 

MY  FIRST   LOVE-LETTER. 

After  having  reflected  perhaps  a  month  on  the  subject,  some 
time  in  July,  1831,  I  finally  finished  a  letter  which  I  ventured, 
with  great  trepidation,  to  send  her.  It  was. not  full  of  crazy 
raptures,  but  contained  enough  to  show  the  state  of  my  feel- 
ings and  my  purposes.  After  all,  it  was,  perhaps,  well  enough 
for  a  boy's  first  love-letter,  when  we  remember  the  embarrass- 
ments of  my  situation,  writing  to  so  complete  a  stranger  as 
she  was. 

It  is  tedious  waiting  for  an  answer  to  one's  first  love-letter, — 


4  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

at  least,  so  I  found  it.  I  imagined  twenty  different  forms  that 
it  might  be  like, — varying  in  every  shade  from  the  best  to  the 
worst.  I  made  them  from  a  single  line  to  an  indefinite  length. 
I  must  do  something  of  the  kind  or  die;  for  suspense  was 
becoming  absolutely  crushing.  At  length  I  found  the  answer 
at  the  post-office.  I  sought  a  secret  place,  as  soon  as  possible, 
in  which  to  read  it.  I  did  not  tear  it  open  in  a  frenzy;  indeed, 
I  rather  feared  to  open  it.  I  studied  the  superscription  awhile 
to  try  thereby  to  read  something  of  the  contents.  At  length,  I 
timidly  and  cautiously  opened  the  missive  which  might  contain 
my  pardon  or  my  death-warrant.  Well,  it  was  all  right  —  it 
was  short  and  polite.  I  was  not  repulsed  and  not  much 
encouraged.  It  lacked  that  warmth  of  cordiality  which  would 
have  gratified  me,  but  then  there  was  an  absence  of  that 
reproof  which  I  often  felt  my  presumption  deserved.  I  read 
it  over  a^d  over  many  times.  I  parsed  it  quite  through,  in  the 
hope  that  I  might  thereby  get  a  single  additional  idea.  I  crit- 
ically Weighed  every  word,  and  went  to  the  dictionary  to  see 
if  I  could  not  find  some  new  meaning  to  words  with  which  I 
was  perfectly  familiar.  No  doubt  many  other  young  lovers 
have  been  guilty  of  some  such  absurdities ;  but  probably  few, 
after  their  beard  has  become  as  white  as  mine  is,  have  frankly 
acknowledged  them.  I  finally  came  to  the  conclusion  that  the 
letter  was  a  great  deal  better  than  it  would  have  been  had  it 
been  more  to  my  wishes.  I  was  invited  to  call  whenever  it 
would  suit  my  convenience;  and  what  more  could  I  reasonably 
ask  ?  I  wrote  again,  acknowledging  her  letter  in  grateful  terms, 
and  asked  for  another  reply,  promising  to  call  soon,  which 
then  I  really  intended  to  do. 


/  Consult  a  Friend —  Why  I  did  not  Call.  5 

I   CONSULT   A   FRIEND  —  WHY   I    DID   NOT  CALL. 

On  my  first  visit  to  Deansville,  after  this,  I  was  horseback- 
riding  with  my  cousin  Hannah,  when  I  disclosed  to  her  what 
I  had  done,  asking  her  interest  and  advice  in  the  premises, 
and  that  she  would  go  with  me  and  make  the  call.  She  was 
evidently  much  surprised  at  the  step  I  had  taken,  and  much 
doubted  of  my  success,  but  promised  to  go  with  me.  The 
next  morning  she  withdrew  her  promise,  and  advised  me  not 
to  call,  for  the  reason  that  she  thought  that  my  awkwardness 
and  unfamiliarity  with  society  would  exhibit  me  to  such  disad- 
vantage that  it  would  preclude  the  probability  of  a  favorable 
impression,  and  destroy  any  chance  that  I  might  otherwise 
have.  I  was  perfectly  conscious  of  the  defects  to  which  she 
alluded,  and  feared  the  result  she  apprehended.  They  were 
defects  which  I  knew  would  be  overcome  by  time,  and  so  I 
concluded  to  run  the  chance  and  postpone  my  visit  to  another 
time,  when  rit  could  be  made  under  more  favorable  auspices, 
and  when  I  thought  I  might  do  more  for  myself  than  I  could 
then. 

Thus  it  was  that  I  neglected  to  make  the  call  that  I  should 
have  made ;  and  I  was  not  in  a  position  to  explain  the  omis- 
sion. While  this  neglect  continued,  and  without  excuse,  I  had 
no  right  to  expect  any  further  reply  to  the  two  letters  which  I 
had  written  subsequent  to  the  receipt  of  the  note  from  her.  I, 
however,  managed  that  she  should  appreciate  that  I  had  not 
forgotten  her,  but  that  she  continued  to  occupy  as  much  of  my 
thoughts  as  ever.  I  also  kept  well  advised  of  what  she  was 
doing  on  the  subject  which  interested  me  most  of  all.  I  was 


6  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

aware  that  I  had  several  rivals,  some  of  whom  gave  me  very 
serious  alarm.  I  felt  myself  powerless  to  interpose  directly, 
for  I  was  constantly  deterred  from  entering  a  personal  appear- 
ance in  the  conflict,  fearing  the  fatal  effect  of  the  contrast 
between  the  more  polished  manners  of  those  who  had  had 
more  advantages  of  what  may  be  called  society,  and  my 
own.  The  consciousness  of  my  awkwardness  I  knew  would 
make  me  appear  the  more  awkward.  In  fact,  I  feared  I  should 
make  myself  an  object  of  ridicule  and  become  the  subject  of 
the  sarcastic  remarks  of  others  whom  I  knew  I  must  meet 
should  I  make  the  call ;  for  undoubtedly  there  were  enough  of 
those  who  would  be  but  too  willing  to  throw  obstacles  in  the 
way  of  my  success.  I  estimated  the  value  of  a  little  some- 
thing bordering  on  the  mysterious,  and  hoped  much  from  the 
fertile  imagination  of  an  ardent  girl  of  eighteen.  It  was  not  in 
human  nature  but  that  she  must  be  pleased  with  the  terms 
in  which  I  had  expressed  my  feelings  toward  her,  and  with 
the  fact,  of  which  I  managed;  in  one  way  or  another,  to  keep 
her  constantly  advised,  that  these  feelings  were  only  changed 
by  increased  intensity.  Under  such  circumstances  I  felt  sure 
she  must  occasionally  think  of  me ;  nay,  that  she  must  be 
pleased  by  such  devotion  from  any  young  man  of  respecta- 
bility ;  and  I  trusted  that  her  imagination  would  be  constantly 
framing  excuses  for  my  conduct,  which  all  must  admit  was 
strange,  at  least.  Indeed,  I  truSted  that  she  might  discover 
something  like  romance  in  the  affair,  which  might  tend  to 
flavor  the  sentiment  which  I  hoped  had  been  awakened,  and 
that  she  would  probably  invent  excuses  for  me  better  than  I 
could  make  for  myself,  till  the  time  should  come  when  I  could 


/  Meet  Her  Sister.  7 

prudently  make  more  direct  advances.  I  often  had  occasion 
to  pass  her  father's  house,  and  it  is  hardly  necessary  to  say 
that  I  always  looked  anxiously  to  get  a  glimpse  of  the  object  of 
my  idolatry,  in  which  I  sometimes  succeeded,  though  not  often, 
and  very  rarely  so  as  to  give  me  a  good  look.  I  occasionally 
ventured  to  attend  the  church  at  New  Hartford  and  managed 
to  get  a  sight  of  her,  which  always  set  my  heart  on  fire,  but 
generally  managed  to  avoid  observation. 

I   MEET    HER   SISTER. 

As  I  have  elsewhere  stated,  in  the  summer  of  1832,  I  made 
the  acquaintance  of  Doctor  and  Mrs.  Cadwell,  who  was  a  sister 
of  Miss  Laura,  while  I  was  studying  my  profession  at  Rome. 
It  was  evident  that  the  Doctor  looked  upon  me  with  rather  an 
evil  eye,  but  his  good  lady  always  met  me  kindly  and  cordially, 
from  which  I  argued  favorable  results ;  or,  at  least,  that  every- 
thing was  not  discouraging.  I  consoled  myself  with  the  reflec- 
tion that  her  influence  must  be  much  more  potent  than  his. 
As  I  thought  it  probable  that  everything  would  be  reported  to 
Miss  Laura,  I  tried  to  exhibit  myself  to  the  best  advantage 
whenever  I  met  her  sister.  While  I  avoided  any  pointed 
inquiries  after  her,  I  made  general  inquiries  about  the  family, 
and  the  answers  showed  that  she  appreciated  that  I  cared  more 
to  hear  from  her  than  all  the  rest.  To  this  I  gave  a  most  favor- 
able construction.  Although,  no  direct  allusion  was  ever  made 
to  my  relations  with  her  sister,  or  what  had  taken  place 
between  us,  in  my  interviews  with  Mrs.  Cadwell,  the  subject 
was  recognized  in  that  quiet,  unspoken  way  which  may  be 
understood  but  cannot  be  described.  This  did  me  a  great 


8  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

deal  of  good,  and  I  am  sure  I  studied  harder  from  the  hope  it 
inspired. 

SCENE  AT   THE  CHURCH. 

One  Sunday,  during  that  summer,  when  I  was  visiting  my 
friends  at  Utica,  I  walked  over  to  New  Hartford  to  get  another 
church  view  of  one  in  whom  my  affections  were  so  much 
engrossed.  I  arrived  soon  after  the  morning  service  had 
closed,  and  strolled  into  the  gallery,  which  was  empty,  and 
located  myself  on  a  front  seat  which  overlooked  the  body  of 
the  church  below.  A  little  to  my  confusion,  I  found  myself 
overlooking  the  Sunday-school.  On  the  left-hand  side,  and 
quite  at  the  further  end  of  the  church,  I  saw  Mrs.  Cadwell,  and 
opposite  to  and  facing  her,  on  the  right-hand  side,  sat  Miss 
Laura.  I  observed  that  I  was  instantly  recognized  by  Mrs. 
Cadwell,  and  that,  by  some  sort  of  telegraphy,  she  told  her 
sister  who  I  was,  and  I  flattered  myself  that  I  could  see  a  flush 
on  her  face  as  she  cast  a  glance  in  my  direction ;  but  she,  at 
first,  seemed  disinclined  to  turn  her  face  half  round  and  look 
squarely  at  me ;  still,  as  she  had  never  before  seen  me  so  as  to 
remember  how  I  looked,  it  was  evident  she  was  not  disposed 
to  forego  the  opportunity  to  get  one  fair  look  at  me,  at  least. 
After  a  few  minutes  of  manifest  hesitation,  she,  as  it  were  in 
desperation,  left  her  seat  and  walked  down  through  the  aisle 
to  the  door,  which  brought  her  nearly  in  front  of  me.  Well, 
there  was  no  mistaking  that  she  took  an  earnest  look  at  me 
then,  and  it  was  my  turn  to  grow  fed  in  the  face;  I,  however, 
returned  the  earnest  scrutiny  with  interest.  This  was  the  only 
opportunity  she  ever  had,  after  our  first  introduction,  to  see 
me  till  I  went  down  to  marry  her;  and,  as  the  light  in  which 


Scene  at  the  Church.  9 

I  sat  was  not  good,  that  view  must  have  been  anything  but 
satisfactory. 

My  impulse  was  to  hasten  down  and  meet  her  at  the  door, 
and,  if  invited,  go  home  with  her  to  lunch;  and  had  I  not 
been  demented  I  should  have  done  so.  But  my  heart  failed  me, 
and  I  let  the  golden  moment  pass  unimproved.  When  it  was 
a  minute  too  late,  I  fairly  cursed  my  stupidity  and  bit  my  lips 
till  they  nearly  bled  in  my  deep  vexation.  In  my  eyes  she 
was  even  more  beautiful  than  ever.  No  doubt  the  incident 
lent  a  deeper  radiance  to  her  countenance  which,  it  seemed  to 
me,  fairly  glowed  with  loveliness.  There  was  the  same  fasci- 
nating charm  playing  about  every  lineament,  and  it  seemed  to 
me  that  every  man  in  the  world  could  not  help  being  capti- 
vated by  her.  There  was  the  full  but  graceful  form,  the  same 
elastic  step,  natural  as  possible,  entirely  destitute  of  that  affec- 
tation which  young  ladies  too  often  think  so  becoming,  but 
which  all  sensible  people  look  upon  as  ridiculous  and  regard 
as  an  evidence  of  a  weak  intellect,  or,  at  least,  of  a  want  of 
judgment  and  good  taste. 

If  young  girls  only  knew  how  much  such  affectation  is  the 
sport  and  ridicule  of  the  young  gentlemen,  they  would  try 
to  leave  it  off  as  much  as  they  now  strive  to  cultivate  it.  No 
one  can  tell  how  I  rejoiced  to  see  it  entirely  wanting  in  her 
movements  down  that  aisle,  where,  if  she  ever  knew  how  to 
take  on  such  airs,  she  would  have  been  most  likely  to  have 
done  so.  I  was  as  much  charmed  by  her  manifest  good  sense 
as  I  was  captivated  by  her  beauty.  I  knew  I  was  not  mis- 
taken—  she  was  absolute  perfection.  I  must  have  her  at  all 
events.  I  would  not  fail  —  no,  I  would  never  fail  in  what  1 


io  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

once  deliberately  undertook.  I  did  not  fail !  I  was  not  mis- 
taken in  the  object  of  my  admiration  or  in  the  fixedness  of 
my  purpose. 

After  she  had  been  gone  a  few  minutes  I  went  down  from 
the  gallery,  and  saw  her  an  hundred  yards  on  her  way  home, 
in  company  with  some  other  girl.  With  longing  eyes  I  watched 
her  every  movement,  and  again  admired  her  matchless  form. 
(There  is  no  doubt  I  was  desperately  in  love;  and  the  paroxysm 
has  never  since  subsided ;  and  as  it  has  been  the  source  of  un- 
told happiness,  I  trust  it  never  will.)  I  was  greatly  elated  to 
observe  her  cast  a  few  glances  back,  doubtless  to  see  if  I  were 
watching  her.  Upon  such  slender  threads  will  love  suspend 
itself.  It  will  gather  hope  from  the  slightest  incident.  It  will 
build  its  castle  upon  a  single  bubble,  and  light  it  up  with  the 
faintest  ray.  If  she  looked  back,  it  was  to  see  me,  I  thought; 
and  if  to  see  me,  then  she  thought  of  me ;  and  if  she  thought 
of  me,  then  she  was  not  indifferent  to  me;  —  yes,  she  thought 
of  me,  and  this  I  magnified  into  a  great  point  gained.  It  is  well 
to  be  so  comforted  where  there  is  no  neutral  ground  between 
hope  and  despair.  I  am,  by  nature,  hopeful ;  prone  to  look  on 
the  bright  side  of  even  dark  pictures,  and  this  disposition  no 
doubt  greatly  aided  me  in  the  object  of  my  pursuit.  Hope 
stimulates  to  exertion,  if  it  does  not  inspire  us  with  an  over- 
weening confidence,  which  induces  a  relaxation  of  energy 
necessary  to  accomplish  success.  Such  an  excess  of  hope  is 
as  great  a  misfortune  as  the  want  of  hope.  It  is  the  hope 
which  stimulates,  and  not  that  which  enervates,  which  we 
should  ever  commend  and  cultivate. 

I  hardly  withdrew  my  eyes  from  her  till  she  turned  into 


Westward  Ho,  Without  Calling.  11 

her  father's  gate  and  disappeared  behind  the  shrubbery,  and 
longer  still  I  looked  to  where  I  had  seen  the  last  flutter  of 
her  dress.  Oh,  how  I  longed  to  go  and  meet  her  face  to 
face,  to  hear  the  sound  of  her  voice,  and  look  into  her  ani- 
mated eye.  Could  I  have  been  sure  of  meeting  none  but  her, 
I  might  have  done  so;  but  the  fear  of  meeting  others  who 
would  look  unfavorably  upon  me  finally  deterred  me,  and 
I  turned  slowly  away  from  the  church  door,  and  walked  back 
to  Utica,  my  mind  so  absorbed  by  the  one  theme  that  I  was 
quite  oblivious  to  all  else,  till  again  I  found  myself  with  my 
own  family. 

WESTWARD  HO,  WITHOUT  CALLING. 

The  succeeding  winter  I  studied  in  the  office  of  Mr.  Collins, 
at  Vernon,  intending  to  start  West  the  next  spring,  and  select  a 
place  to  commence  the  practice  of  my  profession.  I  made  some 
acquaintances  and  attended  a  few  parties  at  Vernon,  not  so 
much  because  I  enjoyed  them  as  to  acquire  some  little  degree 
of  accomplishment,  and  that  I  might  appear  less  awkward, 
should  I  conclude  to  make  the  long-thought-of  call  before 
coming  West.  As  the  time  approached  which  I  had  fixed  for  my 
departure,  the  subject  of  such  a  call  became  a  question  of  the 
most  anxious  consideration.  I  viewed  it  in  every  possible  light 
in  which  it  could  present  itself.  I  have  no  doubt  it  was  very 
ably  argued  on  both  sides.  All  conventional  rules  —  the  sim- 
plest considerations  of  propriety  —  required  that  I  should  call, 
if  I  intended  to  prosecute  my  suit.  To  leave  the  country, 
without  calling  or  saying  a  single  word  to  her,  must  be  con- 
strued as  a  deliberate  declaration  that  I  intended  to  forget  her. 


12  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

Nearly  two  years  had  elapsed  since  I  had  first  written  her  and 
since  she  had  invited  me  to  call,  and  yet  I  had  neglected  to 
do  so,  without  being  able  to  assign  any  sufficient,  or  even  any 
insufficient,  reason;  and  now  to  go  without  a  word  of  expla- 
nation could  bear  no  other  construction  than  a  total  abandon- 
ment of  the  purpose  I  had  manifested  in  my  letters.  But  more 
than  all,  the  promptings  of  my  own  inclinations,  my  consum- 
ing love,  the  desire  I  felt  to  meet  and  converse  with  her  —  to 
see  in  her  eye  and  hear  from  her  lips  some  kindly  and  encour- 
aging expression,  which  might  animate  my  hopes  and  stimu- 
late me  to  exertion,  which  might  mitigate  the  toils  which  I 
knew  were  before  me,  and  lighten  the  burden  which  I  knew  I 
must  bear — pleaded  stronger  and  more  persistently  than  all 
else  in  favor  of  that  course  which  all  the  proprieties  of  life  so 
clearly  pointed  out.  On  the  other  hand  I  still  feared  that  I 
should  make  an  unfavorable  impression  in  a  personal  inter- 
view, and  should  I  be  so  unfortunate,  I  appreciated  how  diffi- 
cult it  would  be  to  ever  overcome  so  unpropitious  an  occur- 
rence. I  believed  that  I  could  appear  better  on  paper  than  I 
could  in  person.  On  the  whole,  I  determined  to  leave  without 
calling  or  attempting  a  word  of  explanation,  but  that  as  soon 
as  I  should  select  a  place  for  a  new  home,  and  get  settled  in 
business,  I  would  manage  in  some  way  to  get  into  a  corre- 
spondence with  her,  and  that  I  would  try  to  write  in  such  a 
way  as  to  get  her  in  love  with  me,  from  my  letters,  before  she 
should  become  acquainted  with  my  person.  In  the  meantime, 
travel  and  increased  association  with  the  world  would  wear  off 
that  awkwardness,  of  which  I  was  painfully  conscious,  by  the 
time  I  should  be  in  a  condition  to  return  and  make  her  pet- 


Westward  Ho,    Without  Calling.  13 

sonal  acquaintance.  I  placed  great  reliance  on  the  assistance 
of  the  imagination,  which  the  reading  the  language  of  love  by 
a  young  girl  would  be  sure  to  bring  to  my  aid  and  whisper 
words  in  my  favor,  warmer  and  more  fervent  than  any  I  could 
speak  in  my  own  behalf.  How  I  should  get  her  into  such  a 
correspondence  I  did  not  certainly  see.  But,  to  start  with, 
when  a  thousand  miles  apart,  there  was  much  less  impropriety 
in  her  answering  my  letters  without  a  personal  acquaintance 
than  when  I  could  call  at  any  moment.  Now  I  had  no  excuse 
for  not  calling — then  it  would  be  impossible.  For  the  rest,  I 
must  trust  to  good  management  and  good  fortune. 

No  one  who  has  never  been  in  my  position  can  imagine 
the  struggle  it  cost  me  to  make  my  inclination  yield  to  my 
judgment,  when  all  the  most  palpable  and  tangible  arguments 
were  in  favor  of  the  former,  and  the  latter  was  only  supported 
by  what,  at  the  first  consideration  at  least,  would  appear  to  be 
artificial  reasoning.  Still  my  deliberate  judgment  was  in  favor 
of  the  course  I  adopted,  and  by  the  exercise  of  an  iron  will 
I  compelled  my  inclinations  to  submit.  As  you  have  already 
seen,  this  was  not  the  first  struggle  of  the  kind  I  had  had  to 
encounter;  and  when  I  have  looked  back  upon  it  since,  I  have 
been  astonished  at  the  self-control  I  was  enabled  to  exercise.  I 
have  even  allowed  myself  to  think  it  quite  creditable  for  a  boy 
of  twenty-one  to  thus  chasten  those  feelings  which  at  that  age 
are  so  blind,  so  turbulent  and  so  uncontrollable.  But  from 
childhood  I  had  been  trained  in  the  school  of  self-denial  and 
self-reliance,  and  I  have  found  its  lessons  of  the  greatest  value 
through  my  whole  life.  As  the  result  was  success,  I  may 
conclude  that  my  decision  was  dictated  by  true  wisdom ;  for 


r4  Our  Courtship  and  O:tr  Marriage. 

the   sacrifice   which  I  then   made  has  been    richly  rewarded. 

Had  the  result  been  otherwise,  I  might No  matter;  I  will 

not  look  on  that  side  of  the  picture,  for  it  can  neither  be  pleas- 
ant nor  profitable. 

CORRESPONDENCE   OPENED. 

I  have  just  read  over  that  letter  for  the  first  time  since  it 
was  put  in  the  post-office,  more  than  thirty-five  years  ago.  It 
was  written  at  Chicago,  on  the  26th  day  of  May,  1834,  to  Miss 
Hannah  F.  Dean,  my  cousin,  who  had  introduced  me  to 
Miss  Sherrill  on  the  sidewalk,  as  before  related.  We  had 
already  had  some  correspondence  on  the  subject  of  my  open- 
ing a  communication  with  Miss  Laura,  in  which  she  had 
encouraged  me  to  do  so,  and  this  letter  was,  in  fact,  written  to 
be  shown  to  that  lady,  although  not  with  that  ostensible  object. 
My  judgment  now  is  that  it  was  well  designed  to  produce  the 
desired  effect.  Indeed,  I  think  it  shows  more  skill  than  I 
should  suppose  I  at  that  time  possessed.  It  commences,  after 
a  short  introduction,  with  a  statement  of  the  deep  and  ever- 
growing affection  I  felt  for  Miss  Laura.  It  explains  my  not 
having  called  on  her  before  coming  West  by  informing  her  that, 
before  committing  myself  further,  I  wished  to  test  the  depth 
and  strength  of  my  attachment  by  mingling  more  in  society 
and  seeing  more  of  the  world,  and  to  observe  the  effect  of 
absence  upon  my  feelings;  that  now,  after  all  these  trials 
and  tests,  I  found  my  love  ever-growing  for  her,  and  I  was 
now  convinced  I  could  never  live  happily  without  her.  After 
a  page  or  more  of  this,  stated  in  as  strong  terms  as  good  taste 
would  admit,  I  passed  on  to  a  description  of  the  country, 


Correspondence  Opened.  \  5 

which  I  pictured  in  the  most  glowing  colors.  I  painted  the 
prairies  as  wild  gardens  covered  with  a  thousand  kinds  of 
flowers  of  every  hue  and  color,  which  loaded  the  air  with  their 
rich  perfume.  There  was  an  evident  design  to  make  her  fall  in 
love  with  the  country'.  I  then  passed  on  to  my  business  and 
prospects.  The  former  was  large  and  increasing — the  latter 
bright  and  hopeful.  I  had  succeeded  in  the  first  court,  which  I 
had  just  attended,  better  than  I  could  have  hoped,  and  had 
received  the  congratulations  of  all  my  friends.  The  manifest 
object  of  this  was  to  create  the  impression  that  I  was  doing 
well  and  getting  to  be  a  man  of  some  consequence.  In  all 
this  I  was,  no  doubt,  very  sincere,  though  the  very  circum- 
stances of  the  case  compelled  me  to  sound  my  own  praises.  I 
then  described  a  ride  to  Ottawa,  to  attend  the  court  there.  It 
seems  I  journeyed  across  the  prairies  in  a  gig,  and  I  pictured 
the  pleasure  of  the  ride,  could  I  have  had  my  cousin  by  my 
side  —  or,  better  still,  the  nameless  one  —  over  the  fragrant 
prairies  and  among  the  brilliant  wild  flowers.  Here  was 
another  attempt  to  fascinate  her  with  the  country.  I  then 
changed  tactics  a  little,  and  described  Ottawa  and  its  society, 
and  especially  extolled  the  beauty  of  its  young  ladies  and  the 
gay  times  and  gallant  intercourse  I  had  with  them.  Here  was 
an  evident  attempt  to  play  upon  that  universal  weakness  of 
human  nature  which  we  call  jealousy,  or  the  stimulating  effects 
of  any  prospects  of  rivalry.  But  at  last,  I  said,  it  was  all  husks 
whenever  I  turned  my  thoughts  to  another  far  away  whose 
image  was  constantly  presenting  itself  before  me. 

In  her  discrecion,  my  cousin  was  authorized  to  communi- 
cate as  much  of  the  state  of  my  feelings  as  she  thought  best 


1 6  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

to  Miss  Sherrill,  and,  if  possible,  to  obtain  an  intimation  from 
her  that  she  would  receive  a  letter  from  me  kindly,  and  above 
all  things,  to  do  this  very  quickly,  as  I  should  be  in  great 
distress  till  I  heard  from  her.  This  letter  was  forwarded  to 
Miss  Sherrill  by  my  cousin  through  the  mail,  though  I  had 
hoped  that  it  would  have  been  handed  to  her  in  person  and 
some  personal  influence  exerted  in  my  behalf.  From  some 
cause,  I  could  never  quite  understand,  Miss  Dean  seemed  to 
have  had  an  aversion  to  attempt  any  direct  influence  in  my 
behalf  in  this  matter;  but  after  all,  perhaps,  it  was  as  well. 

In  due  time  I  received  a  letter  from  Hannah,  either  cover- 
ing one  from  Miss  Sherrill  to  her,  or  informing  me  herself,  that 
a  letter  from  me  would  be  acceptable.  Neither  of  these  letters 
has  been  preserved,  and  I  cannot,  from  memory,  speak  par- 
ticularly of  their  contents.  The  first  I  find  is  a  letter  from 
Miss  Laura,  dated  August  26,  acknowledging  the  receipt  of 
one  from  me  of  July  29th.  Whether  this  was  the  first  letter 
I  wrote  her  from  Chicago,  and  that  the  first  received  from  her, 
I  cannot  positively  affirm  from  memory;  nor  is  the  matter 
solved  by  the  contents  of  her  letter.  From  the  time  which 
elapsed  it  seems  these  should  not  have  been  the  first,  and 
yet  the  time  was  pretty  short  for  a  previous  exchange  of  letters. 
That  is  a  good  long  letter  of  three  large  pages,  and  my 
recollection  is  that  the  first  from  her  was  a  short  but  kind 
letter  of  but  one  page.  I  well  remember  that  in  my  first 
letter  to  her  I  did  my  best,  and  that  it  was  pretty  long.  There 
was  as  much  of  love  in  it  as  I  thought  at  all  admissible, 
and  a  good  deal  of  description  of  the  beauties  of  the  country. 
This  was  a  point  I  kept  constantly  in  view.  As  it  v.\is 


Correspondence  Opened.  17 

necessary  that  she  should  make  up  her  mind  to  come  to  this 
country,  it  was  important  for  me  to  create  a  desire  in  her 
to  see  it, — a  favorable  impression  of  the  country  was  second 
only  to  a  favorable  impression  of  myself. 

It  is  quite  interesting  to  observe  in  my  letters  how  grad- 
ually and  yet  pretty  rapidly  I  passed  in  the  address,  —  from 
"Friend"  and  "Respected  Friend,"  to  "Dear  Friend"  and 
" Dear  Laura,"  and  " Dear  Girl,"  and  " My  Dear  Laura "  "My 
Dear  Girl,"  and,  finally,  "My  own  Dear  Love."  Nor  was  it 
long  before  the  text  abounded  with  these  and  other  similar 
appellations.  Indeed,  I  took  no  pains  to  conceal  my  ardent 
love  from  the  beginning,  but  my  expressions  grew  more  and 
more  earnest  and  ardent  as  the  time  approached  when  I  should 
go  down  and  see  her,  and,  as  I  hoped,  secure  her.  So,  too,  on 
her  part,  the  diffident  reserve  which  at  first  characterized  her 
letters  gradually  melted  away  and  gave  place  to  more  genial 
and  cordial  expressions,  manifesting  an  increasing  interest  and 
feeling,  which  filled  me  with  hope  and  happiness.  Through- 
out, I  put  the  best  face  on  my  business  prospects,  though 
never  exceeding  what  the  truth  would  fairly  justify. 

I  commenced  my  judicial  career  as  a  justice  of  the  peace, 
to  which  office  I  was  elected  early  in  1834,  and  officiated  very 
frequently  at  weddings,  in  town  and  country.  Indeed,  I  was 
rather  popular  in  that  way.  Whenever  these  marriages  were 
noticed  in  the  Chicago  Democrat,  the  only  paper  then  printed 
in  Chicago,  I  was  sure  to  send  her  a  copy.  This,  I  thought, 
would  serve  to  impress  her  with  the  fact  that  I  was  a  man 
of  some  importance  in  the  community.  I  am  sure  I  resorted 
to  this  before  I  opened  the  correspondence  with  her.  It 

3 


1 8  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

served  to  tell  her  that  I  was  still  thinking  of  her,  and  to  keep 
me  alive  in  her  memory.  Things  went  on  hopefully,  and  I 
may  say,  swimmingly,  though  I  never  could  find  an  expression 
in  one  of  her  letters  that  she  loved  me;  but  I  was  her  "Dear 
Friend,"  and  the  object  of  her  most  sincere  regard,  and  all 
that;  but  then  I  poured  into  the  correspondence  love  enough 
for  both  sides.  She  never  promised  to  marry  me  in  terms,  but 
I  knew  she  meant  to,  and  I  was  content  with  that;  indeed,  I 
was  obliged  to  be,  though  I  felt  that  I  would  give  a  tooth  or 
an  eye  for  some  warmer  expressions  —  some  such  as  I  used 
toward  her.  But  she  said  enough  to  keep  my  spirits  high 
in  the  ecstacies.  My  hopeful  disposition  came  to  my  aid 
wonderfully  here,  and  made  me  happy,  when,  perhaps,  another 
would  have  been  miserable.  Hitherto  I  had  studiously  avoided 
setting  any  time  for  going  down  to  see  her ;  but,  on  the  3oth 
of  May,  1835,  I  wrote  her  that  in  about  a  month  I  expected  to  be 
able  to  start  on  the  wings  of  love  and  fly  to  meet  her,  and  that 
I  hoped  to  bring  her  back  with  me !  Of  course  I  manifested 
all  the  raptures  proper  at  such  a  prospect,  and  hinted  at  the 
terrible  consequences  should  I  be  so  unfortunate  as  not  to 
prove  acceptable  upon  a  personal  acquaintance.  I  did  not 
threaten  to  go  and  hang  myself,  but  hinted  that  it  would  be  a 
sort  of  luxury  to  be  desperately  miserable  all  the  rest  of  my 
days. 

THE   ETHICS   OF   LOVE-LETTERS. 

Love-letters  are  written  for  no  one  to  see  but  the  parties  them- 
selves. In  order  to  become  interesting  to  the  parties  to  whom 
they  are  addressed  they  must  be  indited  in  a  style  to  appear 
quite  ridiculous  to  all  the  rest  of  the  world.  As  in  the  inter- 


The  Ethics  of  Ltn>e-Letiers.  19 

course  between  husband  and  wife,  a  thousand  things  occur  in 
them  which  imply  a  confidence  of  the  most  sacred  character, 
and  I  am  not  sure  but  that,  like  conjugal  intercourse,  they 
should  be  held  sacred,  even  from  courts  of  justice,  when  evi- 
dently written  in  good  faith.  Of  course,  much  of  them  may  be 
read  by  strangers  without  impropriety,  but  still,  expressions  and 
sentiments  often  occur  which  are  really  very  proper  when 
read  only  by  the  one  for  whom  they  are  written,  and  who 
can  sympathize  with  the  spirit  that  dictated  them,  while  they 
will  excite  only  ridicule,  or  even  disgust,  in  those  destitute  of 
that  sympathy.  If,  therefore,  we  ever  by  chance,  or  in  the 
performance  of  a  duty,  read  the  missives  of  love  between  other 
parties,  let  us  never  forget  that  we  should  appreciate  their  posi- 
tion, and  read  their  words  in  the  light  of  that  affection  which 
dictated  them.  Let  others  remember  that,  if  they  have  written 
such  letters  themselves  in  sincerity  of  heart,  they  have  probably 
written  things  which  would  appear  to  be  as  proper  subjects  for 
levity  and  sport  as  these.  He  who  has  sincerely  loved — and 
I  believe  that  none  else  can  be  really  happy — will  always  have 
respect  for  that  peculiar  tone  and  expression  which  love  alone 
can  dictate,  and  which  alone  can  be  fully  manifested  in  the 
unreserved  confidence  of  love.  A  true  love-letter  is  written  in 
the  same  tone  and  spirit  in  which  lovers  talk  to  each  other 
when  alone,  and  when  there  is  that  implied  confidence,  sacred 
to  the  feelings  of  the  rudest  as  well  as  the  most  refined,  that 
neither  thought  nor  expression  shall  ever  come  to  the  ears  of 
others.  The  endearments,  the  fondlings,  the  caressings,  which 
are  universal,  and  therefore  we  may  conclude  are  very  proper, 
between  such  as  occupy  the  relations  and  feel  the  sentiments  of 


so  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

those  we  call  lovers,  would  be  ridiculous,  if  not  disgusting, 
when  enacted  in  the  presence  of  others.  One  who  would  write 
a  love-letter  proper  to  be  read  by  others  would  be  no  lover,  but 
rather  a  cynic,  or  at  least  a  cold-blooded  philosopher,  not  well 
calculated  to  win  the  favor  of  any  but  a  blue-stocking — who 
would  never  be  induced  to  marry  any  one  from  a  sentiment  of 
love  itself.  Indeed,  such  a  person  would  be  incapable  of  gen- 
uine love,  and  probably  would  insist  that  there  is,  in  truth,  no 
such  refined  sentiment  as  most  of  mankind  think  they  have 
experienced,  but  that  it  is  only  the  impulse  of  animal  nature 
subdued  by  refinement  of  expression  into  what  those  who  have 
not  analyzed  their  own  feelings,  ignorantly  call  love,  which 
must  go  out.so  soon  as  the  natural  promptings  by  which  it  was 
inspired  have  subsided,  leaving  only  respect  and  friendship,  at 
most,  where  the  object  is  capable  of  inspiring  these.  A  person 
holding  these  sentiments  may,  no  doubt,  write  a  love-letter — 
though  not  worthy  of  the  name  —  which  might  read  well  to 
everyone  except  her  to  whom  it  was  written,  unless  she,  too,  were 
of  the  same  phlegmatic  nature.  But  it  is  a  blessed  thing  that 
such  natures  are  the  exceptions,  and  that  a  large  majority  of 
man  and  womankind  believe  in  a  purer,  a  higher  and  a  holier 
love,  which  is  the  basis  of  the  most  supreme  happiness  known 
to  human  beings.  It  is  accompanied  by  that  congeniality  of  sen- 
timent, that  sympathy  of  feeling,  which  delights  in  each  other's 
society,  and  in  rendering  each  other  happy.  There  is  an 
unselfishness  in  it  which  enables  it  to  ameliorate  the  conduct 
and  the  feelings  of  the  most  selfish  mortals  toward  the  object 
of  love,  although  it  may  not  absolutely  control  them.  This 
will  only  be  questioned  by  those  who  are  strangers  to  the  sen- 


The  Ethics  of  Love-Letters.  2 1 

timent  of  love,  such  as  I  have  described.  It  is  long-suffering, 
patient,  and  forgiving.  Only  such  a  state  of  feeling  can  make 
life  happy  or  even  tolerable  to  those  who  are  to  live  together 
as  one,  through  life  to  its  end. 

I  do  not  find  the  letter  which  I  received  in  answer  to  the 
one  in  which  I  announced  my  intention  to  go  and  see  her  to 
whom  it  was  addressed,  and  expressed  the  hope  that  she 
would  return  with  me,  but  I  well  remember  that  it  was  quite 
satisfactory.  It  gave  me  assurance  that  I  should  be  looked  for 
anxiously,  and  would  be  received  with  a  welcome,  and  it  gave 
the  implied  assurance  that  I  should  not  be  disappointed  in  my 
hopes,  although  I  knew  that  at  last  all  must  depend  on  my 
being  personally  acceptable  to  her.  That  she  was  satisfied 
with  my  mental  endowments,  so  far  as  developed  by  my  letters, 
with  my  character  and  my  prospects,  I  had  every  reason  to 
believe ;  but  there  was  another  ordeal  through  which  I  must 
pass,  and  on  which  my  final  success  must  depend,  which  caused 
me  deep  anxiety,  and  yet  my  hopeful  disposition  enabled  me 
to  look  to  the  future  with  confidence. 

During  the  intervening  month  I  wrote  her  several  times,  in 
a  style  and  strain  which  might  be  expected  from  my  position. 
On  reflection,  I  think  I  will  give  an  example  of  my  style  of  love- 
writing,  by  an  extract  from  the  conclusion  of  the  letter  of  the  I3th 
of  June,  in  which  I  fix  the  28th  of  that  month  for  the  day  of  my 
departure:  "  It  is  hard  for  me  to  persuade  myself  that  I  am  to 
meet  you  so  soon.  The  idea  has  in  it  so  much  of  hope  and 
anxiety  and  happiness  that  I  hardly  dare  to  indulge  it.  When 
thinking  of  that  coming  time  when  all  my  fond  and  anxious 
anticipations  may  be  realized,  the  moments  alternately  fly  with 


22  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

the  rapidity  of  thought  and  linger  as  though  they  loved  to 
torture  me  with  delay.  My  days  are  spent  in  darling  hopes  of 
times  to  come,  and  my  nights  in  dreams  of  happiness.  Nothing 
has  sufficient  force  to  drive  you  from  my  mind.  You  are  ever 
present  with  me,  caressing  me  in  pleasure  and  cheering  me  in 
trouble.  As  you  are  the  constant  tenant  of  my  heart,  so  are 
you  the  ever-occupant  of  my  thoughts.  Oh,  that  you  could 
know  how  much  I  think  of  you — how  much  I  love  you;  and 
oh,  that  I  could  have  some  assurance  that  that  love  would  be 
returned !  Mingle  hope  and  fear  and  we  drink  the  draught  till 
we  are  intoxicated."  Remember,  I  was  desperately  in  love, 
and  was  not  sure  that  that  love  would  be  returned ;  that  I  was 
very  young ;  had  had  few  educational  advantages,  and  that,  as 
yet,  almost  all  my  reading  had  been  confined  to  law  books, 
which  are  not  the  most  lively  teachers  on  such  a  subject.  I 
may  truly  say  that  whatever  I  wrote  was  all  my  own  and 
was  designed  for  the  exclusive  perusal  of  her  to  whom  it  was 
addressed. 

Since  I  have  ventured  to  give  one  extract  from  that  corre- 
spondence, I  think  I  may  as  well  give  another,  which,  although 
written  in  the  form  of  prose,  and  evidently  without  the  least 
thought  of  anything  else,  seems  to  have  fallen  into  a  sort  of 
measure.  A  very  long  letter  bears  the  dates  of  I5th,  i6th, 
1 9th,  2oth  and  26th  of  January,  1834.  Here  is  what  I  wrote, 
and  all  I  wrote  on  the  i6th: 

"  'The  noon  of  night'  is  nearly  past  and  yet  I  do  not  wish 
to  sleep.  I  choose  to  sit  and  think  of  you,  and  pen  my 
thoughts  for  you  to  read.  Would  that  I  could  sleep,  for  duty 
calls  me  to  my  pillow.  But  why  sleep  ?  We  live  but  half  our 


/  Start  to  See  Her.  23 

lives,  if  half  we  sleep;  for  time  thus  spent  seems  lost;  and 
still,  at  times,  soft  sleep  is  sweet  when  fondly  cling  around  us 
in  our  dreams  the  memories  of  those  we  love.  Ijrve !  It  is  a 
word  at  which  we  start  as  when  a  long  expected  truth  is  first 
before  us  plainly  laid.  The  word  again  returns  and  lingers  on 
the  lips  with  very  sweetness;  and,  indeed, 

'A  dreadful  question  is  it  when  once  we  love 
To  ask  if  lot-e's  returned ' 

9 

We  dwell  upon  the  thought  and  look  into  the  heart  as  a  volume 
often  read  but  never  understood.  We  know  not  what  we  do 
and  almost  care  not !  We  cannot  suit  ourselves  with  our  own 
efforts  and  yet  we  try  again.  I  must  lay  down  this  distracted 
pen  which,  perhaps,  I  had  better  not  disturbed." 

I  must  have  been  more  than  half  distracted  when,  past  mid- 
night, I  wrote  this  disjointed  extract ;  still  there  are  one  or  two 
thoughts  in  it,  if  better  expressed,  would  bear  perusal,  at  least 
by  the  partial  eyes  of  love. 

I   START   TO   SEE   HER. 

Toward  the  evening  of  the  3Oth  of  June,  183^3  young 
gentleman  "might  have  been  seen"  at  the  little  dock  on  the 
Chicago  River,  just  east  of  Dearborn  street,  taking  a  couple  of 
black  leather  trunks  into  a  lighter,  where  he  arranged  himself 
with  as  many  other  passengers  as  it  would  hold,  which  soon 
pulled  out  to  the  steamer  Michigan,  which  lay  at  anchor  a  mile 
away  in  the  offing.  He  was  dressed  very  plainly,  determined 
to  make  no  new  acquaintances  on  the  voyage,  and  not  to  min- 
gle in  the  festivities  of  the  crowd,  which  was  the  most  gay  and 
distinguished  that  had  ever  been  assembled  on  these  lakes. 


24  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

There  was  General  Cass,  then  Secretary  of  War,  and  his  suite, 
together  with  his  two  daughters — young  ladies,  not  beautiful 
by  any  means,  but  still  well  accomplished.  With  them  there 
was  a  large  collection  of  their  young  friends  from  Detroit. 
There  was  Governor  Mason,  only  twenty  years  of  age,  then, 
by  accident,  Governor  of  Michigan.  I  thought  he  felt  his 
greatness  wonderfully,  but  I  doubt  not  there  were  few  young 
men  who  in  his  position  would  have  behaved  with  more  pro- 
priety. There  was  General  Brady,  of  the  army,  then  com- 
manding at  Fort  Brady,  on  the  St.  Clair  River,  and  many 
others  of  distinction.  We  had  a  fine  band  of  music,  and  the 
steamer,  decked  out  in  gorgeous  colors,  was  full  of  passengers. 
She  was  the  second  boat  that  had  been  to  Chicago  that  season, 
having  been  preceded  by  the  Thomas  Jefferson  about  a 
month  before.  The  nights  were  spent  in  dancing  in  the  cabin, 
and  the  days  with  plays  and  amusements  on  deck  and  in  the 
cabin,  and  a  good  deal  of  flirting  withal.  I  determined  to  seek 
no  introduction  to  that  joyful  set.  Indeed,  I  had  no  inclination 
to  mingle  with  them.  I  preferred  to  sit  alone  by  myself  and 
commune  with  my  own  thoughts  and  feast  on  my  anticipations. 
There  were  quite  a  number  of  gentlemen  on  board  with  whom 
I  was  acquainted,  who  had  been  to  Chicago  to  attend  the  land 
sales.  Among  these  I  may  mention  Generals  James  R.  and 
Grove  Lawrence,  of  Onondaga  county,  New  York,  both  of 
whom  were  distinguished  lawyers,  in  conversation  with  whom 
I  spent  as  much  of  my  time  as  with  all  others,  for  I  could 
profit  more  by  it  than  in  conversation  with  another  class. 


An  Escape.  25 


AN   ESCAPE. 

When  I  went  on  deck  the  next  morning  we  were  anchored 
off  Michigan  City,  whose  sand  hills  lay  before  us,  a  mile  dis- 
tant. The  yawl  had  been  sent  ashore  for  passengers.  The 
cook  came  on  deck  and  opened  his  pig-coop,  and  while  he  was 
taking  out  some  for  our  dinner  one  smart  little  fellow  man- 
aged to  slip  from  his  hands,  and  make  a  rush  through  the 
crowd  who  were  gathered  around  to  see  the  operation.  For- 
tunately he  found  an  opening  in  the  bulwarks,  through  which 
he  plunged  into  the  lake  with  a  defiant  squeal.  This  elicited 
cheer  after  cheer  for  the  gallant  pig,  which  completed  the  rage 
of  the  cook,  who  could  see  no  fun  in  the  escape  of  the  infantile 
swine  and  understood  the  cheering  as  a  personal  indignity  to 
himself.  All  rushed  to  the  side  of  the  ship  to  watch  the  pig. 
There  was  no  wind,  but  a  heavy,  dead  swell.  The  moment 
the  pig  touched  the  water  he  struck  for  the  nearest  land  with 
as  much  certainty  as  if  he  had  surveyed  his  route  with  the 
greatest  care.  He  rode  the  waves  proudly.  It  was  absolutely 
laughable,  while  he  was  near  by,  to  watch  him  go  over  the  top 
of  the  swells,  and  his  long  slender  tail,  which  was  working 
in  the  water  like  a  snake,  switch  out  for  an  instant  as  he  broke 
over  the  crest  and  commenced  the  descent.  Many  a  glass  was 
brought  to  bear  upon  him,  and  his  course  watched  with  real 
solicitude,  as  he  could  be  seen  whenever  he  rose  to  the  top 
of  a  wave.  At  last  he  was  seen  to  land  and  disappear 
behind  a  sand-hill,  with  the  hearty  congratulations  of  all  but 
the  discomfited  cook. 


26  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 


THE   SOUND   OF  THE  CHURCH    BELL. 

While  we  were  laying  in  the  little  harbor  at  Mackinaw,  I  was 
sitting  on  deck  admiring  the  view,  which  was  then  new  to  me, 
I  was  startled  by  the  sound  of  the  mission  church  bell.  I  im- 
mediately arose  and  took  off  my  hat  and  remained  uncovered 
while  the  sound  continued.  The  sound  of  that  church  bell 
produced  a  sensation  —  a  thrill — which  is  indescribable.  For 
more  than  two  years  I  had  not  heard  the  tone  of  a  bell,  and 
I  was  not  looking  for  it  then.  It  was  entirely  unexpected,  and 
it  revived  within  me  a  thousand  pleasing  remembrances  and 
associations  of  by-gone  times. 

HARD   AGROUND  —  CAPTAIN    BLAKE   IN   A    RAGE. 

Toward  evening  of  the  third  of  July  we  passed  out  of  the 
St.  Clair  River  into  Lake  St.  Clair.  No  improvements  had 
then  been  made  there,  and  navigation  was  obliged  to  follow 
the  natural  channel,  which  was  in  many  places  crooked  and  in 
others  shallow.  The  first  bend  we  came  to  was  nearly  a  right 
angle ;  but  Captain  Blake,  ambitious  to  show  off  a  little  in  the 
presence  of  Mr.  Newberry,  the  owner,  and  the  distinguished 
company  who  crowded  the  deck,  concluded  to  go  round  the 
bend  at  full  speed  instead  of  slacking  up  and  creeping  round, 
as  was  usual  and  prudent.  Now,  Captain  Blake  was  a  well- 
known  character  on  the  lakes  at  that  time,  who  had  been  upon 
them  from  boyhood.  My  uncle,  Thomas  Dean,  Esq.,  had 
sailed  with  him  in  a  schooner  to  Green  Bay,  I  think  in  the 
year  1817.  He  was  undoubtedly  an  excellent  sailor,  and  no 


Hard  Aground — Captain  Blake  in  a  Rage.  27 

one  knew  that  channel  better  than  he  did.  He  had  placed  six 
men  at  the  wheel,  including  the  third  mate.  He  placed  him- 
self in  the  shrouds  of  the  foremast,  about  ten  feet  from  the 
deck,  whence  to  issue  his  orders.  He  was  a  powerful,  heavy 
man,  and  the  roughest  specimen  I  ever  met  with.  When  in 
anger  he  was  absolutely  terrific.  At  the  proper  time,  or  prob- 
ably an  instant  too  late,  he  ordered  the  wheel,  hard  over.  The 
men  sprang  to  it  as  if  their  lives  were  at  stake.  She  did  not 
come  to  in  time,  but  run  her  whole  length  into  the  soft  bottom 
till  it  stopped  her,  when  her  bow  was  imbedded  at  least  four 
feet  in  the  mud.  Before  the  ship  had  fairly  stopped  the  Cap- 
tain sprang,  at  a  single  leap,  to  the  deck,  and  rushed  to  the 
wheel-house  in  such  a  towering  passion  as  I  had  never  before 
and  have  never  since  seen.  It  was  positively  sublime.  For  a 
moment  he  could  not  even  swear.  Soon,  however,  he  recovered 
his  speech,  and  then  such  volleys  of  oaths  !  Every  one  present 
seemed  to  shudder.  His  voice  was  like  thunder,  and  he  fairly 
coined  words  of  profanity  for  the  occasion.  It  appeared  to  me 
that  no  one  had  ever  before  thought  of  such  terrible  words  in 
such  monstrous  combinations.  All  seemed  to  feel  as  if  we 
had  a  raging  lion  in  our  midst.  All  shrunk  away  as  far  from 
him  as  possible,  except  the  poor  men  at  the  wheel,  who  dared 
not  leave  their  places  till  ordered.  He  made  directly  for  them, 
and  it  really  appeared  as  if  he  would  annihilate  them  all  in  a 
moment.  They  turned  pale  and  visibly  trembled,  but  did  not 
move  a  step.  He  addressed  himself  principally  to  the  mate, 
whom  he  accused  of  intentionally  turning  the  wheel  the  wrong 
way,  although  it  there  stood  hard  over  in  the  direction  ordered. 
He  applied  to  him  a  cloud  of  epithets  as  monstrous  as  they 


28  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

were  blasphemous.  The  mate  nor  any  one  else  dare  breathe 
a  single  word  in  reply.  Everything  was  as  still  as  death  except 
the  damning  eloquence  of  the  enraged  Captain,  who  actually 
foamed  at  the  mouth.  Should  I  attempt  to  write  down  his 
horrible,  unheard-of  words,  the  ink  would  boil  and  my  pen 
would  fairly  burn.  At  last,  when  he  had  completely  exhausted 
himself  and  his  vocabulary  of  profanity,  he  turned  away,  to 
endeavor  to  extricate  the  ship,  ordering  the  men  to  follow  him. 
The  steam  could  not  move  her.  He  got  both  anchors  out, 
and  with  the  most  powerful  purchase  he  could  combine  tried  to 
pull  her  bow  around  into  the  channel,  ordering  the  passen- 
gers, from  General  Cass  and  Mr.  Newberry  down  to  the  lowest, 
with  as  much  of  command  as  the  common  sailor.  I  recollect 
the  next  day,  after  he  had  got  her  so  she  would  move  a  little 
with  a  great  head  of  steam,  he  was  trying  to  back  her  off,  he 
ordered  all  the  passengers  on  deck  to  trot  from  one  side  to  the 
other  to  rock  her.  It  was  amusing  to  see  General  Cass,  who 
was  a  very  heavy  old  man,  lead  us  all  on  a  good  trot  from  one 
side  to  the  other,  and  then  back,  at  the  word  given  by  the  Cap- 
tain. The  old  gentleman  took  it  in  excellent  part,  and  seemed 
to  rather  enjoy  it,  appreciating,  no  doubt,  the  good  effect  of  his 
example.  The  work  went  on  all  night  long  without  interrup- 
tion. Considering  my  mission  and  the  state  of  my  mind,  it 
may  well  be  imagined  that  I  was  impatient  of  the  delay,  and 
was  more  inclined  to  work  through  the  night  than  to  go  to  my 
berth,  as  most  of  the  passengers  did.  At  length,  after  remov- 
ing a  large  amount  of  freight  to  a  scow,  the  ship  was  got  off 
and  into  the  channel  again  and  the  freight  reshipped,  so  that 
in  the  afternoon  of  the  next  day  we  resumed  our  voyage,  and 


In  Detroit.  —  Who  I  Met  in  the  Stage -Coach.  29 

reached  Detroit  just  at  dusk.     So  I  passed  the  fourth  of  July, 
1835- 

IN   DETROIT. 

I  spent  the  evening  looking  through  Detroit,  where  I  pur- 
chased two  or  three  light  vests,  in  one  of  which  I  was  married. 
The  next  morning  found  us  on  Lake  Erie.  We  reached  Buffalo 
on  the  afternoon  of  the  second  day.  The  weather  had  been 
beautiful  during  the  whole  voyage,  and  I  had  plenty  of  time 
and  opportunity  to  indulge  sweet  visions  of  the  future.  I 
hardly  allowed  myself  to  admit  the  possibility  of  disappoint- 
ment or  failure  in  the  great  enterprise  in  which  I  was  engaged — 
the  greatest,  the  most  important,  of  my  whole  life. 

WHO   I   MET   IN   THE   STAGE-COACH. 

I  left  Buffalo  in  the  evening  in  a  stage  filled  with  a  party 
made  up  on  the  steamer.  The  second  morning  after,  we 
stopped  to  change  horses  at  Auburn.  There  were  a  large 
number  of  coaches  to  carry  the  passengers  on  one  way-bill. 
Some  of  our  original  party  had  dropped  off,  and  others  were 
now  assigned  their  places.  I  was  on  the  front  seat  and  a  new- 
comer took  his  seat  directly  in  front  of  me,  whom  I  instantly 
recognized  as  Mr.  Lewis  Sherrill,  an  uncle  of  my  sweetheart, 
and  a  very  near  neighbor.  I,  however,  said  nothing,  but 
assumed  as  wise  and  dignified  a  look  as  possible.  Before  the 
stage  started  the  agent  came  along  with  the  way-bill  in  his 
hand  and  read  off  the  names  of  the  passengers  to  see  if  all  and 
no  more  were  on  board.  When  my  name  was  called  and  I 
answered,  Mr.  Sherrill  started,  as  if  a  bodkin  had  been  thrust 
into  him.  He  was  a  rather  diffident  man  and  had  naturally  a 


30  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage, 

florid  complexion,  but  it  now  seemed  as  if  all  the  blood  in  his 
body  had  rushed  to  his  face.  He  cast  at  me  many  a  side  glance, 
but  hesitated  to  look  me  squarely  in  the  face.  I,  however,  ap- 
peared as  unconcerned  as  possible,  and  affected  not  to  recog- 
nize him.  I  soon  got  into  a  conversation  with  some  acquaintance 
about  the  West,  and  warmed  myself  into  as  much  eloquence  as 
possible  in  describing  its  beauties,  its  richness,  and  its  future 
greatness.  Without  appearing  too  plainly  to  do  so,  it  was 
evident  that  Mr.  Sherrill  listened  to  every  word  with  a  lively  in- 
terest. At  that  time  it  was  not  every  day  that  one  could  meet, 
in  Central  New  York,  with  a  resident  of  the  then  far  West — 
a  country  which  was  beginning  to  attract  much  interest.  It  was 
comparatively  little  understood,  and  every  one  seemed  anxious 
to  hear  every  particular  about  it.  I  had  already  talked  about 
the  new  West  so  much  that  I  had  got  my  ideas  pretty  well 
arranged  as  to  the  points  most  interesting  to  listeners,  and  even 
the  mode  of  expressing  myself  had  assumed  something  of  a 
definite  form,  much  more  distinct  and  easy  than  if  I  had 
not  become  so  familiar  with  the  subject.  Most  of  my  hearers 
had  many  questions  to  ask,  and  I  could  see  that  Mr. 
Sherrill  was  full  of  them  and  almost  dying  to  get  them  out; 
but  hi-s  extreme  diffidence  kept  him  silent.  Before  long  we 
stopped  for  breakfast,  and  almost  as  soon  as  we  got  into  the 
house  Mr.  S.  gave  me  a  little  pull  at  the  coat  and  intimated 
that  he  would  like  to  see  me  alone.  He  led  the  way  to  a 
deserted  hall,  when  he  turned  round,  rolling  one  thumb  over 
the  other,  and  so  embarrassed  that  he  could  hardly  articulate, 
stammered  out: 

"  Is  your  name  Mr.  Caton  ?" 


Who  I  Met  in  the  Stage -Coach.  31 

"Yes,  sir;  that  is  my  name,"  I  replied,  with  an  assumed  air 
of  indifference,  which  I  by  no  means  felt. 

"I  think  I  have  heard  of  you  before,"  he  said,  manifesting 
a  little  more  confidence,  and  even  with  a  little  roguish  look  out 
of  one  corner  of  his  eye. 

"Indeed,"  said  I;  "have  I  had  the  pleasure  of  meeting  you 
before?  and  will  you  also  allow  me  to  inquire  your  name?" 

"My  name,"  said  he,  "is  Lewis  Sherrill,  of  New  Hartford. 
I  am  an  uncle  of  Laura  Sherrill,  whom  I  believe  you  know. 
You  are  expected  down  about  this  time." 

Now  was  the  time  for  demonstrations  on  my  part.  I  did 
not  hug  and  kiss  the  good  man,  but  everything  short  of  that  I 
did.  His  hand  and  right  arm  must  have  been  lame  for  the 
next  week.  He  seemed  now  more  embarrassed  with  my  im- 
petuosity than  he  had  been  before.  I  overwhelmed  him  with 
questions  about  my  love  and  her  family,  while  he  stammered 
out  only  half  intelligible  answers.  Soon  the  bell  rang  for 
breakfast  and  cut  short  our  little  drama,  which  would  have 
brought  down  the  house  had  we  only  had  an  audience.  We 
breakfasted  side  by  side,  and  took  our  seats  in  the  coach 
together.  Conversation  was  quite  free  between  us.  I  asked  a 
tho-isand  questions  about  the  family,  and  without  appearing  to 
do  so,  satisfied  myself  of  the  opinion  entertained  of  me  and  of 
the  extent  of  my  prospects  in  regard  to  my  suit.  All  seemed 
well  and  I  was  in  fine  spirits.  It  was  evident  I  was  thought 
as  well  of  as  I  deserved.  I  knew  that  all  I  said  would  be 
directly  reported  that  very  night,  and  my  every  expression  was 
with  a  view  to  such  report.  I  did  not  conceal  the  deep  interest 
I  felt  in  the  family,  and  learned  with  great  satisfaction  that 


32  Our  Courtship  and  Our 

Mrs.  Sherrill,  who  had  had  a  long  and  tedious  sickness,  was 
recovering,  and  was  able  to  be  about  the  house,  at  least  to 
some  extent.  This  was  a  great  relief  to  me,  for  I  had  appre- 
hensions, if  she  had  grown  worse,  that  it  might  of  itself  post- 
pone my  marriage  even  though  all  else  were  satisfactory. 
Here,  then,  was  one  great  source  of  anxiety  removed,  which 
strengthened  my  confidence  in  my  destiny  in  this  matter. 

AMONG   FAMILIAR   SCENES — I    LOSE   MY   VOICE. 

The  weather  had  been  pleasant  during  the  whole  of  this 
journey  from  Buffalo,  and  I  had  been  constantly  delighted  to 
again  find  myself  m  an  old  settlod  country,  where  all  the  land 
was  enclosed,  and  which  was  scattered  over  with  comfortable 
farm-houses.  This  sensation  of  delight  became  really  exciting 
as  I  entered  Oneida  county  and  began  to  pass  among  scenes 
and  objects  long  ago  familiar  to  me,  and  surrounded  with 
associations  of  former  times.  Two  years  absence  in  the  then 
far  West,  where  most  of  the  country  was  still  in  a  state  of 
nature,  had  prepared  me  to  enjoy  the  scenes  around  me 
almost  with  the  freshness  and  novelty  which  I  should  have 
experienced  had  I  then  seen  them  for  the  first  time.  Espe- 
cially, the  hills  seemed  much  higher,  though  the  distances 
appeared  much  less,  since  I  had  become  so  accustomed  to  the 
extensive  views  and  even  surfaces  of  the  prairies;  and  when  I 
approached  the  Dcerfield  hills  and  the  high  lands  of  Augusta 
and  Paris  I  was  surprised  to  observe  how  high  and  how  near 
they  appeared.  I  experienced  a  distinct  sensation  of  confine- 
ment, and  remarked  to  others  that  it  seemed  as  if  I  could  not 
breathe  freely  —  so  much  was  the  imagination  affected. 


Oh,  for  a  Photographer.  33 

I  had  somehow  taken  a  severe  cold,  which  so  affected  my 
throat  that  by  noon  I  could  hardly  articulate  audibly.  This 
was  very  unfortunate.  It  would  not  do  to  present  myself 
under  such  disadvantages;  so  I  made  up  my  mind  that  I  must 
restrain  my  impatience  till  I  should  be  in  a  condition  to  plead 
my  own  cause  under  less  embarrassment.  Accordingly,  I 
stopped  at  Manchester,  four  or  five  miles  from  New  Hartford, 
and  hired  a  man  with  a  one-horse  wagon  to  take  me  and  my 
baggage  to  Deansville,  where  I  thought,  with  a  little  nursing, 
I  would  soon  regain  my  voice.  Here  I  wrote  a  note  to  Miss 
Laura,  explaining  that  I  was  ill,  and  should  go  to  my  uncle's 
to  recruit  for  a  day  or  two,  but  that  as  soon  as  I  was  able  1 
should  call  upon  her. 

OH,  FOR  A   PHOTOGRAPHER. 

The  necessity  of  this  postponement  was  a  very  severe  trial 
to  me  who  had  so  fondly  anticipated  that  I  should  see  her  the 
next  morning.  My  desire  to  see  her  had  increased  with  every 
mile  passed  over  which  brought  me  nearer  to  her.  I  longed  to 
convince  myself  that  she  was  the  same  beautiful,  sweet  girl  — 
full  of  brightness  in  every  expression  of  her  face  —  full  of  love- 
liness in  every  motion — as  when  I  had  last  seen  her;  and  I 
knew  she  must  not  be  less  anxious  to  see  and  know  what 
manner  of  man  he  was  to  whom  she  had  so  nearly  committed 
herself,  for  I  knew  she  had  not  seen  enough  of  my  person  to  be 
sure  of  recognizing  me  in  the  street  should  she  meet  me.  Alto- 
gether, I  knew  that  her  situation  must  cause  as  much  or  even 
more  solicitude  than  my  own. 

Unfortunately,  the  art  of  making  photograph  pictures  was 


34  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

not  then  known.  Had  it  been,  it  would  certainly  have  been  a 
source  of  great  gratification  to  us.  Ah !  yes ;  how  happy  it 
would  have  made  us  could  we  have  exchanged  likenesses.  It 
is  a  pleasing  speculation  to  imagind  the  anxious  eye,  the  flushed 
cheek,  and  the  trembling  hand,  which  would  have  been  wit- 
nessed when  opening  a  letter  known  to  contain  my  picture,  and 
how  impatient  she  would  have  been  to  look  upon  a  faithful 
likeness  of  one  with  whom  she  had  so  long  corresponded  on 
the  subject  of  love  and  marriage — one  who  had  so  often 
declared  his  sincere  devotion  to  her  in  the  most  passionate 
terms,  and  whom  she  had  every  reason  to  believe  did  love  her 
with  a  most  undying  constancy  —  indeed,  as  few  girls  had  ever 
been  loved  before.  It  was  not  in  human  nature  that  she  should 
not  be  almost  consumed  with  —  not  curiosity,  but  deep  anxiety 
to  know  how  such  a  man  looked,  to  be  able  to  determine 
whether  she  could  love  him  in  return ;  or,  rather,  to  know 
whether  the  love  which  she  already  felt  would  be  extinguished 
or  augmented  by  a  personal  acquaintance.  Of  course,  her 
imagination  must  have  formed  a  picture  of  me,  but  then  uni- 
versal experience  must  have  taught  her  that  such  picture  could 
not  be  true,  and  in  all  probability  was  more  flattering  to  me 
than  the  truth  would  justify. 

I  should  have  been  scarcely  less  happy  to  have  had  her 
likeness  to  carry  in  my  bosom  by  day  and  to  lay  under  my  pillow 
at  night.  How  I  would  have  talked  to  it  —  how  I  would  have 
kissed  it.  How,  I  had  almost  said,  I  would  have  prayed  to  it; 
and,  in  a  proper  sense,  I  will  say  so;  for  I  should  daily  have 
implored  it  to  love  me  as  I  did  her.  But  1  had  the  unspeakable 
advantage  of  knowing  how  she  looked,  how  she  moved,  and 


Oh,  for  a  Photographer.  35 

even  how  she  acted,  in  certain  situations,  at  least.  I  knew  the 
form  of  her  features,  the  color  of  her  eyes,  the  shade  of  her 
complexion.  These  were  all  so  deeply  impressed  on  my  mind, 
and  were  thought  over  so  many  times  every  day,  that  they  were 
familiar  to  me ;  still,  two  or  three  years,  at  her  time  of  life, 
must  have  made  some  changes,  and  I  was  anxious  to  know 
what  these  changes  were,  though  I  felt  certain  they  were  not 
for  the  worse,  and  I  was  sure  they  could  not  be  for  the  better. 
No;  it  was  impossible  for  nature  to  make  anything  in  woman's 
form,  and  certainly  in  no  other,  more  beautiful  and  more  lov- 
able than  she  was  when  I  first  and  when  I  last  saw  her.  We 
had  exchanged  locks  of  hair — that  was  some  comfort  —  and 
we  had  promised  to  exchange  miniatures,  but  these  were  not 
easily  obtained;  in  fact,  it  was  impossible  in  Chicago,  and  so 
that  purpose  had  never  been  accomplished.  O  for  a  photo- 
grapher! But  such  a  thing  was  never  dreamed  of  then,  nor 
hardly  for  ten  years  later.  That  blessed  invention  has  come 
to  the  relief  of  absent  lovers  since.  Rarely  has  the  case  existed 
where  its  services  were  so  great  a  necessity  as  in  ours,  and 
yet  we  lived  through  it.  If  it  were  true  that  "necessity  is 
the  mother  of  invention,"  then  would  sunlight  pictures  have 
been  invented  at  that  time.  It  is  not  true ;  for  it  did  not  come 
in  that  great  emergency.  Still  she  could  see  that  my  hair  was 
soft  and  fine  and  as  black  as  a  raven's  wing,  and  I  had  the 
evidence  constantly  before  me  that  hers  was  a  soft  brown 
auburn.  How  many  times  I  kissed  that  little  lock  I  can  never 
tell,  and  how  many  times  I  looked  over  each  individual  fiber, 
and  felt  of  its  soft  texture,  and  thought  of  the  time  when  I 
should  have  the  right  to  fondle  the  whole  mass  in  my  hand, 


36  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

no  one  can  ever  know ;  but  I  do  know  that  whenever  I  got  to 
that  point  my  eyes  would  swim,  my  head  grow  dizzy,  my  heart 
would  come  up  into  my  throat  and  swell  out  so  as  almost  to 
choke  me,  my  blood  would  course  through  my  veins  like  a 
rushing  torrent,  at  fever  heat,  and  I  had  to  rush  away  from  the 
contemplation  for  fear  I  would  go  distracted.  In  such  a  frame 
of  mind,  it  may  seem  a  wonder  how  I  was  capable  of  attending 
to  business  at  all  —  how  it  was  possible  for  me  to  study  my 
profession  with  profit;  and  yet  I  did  do  it,  and  most  success- 
fully. I  really  studied  very  hard,  and  did  a  large  amount  of 
business ;  for  my  professional  practice  was  good.  I  did  it 
because,  by  the  mere  force  of  will,  I  could  drive  even  the 
subject  of  my  love  entirely  away,  and  not  allow  it  to  come  and 
intrude  itself  on  my  thoughts,  when  it  was  necessary  that  I 
should  concentrate  them  on  any  other  subject.  The  habit  of 
mental  concentration  —  of  thinking  of  one  thing  exclusively 
without  the  intrusion  of  any  thing  else  —  the  subjection  of 
the  mind  to  the  will  —  I  had  already  formed  to  a  very  large 
extent,  and  indeed  this  emergency  gave  me  an  opportunity  to 
cultivate  the  faculty  much  more.  This  is  a  faculty  left  almost 
entirely  to  self-culture,  and  is  quite  too  much  neglected  by  a 
large  class,  if  not  by  most  men  and  women,  and  yet  it  is  of 
the  greatest  importance  to  one  who  is  required  to  do  a  large 
amount  of  business,  and  more  especially  if  it  be  of  a  varied 
character. 

But  if  I  expelled  my  loved  one  from  my  thoughts  when 
duty  required  it,  I  freely  gave  way  to  the  sweet  indulgence 
very  often,  and  then  I  made  that  a  business,  too.  I  gave  my- 
self up  to  it  as  exclusively,  forbidding  the  intrusion  of  all  other 


At  My  Uncle  s.  37 

subjects,  as  was  my  habit  with  other  subjects  when  they 
demanded  my  attention.  Such  love-feasts  were  the  luxuries 
of  my  life.  I  feasted  at  such  times  almost  to  repletion.  I 
drank  at  that  sweet  fountain  ever-welling  up,  when  permitted, 

till  I  became  fairly  intoxicated  every  day,  and I  am  not 

sure  that  I  am  quite  sober  yet ! 

AT  MY  UNCLE'S. 

But  I  have  forgotten  that  the  man  with  the  one-horse  wagon 
has  long  since  got  my  trunks  on  board,  and  is  waiting  all  this 
time  to  take  me  away  to  Deansville,  so  I  will  expel  this  branch 
of  the  subject  from  my  mind,  which,  were  I  to  indulge  my 
inclinations,  I  should  pursue  for  ten  or  twelve  pages  more, 
and  I  will  go  on  with  my  journey  in  a  quiet,  sober  way,  as 
becomes  a  man  with  glasses  on  his  nose,  whose  beard  is  as 
white  as  snow  and  whose  locks  have  lost  all  of  their  original 
color. 

We  reached  my  uncle's  before  sunset,  and  I  was  received 
with  a  hearty  welcome.  That  was  a  pleasant  evening  I  passed 
there.  We  had  much  to  talk  about.  I  had  a  thousand 
inquiries  to  answer  about  my  new  home  and  about  my  pros- 
pects. I  found  a  quiet  hour  to  talk  with  Hannah  about  the 
object  of  my  love.  I  imagine  that  such  themes  are  usually 
interesting  to  girls  of  twenty  years  or  so.  Next  to  their  own 
loves,  the  loves  of  others  are  perhaps  the  most  interesting  sub- 
jects of  all  for  their  discussion ;  and  as  she  had  had  a  some- 
what active  part  in  mine  in  the  beginning,  and  had  been,  to  a 
considerable  extent,  the  confidant  of  both,  it  was  right  and 
proper  that  it  should  be  all  talked  over  between  us,  and  there 


38  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

is  no  doubt  it  was  pretty  thoroughly  discussed  on  that  occa- 
sion. Of  course  she  could  tell  me  much  about  Miss  Laura 
that  I  was  anxious  to  hear,  and  I  listened  to  every  word  most 
eagerly.  She  would,  no  doubt,  be  one  of  the  bridesmaids,  and 
what  she  should  wear  and  who  should  stand  with  her  were  not 
neglected,  though  that  part  of  the  subject  which  related  more 
directly  to  the  object  of  my  passion  was  much  more  tasteful 
to  me. 

But  my  physical  condition  was  not  neglected.  I  was  made 
to  sip  of  a  dish  of  honey  and  vinegar,  diluted  a  little,  and  when 
I  went  to  bed  my  throat  was  swaddled  in  a  roasted  onion  and 
an  old  stocking,  the  odor  of  which,  I  doubt  not,  was  lost  in  the 
happy  thoughts  that  possessed  me,  for  I  have  no  recollection 
that  I  noticed  it  at  all.  To  recover  articulate  speech  and  the 
natural  tone  of  my  voice  in  the  shortest  possible  time,  I  was 
ready  to  submit  to  any  treatment  which  could  have  been 
prescribed. 

I  expected  to  find  my  dear  mother  at  my  uncle's,  and  was 
sadly  disappointed  that  she  was  not  there.  I  thought  she 
would  surely  come  the  next  day  and  that,  should  I  go  to  Utica 
to  see  her,  I  should  most  likely  pass  her  on  the  road ;  so  I  con- 
cluded to  remain  where  I  was  as  probably  affording  the  means 
of  soonest  meeting  her.  Next  to  my  sweetheart,  I  longed  most 
to  see  her  who  had  ever  been  to  me  so  good  a  mother ;  but, 
till  I  had  children  of  my  own  to  love,  I  had  no  conception  of 
the  desire  she  must  have  had  to  see  me,  which,  I  can  now  appre- 
ciate, was  much  stronger  than  was  mine  to  see  her.  As  for 
myself,  I  had  another  one  to  love  and  to  long  to  see,  and  I 
suppose  that  the  one  desire  modified  the  other,  as  one  dis- 


At  My  Uncle's.  39 

temper  is  said  to  ameliorate  another  when  the  patient  has  both 
at  the  same  time. 

The  next  morning  my  cold  was  much  better,  and  I  found 
myself  able  to  speak  above  my  breath;  but  still  I  was  by  no 
means  in  a  presentable  condition,  and  I  determined,  much 
against  my  inclination,  to  remain  quiet  that  day  and  continue 
a  vigorous  treatment  and  recover  as  much  as  possible  of  my 
natural  tone  of  voice,  for  I  felt  that  nothing  could  keep  me 
longer  than  till  the  following  morning  from  New  Hartford. 
Still  I  did  not  write  to  inform  Miss  Laura  when  I  would  call, 
hoping  to  receive  a  letter  from  her  in  the  course  of  the  day, 
and  knowing  that  she  would  be  looking  for  me  constantly  and 
would  be  pretty  well  prepared  to  meet  me  at  any  time  with- 
out further  notice. 

I  will  not  say  that  I  slept  very  soundly  the  succeeding 
night;  but  I  can  safely  assert  that  I  dreamt  much — yes,  I 
dreamed  many  dreams  of  love  and  happiness  indescribable. 
How  often  in  my  dreams  I  repeated  the  call  I  was  to  make 
the  next  day;  how  many  different  receptions  I  met  with  I 
can  not  relate;  but  so  were  my  thoughts,  whether  asleep  or 
awake,  occupied  all  the  night  long.  Indeed,  I  fear  my  dear 
mother,  who  I  loved  so  much  and  really  so  longed  to  see, 
found  little  place  in  my  meditations  then.  But  she  had  loved 
once,  too,  and  I  doubt  not  would  have  forgiven  me  for  reveling 
in  the  delights  of  that  new  world  which  seemed  just  opening  to 
me.  Oh,  it  was  a  world  of  bliss,  garnished  all  over  with  bright 
scenes  and  brilliant  flowers,  and  filled  with  the  rich  fragrance 
of  an  incense  as  pure  and  holy  as  anything  ever  born  of 
earth. 


4<D  Oiir  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

WHAT   ARE   OUR   DREAMS? 

Our  dreams  are  curious  mental  operations.  They  come 
when  the  mind  seems  separated  from  the  body,  or,  at  most, 
appears  to  linger  and  dance  around  it,  as  if  about  to  flit  away 
to  more  ethereal  realms,  which,  unsubstantial  though  they 
may  be,  most  generally  seem  as  real,  though  less  consistent 
in  detail,  as  we  remember  them  when  all  awake.  When  we 
awake  and  reflect  upon  our  dreams  we  seem  to  have  been 
away  in  another  world — to  have  occupied  another  state  of 
existence,  separated  it  may  be  by  a  gossamer  partition  from 
this  mundane  sphere,  from  which  we  hasten  home  on  waking, 
and  then  look  back  with  pleasure  or  with  pain,  determined  by 
the  nature  of  our  dreams,  upon  the  scenes  just  left.  Most 
frequently,  no  doubt,  the  character  of  our  dreams  is  deter- 
mined by  what  possessed  our  thoughts  when  waking,  and  so  it 
was  with  me  at  the  time  of  which  I  speak ;  but  I  can  not  say  it 
is  always  so.  Sometimes  in  dreams  the  mind  seems  to  take 
an  independent  flight,  and  conjure  up  new  scenes  of  which  we 
can  not  remember  that  we  ever  thought  before.  '  Some- 
times we  know  that  we  are  dreaming,  and  at  others  dream 
that  we  have  been  dreaming,  and  deem  ourselves  surprised  at 
what  we  thought  we  dreamed,  without  suspecting  that  we  are 
dreaming  still.  Strange,  inscrutable,  unfathomable  mind  is 
this  which  God  has  given  us.  Did  it  first  originate  with  the 
body  which  it  now  wears,  or  has  it  existed  in  other  states  and 
in  other  spheres,  in  the  far  distant  past,  even  from  long  before 
the  time  when  first  the  sons  of  God  shouted  together  for  joy  ? 

Who  shall  say  we  are  not  dreaming  still  ?  that  all  v/c  see 


The  Morning  Dawns.  41 

i 

and  hear,  that  all  we  do  and  think,  is  not  a  dream,  consistent, 
but  one  remove  from  what  we  know  to  be  our  dreams,  from 
which  when  we  lay  down  mortality  we  shall  be  awakened  in  a 
higher  presence,  and  look  back  upon  our  earthly  pilgrimage 
and  know  it  was  but  a  dream  at  last,  and  occupied  but  a  single 
moment  of  that  long  eternity  which  God  assigns  us?  Then 
all  this  may  seem  but  a  short  episode  in  that  illimitable  exist- 
ence beyond  which  we  may  look  back  into  other  realms  of 
being  less  perfect,  it  may  be,  than  this  in  which  we  now  are 
dreaming.  May  not  thus  that  of  us  which  is  immortal  rise 
higher  and  higher  in  the  scale  of  being  and  perfection,  ever 
occupying  stages  more  sublime  and  God-like,  till  at  last  we 
reach  the  throne  of  God  himself,  and  worship  at  his  feet! 
From  that  Holy  of  Holies,  in  our  retrospect,  how  many  stages 
of  existence  may  we  not  behold,  rendered  clear  in  the  efful- 
gence of  the  divine  light,  in  each  of  which  we  did  but  dream, 
as  we  now  call  it,  cruder  and  more  indistinct  at  first,  but  more 
clear  and  perfect  as  the  scale  ascends  towards  that  final  home, 
where  we  may  be  permitted  to  see,  face  to  face,  our  God  and 
worship  Him  forever.  Then  absolute  reality  may  take  the 
place  of  dreams  when  the  stature  of  our  souls  shall  have 
attained  perfection,  and  all  the  weakness  which  attends  our 
human  state,  which  obscures  our  vision  and  confuses  all  our 
thoughts,  shall  have  been  left  behind.  At  best,  our  dreams  are 
mysteries  quite  past  finding  out ;  and  so  we  leave  them  for  the 
present. 

THE   MORNING   DAWNS. 

At  last  came  the  dawn  of  that  eventful  day.     It  was  a 
bright  summer  morning,  and  appeared  to  me  full  of  promise. 


42  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

Everything  around  me  seemed  to  smile  with  joy.  The 
flowers  in  the  garden  seemed  to  speak  of  it;  the  birds  in  the 
trees  sang  of  love  alone;  all  told  me  plainly  to  press  on 
without  faltering;  and  that  my  love  should  be  returned  and 
my  happiness  made  complete.  So  I  read  the  prophecy  of  all 
around  me,  and  was  as  gladsome  as  was  possible. 

I  had  concluded  to  ride  over  on  horseback  and  come  back 
that  evening,  hoping  to  find  my  mother  at  my  uncle's  on  my 
return.  I  was  impatient  waiting  for  breakfast,  which  seemed 
to  me  to  be  very  late.  My  toilet  was  made  with  unusual  care, 
but  was  completed  early ;  for  I  imagine  I  commenced  it  very 
early.  My  voice  had  so  improved  that  I  could  converse 
easily,  but  it  was  not  yet  natural.  I  spoke  with  a  hollow,  deep 
tone  not  unusual  after  such  an  attack,  but  it  was  improving 
every  hour,  and  I  kept  lubricating  my  throat  with  some  prep- 
aration provided  by  my  good  aunt;  for  all  seemed  to  feel  a 
deep  interest  that  I  might  appear  to  the  best  advantage.  My 
horse  stood  ready  saddled  at  the  door,  and  finally  all  was  ready. 
But  my  journey  was  only  nine  miles  long,  and  it  would  be 
hardly  proper  to  call  before  ten  o'clock,  and  it  was  not  yet 
eight.  So  I  was  compelled  to  restrain  myself  a  little  longer. 
At  last  I  started  with  the  good  wishes  of  all  the  household ;  for 
all  knew  my  errand.  Had  I  not  restrained  my  impatience,  that 
horse  would  have  had  warm  exercise  that  morning;  but  I  had 
plenty  of  time,  and  so  I  kept  at  a  moderate  pace.  Besides,  I 
knew  that  rapid  riding  might  damage  a  shirt  collar  and  other- 
wise seriously  disarrange  my  toilet,  which  I  was  particularly 
anxious  to  preserve  in  as  good  condition  as  possible. 

So  soon  as  I  came  in  sight  of  the  house  of  Jacob  Sherrill, 


The  Situation.  43 

Esq.,  I  brought  my  horse  to  a  dignified  walk,  and  looked 
about  most  anxiously,  in  hopes  to  get  a  glimpse  of  her  I 
was  going  to  see.  As  I  got  along  in  front  of  the  house  my 
heart  seemed  to  stop  beating,  and  I  grew  faint  with  the  excite- 
ment Well,  I  thought  it  was  better  to  have  that  fit  over  then 
and  there  rather  than  be  taken  down  a  little  later  and  in 
another  place.  I  saw  the  dress  of  no  lady  flutter,  either  before 
any  window  or  among  the  shrubbery  in  the  yard.  At  the  hotel 
I  put  up  my  horse,  took  a  good  look  in  the  glass,  adjusted  my 
collar,  swept  from  my  clothes  a  few  motes,  arranged  my  hair 
anew,  and  finally  felt  that  I  could  do  no  more  in  that  direction. 

JANUARY  i,  1870. 

Most  fitting  is  it  that  I  should  commence  this  new  year  with 
an  account  of  the  most  interesting  events  of  that  day,  which 
was  the  commencement  of  a  new  era  in  my  life — a  distinct 
epoch  in  my  existence.  That  day  a  new  light  seemed  to  break 
in  upon  me — a  new  sun  shone  upon  me  —  a  new  existence 
commenced — a  new  happiness  possessed  me.  It  was  the  ever 
memorable  tenth  day  of  July,  1835.  It  was  Friday, — surely 
Friday  has  never  been  an  unlucky  day  for  me. 

THE  SITUATION. 

As  ten  o'clock  approached,  I  went  out  to  the  street  and 
looked  up  the  way  I  had  to  go;  but  now  I  paused.  A 
tremor  came  over  me  and  I  hesitated ;  my  heart  sunk  within 
me  and  I  feared !  Great  God ! !  Had  the  time  come  when  my 
fate  in  life  was  to  be  decided — when  I  was  to  be  made  su- 
premely happy  or  unutterably  miserable?  In  a  few  minutes 


44  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

I  should  know  all;  for  surely  almost  the  first  glance  must 
decide  all.  The  thought  of  the  momentous  consequences 
hanging  on  these  few  moments  made  me  sick.  It  seemed  as 
if  my  nervous  system,  for  the  first  time  in  my  life,  was  becom- 
ing prostrated.  Selfish  man!  why  did  I  not  think  then,  as  I 
had  two  days  before,  of  the  situation  of  her  whose  position 
was  still  more  .embarrassing  than  my  own?  I  had  seen  her  — 
I  knew  how  she  looked.  There  was  no  danger  that  I  could 
not  love.  My  happiness  alone  depended  on  success.  My 
heart  was  full  of  full  grown  love  to  animate  and  strengthen 
me.  Not  so  with  her.  If  she  loved,  she  knew  not  what.  It 
was  but  an  ideal  love,  liable  to  be  dashed  to  pieces  at  the  first 
contact  with  its  object.  Personally,  I  was  a  stranger  to  her, 
and  she  knew  not  how  I  looked.  With  my  mind — with  my 
spirit,  she  was  familiar,  and  to  these  alone  could  her  love 
extend ;  but  of  the  case  of  clay  in  which  they  were  embodied 
she  knew  almost  nothing.  She  knew  from  others  that  I  was 
six  feet  tall,  weighed  one  hundred  and  eighty  pounds,  with 
dark  eyes  and  black  hair,  and  a  fair  complexion ;  but  these 
were  generalities  to  which  ten  thousand  others  might  answer 
as  well,  for  none  of  which  she  could  feel  that  divine  impulse 
which  we  call  love,  and  which  she  must  feel  for  me  to  become 
my  wife  and  as  such  be  happy.  She  was  yet  a  stranger  to 
that  speaking  of  the  soul  through  the  human  countenance  — 
that  indescribable  something  which  can  not  be  explained, 
which  may  be  charming  to  one  and  repulsive  to  another 
— which  must  be  seen  and  felt  to  be  appreciated;  all  this 
to  her  must  be  still  a  blank.  In  these  she  might  be  sadly 
disappointed.  That  which  her  imagination  had  painted  as 


We  Meet,  and  How.  45 

pleasing  and  lovable  might,  at  the  first  glance,  prove  to  be  all 
the  reverse,  and  in  an  instant  put  out  the  flame  which  she  had 
allowed  to  kindle  and  even  grow  to  brightness.  How  momen- 
tous, then,  to  her  were  the  next  few  minutes,  which  must  reveal 
all — realize  the  bright  visions  which  she  had  so  long  indulged, 
or  throw  her  back  in  misery  and  woe,  a  half-widowed  girl,  with 
blasted  hopes,  worse  than  one  whose  acknowledged  love  is 
stolen  away  by  death ;  for  she  herself  must  be  the  executioner. 
That  such  thoughts  must  have  weighed  down  her  heart  I 
should  have  known,  and  as  we  have  seen,  I  did  sometimes  so 
appreciate  her  situation;  but  if  so  then,  I  fear  my  selfishness 
turned  it  to  my  own  account ;  for  all  this  must  predispose  her 
to  try  and  love  me.  Still  it  was  not  the  love  that  is  got  by 
trying  that  I  prayed  and  longed  for.  It  was  that  spontaneous 
gushing  forth  of  affection,  which  so  imbued  my  own  soul,  with 
which  alone  I  could  be  content;  for  that  alone  could  make 
us  ever  happy  with  each  other — that  alone  could  carry  us 
through  all  the  changing  scenes  of  life  and  make  us  always 
contented  with  our  lot,  whether  in  prosperity  or  in  adversity. 
If  I  felt  oppressed  by  anxiety  and  embarrassment  —  if  fear 
and  hope  were  contending  within  me  for  the  master)',  it  cer- 
tainly could  not  have  been  less  so  with  her ;  and  yet,  at  that 
moment,  I  fear  I  was  so  absorbed  with  my  own  feelings  that  I 
had  very  little  sympathy  for  hers. 

WE  MEET,  AND   HOW. 

By  a  mighty  effort,  however,  I  crushed  out  and  conquered 
my  weakness,  and  started  up  the  walk  with  apparent  com- 
posure. It  was  only  about  two  hundred  yards  to  the  house, 


^5  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

which  came  into  view,  embowered  in  trees,  when  little  more 
than  half  the  distance  was  overcome.  I  observed  no  one  till  I 
had  nearly  reached  the  gate,  when  I  saw  a  female  figure  flitting 
through  the  bushes  and  disappear  beyond  the  corner  of  the 
house.  I  knew  it  was  not  hers.  I  knew  she  was  taller  than  the 
one  I  saw,  and  the  motion,  although,  as  I  may  say,  upon  the 
run,  when  she  thought  I  did  not  see  her,  "was  not  exactly  hers. 
I  tried  to  walk  with  a  firm,  bold  step,  as  if  I  was  not  ashamed 
of  my  errand ;  for  I  was  conscious  there  were  many  eyes  upon 
me  which  I  did  not  see.  I  stepped  boldly  to  the  door,  and 
sounded  the  great  iron  knocker — bells  were  not  as  common 
in  those  days  as  since  —  and  then  followed  a  minute  of  silence 
and  suspense,  during  which  I  tried  to  compose  myself,  and 
I  really  thought  I  could  meet  the  servant  at  the  door  without 
embarrassment ;  but  in  that  even  I  was  mistaken.  When  she 
opened  the  door  I  saw  she  was  as  white  as  a  ghost.  I  stam- 
meringly  inquired  if  Miss  Sherrill  was  at  home  —  as  if  there 
were  but  one  Miss  Sherrill  in  the  world,  when  I  had  reason  to 
suppose  the  house  was  full  of  them.  She  faltered  out  an 
affirmative  answer,  evidently  understanding  me  without  inquir- 
ing which  Miss  Sherrill  I  wanted.  I  told  the  maid  to  inform 
her  that  Mr.  Caton,  of  Chicago,  called  for  her,  and  I  was  shown 
into  the  parlor.  In  passing  through  the  hall  I  observed  that 
the  foot  of  the  stairs  was  close  to  the  parlor  door,  so  that  if  she 
came  down  those  stairs  I  must  hear  her  coming.  After  the 
door  closed  on  me  I  looked  about  the  room  to  see  what  it  was 
like,  and  try  to  drive  away  my  trepidation  at  the  thought 
that  the  awful  moment  was  so  rapidly  approaching.  There 
was  no  Joshua  there  to  stop  the  sun,  so  I  must  let  time  go  on, 


We  Meet,  and  How.  47 

whether  I  was  prepared  or  not.  On  the  center-table  was  a 
large  bouquet,  which  filled  the  room  with  a  rich  perfume ; 
also,  there  were  a  number  of  literary  books  and  periodicals, 
including  several  of  poetry,  and  on  a.  side-table,  under  the 
mirror,  was  a  large  Bible  and  various  other  books.  On  the 
opposite  side  of  the  room  was  a  sofa,  and  there  were  the  usual 
number  of  chairs  carefully  arranged  vis-a-vis.  That  looked 
pleasant  at  least.  Evidently  the  room  had  been  studiously 
prepared  for  just  such  an  occasion,  and  I  did  not  doubt  that 
the  hand  which  I  hoped  soon  to  call  my  own  had  thus 
arranged  it.  I  even  looked  at  the  individual  flowers,  and 
envied  them  that  they  had  been  so  lately  touched  by  that  soft 
hand,  and  believed  that  the  contact  had  lent  them  a  sweeter 
fragrance.  The  window-blinds  were  so  far  closed  as  to  subdue 
the  light  just  enough  to  mellow  it,  but  left  it  strong  enough  for 
lovers  to  see  each  other  plainly.  I  had  an  abundance  of  time 
to  make  these  observations  and  reflections,  for,  as  I  afterwards 
learned,  Laura  and  her  sister  Emily  were  both  under  a  cherry 
tree,  in  the  garden,  when  I  first  appeared;  that  she  was  certain 
who  it  was  the  moment  I  came  in  sight  and  had  instantly 
slipped  away  and  escaped  to  the  house  without  my  seeing  her, 
while  her  sister  remained  to  get  a  better  look  as  I  passed  up 
the  walk;  and  that  when  another  lilac -bush  intervened  she 
m\de  a  rush  for  the  house,  hoping  to  escape  unobserved; 
but,  as  I  have  stated,  I  saw  her  as  she  went.  Both  were  in 
morning-gowns;  so  it  was  necessary  for  Miss  Laura  to  change 
her  dress  before  she  came  down.  I  have  since  learned  that 
Emily  made  a  very  kind  report  of  her  observations;  that  so 
soon  as  she  reached  the  house  she  ran  to  Laura's  room  and 


48  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

exclaimed;  "He  is  a  splendid  fellow,  and  if  you  don't  have 
him,  I  will!!"  Poor  child;  she  little  knew  that  if  her  sister 
had  rejected  me  no  other  woman  that  walked  the  earth  could 
ever  have  made  an  impression  upon  me.  My  heart  would 
have  been  turned  to  stone  and  as  insensible  to  the  charms  of 
other  women  us  a  block  of  marble.  However,  her  words 
were  but  a  mode  of  paying  me  a  compliment. 

Of  course  there  was  much  excitement  about  the  house ;  for 
it  contained  a  goodly  number  of  ladies,  as  I  must  presently 
explain,  and  all  no  doubt  regarded  this  as  an  important  morn- 
ing in  the  family.  Indeed,  as  I  have  before  remarked,  ladies 
are  quite  apt  to  take  a  lively  interest  in  love  affairs ;  but  there 
was  a  novelty,  1  may  say  a  dash  of  romance,  about  the  affair 
now  on  hand  which  gave  it  a  zest  and  piquancy  not  often  met 
with  in  real  life.  Mrs.  Cadwell  was  at  home,  and  of  all  that 
household  she  alone  had  seen  me  so  as  to  really  know  me,  and 
although  called  upon  to  describe  me  a  thousand  times,  all  were 
equally  anxious  to  see  me  for  themselves.  Dear  Mrs.  Cad- 
well!  she  was  my  friend,  and  her  accounts  were  always  favor- 
able, and  no  doubt  strengthened  my  hands  much  with  the 
family.  Whatever  her  husband  may  have  thought,  she  always 
believed  there  was  an  outcome  to  the  fellow.  I  think  I  have 
before  stated  that  I  would  rather  have  one  woman  on  my  side 
in  a  love  affair  than  a  regiment  of  men. 

I  am  sure  we  have  remained  long  enough  in  this  parlor  to 
observe  every  object  in  it,  and  for  that  young  lady  to  make 
her  toilet  with  the  most  scrupulous  nicety,  although  I  must 
admit  that  I  do  not  think  the  whole  time  exceeded  seven 
minutes.  But  that  was  a  good  while  for  John  Rogers  when  he 


We  Meet,  and  How.  49 

was  tied  to  the  stake ;  and  so  it  seemed  a  good  while  to  me 
then,  although  at  moments  I  wished  I  could  stop  the  course  of 
time.  I,  too,  had  embraced  the  opportunity  to  look  in  the 
glass,  to  smooth  out  every  wrinkle,  and  adjust  every  hair  in 
the  right  place.  When  all  was  done,  I  took  up  a  little  book 
from  the  center-table;  it  was  Milton's  "Paradise  Lost."  Well, 
thought  I,  s<>  much  the  worse  for  him  for  being  the  fool  to  lose 
it;  Paradise  Gained  would  just  now  fit  my  case  better.  How- 
ever, before  I  could  find  the  latter,  books  fell  to  a  low  discount ; 
for  I  heard  a  quick  step  tripping  down  the  stairs.  The  foot- 
fall sounded  right  and  I  knew  it  was  hers.  As  I  moved  toward 
the  door  the  latch  turned ;  it  opened,  and  a  single  step  by  each 
brought  us  face  to  face  and  our  right  hands  joined! !  She  was 
pale,  and  her  under  lip  quivered  in  deep 'emotion;  but  she 
looked  me  steadily  in  the  eye.  I  saw,  as  if  by  the  light  of 
electricity,  that  the  look  was  satisfactory.  At  the  instant,  I 
was  absolutely  choked — was  suffocated,  and  could  not  speak. 
She  first  obtained  control  of  articulation,  and  said:  "Mr. 
Caton,  I  believe ;  you  are  welcome  to  New  Hartford."  But 
her  voice  trembled  with  agitation,  and  she  hardly  spoke  above 
her  breath.  I  did  not  get  down  on  my  knees  before  her  and 
sob  and  cry,  and  make  a  fool  of  myself,  as  I  should  have  done 
to  fill  out  a  chapter  of  romance ;  but  with  a  trembling  hand  I 
led  her  to  a  seat  by  the  side  of  the  table  and  took  another  in 
front  of  her,  and  while  I  still  held  her  hand  in  mine,  said: 
"  I  thank  you,  Miss  Laura,  for  your  kind  welcome.  I  have 
long  looked  forward  to  this  meeting  with  an  anxiety  inde- 
scribable, and  I  am  yet  so  bewildered  that  I  can  hardly  realize 
that  I  am  at  last  with  you,  though  I  recognize  every  feature  as 


50  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

long,  long  familiar."  These  were  the  first  words  that  ever 
passed  between  us.  Oh,  who  can  tell  what  will  be  the  last, 
though  well  we  know  that  those  last  must  come.  If  there  be 
more  of  sorrow  in  them,  they  may  be  happy,  too ! 

I  took  no  heed  of  how  she  was  dressed ;  I  only  saw  her  pale 
and  agitated  face  and  heaving  bosom,  which  seemed  as  if  it 
must  burst  all  bonds  But  presently  the  blood  returned,  and 
her  face  was  now  as  flushed  as  it  had  been  colorless  before. 
For  myself,  I  know  my  agitation  was  not  less  than  hers,  and  I 
am  confident  it  was  equally  manifest.  There  was  in  our  looks 
a  language  even  more  intelligible  than  our  words.  We  could 
not  guard  those  expressions  by  any  restraints  which  conven- 
tionalities required  us  to  place  upon  our  words.  I  could  read 
in  the  expression  of  her  face,  as  plainly  as  any  language  could 
have  told  me,  that  she  was  pleased  —  was  satisfied  with  my 
personal  appearance;  indeed,  that  I  was  acceptable.  To  me 
she  looked  that  matchless  beauty  vvhich  had  first  so  im- 
pressed—  so  enslaved  me.  There  was  playing  all  over  her 
countenance  that  indescribable  charm,  that  halo  of  fascination, 
which  I  never  had  and  never  have  seen  at  all  imitated  in  any 
other  human  being.  The  memory  of  this  it  was  which  had  so 
long  hovered  around  me,  whether  asleep  or  awake ;  which  had 
so  much  stimulated  me  to  earn  success  and  be  worthy  of  her; 
which  had  strengthened  me  in  sickness  and  comforted  me  in 
health;  which  had  soothed  my  pains  and  anguish  when  they 
had  oppressed  me,  and  had  so  much  heightened  my  enjoy- 
ments always ;  and,  finally,  which  had  utterly  blinded  me  to 
the  fascinations  and  charms  of  other  women,  till  it  almost 
seemed  that  I  had  become  indifferent  to  female  society.  If  I 


A  Happy  Two  Hours.  51 

had  carefully  criticised  others,  it  was  only  to  compare  them 
with  her,  and  whatever  I  said  or  did  in  their  presence  the 
inquiry  would  constantly  arise,  What  would  she  think — would 
she  approve  or  disapprove?  And  as  I  thought  her  answer 
would  be,  so  was  my  conduct  regulated — yes,  I  can  truly  say, 
so  it  was  regulated.  Her  form,  too,  was  that  same  model  of 
perfection  which  it  had  always  appeared  to  me.  And  so  she 
sat  before  me  now,  the  personification  of  that  ideal  of  perfect 
beauty  which,  perhaps,  all  men  at  some  time  or  other  picture 
to  themselves  in  their  imaginations ;  and  happy  is  he  who  finds 
as  perfect  a  realization  of  his  fancy  sketch  as  I  did. 

A   HAPPY  TWO   HOURS. 

For  a  time  I  think  we  said  but  little  in  words,  but  by  our 
looks  declared  our.  secret  thoughts.  At  length,  however,  we 
learned  to  talk  together.  If  I  were  inclined  to  do  so,  I  could 
not  tell  what  we  said.  I  well  remember,  however,  that  we  did 
not  talk  about  the  weather.  Although  it  was  a  warm  July  day, 
that  was  too  cold  a  subject  to  occupy  a  single  thought.  After 
a  while  we  found  ourselves  walking  the  room,  with  her  arm 
through  mine  and  our  hands  locked  together;  and  then  I 
remember  we  were  seated  together  on  the  sofa,  with  her  head 
leaning  on  my  shoulder,  when  I  stole  my  first  kiss !  O !  who 
shall  describe  the  first  kiss  of  such  love  as  mine  ?  I  have  no 
power  to  do  it.  I  remember  I  now  found  language  to  express 
my  love,  and  how  it  had  grown  from  the  beginning  till  now  it 
so  entirely  possessed  me,  and  assure  her  how  assiduously  I 
would  devote  my  life  to  her  happiness  if  she  would  but  intrust 
it  to  my  keeping.  Have  I  not  kept  that  promise  ?  Have  I 


52  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

ever  betrayed  the  affection  which  I  felt  assured  was  there  given 
me,  although  she  spoke  no  word  at  the  time  declaring  that  my 
love  was  reciprocated ;  yet  her  looks  and  her  action  gave  me 
all  the  assurance  I  had  a  right  to  expect  then — yes,  and  all  I 
asked.  I  was  supremely  happy.  The  confiding  manner  in 
which  she  rested  her  head  on  my  shoulder;  the  kindly  way 
in  which  she  received  my  kiss ;  the  apparent  satisfaction  with 
which  she  listened  to  the  story  of  my  love ;  the  earnest  happi- 
ness which  beamed  upon  her  face  —  all,  all,  were  realizations 
of  what  my  imagination  had  so  often  pictured.  Yes,  I  was 
supremely  happy !  And  so  passed  the  happiest  two  hours  of 
my  life.  Happy  as  I  have  been  since,  never  have  I  been, 
never  could  I  be,  more  completely  intoxicated  with  bliss.  I 
was  incapable  of  enjoying  a  greater  measure  of  happiness 
than  I  then  experienced.  Even  yet  its  memory  seems  like  a 
pleasing  dream  of  joy  realized  in  another  world.  Such  hap- 
piness so  works  upon  the  human  organism  that,  like  intense 
pain,  it  could  not  be  long  endured  without  some  relief — some 
diversion. 

Time  had  glided  by  with  so  little  notice  that  the  old  family 
clock  that  stood  in  one  corner  of  the  dining-room,  on  the 
opposite  side  of  the  hall,  told  the  hour  of  twelve  in  tones  that 
might  have  wakened  the  seven  sleepers,  and  served  to  arouse 
us  from  our  dream  of  love,  and  made  us  realize  that  there 
were  others  in  the  world  beside  ourselves.  I  hurried  back  to 
sublunary  considerations,  and  remembered  that  others  had  a 
right  to  know  me  beside  the  sweet  girl  by  my  side.  As  they 
had  early  dinners  in  those  days  in  country  villages,  I  remem- 
bered that  I  must  meet  the  family  at  the  table  soon,  and  it  was 


/  Meet  the  Family.  53 

time  that  I  should  inquire  for  others.  As  yet  not  a  word  had 
been  said  about  a  living  soul  but  ourselves.  We  had  thought 
of  no  one  else.  We  had  been  all  in  all  to  each  other.  I  now 
inquired  for  her  father  and  mother,  and  her  sister  Julia  in  par- 
ticular, and  the  other  members  of  the  family  generally ;  for  in 
truth  I  was  as  yet  ignorant  of  the  number  and  most  of  the 
names  of  her  brothers  and  sisters.  She  assured  me  that  her 
mother  was  much  better,  and  able  to  move  about  the  house  to 
some  extent,  and  also  that  Mrs.  Cadweli  was  at  home.  I  was 
much  pleased  to  learn  this,  for  I  felt  that  in  her  I  had  a  friend 
near  by. 

I   MEET  THE  FAMILY. 

It  was  now  arranged  that  she  should  go  and  bring  in  the 
family  for  an  introduction.  Before  she  did  so  she  went  to  the 
glass,  arranged  her  hair,  which  somehow  or  other  had  become 
a  little  disordered,  rearranged  the  lace  cape  which  covered  her 
neck,  and  even  smoothed  out  some  wrinkles  which  were 
observed  in  her  dress,  especially  in  the  sleeves.  No  one  can 
imagine  how  it  pleased  me  to  see  her  perform  these  little  acts 
in  my  presence.  It  seemed  to  bespeak  a  confidence  in  me 
already  which  was  inexpressibly  gratifying.  I  now  for  the 
first  time  noticed  how  she  was  dressed.  Before  that  I  could 
not  have  told  a  single  article  she  wore.  I  could  have  only 
said  that  she  was  well  dressed.  I  now  saw  she  wore  a  light 
muslin  dress,  interspersed  with  gay  small  figures,  with  great 
mutton-leg  sleeves,  which  was  then  the  height  of  the  fashion, 
and  low  in  the  neck,  which  fashion  also  then  required ;  while 
around  her  neck  and  shoulders  was  a  rich  lace  cape.  She 


54  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

wore  no  jewelry,  except  a  plain  neat  pin  at  the  bosom.  I 
thought  her  costume  exceedingly  tasteful,  and  that  it  became 
her  admirably.  A  little  patch  of  court -plaster  on  one  side  of 
her  broad  high  forehead  I  thought  added  to  her  beauty,  and, 
suspected  it  was  put  there  as  an  ornament ;  but  I  afterwards 
learned  that  a  bee  had  come  and  stung  her  there  that  morning, 
which  was  rather  an  unpleasant  accident  under  the  circum- 
stances, and  had  involved  the  necessity  of  a  terre-poultice, 
which  had  only  been  removed  a  short  time  before  my  arrival. 
When  I  heard  this  explanation  I  expressed  some  envy  as  well 
as  jealousy  of  that  bee. 

While  waiting  for  the  appearance  of  the  family  is  a  good 
time  to  indulge  in  a  quiet  speculation  as  to  how  things  were 
going  on  in  other  parts  of  the  house  during  the  two  hours  we 
were  so  quiet  and  so  happy.  Here  was  a  large  family  of 
young  ladies,  besides  several  outsiders  who,  somehow,  hap- 
pened in.  Now,  there  was  a  young  fellow  —  a  perfect  stranger 
whom  no  one  knew  how  he  looked  except  Mrs.  Cadwell,  who 
had  not  seen  him  for  three  years,  and  the  servant  girl  who 
opened  the  door  for  him,  and  who  was  so  flurried  that  she 
could  not  tell  whether  he  was  white  or  black,  or  whether  he 
wore  a  beard  or  a  smooth  face — alone  in  the  parlor  with  a 
young  lady — the  flower  of  the  family,  as  I  may  be  allowed  to 
say,  who  practically  had  never  seen  him  before,  and  there 
they  had  been  since  ten  o'clock,  and  not  a  word  or  a  breath 
had  been  heard  from  them  more  than  as  if  it  had  been  the 
house  of  the  dead.  I  had  been  seen  by  some  of  the  neighbor- 
ing girls  to  go  into  the  house,  and  the  situation  being  violently 
suspected,  it  was  absolutely  necessary  that  they  should  step 


/  Meet  the  Family.  55 

round,  in  a  most  familiar  way,  ir.to  the  back  part  of  the  house, 
to  hear  what  they  could  and  to  join  in  the  speculations. 
Now,  what  these  speculations  were  I  suppose  will  never  be 
known ;  but  we  may,  without  great  hazard,  presume  that  they 
were  varied  and  interesting.  No  doubt  some  imagined  that 
we  protracted  our  privacy  much  longer  than  was  necessary ; 
but  they  would  change  their  minds  if  ever  placed  in  the  same 
situation.  Others,  we  may  assume,  thought  we  might,  with  great 
propriety,  give  some  signs  of  life,  and  that  there  might  even  be 
some  danger  that  we  had  died  in  the  excitement.  But  their 
fears  did  not  quite  force  them  to  come  and  see  whether  it  were 
so  or  not ;  and  I  will  now  assure  all  anxious  inquirers  that  few 
lives  are  lost  in  that  way.  I  venture  to  say  that  none  were 
more  anxious  than  that  father  and  mother  to  whom  the  happi- 
ness of  their  daughter  was  so  dear;  and  they  were  the  first 
whom  Miss  Laura  brought  in.  Of  course  they  had  already 
learned  from  her  that  she  was  well  pleased  with  me,  and  it 
was  therefore  evident  that  */  would  make  a  match.  So  they 
received  me  very  kindly  and  cordially.  Mr.  Sherrill  was  a 
large,  portly  man,  of  few  words,  but  a  great  mass  of  brains,  of 
a  strong  and  excellent  quality,  kind-hearted  and  affectionate. 
Mrs.  Sherrill  was  a  woman  a  little  past  fifty,  frail  and  delicate 
even  ordinarily,  but  now  weak  and  emaciated  from  long 
illness.  She  was  by  nature  a  lady  and  by  culture,  too.  She 
was  refined,  sensitive,  -and  sensible  always,  with  talents  far 
beyond  the  ordinary  run  of  women,  but  without  the  least 
possible  display  or  even  manifestation  of  her  own  appreciation 
of  them.  She  received  me  in  so  mild  and  easy  a  way  that  I 
could  not  but  at  once  feel  quite  at  ease. 


56  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

Very  soon,  Miss  Julia,  the  eldest  of  the  sisters,  a  very  fine 
looking  young  lady  and  highly  accomplished,  came  in  and 
was  introduced,  and  from  her  I  received  a  very  cordial  greet- 
ing. About  the  same  time  came  Mrs.  Cadwell,  who  seemed 
glad  to  see  me,  and  by  an  arch  smile  appeared  to  say,  "Young 
man,  circumstances  are  changed  since  we  last  met."  At  least, 
I  was  happy  to  believe  that  such  was  her  meaning.  Next 
came  Harriet  and  Emily.  The  first  of  these,  who  was  next 
younger  than  Laura,  was  the  least  demonstrative  of  the  sisters, 
yet  none  possessed  a  higher  appreciation  of  genuine  wit,  which 
she  enjoyed  in  her  own  quiet  way  quite  as  much  as  those  who 
are  more  expressive  in  their  manifestations.  Her  goodness  of 
heart  was  exhibited  in  every  word  and  action,  and  I  have 
every  reason  to  remember  the  kindness  she  has  ever  shown 
me  from  that  moment  to  this  with  the  most  lively  gratitude. 
Miss  Emily  came  next  in  chronological  order,  and  was  the 
one  I  had  seen  in  the  garden  two  hours  before ;  but  I  then  saw 
too  little  of  her  to  enable  me  to  recognize  her.  She  smilingly 
said  she  had  seen  me  as  I  was  coming  up  the  walk,  and 
suspected  who  I  was,  as  she  believed  she  had  heard  of  me 
before.  As  I  had  received  no  catalogue  of  the  family,  I  began 
to  think  there  was  no  end  of  pretty  girls,  nor  was  this  opinion 
in  the  least  weakened  when  a  young  miss  came  in  and  was 
introduced  as  sister  Caroline.  This,  thought  I,  must  surely 
be  the  baby;  but  even  here  again  I  was  mistaken,  for  directly 
Miss  Laura  came  leading  in  her  little  brother  and  introduced  me 
to  James,  who  seemed  half  scared  out  of  his  wits  at  meeting  a 
stranger  from  so  far  away,  and  about  whom  they  were  making 
such  a  fuss,  and  I  fancy,  also,  that  he  began  to  have  some  sus- 


/  Meet  the  Family.  57 

picion  that  there  might  be  danger  of  losing  his  sister  by 
meansxjf  this  same  stranger.  At  any  rate,  he  did  not  appear 
very  much  pleased  to  make  my  acquaintance,  and  probably- 
wished  me  further  away  than  I  wished  myself,  for  in  truth  I 
was  very  well  contented  where  I  was.  James  was  the  last  to 
come,  but  I  learned  that  an  elder  brother,  Henry,  was  away  at 
school,  so  I  must  be  satisfied  with  meeting  a  part  of  the  family 
only ;  but  in  sooth,  I  thought  those  I  saw  before  me  would  do 
pretty  well  for  a  beginning — that  they  would  serve  for  a  very 
respectable  addition  to  my  relations.  They  nearly  filled  the 
room,  almost  as  if  I  were  holding  a  levee.  All  the  girls  were 
sprightly,  talking  and  laughing,  and  the  little  gathering  became 
lively  and  pleasant.  The  neighboring//-/V«</y,  who  had  effected 
an  entrance  by  the  back-way,  did  not  come  to  swell  the  gather- 
ing, though  some  of  them  declared  afterwards  they  were  dying 
to  see  me.  I  confess  I  never  regretted  they  were  so  consid- 
erate, for  I  did  not  care  to  extend  my  acquaintance  further  that 
day.  If  I  was  subjected  to  very  scrutinizing  glances,  nothing 
was  directly  said  of  my  business.  It  was  very  evident,  how- 
ever, that  the  moment  Laura  had  left  the  room,  she  had  been 
surrounded  by  the  whole  bevy,  and  plied  with  a  thousand 
inquiries  as  to  how  I  looked,  and  how  she  liked  me,  and  that 
somehow  she  had  managed  to  make  them  understand  that  she 
was  not  displeased  with  me  personally.  I  say  this  was  evident' 
to  me  from  their  conduct ;  and  it  seems  to  me  that  I  have  been 
since  told  that  something  of  the  kind  took  place  during  her 
short  absence. 


58  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

THE   DINNER. 

Soon  the  tinkle  of  a  little  bell  was  heard  in  the  room  across 
the  hall,  and  I  was  invited  out  to  dinner.  Laura  took  my  arm 
— it  made  me  feel  good  all  over  and  was  worth  a  do'zen  dinners 
— and  we  followed  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Sherrill  to  the  dining  room. 
I  then  thought,  and  still  think,  that  arrangement  was  much 
better,  than  as  if  her  good  mother  had  required  my  attentions, 
however  agreeable  her  society  might  under  other  circumstances 
have  been.  We  were  followed  by  a  squad  of  as  pretty  and  as 
frolicksome  a  set  of  girls  as  could  have  been  met  with  anywhere, 
who  seemed  to  be  as  jolly  as  possible  at  the  turn  affairs  were 
taking.  Indeed,  I  am  inclined  to  think  that  the  events  of  the 
morning,  with  the  attending  circumstances,  would  generally 
have  a  tendency  to  make  any  set  of  young  girls  lively,  espe- 
cially when  they  discovered  that  I  had  a  little  spice  of  fun  in  my 
composition,  for  I  had  not  been  able  to  entirely  prevent  some- 
thing of  that  disposition  to  crop  out,  even  in  the  few  minutes 
we  had  been  talking  and  laughing  together.  I  was  seated 
between  Laura  and  her  mother  before  a  fine  quarter  of  roast 
lamb,  with  green  peas  and  all  other  dishes  necessary  to  make 
up  a  good  family  dinner.  Miss  Julia  did  the  carving  and 
serving  very  gracefully.  As  it  takes  a  great  deal  to  destroy 
my  appetite,  I  have  no  doubt  I  made  out  a  very  satisfactory 
meal.  I  said  but  little  to  my  sweetheart,  as  I  had  to  talk 
against  all  of  the  rest  of  the  party,  who  had  a  thousand 
inquiries  to  make,  especially  about  the  West.  What  I  had  to 
say  to  her  I  preferred  should  be  mostly  said  when  alone. 
Dinner  passed  off  pleasantly,  and  afterwards  most  of  us 


Lovers  Alone   Together  Again.  59 

adjourned  to  the  parlor,  where  another  half-hour  was  spent  in 
gay  and  lively  conversation.  The  girls,  however,  very  con- 
siderately seemed  to  disappear  one  by  one,  and  before  very 
long  I  again  found  myself  alone  with  that  dear,  sweet  girl, 
who  now  was  more  to  me  than  all  the  world  beside.  I  made 
no  scruple  to  close  the  door,  although  the  temperature  was 
pretty  warm  and  a  free  circulation  of  air  under  other  circum- 
stances would  have  been  very  grateful. 

LOVERS  ALONE  TOGETHER  AGAIN. 

Should  any  of  you  have  an  inquiring  mind  on  the  subject 
I  can  assure  you  that  according  to  my  experience  there  is  noth- 
ing incompatible  between  roast  lamb  and  love.  At  least,  in 
my  case  they  harmonized  most  perfectly.  If  there  had  been  a 
little  diversion  in  the  paroxysm,  while  others  were  present,  it 
had  been  more  in  appearance  than  in  reality.  It  did  not  take 
long  after  we  were  again  alone  to  re-establish  the  relation  of 
intimacy  and  confidence  which  had  grown  up  in  so  short  a 
time.  It  was  of  a  marvelously  rapid  growth,  but  unlike  Jonah's 
gourd,  it  did  not  die  in  a  single  day ;  it  has  never  died,  but  has 
ever  continued  to  grow  stronger  and  stronger,  and  to  become 
broader  and  broader,  and  beneath  its  shade  we  have  spent 
many  years  of  unspeakable  happiness;  and  I  trust  it  may 
ever  remain  green  and  fresh  and  vigorous  while  life  shall 
last.  When  warmed  by  true  affection,  when  nourished  by 
genuine  love,  enriched  by  a  profound  respect  for  each  other, 
such  intimacy  and  confidence  can  never  die. 

If  I  could  remember,  it  would  not  interest  others  to  relate 
what  was  said  during  the  succeeding  two  or  three  hours. 


60  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

What  conversation  we  had  was  low  and  earnest,  but  not 
rapid.  Thoughts  were  yet  as  much  expressed  in  looks  as  in 
words.  Gentle  and  delicate  acts  tell  of  the  emotions  of  the 
heart  more  distinctly  and  truly  than  words  can  express. 
When  the  most  passionate  love  is  tempered  by  the  highest 
respect,  it  modifies  and  subdues  the  conduct  of  lovers,  so  that 
they  never  exceed  the  bounds  of  the  most  refined  delicacy. 
That  love  which  could  induce  more  than  this  must  be  of  a 
gross  and  sensual  character  in  which  respect  has  no  consider- 
able share;  and  without  respect  love  can  not  be  lasting — nay, 
can  hardly  exist.  A  sentiment  of  a  grosser  character  is  not 
entitled  to  the  name. 

As  we  were  longer  together,  and  became  better  acquainted 
— as  I  became  more  familiar  with  her  sentiments  and  mode  of 
thought,  and  understood  more  of  her  heart,  her  sensibilities  and 
feeling,  new  sensations  seemed  to  possess  me,  which  are  per- 
haps as  nearly  expressed  by  the  word  reverence  as  any  other 
at  my  command;  and  yet  that  is  quite  too  formal  and  distant  to 
convey  the  true  shade  of  feeling.  I  would  wish  to  express  all 
the  respect  and  even  deference  which  the  word  imports,  with- 
out the  idea  of  distance  or  separation  between  the  subject  and 
the  object,  which  it  conveys.  Ours  was  not  the  case  where 
familiarity  breeds  contempt ;  nor  do  I  think  it  is  ever  so  when 
we  become  familiar  with  virtue,  worth  and  merit.  It  is  only 
where  familiarity  discloses  blemishes  which  distance  had  con- 
cealed that  it  can  beget  contempt.  Where  familiarity  only  dis- 
closes new  beauties  and  new  excellencies  it  but  increases 
respect  and  love. 

As  already  intimated,  what  we  said  or  how  we  sat  togethet 


Lovers  Alone   Together  Again.  61 

that  afternoon,  I  can  not  remember  more  than  at  our  former 
interview.  The  most  that  I  can  recollect  is  that  we  walked 
the  room  slowly,  each  with  an  arm  round  the  other,  as  happy 
as  ever  mortals  ought  to  be.  Also,  I  well  remember  that  we 
sometimes  sat  close  together  on  the  sofa,  slowly  breathing  out 
our  agitated  thoughts.  For  years  I  thought  I  had  loved  as 
man  had  never  loved  before.  I  now  saw  that  all  that  I  had 
felt  was  but  the  germ  of  love,  which  to  grow  to  its  full  strength 
and  vigor  must  be  watered  by  affection's  tears  and  warmed 
by  affection's  smile,  and  this  the  presence  of  the  object  of 
that  love  alone  could  give.  Thus  passsed  some  three  hours 
more,  in  a  half-dreamy, half-bewildered  state.  It  was  a  potent 
nectar  I  was  imbibing  all  that  time,  till  now  the  good  old 
family  clock  —  I  have  ever  loved  everything  I  saw  and  heard 
that  day — told  me  it  was  time  to  go.  Though  reluctant, 
propriety  required  I  must  now  terminate  my  first  visit  to  her 
whom  till  now  I  could  only  look  at  from  so  great  a  distance. 
She  invited  me  to  stay  to  tea  at  least,  but  I  think  she  appre- 
ciated that  it  was  proper  that  I  should  not  further  prolong 
my  visit.  Besides,  I  hoped  to  find  my  mother  at  Deans- 
ville,  and  she  had  claims  on  my  affection  and  my  duty. 
\Ve  parted — our  hands  and  lips  —  and  O!  how  happy!  A 
tear  moistened  her  eye  when  I  last  looked  upon  her  face,  so 
radiant  with  beauty  and  with — everything  else  —  every  virtue 
and  sentiment  that  can  adorn  the  countenance  of  angelic 
woman.  My  heart  melted  anew;  but  I  will  say  no  more  of 
that  interview  or  that  parting.  Some  things  are  better 
imagined  than  described.  How  different  the  feeling  which 
possessed  me  when  I  passed  out  of  that  door  than  that  which 


62  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

I  experienced  when  I  entered  it.  However  hopeful  in  dispo- 
sition, however  confident  that  I  should  ultimately  succeed 
in  my  suit  and  be  happy,  I  can  not,  I  ought  not,  to  deny 
that  with  these  expectations  there  was  mingled  a  sense  of 
fear ;  there  was  a  possibility  of  failure,  or  at  least  of  but 
partial  success,  which  would  in  truth  be  worse  than  total  failure. 
Now  all  fear,  all  doubt,  were  gone.  I  had  found  her  in  person 
more  lovely  than  even  I  had  supposed  or  imagined;  but  in 
mind,  in  sentiment,  in  heart,  immeasurably  beyond  anything 
I  had  suspected  or  even  dreamed  of  from  her  letters.  When 
these  were  written,  there  was  the  chilling  consciousness  arising 
from  the  fact  that  she  did  not  know  that  she  should  love  me, 
and  this  imposed  a  restraint  upon  her  correspondence  which, 
if  I  may  be  allowed  an  expressive  term,  had  positively  choked, 
had  strangled,  the  soul,  which  would  otherwise  have  breathed 
a  glowing  fervor  into  them.  Now  these  conditions  no  longer 
existed.  She  believed  and  felt  she  had  found  in  me  all  that 
she  hoped  to  —  all  that  she  desired,  and  then  had  she  wished 
she  could  not  have  concealed  her  feelings.  She  stood  revealed 
before  me  all  that  God  had  made  her. 

THE  RETURN  —  OBSERVATIONS  —  THE  PROOF. 

As  I  slowly  rode  along  that  evening  the  most  inexplicable 
thing  of  all  was,  to  discover  how  the  young  lady  had  managed 
to  give  me  such  positive  assurances  of  her  love — such  mani- 
festation of  her  satisfaction  —  without  a  direct  word,  but  by 
look  and  conduct  alone,  and  yet  with  the  most  scrupulous 
delicacy  and  modesty.  It  seemed  to  have  been  done  without 
study  and  without  design,  one  way  or  the  other.  If  designed, 


The  Return — Observations — The  Proof.  63 

then  it  was  the  highest  manifestation  of  genius  in  that  direc- 
tion; but  more  likely  it  was  simply  the  unstudied  action  of 
refined  nature.  As  a  girl  of  sterling  intellectual  capacity  she 
had  risen  vastly  in  my  estimation,  although  I  had  always  re- 
garded her  as  far  above  mediocrity.  It  may  be  appreciated 
how  much  this  added  to  my  satisfaction  and  to  my  happiness, 
and  I  may  add,  to  my  love ;  for  after  all  this  is  an  essential  basis 
for  the  highest  elevation  of  that  sentiment,  although  it  may 
undoubtedly  exist  in  its  purity  when  based  upon  virtue  and 
excellence,  when  not  accompanied  by  more  than  an  ordinary 
degree  of  intellectual  capacity.  I  had  also  perceived  a  peculiar 
element  of  character  in  her  which  had  gratified  me  beyond 
measure,  and  that  was  a  force  of  will,  a  fixedness  of  purpose,  a 
firmness  of  resolution,  so  perfectly  in  harmony  with  what  I  felt 
a  consciousness  that  I  possessed  myself.  This  was  an  element 
of  character  of  vast  importance,  not  only  to  meet  the  present 
emergency,  but  also  to  assist  me  to  accomplish  great  things  in 
the  future  to  which  my  ambition  aimed.  These  she  must  be 
capable  of  comprehending  and  valuing,  and  also  must  she 
appreciate  that  she  had  her  share  to  do  in  their  accomplishment 
as  well  as  to  have  the  force  of  character  and  fixedness  of  pur- 
pose necessary  for  that  great  work.  And  I  may  here  say  that 
I  was  not  mistaken  in  the  estimate  I  that  day  formed  of  her. 
She  has  had  her  full  share  in  whatever  of  success  has  attended 
me  in  my  career.  She  is  entitled  to  her  full  proportion  of 
credit  for  any  good  which  I  may  have  accomplished  in  life. 
Had  she  proved  n.  different  woman,  my  career  might  have 
been  very  different.  Uncomplainingly  sharing  my  misfortunes, 
she  has  been  ever  ready  to  cheer  me  on  in  my  hardest  labors. 


64  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

Actuated  by  the  noblest  ambition  which  can  adorn  a  woman 
—  an  ambition  for  the  good — she  has  ever  encouraged  me  to 
pursue  the  course  which  could  alone  lead  to  honorable  distinc- 
tion, and  when  it  has  been  attained  she  has  enjoyed  it  as  fully 
as  if  my  success  were  exclusively  hers.  Ever  ready,  either 
in  sickness  or  in  health,  to  submit  to  every  sacrifice  which 
seemed  to  be  necessary  to  the  accomplishment  of  our  joint 
ambition,  she  has  borne  what  would  have  crushed  one  not  sus-. 
tained  by  such  high  purposes,  with  an  implicit  confidence  in 
my  ability  to  ultimately  triumph  over  all  obstacles.  She  has 
enjoyed  my  prosperity  as  becomingly  as  she  heroically  endured 
adversity.  Animated  by  a  generous  hospitality,  which  she 
only  allows  to  become  too  exacting  on  herself  personally,  she 
has  no  less  been  influenced  by  a  broad  philanthropy,  which 
gathers  within  its  embrace  every  object  that  cries  for  help ;  and 
in  the  indulgence  of  this  God-given  grace  enjoys  fortune  more 
than  in  the  supplying  of  her  own  wants.  In  her  own  peculiar 
department  she  has  ever  shown  an  executive  ability,  which  has 
relieved  me  of  all  care  in  that  direction,  and  which  shows  how 
truly  I  judged  of  her  real  talent  at  that  first  interview.  Dis- 
creet in  all  things,  slow  to  believe  evil  in  others,  unwilling  to 
hear  it,  and  not  prone  to  repeat  it,  we  have  happily  escaped  ten 
thousand  embarrassments  which  a  different  disposition  would 
have  brought  upon  us.  That  ever-flowing  fountain  of  charity 
for  alldnas  prompted  her  gladly  to  look  only  upon  the  good  in 
others.  Finally,  I  may  add  that  these  elements  of  character  are 
qualified  and  adorned  by  a  true  and  sincere  piety  which  has 
been  ever  clearly  manifested  without  bigotry  and  without 
ostentation. 


77/i?  Return — Observations  —  The  F'roof.  65 

But  I  have  unintentionally  wandered  far  away  from  my 
purpose.  The  immediate  advantages  of  those  elements  of 
character,  which  I  had  so  clearly  recognized  as  being  pos- 
sessed by  her,  were  what  most  interested  me  at  that  moment. 
It  was  no  light  thing  for  a  girl  twenty-one  years  of  age  to 
leave  such  a  home,  such  a  father  and  mother,  such  a  family 
of  brothers  and  sisters,  such  a  circle  of  friends  and  com- 
panions as  I  knew  surrounded  her,  —  all  the  comforts  and 
luxuries  which  ample  means  could  provide,  and  go  away  with 
one  of  whom  she  knew  so  little,  one  to  whom  she  had  for  the 
first  time  spoken  that  day  —  into  a  new  country,  a  thousand 
miles  away,  to  the  very  borders  of  civilization,  which  my  own 
experience  had  shown  was  very  sickly — among  entire  strangers, 
where,  at  the  best,  society  was  in  its  rudest  and  most  primitive 
condition ;  where  the  style  and  mode  of  living  must  be  so  much 
inferior  to  what  she  had  always  been  accustomed  to,  even  though 
I  had  possessed  an  ample  fortune  to  provide  all  that  money 
could  procure ;  add  to  all  this,  besides  being  so  entire  a  stranger, 
I  was  but  a  mere  boy,  only  twenty-three  years  of  age,  with 
no  fortune  but  what  I  could  earn  in  my  profession,  which 
necessarily  I  could  understand  but  very  imperfectly  as  yet; 
with  no  family,  friends,  or  wealthy  or  influential  relatives,  upon 
whom  I  could  call  in  case  of  misfortune  or  need,  but  de- 
pendent entirely  upon  myself  for  all.  I  say,  as  I  revolved 
this  picture  in  my  mind,  as  I  was  slowly  riding  home — arid  it 
may  have  been  the  thousandth  time  now  that  I  drew  it  —  I 
deeply  appreciated  how  important  was  that  force  of  will  and 
fixedness  of  purpose  which  I  so  clearly  saw  she  possessed,  to 
enable  her  to  go  through  the  trying  ordeal  before  her.  If  these 

6 


66  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

things  had  often  presented  themselves  to  her  mind  before,  and 
she  had  succeeded  in  putting  them  away,  I  knew  that  now, 
when  the  situation  must  assume  more  the  form  of  a  tangible 
reality,  they  must  return  with  a  redoubled  force,  and  cause  a 
fearful  struggle,  sufficient  to  shake  the  resolution  of  any 
ordinary  girl.  There  was  that  feeble  mother,  too :  could  she 
finally  summon  resolution  to  part  with  her  child  under  the 
forbidding  circumstances?  I  knew  that  tears  must  be  shed 
in  that  house  that  night;  nay,  were  no  doubt  flowing  now,  and 
that  anguish  even  must  oppress  the  breast  of  more  than  one 
of  its  inmates.  It  is  no  light  thing  for  a  young  girl  to  give 
herself  away  to  any  man,  no  matter  how  long  she  may  have 
known  him,  or  how  much  she  may  love  him.  It  is  no  light 
thing  for  parents  to  place  the  happiness  of  a  child  they  love  in 
the  keeping  of  another,  no  matter  what  assurance  they  may 
have  of  his  fitness  for  the  purpose,  and  even  though  it  may  be 
expected  she  will  remain  near  them,  that  they  may  minister  to 
her  comfort  and  her  wants  in  case  of  sickness  or  necessity. 
What,  then,  would  be  the  trial  to  part  with  this  one  under  such 
dubious  conditions  ?  Had  I  not  reason  to  fear  an  absolute 
rebellion  when  prospects  should  become  realities,  as  must  be 
the  case  very  soon  ? 

Such  thoughts  as  these  were  sufficient  to  keep  me  busy,  and 
even  to  temper  and  moderate  the  transports  of  my  happiness, 
resulting  from  the  cordial  manner  in  which  I  had  been  received 
— more  cordial  and  more  promising  than  I  had  any  right  to 
expect,  or  had  even  dared  to  hope.  But  it  was  an  easy  task  to 
relieve  my  solicitude  by  dwelling  upon  what  seemed  to  me  the 
perfections  of  person  and  character  of  her  to  whom  I  looked 
for  so  much  happiness  in  the  future. 


At  Deansville  Again.  67 

Another  idea  I  allowed  to  console  and  to  flatter  me.  I 
thought  I  could  also  see  in  her  an  evidence  of  that  peculiar 
mental  capacity  which  I  then  thought,  and  have  since  been 
led  more  firmly  to  believe  I  possessed,  and  that  is  the  ability 
to  judge  of  the  character  and  qualifications  of  an  individual 
almost  at  first  sight,  or  at  least  after  a  very  short  interview.  I 
had  already  received  so  many  confirmations  of  the  correctness 
of  my  conclusions  so  formed,  that  I  had  great  confidence  in 
my  ability  so  to  judge;  and  so  I  believed  that  I  judged  her 
correctly  when  I  thought  I  saw  an  evidence  that  she  had  great 
confidence  in  her  conclusions  thus  rapidly  formed  of  individu- 
als ;  and  so  I  comfortably  applied  these  conclusions  to  my  own 
case,  believing  myself  that  I  was  really  worthy  of  any  confi- 
dence she  could  repose  in  me,  —  wishing,  indeed,  that  she  had 
the  means  of  reading  all  my  thoughts  and  knowing  all  my 
character,  both  morally  and  mentally. 

AT   DEANSVILLE  AGAIN. 

While  occupied  with  meditations  such  as  these  I  arrived  at 
my  uncle's  house  and  was  sorely  disappointed  at  not  finding 
my  mother  there,  and  regretted  that  I  had  not  gone  directly  to 
Utica  from  New  Hartford.  I  resolved  that  I  would  do  so  on  the 
morrow.  All  the  young  ladies  of  the  house  gathered  around 
me  as  soon  as  possible.  I  gave  them  assurances  that  all  was 
well, — that  my  reception  had  been  as  cordial  as  I  had  expected, 
or  even  could  have  wished.  Hannah  thought  she  had  a  right 
to  know  all  the  minutest  detail,  which  of  course  I  did  not  dis- 
pute, but  told  her  just  so  much  and  no  more  than  I  thought 
proper,  and  not  half  so  much  as  I  have  told  you  now.  I 


68  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

considered  that  I  was  the  repository  of  a  confidence  covering  at 
least  all  the  little  minutiae  of  our  interviews,  which  I  had  no 
right  to  disclose  without  her  consent,  and  so  have  I  ever 
regarded  it ;  nor  have  I  made  these  disclosures  in  violation  of 
that  confidence. 

My  good  aunt  Polly  Dean  went  bustling  about  the  house 
seeing  that  I  was  well  cared  for, — evidently  entering  into  the 
spirit  of  the  enterprise  with  more  zest  than  she  cared  to  openly 
acknowledge.  Finally,  however,  as  she  was  passing  me  the 
second  cup  of  tea,  she  ventured  the  remark  with  a  sly,  quizzical 
leer,  "  Well,  John,  if  thee  does  ever  marry  Laura  Sherrill,  I 
assure  thee  that  thee  will  get  a  good  wife,  and  that  as  good  as 
thee  deserves,  or  for  that  matter,  any  other  young  man.  If  my 
John  only  does  as  well  as  thee  is  likely  to,  I  shall  be  very 
glad."  I  expressed  myself  highly  gratified  at  the  good  opinion 
she  was  pleased  to  express  both  of  the  young  lady  and  myself, 
and  especially  that  she  approved  of  the  step  I  hoped  soon  to 
take.  The  ice  being  now  broken,  we  had  a  nice  pleasant  chat 
on  the  subject  all  to  ourselves — she  had  sent  the  girls  away — 
in  which  she  made  many  interesting  observations,  and  gave 
me  much  valuable  advice,  which  no  doubt  I  profited  by,  though 
I  have  long  since  forgotten  the  particular  features  presented. 
Only  the  opening  remark  impressed  itself,  for  that  startled  me 
a  little. 

MY  SECOND   VISIT. 

A  balmy  July  morning  shone  forth  that  Saturday,  and  when 
I  awoke  everything  seemed  bright  and  smiling.  The  music  of 
the  birds  seemed  sweeter  than  ever  ;  the  flowers  were  brighter 


My  Second  Visit.  69 

and  more  fragrant  than  they  seemed  even  on  yesterday,  and  the 
foliage  of  the  trees  looked  greener  than  I  had  then  thought 
them.  In  truth,  I  was  in  a  mood  of  mind  to  see  all  that  was 
beautiful  and  to  overlook  all  else.  So  soon  as  I  awoke  my 
mind  reverted  to  the  events  of  the  day  before,  and  I  went  over 
all  its  incidents,  dwelling  upon  each  as  it  passed  in  review  with 
inexpressible  satisfaction.  From  the  past  I  thought  of  the 
future.  I  pictured  to  myself  the  satisfaction  and  pride  I  should 
feel  in  introducing  such  a  gem  to  the  society  of  Chicago ;  the 
congratulations  of  my  friends  and  the  compliments  that  would 
be  paid  her ;  how  hard  I  would  work  to  support  her,  and  how  I 
would  endeavor  to  be  worthy  of  her ;  and  that  she  should  never 
have  cause  to  repent  the  apparently  rash  step  she  was  about  to 
take.  I  resolved  to  falsify  the  old  adage :  "  Love  in  haste  and 
repent  at  leisure."  I  built  air-castles  of  the  most  extravagant 
size  and  decked  them  with  the  most  gorgeous  fancies,  which  by 
others  would  have  been  considered  evidence  of  a  disordered 
mind ;  but  many  of  them  have  been  substantially  realized,  and 
even  more,  for  what  is  impossible  to  persistent  perseverance 
and  indomitable  resolution  ?  An  ordinary  life  is  long  enough 
to  accomplish  wonders,  if  only  all  its  time  be  judiciously 
improved.  Happily,  I  overlooked  the  many  obstacles  to  be 
overcome, — the  many  trials  to  be  endured  in  the  path  which 
lay  before  me.  It  is  a  wise  Providence  which  veils  the  future 
from  our  eyes.  Else  the  most  resolute  would  often  lose  heart 
and  despair  in  a  distant  view  of  that,  which  when  they  meet 
unawares,  they  proudly  trample  under  their  feet. 

But  I  must  not  dream  away  my  time  in  pleasant  visions 
too  long;  although  there  was  no  great  cause  for  haste,  for  I 


7O  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

had  made  my  appointment  at  noon  that  day,  when  I  could  go 
over  in  the  stage.  The  stage  was  nearly  an  hour  behind  time. 
This  tried  my  patience  sorely ;  for  I  always  made  it  a  point  to 
meet  punctually  my  appointments,  but  I  felt  an  anxiety  beyond 
general  principles  to  be  prompt  that  day.  I  had  already  got 
home-sick  to  see  that  dear  girl  again,  and  it  seemed  to  me  that 
I  never  could  pass  another  contented  day  without  being  with 
her.  I  had  already  thought  of  so  many  things  to  say  to  her, 
that  the  budget  was  quite  full,  and  I  felt  that  the  time  would  be 
but  too  short  for  our  interview  in  prospect.  But  there  was  no 
help  for  it.  I  do  believe  that  stage  coaches  were  expressly 
made  to  annoy  lovers.  They  make  nothing  of  being  behind 
time  indefinitely,  and  the  drivers  would  but  laugh  at  the  gentle 
swain  who  would  complain,  and  especially  should  he  explain 
the  true  cause  of  his  excessive  vexation.  So  I  smothered  my 
chagrin  and  wisely  held  my  peace.  At  length  the  stage  came, 
and  I  took  my  seat  on  the  box,  that  I  might  have  fresher  air, 
and  the  better  see  the  country,  every  object  of  which  was 
endeared  to  me  by  some  association  of  childhood.  Soon, 
however,  I  was  occupied  by  other  thoughts  which  chased  away 
those  pleasing  remembrances.  I  thought  the  stage  went  slow, 
but  the  perspiration  of  the  horses  showed  that  they  were  not 
needlessly  indulged.  At  length  we  came  in  sight  of  the  house, 
and  I  anxiously  looked  for  some  sly  recognition  from  some 
half-open  blind,  but  I  saw  none.  It  was  evident  I  had  passed 
unnoticed.  I  was  an  hour  behind  the  dinner  hour  and  so  I  got 
a  lunch  at  the  hotel.  It  was  amazing  to  see  what  a  number  of 
servant  girls  waited  on  me  at  the  table.  I  have  no  doubt  every 
girl  in  the  house  took  her  turn,  including  the  landlord's 


My  Second  Visit.  71 

daughter.  I  suspected  that  I  had  already  became  a  hero. 
It  was  evident  that  all  understood  the  errand  of  the  young 
stranger.  All  seemed  anxious  to  see  how  he  looked,  and 
even  to  hear  the  sound  of  his  voice,  for  they  were  constantly 
inquiring  if  I  would  not  have  this  or  that,  just  to  hear  me 
answer  "No."  One  would  recommend  soup,  while  another 
brought  me  dessert,  so  that  I  may  truly  say  I  was  feasted  on 
cold  victuals  that  day.  I  was  rather  amused  at  this  exhibition 
of  hospitality,  and  so  I  could  appreciate  that  fame  has  its  ad- 
vantages. I  was  interested  to  imagine  the  stories  that  each 
one  would  carry  of  me  to  the  kitchen,  and  at  the  remarks  they 
would  make  about  me.  One,  no  doubt,  would  turn  up  her 
little  pug-nose — if  not  too  short  to  be  turned  up — with  the 
remark  that  Jacob  Sherrill's  daughter  had  got  no  great  catch 
after  all,  for  she  would  warrant  there  were  plenty  of  young 
men  nearer  by,  as  good-looking  and  as  smart  as  this  fellow, 
who  came  from  nobody  knows  where;  but  far-fetched  and 
dear-bought  was'  the  only  thing  that  would  take  with  some 
people,  who  were  too  proud  to  think  anything  near  home  was 
worth  their  while.  But  I  doubted  not  I  had  defenders  among 
the  little  conclave  of  critics  which  I  presumed  was  convened 
in  the  kitchen.  There  were  some  there,  no  doubt,  and  so  I 
understood  afterwards,  quite  ready  to  retort  upon  the  first  with 
a  sarcasm  only  heard  in  such  refined  circles.  Before  night 
they  had  spread  through  the  little  town  accounts  quite  exag- 
gerated of  me;  and  it  was  but  a  short  time  till  these  found 
their  way  around  to  the  family  with  many  brilliant  embellish- 
ments. In  my  account  to  the  young  ladies  of  my  entertain- 
ment, I  drew  such  graphic  pictures  of  the  imaginary  scene 


72  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

which  took  place  in  the  kitchen  of  the  hotel  as  elicited  great 
applause  and  established  for  me  quite  a  reputation  as  an  artist. 
I  was  met  at  the  door  by  Miss  Laura  herself,  who  received 
me  with  a  cordial  kiss  of  welcome,  and  led  the  way  into  the 
parlor;  but  before  I  could  get  into  the  pathetic  she  told  me 
that  dinner  was  awaiting  me  on  the  table  across  the  hall,  and 
professed  to  be  a  little  vexed  that  I  had  dined  at  the  hotel, 
when  it  would  have  been  so  nice  for  her  to  have  waited  upon 
me  at  the  table  for  the  first  time,  and  when  nobody  else  was 
present.  Now  this  was  a  great  temptation  for  me  to  go  and 
eat  again,  when  I  was  not  hungry.  I,  however,  persisted  in 
my  refusal;  but  to  make  all  right,  I  promised  to  stay  to  tea. 

I   OFFER,    AND    HOW   I   WAS   ACCEPTED. 

The  three  hours  we  spent  alone  together  that  day  were  like 
those  of  the  day  before — happy  to  us  beyond  description. 
During  that  afternoon  I  made  a  formal  offer  of  my  hand  with 
my  heart,  of  which  she  had  so  long  been  the  absolute  mistress. 
Although  I  well  remember  it,  I  think  I  will  not  give  the  words 
in  which  I  made  this  offer,  for  fear  some  one  might  attempt  to 
follow  it,  when  it  is  much  better  that  such  offers  be  entirely 
original  and  formed  on  the  impulse  of  the  moment.  They 
should  only  be  made  when  the  inspiration  entirely  possesses 
the  orator — when  the  entire  heart  and  soul  go  with  the  words. 
She  paused  for  a  moment,  as  if  not  expecting  the  offer  at  that 
time,  and  then  stepped  up  to  me  and  presented  me  both  her 
hands  and  kissed  me,  but  said  no  word  of  acceptance.  She 
looked  pale  and  agitated,  and  seemed  almost  incapable  of 
utterance.  Words  were  not  necessary  when  action  spoke  so 


I  Offer,  and  How  I  was  Accepted.  73 

distinctly.  Can  any  one  doubt  that  I  was  more  pleased  and 
more  happy  with  these  significant  acts  than  with  the  warmest 
words  which  could  have  been  combined?  Whatever  I  may 
have  said  and  done  at  the  time  in  giving  interpretation  to 
those  acts  I  must  decline  to  state.  I  wanted  no  more,  indeed, 
I  could  have  had  no  more,  distinct  acknowledgment  that  she 
would  be  mine.  Although  our  mutual  love  had  been  so  une- 
quivocally acknowledged,  although  I  had  indirectly  offered 
myself  to  her  a  hundred  times,  and  although  she  had  lately 
given  me  such  undoubted  assurances  that  my  love  was 
returned, — till  now  we  had  been  on  the  other  side  of  the 
Rubicon.  That  was  now  passed,  and  we  stood  on  its  southern 
sunny  shores.  A  new  relation  had  now  been  established  be- 
tween us.  We  felt  nearer  that  unity  of  existence,  that  oneness 
of  interest,  which  is  only  completed  and  perfected  when  the 
next  and  final  step  is  taken.  We  were  really  surprised  at  the 
mutual  and  unexpected  appreciation  of  the  new  relation.  We 
felt  more  dependent  on  each  other  and  more  confidence  in 
each  other.  We  felt  as  if  we  had  let  go  of  something  else  in 
the  world  to  which  we  had  hitherto  clung,  —  and  now  relied 
more  exclusively  on  each  other  than  ever  before.  It  had 
never  occurred  to  either  of  us  that  such  would  be  the  case; 
but  now  it  seemed  to  spontaneously  present  itself  to  both  at 
the  same  time.  We  talked  it  over  calmly  and  fondly,  and 
rejoiced  to  find  this  new  sensation  mutual. 

It  was  quite  astonishing  to  think  how  many  new  existences 
I  had  experienced  in  this  connection,  each  more  transcendental 
than  the  other.  First,  when  I  met  her  on  the  sidewalk  in 
Clinton — next  when  I  received  a  first  letter  from  her  in  Rome, 


74  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

and  again  when  she  consented  to  correspond  with  me  when  in 
Chicago ;  then  again  when  I  had  met  her  the  day  before,  and 
finally  now  that  she  had  consented  to  be  mine — to  be  my  wife 
— to  be  my  companion  through  life.  Although  these  several 
stages,  like  the  seven  heavens  of  Mohammed,  had  taken  me 
by  regular  gradations  to  a  very  great  height,  yet  it  was  plain 
there  was  one  more  stage  —  one  more  degree  —  one  additional 
existence — one  higher  heaven  in  this  scale,  so  far  elevated 
above  all  the  others  that  it  fairly  made  me  faint  and  giddy 
when  I  allowed  myself  to  think  of  it.  I  must  admit  that  I  got 
faint  very  often  about  this  time,  but  fortunately  I  never  fainted 
quite  away. 

Suffice  it  to  say,  that  we  passed  our  time  becomingly  and 
joyously  till  it  was  near  tea  time,  when  the  doors  were  thrown 
open  and  we  had  a  little  reception  in  the  parlor,  which  was 
attended  principally  by  the  young  ladies.  Those  were  jovial 
times  we  had  then.  The  girls  were  certainly  sparkling  and 
bright,  and  I  did  what  I  could  to  give  the  little  gathering  a 
lively  aspect.  Carrie,  in  her  earliest  teens,  was  even  then 
scarcely  behind  the  rest  in  conviviality,  and  seemed  to  think 
that  she  had  a  right  to  enjoy  the  new  sensation  as  much  as  any 
one,  and  denied  the  right  of  her  sister  Laura  to  engross  all 
my  attention.  She  was  very  fair  and  blooming,  and  had  an 
ingenious  way  of  saying  things  which  meant  much  more  than 
the  words  imported.  I  soon  appreciated  that  she  carried  a 
Damascus  blade  so  keen  and  bright  that  one  could  feel  that  he 
was  pierced,  without  being  able  to  determine  exactly  where ; 
and  the  wound  was  so  delicate  and  healed  so  quickly,  that  he 
was  led  to  doubt  whether  it  was  a  wound  at  all,  especially 


I  Offer,  and  How  I  was  Accepted,  75 

when  he  observed  that  the  delicate  touch  produced  a  sensation 
of  pleasure  instead  of  pain.  She  sang  sweetly,  and  often  after 
so  entertained  us,  and  frequently  selected  words  which  might 
or  might  not  have  reference  to  the  relations  between  her  sister 
and  myself,  as  one  might  choose  to  understand  them.  I  well 
remember  that  a  few  years  later,  when  we  were  visiting  at  the 
paternal  mansion,  we  were  both  standing  by  her,  when  I  first 
heard  her  sing  "John  Anderson,  my  Jo, John,"  which  she  did 
in  such  a  way  as  to  make  Burns  appear  to  have  been  looking 
in  upon  us  after  thirty-five  years  (that  is  about  the  time  now), 
or  may  we  not  hope  some  time  longer,  should  have  passed  over 
us,  and  wrote  the  words  in  view  of  what  he  thus  in  a  vision 
saw.  An  intelligent  look  passed  between  us,  which  showed 
that  we  both  accepted  it  as  a  happy  prophecy.  Even  then  she 
played  with  the  muses  some,  and  if  she  did  not  find  words  of 
another  to  suit  her  purpose,  she  had  no  trouble  to  happily 
arrange  them  to  suit  herself. 

I  discovered  that  the  young  ladies  were  fond  of  the  relation 
of  humorous  incidents,  and  I  had  a  large  store  of  these,  which 
had  occurred  within  my  own  observation,  or  had  been  related 
to  me  by  those  princes  of  story  tellers  which  were  met  with  all 
over  the  West,  much  more  then  than  now.  I  will  refrain  from 
writing  down  one  of  them  here,  for  if  I  should  once  commence, 
I  should  never  know  when  to  stop,  till  I  had  written  enough  to 
fill  a  book.  I  can  not  wait  for  that,  as  I  am  very  anxious  to 
get  to  my  mother,  a  happiness  I  promise  myself  this  evening. 
I  may  say  here,  however,  that  my  courtship  —  these  visits  of 
love,  were  really  made  the  more  pleasant  from  so  many  pretty 
young  ladies  in  the  house.  Indeed,  it  was  a  relief — although 


76  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

perhaps  I  should  not  say  it  —  to  let  the  feelings  down  from  that 
high  tension  which  they  attained  while  engaged  exclusively  in 
the  business  of  love-making,  and  engage  in  lively  social  inter- 
course with  my  future  sisters-in-law.  All  seemed  pleased,  and 
evinced  an  evident  desire  that  I  should  be  pleased  with  all. 
How  much  sweeter  so  than  as  if  some  one  of  them  had  been 
distant,  frigid  and  displeased.  The  kindness  which  I  then 
experienced  from  them  all  —  at  a  time  when  it  was  most 
important  and  most  grateful  —  made  an  impression  upon  me 
which  never  has  and  never  can  be  effaced.  I  have  ever  loved 
them  all  as  sisters,  and  have  only  been  too  happy  whenever  it 
has  been  in  my  power  to  serve  them. 

WE   PART  AGAIN. 

I  will  not  prolong  this  visit,  though  so  very  pleasant.  The 
time  had  nearly  come  for  the  stage  to  pass,  which  was  to  take 
me  to  Utica,  where  I  was  to  meet  my  dear  mother,  who  had 
claims  upon  my  duty,  which  I  had  already  too  long  postponed. 
The  dear  girl  went  with  me  to  the  door  and  gave  me  such  a 
pressure  of  the  hand,  and  such  a  parting  kiss  as  told  how 
much  she  loved  me,  and  how  distinctly  she  recognized  the  new 
relations  which  we  now  bore  to  each  other.  The  gods  might 
envy  such  happiness  as  I  then  felt.  It  is  quite  vexing  to  be 
tied  down  to  language  only  fitted  to  the  events  of  ordinary  life, 
when  attempting  to  describe  sensations  quite  beyond  its  scope 
and  power.  Would  that  some  happy  genius,  under  the  inspi- 
ration of  just  such  feelings,  had  invented  a  new  vocabulary, 
equal  to  the  emergency.  Probably  the  reason  why  this  has 
not  been  done  is — for  I  can  imagine  none  other — that  others 


/  Meet  my  Mother.  77 

must  be  strangers  to  those  sublime  vibrations  which  thrilled 
through  every  nerve,  else  they  would  have  helped  me  to  some 
new  words,  which  I  lack  ability  to  invent.  I  had  somewhere 
before  this  time  read  of  somebody  who  felt  as  if  he  was 
"going  to  heaven  in  a  swing,"  and  I  then  thought  and  still 
think  it  fitted  my  case  nearer  than  any  other  expression  I  had 
ever  met  with.  Still  it  is  quite  insufficient,  tame  and  common- 
place when  applied  to  the  bewildering  enchantment  of  such 
love  as  mine,  so  encouraged  and  so  returned.  It  is  impossible 
to  live  in  such  an  atmosphere  long  without  diversion.  Supreme 
happiness  may  itself  become  oppressive  and  require  relief. 
The  nervous  system  has  its  limit  of  tension,  and  should  not  be 
strained  too  far.  I  actually  felt  relief  when  I  had  got  away, 
and  met  other  objects  to  divert  my  thoughts. 

I   MEET   MY   MOTHER. 

I  reached  Utica  before  dark,  and  found  my  mother  at  my 
brother-in-law's,  Mr.  Hamlin  ;  my  sister,  Mrs.  Hamlin,  had 
died  during  my  absence  West.  It  was  indeed  a  happy  meeting 
with  my  mother,  though  that  loved  sister  was  not  there  to  join 
us.  I  have  elsewhere  spoken  of  my  mother  at  some  length, 
and  so  will  not  repeat  my  observations  here.  When  we  re- 
member how  she  had  struggled  in  poverty  and  in  sickness  from 
the  earliest  infancy  of  her  children,  one  of  whom  was  now  dead, 
and  the  other  three  had  been  for  some  time  in  the  far  West, 
it  may  well  be  imagined  with  what  fervent  joy  the  widowed 
mother  met  her  eldest  son,  whom  she  had  reason  to  believe 
remembered  the  many  golden  precepts  and  Christian  principles 
she  had  from  childhood  endeavored  to  instill  into  his  mind  and 


7  8  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

make  a  part  of  his  very  being.  If  she  had  been  unable  to  help 
me  to  procure  an  education,  as  other  boys  were  helped  by  their 
parents,  she  had  done  what  was  even  better,  she  had  taught  me 
how  to  get  one  myself.  She  now  had  reason  to  believe  that 
for  a  boy  of  my  age  I  had  done  and  was  doing  well.  She  was 
not  ashamed  of  me,  and  to  one  familiar  with  her  quiet  and 
undemonstrative  deportment,  it  was  easy  to  see  she  allowed 
herself  to  feel  rather  proud  of  me,  though  her  modesty  would 
have  been  shocked  at  any  exhibition  of  such  a  feeling  so  that 
it  could  have  been  detected  by  any  one.  Her  granddaughter, 
then  three  or  four  years  old,  was  her  constant  companion,  and 
her  greatest  comfort  till  I  came.  We  sat  up  late  that  night 
and  communed  pleasantly  together.  I  had  never  written  her 
on  the  subject  of  my  correspondence  with  Miss  Sherrill.  Now, 
however,  the  time  had  come  when  she  should  be  freely  con- 
sulted and  her  formal  consent  obtained.  She  had  learned 
from  other  sources  pretty  accurately  the  state  of  that  affair,  and 
rightly  apprehended  what  a  part,  at  least,  of  my  business  was. 
She  was,  therefore,  well  prepared  when  I  introduced  the 
subject.  She  listened  kindly  and  complacently,  for  she  was 
evidently  well  satisfied  with  my  selection,  judging  from  what 
she  had  been  able  to  learn  of  the  family  and  the  individual. 
She  was  a  most  conscientious  and  devout  member  of  the 
Society  of  Friends,  and  it  would  have  pleased  her  above  all 
things  if  I  could  have  selected  a  wife  from  that  denomination 
of  Christians  ;  but  if  that  could  not  be,  then  she  must  be  con- 
tent with  the  choice  I  had  made,  as  the  next  best  thing  to  be 
done.  Of  course,  I  did  not  speak  to  her  of  my  affianced  with 
that  crazy  enthusiasm  which  I  felt,  but  in  measured  terms  I 


/  Meet  my  Mother.  79 

made  her  understand  that  it  was  in  the  deepest  sense  an  affair 
of  the  heart, — that  she  was  the  only  woman  I  ever  saw  whom  I 
thought  I  could  love  ;  and  that  with  her  I  was  sure  I  could  pass 
my  life  happily.  She  gave  her  cordial  assent  to  my  engage- 
ment, and  gave  me  much  sensible  advice  as  to  how  I  should 
always  conduct  myself  toward  my  wife ;  and  above  all  things, 
that  we  should  start  aright,  for  if  we  started  right  and  never 
deviated  from  the  right  line,  we  shoud  be  pretty  sure  always  to 
keep  right.  I  could  readily  appreciate  the  force  of  this  logic, 
and  most  earnestly  assured  her  that  I  would  follow  her  advice 
implicitly.  I  have  endeavored  to  do  so.  Everything  was  at 
last  enforced  by  a  reference  to  my  good  father,  who  had  been 
a  model  of  a  husband,  and  she  trusted  I  would  ever  live  and 
act  in  the  domestic  relations  precisely  as  he  had  done.  She 
regretted,  with  a  moistened  eye,  that  he  could  not  have  been 
spared  as  an  example  of  the  domestic  virtues  to  his  sons.  She 
was  evidently  pleased  to  be  made  so  much  my  confidant  in  a 
matter  so  important  and  yet  of  so  much  delicacy ;  although 
it  was  her  undoubted  right,  and  most  fitting  in  every  respect, 
that  she  should  be  consulted  most  fully  and  freely  in  the 
matter. 

In  all  my  intercourse  with  my  mother — and  the  same  is  true 
of  my  brother  and  sisters — to  the  very  last  I  always  addressed 
her  in  the  plain  language,  or  in  the  singular  number,  as  thee 
and  tJiou.  It  was  as  natural  for  me  to  address  her  thus,  as  if  I 
did  not  address  others  in  the  accepted  form  of  ordinary  inter- 
course. When  addressing  her,  that  mode  of  speech  came  as 
natural  and  easy  as  if  I  had  never  known  another,  and  it 
would  have  done  violence  to  rny  own  feelings  and  inclinations 


So  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

to  have  addressed  her  otherwise, —  I  should  have  felt  it  a 
personal  indignity  to  her  of  which  I  was  entirely  incapable. 
She,  too,  would  have  felt  herself  deeply  affronted  at  such  a 
want  of  personal  respect,  which  all  her  children  ever  spon- 
taneously manifested  toward  her. 

It  was  late  when  we  separated  that  night,  for  we  had  much 
to  talk  about  besides  the  subject  which  so  deeply  interested 
me.  She  had  to  show  me  the  fine  shirts  she  had  made  me, 
and  the  beautiful  stockings  she  had  knit  for  me  with  her  own 
hands,  and  many  other  nice  things  she  had  prepared  for  me, 
which  labor  of  love  had  no  doubt  been  a  source  of  much  com- 
fort to  her. 

The  next  day  I  went  to  Friends'  meeting  with  her.  The 
gratification  was  mutual  as  we  walked  up  to  the  little  meeting- 
house, she  leaning  on  my  arm  with  confidence,  indicating  that 
she  felt  assured  that  she  had  something  there  on  which  she 
could  surely  rely  in  her  declining  years.  Alas!  in  less  than 
one  short  year  she  was  beyond  the  need  of  son  or  other  earthly 
help;  but  happily  both  my  brother  and  myself  were  enabled 
to  be  with  her  in  her  last  sickness,  and  to  perform  in  person 
the  last  sad  rites  to  one  so  much  honored  and  so  much 
beloved. 

ANOTHER  VISIT  TO   NEW   HARTFORD. 

On  Monday  I  again  visited  New  Hartford.  At  this  and 
succeeding  interviews  the  time  of  our  wedding  came  under 
discussion.  At  first  I  proposed  that  we  should  make  a  trip 
to  New  York  before  coming  West,  and  this  enabled  me  to 
plead  for  an  earlier  day ;  for  it  was  manifest  that  my  interests 


Another  Visit  to  New  Hartford.  81 

required  that  I  should  be  detained  from  my  business  as  short 
a.  time  as  possible.  The  New  York  journey  was  not  con- 
templated purely  as  a  pleasure  trip,  but  it  had  a  view  to 
business  also,  though  I  do  not  now  recollect  what  that  busi- 
ness was. 

I  was  not  unmindful  that  I  was  hastening  affairs  with  great 
precipitation.  I  had  no  right  to  expect  that  she  would  com- 
mence her  preparations  for  the  wedding  before  we  were 
actually  engaged ;  nor  did  I  forget  that  she  had  a  right  to 
demand  time  for  a  more  complete  preparation  when  she  was 
going  so  far  away  than  as  if  she  was  to  be  settled  near  her 
father's  home.  I  could  not  conceal  from  myself,  therefore, 
that  when  I  hinted  that  a  couple  of  weeks  or  so  should  crown 
our  bliss,  by  establishing  the  conjugal  relation,  I  appeared  to 
be  in  unreasonable  haste.  But  I  persuaded  myself  that  this 
was  not  solely  in  obedience  to  the  promptings  of  my  desire  to 
call  her  surely  mine,  but  in  part,  at  least,  was  the  result  of 
prudential  considerations  in  a  business  point  of  view.  My 
business  was  my  fortune,  and  required  my  constant  care. 
Clients  could  not  wait  when  they  needed  counsel,  and  if  I 
could  not  be  found,  they  would  seek  others  who  were  at 
hand.  The  loss  might  not  be  confined  to  a  single  cause, 
but  of  a  client  also  whose  business  might  be  important  in  the 
course  of  time.  At  that  time,  as  almost  ever  since,  every  day 
witnessed  the  arrival  in  Chicago  of  new  men,  who  were  liable 
to  require  legal  services  at  any  moment;  and  so  were  new 
lawyers  constantly  coming,  who  would  be  but  too  happy  to 
serve  them.  It  was  my  duty,  then,  no  doubt,  to  be  back  in 
my  office  as  soon  as  possible;  for  I  appreciated  that  every 

7 


82  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

moment's  absence  in  business  hours  might  be  fraught  with 
lasting  injury.  I  had  no  partner  to  keep  the  business  up,  but 
only  a  clerk  to  keep  the  office  open,  and  not  then  qualified 
to  fill  my  place.  Professionally,  it  is  indispensable  to  a  lawyer 
that  he  gather  around  him  a  class  of  clients  on  whose  business 
he  may  depend,  and  this  he  can  not  do  unless  he  is  ready  to 
attend  to  their  business  promptly  as  well  as  qualified  to  do  it 
well.  It  was  not  difficult  to  make  a  girl  of  her  sterling  sense 
appreciate  all  this,  and  so  I  think  she  saw  I  was  not  far  wrong 
at  last  in  urging  the  shortest  time  allowable  for  my  return. 

A    LONG   RIDE   AMONG   FAMILIAR   SCENES. 

On  Wednesday  I  took  a  horse  for  the  purpose  of  visiting 
several  familiar  localities  and  attending  to  some  business 
engagements  which  would  occupy  several  days.  I  made  a 
short  call  on  Miss  Laura  in  the  morning  to  explain  that  I 
should  be  absent  for  a  few  days,  so  that  she  need  not  fear 
interruption  from  me,  when  I  knew  she  must  be  so  much 
engaged  in  making  her  preparations.  She  gave  me  such 
assurances  that  my  presence  was  no  interruption  to  her  as 
were  indeed  most  gratifying,  so  that  had  I  followed  my 
inclinations  I  should  have  spent  my  whole  time  with  her';  but 
I  felt  that  such  a  course  would  betray  an  unmanly  weakness, 
more  befitting  the  course  of  a  love-sick  boy  than  a  man  of 
business,  and  that  a  course  of  more  self-denial  would  com- 
mand more  of  the  respect,  not  only  of  her  family  but  even  of 
herself,  although  I  fully  appreciated  that  my  society  was  as 
agreeable  to  her  as  hers  was  to  me.  Without  explaining  these 
views,  but  making  an  excuse  of  business  engagements,  which 


A  Long  Ride  Among  Familiar  Scenes.  83 

was  also  true,  I  took  my  leave  and  turned  my  horse  toward 
"Chuckery,"  the  name  of  a  school  district  on  the  road  to 
Paris  Hill.  How  we  parted  that  morning  it  is  not  necessary 
to  explain.  Such  scenes  will  not  bear  too  often  repeating  on 
paper,  although  they  may  be  repeated  in  real  life  forever 
without  becoming  distasteful  if  only  the  same  degree  of  love 
continues,  as  I  can  testify  from  a  very  long  experience.  I 
enjoyed  this  day's  ride  exceedingly.  Chuckery  had  been  the 
scene  of  what  I  considered  my  second  decided  success  in  life. 
The  winter  after  I  was  sixteen  years  old  I  had  gone  into 
the  Academy  at  Utica,  which  I  attended  nine  months,  during 
which  I  first  studied  English  grammar,  surveying,  mathematics, 
and  other  English  studies.  In  the  fall  of  1829,  when  I  was 
seventeen  years  of  age,  I  found  it  necessary  to  again  commence 
earning  money ;  and  having  received  a  letter  from  my  teachers 
that  I  was  qualified  to  teach  a  district  school,  I  took  a  cheap 
passage  on  a  canal  boat  and  went  to  the  Lake  country,  about 
a  hundred  miles  west,  in  search  of  a  school,  where,  should  I 
make  a  failure,  I  might  be  able  to  keep  the  misfortune  to 
myself.  To  cover  up  my  want  of  years,  I  had  nursed  into 
existence  a  pretty  respectable  pair  of  whiskers,  which  gave  me 
the  appearance  of  twenty-three  or  four  years  at  least.  I  got  a 
school  near  Ovid,  in  Seneca  county,  which  I  taught  with 
decided  success,  at  ten  dollars  per  month,  for  three  months. 
After  my  term  closed,  I  had  to  compute  the  amount  due  from 
each  patron,  on  the  basis  of  the  number  of  scholars  and  days 
sent,  and  then  go  around  and  collect  the  amount  from  each 
one.  In  the  spring  I  returned  in  triumph  to  Utica,  with  my 
rhirty  dollars.  Nearly  the  whole  of  this  I  invested  in  a  new  suit 


84  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

of  clothes,  of  which  I  stood  much  in  need  ;  so  that  it  was 
necessary  that  I  should  earn  more  money  before  I  could  rene\v 
my  studies.  I  went  to  work  by  the  month  on  a  farm,  at  which 
I  was  an  expert,  and  commanded  full  wages.  The  next  winter, 
when  I  was  eighteen  years  old,  I  took  the  school  in  Chuckery, 
which  I  taught  for  four  months,  at  fourteen  dollars  per  month, 
which  was  the  highest  wages  then  paid  for  that  class  of  service. 
In  this  position  1  had  achieved  a  very  marked  success.  I  had 
maintained  a  degree  of  discipline  almost  unheard  of  at  that 
day,  without  the  laying  on  of  a  finger  in  punishment,  and  with 
hardly  a  word  of  reproof,  even.  I  received  the  credit  of 
having  imparted  more  instruction  to  the  scholars  than  had 
ever  before  been  done  in  twice  the  time.  I  explained  orally 
the  reason  of  everything  taught,  and  induced  the  pupils  to 
inquire  for  and  try  to  comprehend  the  reason  for  everything. 
I  left  this  district  with  the  most  encouraging  commendations, 
and  the  real  respect  of  all.  I  am  sorry  to  have  taken  up  so 
much  space  to  explain  how  Chuckery  was  the  scene  of  what  I 
considered  my  second  decided  success  in  life. 

I  made  short  calls  on  several  of  my  friends  there,  and  was 
received  with  a  cordiality  truly  gratifying.  I,  however,  hastened 
on  by  Paris  Hill,  to  the  neighborhood  in  which  I  had  spent  my 
boyhood.  There  I  had  first  attended  the  district  school,  and 
there  I  had  worked  by  the  month  on  almost  every  farm,  first  to 
assist  my  invalid  mother  to  buy  bread  for  her  four  little  half- 
orphan  children,  and  afterward  to  enable  me  to  pursue  my 
studies.  Oh,  how  sweet  are  the  scenes  of  childhood,  which 
bring  so  freshly  to  our  memories  the  times  when,  as  children, 
we  played  together,  unconscious  of  the  cares  of  life,  and 


A  Long  Ride  Among  Familiar  Scenes.  85 

ignorant  that  there  was  a  world  beyond  our  own  little  circle 
of  observation.  Then  it  was  when  our  wants  were  as  well 
supplied  by  little  as  by  much  —  when  the  bare  necessaries  of 
life  satisfied  us  as  much  as  would  the  most  unlimited  luxuries 
— when  the  simplest  toy  was  all  we  wanted  if  we  saw  nothing 
better. 

Through  this  neighborhood  I  knew  every  man,  woman  and 
child,  except  some  youngsters  who  had  made  their  appearance 
since  my  time.  Almost  every  field  I  saw  reminded  me  of 
many  a  day  of  weary  toil,  while  almost  every  house  brought  to 
mind  some  happy  little  gathering,  where  in  former  years,  as 
children,  or  as  we  began  to  call  ourselves,  young  people,  we 
had  met  together  in  happy  circles,  and  passed  the  hours  of 
night  in  right  good  jolly  times.  I  could  not  help  reflecting, 
and  perhaps  the  pride  was  pardonable,  that  of  all  those  who 
composed  the  little  companies  that  had  thus  assembled  in  the 
farmers'  kitchens,  or  in  parlors  when  they  had  them,  I  had 
been  the  poorest,  the  most  needy — had  been,  practically,  but 
without  appreciating  it,  the  servant  of  the  others.  Yet,  in  a 
few  short  years,  by  my  own  efforts  and  my  own  energy,  I  had 
broken  the  bonds  that  bound  me  down,  had  raised  myself  into 
another  scale,  while  all  the  rest  were  still  here;  still  digging 
away  in  their  no  doubt  honorable  calling,  but  within  a  sphere 
too  limited  to  satisfy  my  ambition.  I  was  glad  to  meet  them 
all,  and  all  seemed  glad  to  meet  me.  To  most  I  had  been 
indebted  for  many  kindnesses,  which  I  was  happy  of  an 
opportunity  now  to  acknowledge,  and  they  seemed  gratified 
to  know  that  I  remembered  them.  I  do  believe  that  every 
one  rejoiced  in  my  success  and  in  my  prospects,  for  I 


86  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

tried  to  make  them  feel  that  each  had  contributed  to  the 
end  so  far  attained.  I  still  claimed  to  be  one  of  them, 
and  to  be  pleased,  as  I  truly  was,  at  the  remembrance  of 
former  times  I  had  spent  with  them.  Among  my  old 
school-mates,  I  thought  the  girls  at  first  met  me  with  a  little 
embarrassment,  but  presently  with  the  warmest  cordiality. 
They  stopped  their  spinning  wheels  or  looms — farmers'  daugh- 
ters still  used  those  domestic  implements,  and  many  were  at 
that  day  employed  in  that  neighborhood — to  chat  with  me, 
and  to  make  ten  thousand  inquiries  of  the  wonders  of  the 
West,  to  which  I  had  gone.  I  did  not  conceal  the  fact  that  I 
had  come  down  to  get  married,  and  that  in  a  few  weeks,  at 
most,  I  should  take  to  my  Western  home  my  bride.  They  all 
congratulated  me  with  a  hearty  good  will,  although  they  sup- 
posed the  lady  I  was  about  to  marry  would  not  look  at  them 
in  their  plainness  and  simplicity,  as  I  did,  and  they  confessed 
to  doubts,  they  had  at  first,  whether  I  had  not  forgotten 
them.  This  was  to  me  truly  a  pleasant  day,  so  many  things 
did  I  see, — so  many  people  did  I  meet  to  remind  me  of  earlier 
days,  their  pleasures,  their  trials  and  their  hopes.  I  well  re- 
member that  I  stopped  to  linger  on  the  very  spot  where  I  had 
first  resolved  to  become  a  lawyer,  and  the  occasion ;  I  had  just 
been  reading  one  of  Benton's  great  speeches,  I  think  against 
the  bank,  and  it  must  have  been  among  his  first ;  perhaps  it 
was  the  first  great  oration  I  had  ever  read  with  such  care  and 
attention  as  to  fully  comprehend  it.  After  finishing  it,  I 
walked  from  the  house  to  the  road — it  was  the  house  of  Mr. 
Asahel  White — and  right  then  and  there  I  resolved  to  study  law. 
If  I  had  before  longed  to  get  an  education,  I  had  not  definitely 


A  Long  Ride  Among  Familiar  Scents.  87 

fixed  upon  a  profession.  This  I  am  very  confident  was  when 
I  was  fifteen  years  of  age.  I  had  seen  eight  years  of  hard 
work  since,  but  with  an  eye  steadily  fixed  upon  the  end  I  then 
proposed,  and  now,  nominally  at  least,  I  had  succeeded,  and 
feared  not  that  eventually  I  should  attain  complete  success 
Was  it  strange  that  I  should  stop  and  linger  for  a  singli 
moment  at  such  a  place,  and  might  I  not  be  pardoned  foi 
drawing  a  sharp  contrast  between  my  situation  and  my  pros- 
pects then  and  now,  and  might  I  not  feel  some  pride  in  the 
reflection  that  I  had  done  so  much,  while  my  early  associ- 
ates and  companions  bad  remained  practically  stationary  ? 
Among  the  proudest  of  my  contemplations,  was  the  prospect 
of  the  new  alliance  I  was  about  to  form,  so  much  above  the 
position  in  life  I  had  formerly  occupied,  at  least  when  viewed 
through  the  common  spectacles  of  the  world  ;  I  now  felt  that  I 
had  fairly  attained  her  level ;  that  she  had  not  stooped  from 
her  position  when  she  accepted  me.  But  I  did  not  linger  very 
long  among  those  familiar  scenes;  nor  could  I  call  upon 
more  than  a  limited  number  of  my  old  friends  ;  I  soon  said 
farewell  and  hastened  on  to  Waterville,  where  I  should  have 
called  on  more  friends  had  time  permitted,  and  then  took  the 
road  to  Deansville,  where  I  arrived  at  evening. 

I  find  a  letter  written  to  Miss  Sherrill  that  evening  in  which 
I  state  that  my  advices  from  Chicago  required  as  speedy  a 
return  as  possible.  That  I  must  give  up  the  idea  of  going  to 
New  York;  that  I  should  be  able  to  accomplish  all  my 
business  in  that  county  that  week;  that  the  steamer  would 
probably  leave  Buffalo  for  Chicago,  about  the  last  of  that  or 
the  first  of  the  next  month,  and  that  we  ought  to  be  in  Buffalo 


88  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

within  two  weeks  at  the  most,  and  then  say,  "  As  I  have 
always  told  you,  I  would  not  on  any  account  that  our  depar- 
ture be  hastened  so  much  as  to  discommode  you.  My  heart  is 
overflowing  with  gratitude  that  you  have  consented  to  go  at  all, 
and  I  should  but  illy  repay  you  for  all  this  goodness  should 
your  preparations  be  hastened  on  my  account."  I  then  stated 
that  I  would  get  around  so  as  to  call  on  her  the  next  Saturday. 

Early  the  next  morning  I  mounted  my  horse  and  rode 
away  through  Augusta  to  a  Mr.  Mourton's,  in  the  northwestern 
part  of  Madison  county,  to  redeem  a  promise  I  had  made  to 
Mrs.  Warren  to  visit  her  mother.  As  I  expected,  I  found  her 
a  lady  about  an  hundred  years  old ;  she  had  been  blind  for 
many  years  ;  she  was  living  with  a  son  or  grandson  (I  do  not 
remember  which),  and  seemed  to  be  strong  and  in  good 
health.  She  was  surrounded  by  quite  a  number  of  ladies  of 
various  ages,  who  treated  her  with  the  greatest  deference  and 
kindness.  So  soon  as  I  introduced  myself,  they  all  seemed  to 
know  me,  for  they  had  heard  of  my  sickness  at  Mr.  Warren's. 
The  old  lady,  particularly,  seemed  overjoyed  at  my  arrival,  and 
to  hear  so  directly  from  her  youngest  daughter  whom  she  had 
not  seen  for  many  years.  She  took  my  hand  in  both  of  hers, 
and  exclaimed,  "  How  glad  I  am  to  see  you,"  forgetting  at  the 
moment  how  long  it  had  been  since  she  had  seen  a  ray  of 
light.* 

I  described  all  the  Warren  family  with  an  enthusiasm  I  felt 

*  I  have  been  since  informed  that  Mrs.  Mourton  was  then  one  hundred  and 
two  years  old  ;  that  when  I  arrived  she  was  lying  on  the  bed  ;  when  my  name  was 
announced,  and  that  I  came  from  Mrs.  Warren's,  she  hastened  up  and  to  her  great 
astonishment,  her  sight  had  returned  ;  that  she  distinctly  saw  her  shoes  when  she 
put  them  on,  and  through  the  window  saw  a  white  horse  grazing  in  the  door-yard, 
and  trees  and  other  objects,  which  she  described  just  as  they  existed.  Before  she 


A  Long  Ride  Among  Familiar  Scenes.  89 

they  so  well  deserved  from  me ;  and  she  would  not  be 
contented  till  I  had  gone  over  each  one  individually.  After  I 
had  got  through  with  a  list  of  the  girls,  a  new  light  seemed  to 
break  in  upon  her,  when  she  said,  "  Young  man,  from  the  way 
you  talk,  I  suspect  you  intend  to  appropriate  one  of  those  girls 
to  yourself.  Which  is  it?"  I  now  saw  from  those  around  me 
that  the  old  lady  had  but  expressed  the  suspicions  of  all  the 
others  in  the  room.  I  confess  I  felt  somewhat  embarrassed ; 
however,  I  hastened  to  say  there  was  no  doubt  I  should  have 
entertained  such  intentions  long  since,  for  the  man  who  should 
secure  any  one  of  them,  would  be  most  happy ;  but  I  was  cap- 
tured before  I  knew  them,  and  my  principal  business  down  now 
was  to  get  married  to -a  young  lady  who  was  the  only  one  I 
ever  knew  who  I  thought  was  the  peer  of  the  Misses  Warren. 
She  insisted  on  my  describing  this  other  young  lady  to  her  ;  so 
I  did  it  as  best  I  could,  and  probably  convinced  her  that  I  had 
been  very  fortunate  in  obtaining  her  consent  to  be  my  wife.  I 
certainly  thought  so  myself,  and  I  have  not  since  changed  that 
opinion.  Several  young  ladies  in  the  room  evidently  took  a 
lively  interest  in  this  part  of  our  conversation.  I  did  not  think 
this  singular,  for  what  young  lady,  at  least  who  is  fit  to  get 
married,  when  a  wedding  between  young  persons,  and  already 
near  at  hand,  is  discussed,  would  not  feel  interested,  and  desire 
to  hear  all  about  it  ?  Unfortunately,  I  could  not  tell  them  on 
what  precise  day  the  wedding  would  take  place,  but  probably 

left  the  room,  her  sight  was  gone  and  never  again  returned.  Such  is  the  account 
as  related  to  roe,  sent  by  the  family  there  to  their  relatives  in  this  country.  I 
leave  it  to  others  to  determine  whether  this  was  real,  or  only  the  effect  of  the 
imagination  under  strong  excitement.  The  circumstance  could  not  have  been 
stated  to  me  at  the  time,  or  I  think  I  should  remember  it.  She  survived  the  event 
several  years. 


90  Our  Courts/lip  and  Our  Man'iage. 

within  two  or  three  weeks  at  the  furthest ;  with  this  they  were 
obliged  to  be  content. 

As  I  had  a  long  ride  before  me,  I  could  not  protract  my 
call.  From  there  I  went  to  Vernon,  and  arranged  with  an  old 
school-mate,  Tom  Williams,  to  be  one  of  my  groomsmen.  I 
purchased  a  small  law  library  of  Mr.  Allen,  who  had  left  our 
profession  and  gone  to  preaching  the  Gospel,  and  then  I  hurried 
away  to  call  on  Mr.  Barber,  my  former  teacher  in  the  Academy 
at  Utica,  who  had  ever  been  exceedingly  kind  to  me,  and  felt 
a  great  interest  in  my  welfare.  He  had  left  teaching  and  gone 
to  farming  a  few  miles  from  Vernon.  I  spent  a  pleasant  hour 
with  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Barber,  to  whom  I  explained  my  matri- 
monial and  business  prospects,  with  which  they  expressed 
much  satisfaction.  As  soon  as  tea  was  over,  I  bade  them  adieu 
for  the  last  time.  Soon  after,  my  friend  lost  his  intellectual 
faculties,  after  which  he  lived  but  a  short  time,  and  I  have 
never  since  had  an  opportunity  of  paying  my  respects  to  his 
widow  and  children. 

I  pushed  on  at  a  rapid  rate  to  Rome,  where  I  arrived  after 
dark,  having  traveled  over  forty  miles  that  day,  and  made  the 
several  calls  mentioned.  I  spent  the  forenoon  of  Friday  call- 
ing on  my  old  friends  in  Rome,  but  recollect  nothing  worthy 
of  note. 

INTERVIEW  WITH   A   STRANGER. 

In  the  afternoon  I  mounted  my  hcrse  and  started  for  Utica. 
On  the  road  I  fell  in  with  a  gentleman  traveling  in  the  same 
direction.  He  proved  to  be  a  talking  genius,  and  we  soon 
became  acquainted.  Indeed,  he  cleaned  me  out  of  my  budget 


Interview  with  a  Stranger.  91 

of  news  in  a  very  short  time.  He  learned  where  I  was  from, 
my  name,  etc.,  directly,  and  these  revealed  to  him  my  business, 
for  it  is  not  conceivable  that  a  gentleman  of  his  inquiring  turn 
of  mind  could  have  remained  for  a  whole  week  ignorant  of  the 
arrival  and  business  of  so  important  a  stranger  as  I  was  con- 
sidered to  be  in  the  neighborhood  where  he  lived.  I  had 
nothing  to  conceal  on  the  subject,  and  our  conversation  soon 
became  quite  animated.  He  expatiated  largely  on  the  excel- 
lencies of  the  Sherrill  family  in  general  and  of  the  young 
ladies  in  particular, —  no  doubt  out  of  deference  to  my  selec- 
tion, commending  especially  Miss  Laura.  I  soon  learned  that 
he  was  a  bachelor,  with  a  fine  farm  about  a  mile  from  New 
Hartford,  and  could  not  resist  the  temptation  to  intimate  to 
him  that  his  high  appreciation  of  the  young  ladies  might 
warrant  the  supposition  that  we  might  some  day  be  brothers- 
in-law,  and  as  I  had  not  yet  had  time  to  inquire  into  the 
private  affairs  of  more  than  one  of  the  ladies,  who  had  thus 
far  engrossed  all  my  attention,  for  aught  I  knew  the  event  inti- 
mated might  be  imminent.  This  seemed  to  strike  him  as 
rather  funny  at  first,  but  evidently  a  little  reflection  induced 
him  to  think  something  much  worse  might  befall  him. 
Whether  this  had  anything  to  do  with  subsequent  events  I 
know  not ;  but  it  did  so  happen  that  he  married  Mrs.  Cadwell 
after  she  became  a  widow,  and  he  made  her  as  kind  and  good 
a  husband  as  she  could  have  found  the  world  over.  While  we 
traveled  together,  the  time  passed  very  pleasantly ;  his  apprecia- 
tion of  the  subject  which  so  constantly  engrossed  my  thoughts 
made  his  conversation  very  agreeable  to  me,  while  there  was  at 
times  a  quaintness  in  his  mode  of  expression  which  vastly 


92  Oi<r  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

amused  me.  Then  of  course  I  had  to  tell  him  all  about  the 
new  country  where  I  lived,  in  the  agricultural  prospects  of 
which  he  seemed  to  take  the  most  interest.  My  description 
of  breaking  up  the  prairies  with  five  or  six  yoke  of  oxen  and 
a  plow  that  turned  a  furrow  two  feet  wide,  with  only  a  driver, 
wheels  being  substituted  for  a  man  to  hold  it,  particularly 
interested  him,  especially  when  he  learned  that  the  plow  had 
to  be  kept  sharp  with  a  file  to  cut  the  strong  roots  of  the  prairie 
grasses,  and  that  the  absence  of  stones  in  the  soil  rendered 
this  an  easy  task.  Nor  was  it  the  least  interesting  fact  which  I 
told  him  that  a  considerable  crop  of  corn  might  be  expected 
the  first  year ;  which  crop  was  planted,  using  an  ax  to  cut  a  gash 
in  the  tough  sward  after  it  had  been  turned  over.  However,  his 
incredulous  looks  sometimes  indicated  that  he  thought  me 
romancing  a  little,  and  he  even  once  inquired  if  I  had  not  told 
that  story  so  often  that  it  had  become  quite  familiar  and 
oasy  to  remember  all  the  particulars.  I  was  obliged  to  admit 
that  such  was  the  case,  while  I  protested  there  was  no  exag- 
geration in  it. 

AN   INTERLUDE. 

We  separated  near  Whitesborough,  he  turning  off  toward 
New  Hartford,  while  I  pursued  my  way  to  Utica.  I  felt 
convinced  that  before  another  day  had  passed  Mr.  Higby's 
account  of  this  interview  would  become  familiar  to  most  of 
the  inhabitants  of  the  little  village,  where  I  was  aware  I 
had  become  the  subject  of  a  large  proportion  of  the  tea-table 
talk.  The  suddenness  of  my  appearance,  the  distance  I  had 
come,  the  ardor  with  which  I  pressed  my  suit,  the  precipitancy 
of  my  proposed  marriage,  the  wild  and  far-off  country  to 


An  Interlude.  93 

which  I  was  to  take  my  bride,  all  together  constituted  ele- 
ments of  peculiar  interest  in  the  quiet  little  community, 
and  they  seemed  almost  as  much  astonished  and  bewil- 
dered as  they  would  have  been  at  a  clap  of  thunder  in  a 
clear  sky.  Until  my  advent  the  secret  had  been  well  kept, 
but  very  few  having  the  least  suspicion  that  such  a  corre- 
spondence had  been  going  on.  This  had  been  rendered 
possible  by  the  fact  that  an  ancle  of  Miss  Sherrill  was 
the  postmaster,  who  did  the  business  of  the  office  himself 
without  the  assistance  of  any  young  people,  whose  discretion 
might  not  have  been  proof  against  so  strong  a  temptation  to 
whisper  out  the  secret.  After  my  arrival,  and  the  satisfactory 
aspect  which  affairs  at  once  assumed,  it  was  considered  that  it 
was  neither  possible  nor  desirable  to  keep  the  secret  longer, 
and  the  whole  truth  was  at  once  avowed  and  became  the 
common  property  of  the  neighborhood.  Probably,  if  all  the 
discussions  on  the  subject  were  written  they  would  form  an 
amusing  if  not  instructive  volume.  These  were  reported  to 
the  parties  interested  in  a  thousand  ways.  The  young  ladies 
of  the  neighborhood — the  associates  and  intimates  of  my 
affianced — flocked  in  to  render  assistance  in  the  emergency, 
especially  by  their  suggestions,  and  were  sure  to  make  their 
appearance  about  the  time  my  visits  were  expected.  I  was 
introduced  to  them  on  the  first  favorable  opportunity,  and  by 
a  free,  easy  and  jovial  way  was  always  able  to  break  the 
frigidity  which  at  first  seemed  to  embarrass  them,  and  get 
up  a  lively  cross-fire  of  wit,  which  seemed  to  create  a  much 
more  favorable  impression  than  a  more  cold,  reserved  and 
embarrassed  deportment  would  have  done,  and  the  reports 


94  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

carried  away  were  generally  favorable.  There  were  not  want- 
ing, however,  those  in  the  neighborhood  who  wisely  shook 
their  heads  and  allowed  the  observation  to  escape,  as  if  uncon- 
sciously, that  they  feared  Laura  Sherrill  knew  little  what  she 
was  doing  to  take  up  with  a  perfect  stranger,  a  mere  adventurer, 
from  a  heathen  country,  where  morals  had  simply  no  existence 
and  where  religion  was  never  thought  of;  where  savages  consti- 
tuted the  only  society,  and  flirting  with  dusky  native  maidens 
constituted  the  pastime  of  the  young  men.  Well,  if  she  was 
determined  thus  to  throw  herself  away  they  could  not  help  it; 
but  they  should  think  her  father  and  mother  would  interpose 
and  put  a  stop  to  such  doings,  and  turn  the  young  scamp  out 
of  doors  before  it  was  too  late.  But,  as  among  the  servants 
at  the  hotel,  I  did  not  want  defenders,  who  seemed  to  be 
largely  in  the  majority,  who  admired  the  spirit  of  a  young 
man  who  could  leave  friends  and  home,  as  I  had  done,  and 
go  to  a  new  country  and  strike  out  for  himself;  who  would 
commence  at  the  beginning  of  society  and  grow  up  with  it, 
and  they  no  less  admired  the  girl  who  had  the  energy  to 
go  and  share  his  lot  and  help  him  along  in  his  early  struggles, 
and  then,  when  they  and  society  grew  older,  would  share  its 
comforts  together.  "  Indeed,"  said  one,  with  a  refreshing 
snap  of  the  eye  and  the  finger,  "  I  only  regret  that  I  had  not 
met  him  first,  so  he  would  have  fallen  in  love  with  me  at  first 
sight.  I  would  have  gone  with  him  at  the  first  asking  as  Laura 
is  doing.  He  is  a  splendid  fellow,  and  I  am  ready  to  fight  for 
him.  I  dare  say  if  he  had  paid  his  addresses  to  some  other 
people  instead  of  her  they  would  have  thought  very  differently 
of  him  than  they  say  they  do  now.  But  then  it  is  not  their 


My  Mother  s  Counsels.  95 

own  fault  if  some  people  live  old  maids  all  their  lives, 
although  they  pretend  they  can  never  find  anybody  good 
enough  for  them.  Good  enough,  forsooth!"  Flashing  re- 
ports of  such  dialogues  as  this  from  all  over  town  must  have 
been  pretty  regularly  made  at  the  paternal  mansion,  and 
afforded  amusement  equal  to  a  first-class  play,  and  it  was  not 
long  before  I  was  on  such  a  footing  as  to  be  freely  admitted 
behind  the  curtain  and  allowed  to  contribute  what  I  could  to 
the  fun  of  the  farce. 

But  I  must  cut  short  these  interludes  or  I  may  never  get 
married,  notwithstanding  all  seems  to  be  going  on  so  swim- 
mingly. 

MY  MOTHER'S  COUNSELS. 

After  parting  with  my  future  brother-in-law,  Mr.  Higby,  I 
hastened  my  way  to  Utica,  there  to  receive  the  warm  embrace 
of  my  dear  mother,  who  was  anxiously  expecting  me.  She 
had  ever  been  a  dear,  good  mother  to  me,  and  had  done  much 
and  wisely  to  make  me  what  I  was  and  what  I  hoped  to  be. 
She  appreciated  that  I  listened  to  her  counsels  with  the 
greatest  confidence,  and  relied  upon  her  advice  as  almost 
infallible,  especially  on  all  questions  of  morality,  integrity  and 
propriety,  which  it  had  ever  been  the  great  care  of  her  life  to 
instill  into  the  minds  of  her  children  from  earliest  infancy, 
fully  appreciating  that  without  these,  at  least,  there  can  be  no 
sure  foundation  for  future  honor  or  for  future  usefulness.  She 
did  not  conceal  that  she  was  very  happy  to  believe  that  I  had 
remembered  the  lessons  she  had  told  me  when  she  was  unable 
to  do  more  for  me,  and  she  could  not,  had  she  wished,  disguise 
the  fact  that  she  felt  great  satisfaction  in  the  belief  that  I  had 


96  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

diligently  improved  on  her  pious  counsels,  and  was  doing  all 
that  I  could  for  myself.  "My  son,"  she  said,  "thee  does  not 
lack  intellect,  mind  or  talent,  if  thee  prefers  the  expression, 
and  I  know  thee  does  not  lack  industry ;  but  beware  of  too 
much  ambition  —  I  mean  what  the  world  calls  ambition, — but 
I  would  rather  say  a  perverted  ambition,  for  I  will  not  question 
that  there  is  a  kind  of  ambition  of  which  one  can  not  have  too 
much,  that  is,  an  ambition  for  good,  a  desire  to  be  useful  and 
an  endeavor  to  serve  God  faithfully.  Covet  not  so  much  the 
speech  of  men  as  the  approbation  of  the  King  of  Kings.  I 
know  thou  wilt  always  remember  the  poor — the  widow  and 
the  orphan,  for  thee  knows  well  of  their  trials  and  their  suffer- 
ings, yes,  I  may  say  anguish,  when  they  are  sick  and  hi  dis- 
tress ;  I  repeat,  never  forget  to  relieve  them  as  God  shall  give 
thee  means,  and  if  thou  wilt  so  use  it,  I  pray  that  He  will  give 
it  thee  abundantly.  It  may  be  that  in  His  wise  Providence 
He  has  led  thee  through  so  many  early  trials  and  so  many 
struggles  to  teach  thee  the  great  lesson  of  charity,  without  which 
greatness  in  this  life  is  little  worth,  because  it  can  not  well 
prepare  us  for  that  which  is  to  come,  which  at  last  should  be 
the  great  object  of  this  present.  It  reconciles  me  to  the  past 
to  believe  that  it  has  taught  thee  lessons  more  valuable  in  the 
end  than  all  the  schools  could  have  taught  thee,  had  I  had  the 
means  to  have  sent  thee  to  the  very  best,  however  I  may  have 
regretted  the  want  of  such  means.  He  did  enable  me  to 
fill  your  little  mouths  with  bread,  before  even  you  could 
help  yourselves,  and  for  this  we  should  always  give  Him 
greatest  thanks."  Oh,  how  reverently  could  I  listen  to  such 
counsels,  and  would  it  not  be  strange  could  I  ever  forget  them  ? 


Saturday's  Visit.  97 

How  sensibly  it  transported  me  back  to  the  old  hearth-stone, 
where  her  four  little  ones  were  seated  around  her  on  our  little 
stools,  listening  with  wrapped  attention  to  her  soft  sweet  voice 
uttering  such  lessons,  though  in  simpler  words  adapted  to  our 
years.  Is  it  strange,  then,  that  in  the  overflowing  of  my  filial 
love,  I  forgot  for  a  time  that  other  love  which  had  lately  so 
engrossed  me  ?  Would  that  she — my  other  love — could  have 
listened  to  our  long  and  earnest  interviews,  for  she,  too,  would 
have  forgotten  all  else  in  their  absorbing  interest,  and  would 
have  learned  rich  lessons  of  wisdom  with  me  !  Fortunately, 
she,  too,  had  a  mother  no  less  capable  of  teaching,  and  no  less 
sensible  of  a  mother's  responsibilities,  only  she  had  not  been 
disciplined  in  the  stern  school  of  poverty  and  widowhood  ;  but 
she  had  never  neglected  her  duty  to  her  children.  They  too  had 
profited  by  her  pious  teachings.  They  had  treasured  up  her 
thoughts  so  oft  repeated,  and  they  have  born  rich  fruits  of 
usefulness  in  after  years.  I  could  never  weary  of  such  sweet 
communion  with  the  author  of  my  being — with  her  whose 
bosom  had  so  often  been  my  pillow,  and  the  distillations  of 
whose  blood  had  nourished  me  in  infancy.  But  her  feebleness 
admonished  me  that  the  interview  must  terminate.  I  received 
her  fervent  benediction  with  moistened  cheek,  laid  my  head 
once  more  on  that  heaving  bosom,  within  which  glowed  such 
a  pure  flame  of  maternal  love ;  kissed  her  a  fervent  but  a 
short  farewell,  and  left  her  to  repose  much  needed. 

SATURDAY'S  VISIT. 

The  next  day,  punctual  to  my  appointment,  I  dined  at  New 
Hartford,  in  that  happy  family  circle,  all  of  whom  had  now 
8 


98  Ottr  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

become  so  dear  to  me.  They  already  began  to  treat  me  as  a 
brother — as  one  of  them.  They  studied  to  avoid  that  formality 
which  must  be  shown  to  strangers  ;  showed  me  around  the 
.place  ;  walked  with  me  in  the  garden  and  in  the  orchard ;  took 
me  to  the  trees  which  bore  the  choicest  fruit,  and  when  I  told 
Laura  I  feared  it  would  be  sometime  before  she  would  enjoy 
such  a  treat  in  her  Western  home  as  I  now  received,  for  fruit 
trees  did  not  grow  to  bearing  in  a  single  night,  1  saw  an 
expression  in  the  eyes  around  me,  which  was  explained  when, 
the  following  fall,  a  bill  of  lading  came  of  a  good  supply  of 
those  same  apples  that  then  hung  on  the  trees  before  me.  They 
served  as  a  grateful  reminder  of  the  old  homestead  and  of  those 
left  there. 

Pleasant  as  was  the  little  cortege  that  accompanied  us  in 
our  walk,  I  longed  to  be  alone  with  my  Laura,  as  we  had 
much  to  say  after  so  long  a  separation,  for  to  me  at  least  it  did 
seem  long.  Before  a  great  while  we  managed  to  get  alone 
together  in  the  parlor,  when  I  urged  her  to  fix  our  wedding 
day  ;  explaining  the  necessities  of  my  business  at  home,  and 
the  importance  of  meeting  the  steamer  which  I  had  learned, 
though  not  very  definitely,  would  leave  Buffalo  about  the  first 
of  August. 

THE   TIME   FIXED. 

While  it  is  a  manifest  propriety  that  the  lady  shall  fix  the 
day  of  her  marriage,  she  necessarily  feels  embarrassed  when 
required  to  do  so,  and  so  this  one  frankly  said.  I  told  her  if 
it  were  proper  I  should  be  most  happy  to  relieve  her  of  that 
embarrassment,  but  if  allowed  to,  I  might  place  it  so  early 


The   Time  Fixed.  59 

that  it  might  embarrass  her  still  more.  However,  if  I  might 
be  allowed  to  intimate  so  much,  I  expressed  the  hope  that 
she  would  find  it  convenient  not  to  place  it  beyond  the 
latter  part  of  the  month,  and  as  much  earlier  than  that  as  she 
could  fix  it,  so  much  the  happier  I  should  be.  That  she  had 
so  earnestly  assured  me  that  she  should  make  it  her  study 
for  the  balance  of  her  life  to  make  me  happy,  I  thought  now 
the  best  time  in  the  world  to  begin  by  conferring  upon  me  the 
greatest  happiness  she  could  ever  do,  by  fixing  an  early  day 
when  she  would  become  wholly  mine  and  claim  me  entirely 
as  her  own.  She  smiled  as  she  replied  that  I  should  not  take 
advantage  of  the  assurance  she  had  given  me  with  so  much 
sincerity,  and  which  she  meant  always  to  live  up  to,  and 
reminded  me  of  some  of  my  assurances,  to  which  she  had 
listened  with  pleasure,  but  couched  in  terms  she  would  not 
know  how  to  employ,  though  no  doubt  in  the  course  of  a  month 
or  two  she  should  much  improve  in  that  department  of  speech ; 
at  least,  she  meant  to  study  it  more  after  a  short  time.  If  I  had 
died  for  it,  I  could  not  resist  my  inclination  to  kiss  her  for  that 
saying,  with  the  assurance  that  the  time  would  be  short,  yes, 
very  short,  when  she  would  feel  at  perfect  liberty  to  study  that 
department  of  our  language,  and  when  she  would  feel  not  the 
least  reserve  in  using  the  strongest  and  most  ardent  expres- 
sions she  could  find  in  all  the  dictionaries  of  love.  For  myself, 
I  would  be  but  too  happy  to  place  her  in  that  position  in  half 
an  hour,  and  if  she  would  allow  me,  I  would  order  the  parson 
at  once.  She  thought  that  would  be  going  a  little  too  fast,  as  it 
might  cause  the  death  of  somebody,  for  even  now,  going  on  as 
slowly  as  I  seemed  to  think  we  were,  there  were  several,  as  she 


loo  Our  Onirtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

understood,  in  the  neighborhood,  who  were  nearly  on  the  point 
of  expiring. 

I  can  not  say  how  long  this  lasted,  for  I  took  little  note  of 
tim?,  but  she  did  manage  at  last  to  fix  the  day.  Still  I  believe 
that  she  contrived  the  thing  so  adroitly  as  to  really  make  it 
appear  that  I  appointed  the  time  myself,  though  if  there  be 
the  least  semblance  of  truth  in  such  appearance,  I  am  sure  I 
had  learned  in  some  way  that  Tuesday,  the  28th  day  of  that 
same  month  of  July,  would  suit  her.  Some  special  considera- 
tions entered  into  the  argument  which  determined  that  day. 
Nobody  else  ever  got  married  on  Tuesday  so  far  as  either  of 
us  then  knew— though  it  has  become  quite  common  since  — 
which  constituted  a  special  recommendation  to  both  of  us, 
and  so  we  had  both  been  glad  that  it  happened  to  be  Friday 
when  we  first  met  and  practically  declared  our  mutual  love. 
Then,  the  Commencement  of  Hamilton  College  was  to  occur 
on  Wednesday,  the  29th,  and  that  would  be  an  excellent  occa- 
sion for  a  bride  to  make  her  first  appearance  in  public.  I 
knew,  too,  that  I  should  be  likely  to  meet  many  old  friends 
there,  and  I  felt  particularly  ambitious  to  show  them  what  a 
beautiful  wife  I  should  have.  As  for  the  steamboat,  we  must 
take  our  chances  for  that ;  and  we  might  be  as  likely  to  meet 
it  by  that  arrangement  as  another,  for  the  few  boats  that 
went  to  the  upper  lakes  then  were  in  the  habit  of  post- 
poning their  departures  sometimes  repeatedly.  After  all,  I 
saw  she  had  managed  to  get  the  longest  time  possible. 
Still  I  had  no  cause  to  complain,  and  did  not  complain, 
but  thanked  her  with  a  fervor  that  testified  the  earnestness 
of  the  gratitude  I  felt,  and  the  measure  of  happiness  I  en- 


The   Time  Fixed.  101 

joyed   at  having  another  important   step  taken   toward   the 
great  event. 

Though  important  business  had  been  transacted  in  a  way 
so  eminently  satisfactory  to  me,  we  were  surprised  that  the 
ten-bell  rung  so  soon.  Perhaps,  in  no  position  in  life  does 
time  fly  so  swiftly  as  with  lovers,  when  all  goes  smoothly  on. 
But  peculiar  circumstances  made  it  especially  so  with  us.  We 
had  not  been  together  for  years,  and  fairly  exhausted  every 
subject  for  conversation  many  times,  till  it  was  difficult  to  find 
something  new  to  say.  With  us  everything  was  fresh.  Every 
subject  was  new,  and  instead  of  there  being  lack  of  interesting 
themes  for  conversation,  there  was  lack  of  time  to  talk  of 
those  most  interesting — those  connected  with  ourselves  per- 
sonally, and  especially  of  our  future.  I  could  not  resist  Mrs. 
SherriU's  invitation  to  spend  Sunday  with  them,  especially 
when  reinforced  by  all  the  young  ladies,  nor  did  I  wish  to.  In 
truth,  the  whole  thing  had  been  arranged  in  the  parlor  between 
Miss  Laura  and  myself,  and  we  had  already  enjoyed  in  antici- 
pation the  sensation  we  should  create  next  day  going  into 
church  together.  It  was  thought  that  it  would  be  the  culmi- 
nation of  excitement  for  the  quiet  little  village,  that  could 
hardly  count  one  real  sensation  for  every  ten  years  of  its  exist- 
ence, for  ordinary  weddings  among  its  own  quiet  burghers 
did  not  rank  as  sensations.  It  was  managed  so  as  to  let  it 
leak  out  that  evening  that  I  was  to  attend  church  the  next  day 
with  the  family.  There  were  several  callers,  and  the  subject 
was  freely  mentioned  to  all. 


IO2  Our  Coiirtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

THE   LADIES   BY   LAMP-LIGHT. 

This  evening  was  the  first  time  I  had  ever  seen  the  house  or 
the  family  by  lamp-light,  for  that,  or  candles,  was  the  only  arti- 
ficial illumination  then  common  in  the  country,  and  it  is  sur- 
prising how  brilliant  a  young  lady  could  make  herself  appear 
by  the  dim  light  of  a  lamp,  which,  in  these  days  of  gas,  we 
should  consider  little  better  than  total  darkness.  Is  it  true 
that  the  brighter  beauty  of  the  girls  of  those  days  assisted  the 
artificial  light?  Lest  I  may  be  called  antiquated,  I  will  not 
assert  it,  but  I  must  admit  that  to  my  taste,  beauty  has  degene- 
rated among  the  unmarried  ladies,  at  least,  but  perhaps  it  is 
only  in  my  eye.  It  may  be  I  then  looked  through  a  magnify- 
ing medium ;  but,  if  so,  the  illusion  has  been  wonderfully 
maintained.  There  was  no  night  watching  in  our  case,  but  the 
evening  was  spent  in  the  cheerful  family  circle,  and  at  what 
would  in  these  days  be  considered  an  early  hour,  I  stole  a 
parting  good-night,  and  soon  found  myself  alone  in  the 
parlor  chamber. 

OUR   FIRST   NIGHT  UNDER  THE  SAME   ROOF. 

I  took  a  good  survey  of  the  room  and  thought  it  would 
make  a  charming  bridal  chamber.  It  seemed,  indeed,  that  it 
was  already  fitted  for  that  express  purpose.  I  can  not  stop  to 
tell  all  the  strange  thoughts  that  then  teemed  through  my  mind, 
for  they  were  too  many  to  relate.  Is  it  strange  that  it  was  so  ? 
Would  it  not  have  been  strange  had  it  been  otherwise  ?  For 
the  first  time  in  my  life,  I  found  myself  passing  the  night  under 
the  same  roof,  and  perhaps  separated  from  her  by  but  a  single 


Our  First  Night  Under  the  Same  Roof.  103 

partition,  with  one,  to  whom  I  was  already  wedded  in  heart  and 
soul.  Intimate  as  our  personal  relations  had  become  in  so 
short  a  time,  it  was  now  an  acknowledged  fact  by  her  that  they 
would  become  infinitely  more  intimate  in  only  a  short  ten 
days.  Could  I  then  forget  how  changed  my  position  was  from 
what  it  had  been,  and  how  could  I  avoid  tracing  that  change 
step  by  step  from  the  time  when  poverty  compelled  me  to  labor 
day  by  day,  almost  on  the  neighboring  farms,  rude  and 
uncouth  as  any  laboring  lad  to  be  met  with,  till  now  I  found 
myself  the  honored  guest  of  one  of  the  first  families  in  the 
country  ;  nay,  more,  I  was  the  accepted  lover  of  one  of  the 
brightest  ornaments  of  that  family,  and  in  a  few  days  would  be 
acknowledged  as  a  member  of  it ;  and  I  had  reason  to  believe 
that  they  felt  no  humiliation,  but  rather  a  satisfaction,  at  the 
contemplated  alliance.  Nothing  had  been  concealed  from 
them.  They  knew  all  my  history  in  its  minutest  detail,  and  I 
felt  assured  that  they  looked  upon  it  as  honorable  rather  t"han 
degrading.  I  certainly  so  considered  it  myself  and  would  not 
have  forgotten  my  former  low  estate  for  a  fund  of  gold.  I  now 
felt  that  I  had  done  a  creditable  and  an  honorable  thing  to  rise 
above  it  and  to  place  myself  upon  the  proud  position  which  I 
now  occupied,  which  I  never  could  have  felt  had  I  been  born 
to  the  same  position,  with  wealth  and  friends  to  lift  me  up 
almost  without  my  own  exertion.  Then  came  thoughts  of  the 
future.  If  I  had  accomplished  so  much  in  a  very  few  years  of 
boyhood,  and  all  alone,  what  might  I  not  expect  in  many  years 
of  manhood  with  such  a  wife  to  help  me  ?  She  joyfully  joined 
her  lot  to  mine,  knowing  that  I  had  no  aids  but  of  my  own 
procuring  —  knowing  that  I  must  depend  upon  my  own  right 


IO4  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

arm,  under  a.  kind  Providence,  for  strength,  upon  my  own  will, 
energy,  industry  and  talent  for  success,  and  she  had  proudly 
resolved  to  help  me  in  the  task  before  me,  as  a  devoted  woman 
alone  can  help  the  object  of  her  devoted  love.  She  would 
turn  her  back  on  wealth  and  home,  and  the  companionship  of 
family  and  devoted  friends  to  help  build  up  a  future  in  a  new 
country  ;  feeling  conscious  of  her  own  strength  and  of  her  own 
resolution  to  keep  pace  with  me  in  the  ascending  way.  I  knew 
she  did  not  enter  into  this  engagement  with  the  giddy  thought 
that  so  soon  as  she  should  be  married  all  trouble,  all  anxiety, 
all  responsibility,  would  cease,  but  that  she  fully  appreciated 
that  in  this  engagement  she  assumed  new  duties  and  took  upon 
herself  new  responsibilities  which  must  often  tax  all  her  firmness 
and  all  her  constancy  to  do  her  share  in  the  great  work  of  the 
future,  which  we  had  already  marked  out  together.  We  felt 
that  ours  were  not  the  idle,  visionary  dreams  of  children,  which 
would  dissolve  into  nothingness  so  soon  as  we  should  be 
awakened  by  the  first  shock  of  real  life,  but  were  the  matured 
resolves  of  matured  reflection  after  a  full  survey  of  the  entire 
situation.  For  myself,  young  as  I  was,  I  had  already 
encountered  many  of  those  shocks,  and  had  firmly  breasted 
them,  till  now  they  had  become  familiar,  and  I  had  come  to 
rejoice  to  meet  and  conquer  them.  If  she  as  yet  had  not 
known  them  by  experience  I  could  tell  them  to  her,  nor  did  I 
attempt  to  gild  them  over  that  she  might  not  fear  them.  I 
felt  that  she  could  bear  to  look  the  future  in  the  face  as  it 
really  was,  and  that  it  was  alike  dishonorable  and  inexpedient 
to  conceal  any  of  that  future  from  her.  I  observed  with 
unspeakable  joy  that  she  saw  the  bright  light  of  ultimate 


Our  First  Night  Under  the  Same  Roof.  105 

success  beyond  the  view  of  the  immediate  future,  and  took 
my  hand  gladly  that  we  might  walk  the  way  together,  which 
she  as  firmly  believed  as  I  did  myself  would  lead  to  that  bright 
future  in  the  distance.  I  had  now  reached  one  of  those  oases, 
which  I  had  seen  before  me  in  the  troubled  past.  I  had 
pursued  my  way  steadily  and  unfaltering  alone,  till  now  I  had 
reached  this  flowery  place  in  human  life.  How  then  could  I 
doubt  the  future?  I  felt  that  I  was  acquiring  great  help  to 
assist  me,  and  not  picking  up  a  burden  to  load  me  down. 
How  well,  how  gloriously,  how  sublimely,  she  has  since  fulfilled 
all  that  I  then  foresaw,  all  she  then  promised,  all  that  she  then 
resolved,  I  have  told  in  another  place.  She  has  ever  felt  that 
we  are  truly  one ;  that  my  success  was  hers ;  that  any  honor  that 
might  fall  on  me  must  cover  her  as  well,  and  that  she  had 
duties  to  perform  as  imperative  as  mine ;  that  if  I  labored,  she 
must  help  me  and  submit  to  every  trial  and  to  every  sacrifice 
which  I  must  meet,  without  asking  me  to  bear  any  but  my 
own  proportion  —  nay,  more,  ever  desirous  to  relieve  me  of 
every  anxious  care  and  bear  my  load  herself  if  possible, 
that  haply  I  might  press  forward  with  the  greater  vigor.  If 
these  early  resolutions  have  been  thus  kept ;  if  these  great 
domestic  duties  have  been  thus  performed,  in  sickness  and  in 
health,  in  so  quiet  and  unostentatious  a  way  as  not  to  have 
attracted  the  observation  of  strangers,  they  have  none  the  less 
been  seen  and  appreciated  by  her  husband,  who  rejoices  at 
ever)'  proper  opportunity  to  acknowledge  them.  She  never 
pulled  him  back ;  she  never  clogged  his  feet ;  she  never 
stood  in  his  way,  no  matter  how  sore  her  own  trials,  no 
matter  how  severe  her  affliction  —  and  God  has  sometimes  laid 


io6  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

His  heavy  hand  upon  her — but  she  could  always  clearly 
comprehend  the  emergency— and  if  though  with  a  feeble  voice, 
she  firmly  said  Go,  do  your  duty  as  you  know  how  to  do  it, 
and  I  shall  be  happy  in  the  remembrance  that  it  is  so;  your 
success  will  compensate  me  for  all  and  make  me  happy. 
Think  no  more  of  me  but  of  your  duty  only  ! 

I  have  wandered  far  away  from  that  still  chamber  where 
I  first  slept  under  Jacob  Sherrill's  roof.  I  repeat,  who  will 
think  it  strange  that  under  such  strange  circumstances  I 
thought  much  of  the  past,  the  present  and  the  future  ?  Nor 
should  it  be  deemed  strange  that  the  joyous  thoughts  of  the 
coming  bridegroom,  which  at  first  fairly  raged  within  him,  to 
think  he  was  sleeping  under  the  same  roof  and  so  near  his 
quickly  coming  bride,  should  at  last  sober  down  to  the  more 
stern  realities  of  life,  and  firmly  think  of  the  future  and  calcu- 
late the  chances  of  the  real  help  he  was  now  acquiring.  Love 
is  not  all  a  phantom,  light  as  air,  to  be  blown  away  by  the 
rude  gusts  of  fortune;  nor  is  it  evanescent,  as  the  sparkle  in 
the  champagne  glass,  which  vanishes  so  soon  as  fairly  tasted. 
So  I  felt  it  then,  and  so  have  I  ever  found  it. 

What  thoughts  pervaded  the  bosom  of  another  in  the 
adjoining  room  I  had  no  right  to  know;  but  I  rejoiced  to 
believe  that  I  was  not  forgotten  there.  I  did  believe  that  she, 
too,  did  not  alone  revel  in  the  intoxicating  cup  of  the  blissful 
future;  but  also  thought  of  the  stern  realities  before  her,  and 
renewed  her  resolves  to  meet  them  as  should  become  my  wife. 

At  last  I  slept.  But  sleep  came  itself;  for  I  did  not  try  to 
sleep,  but  loved  to  lay,  and  think,  and  ponder,  as  I  have  told. 
How  much  I  dreamed  I  know  not,  or  if  I  dreamed  at  all.  I 


A  Sabbath  Morning  in  the  Country.  107 

can  not  say — perhaps  I  did;  for,  sleeping  or  waking,  much  of 
my  life  then  seemed  more  than  half  a  dream,  but  it  was  a 
^vcet  and  pleasant  dream — so  pleasant  and  so  sweet  that  one 
might  wish  it  never  broken. 

A   SABBATH    MORNING   IN   THE  COUNTRY. 

There  seems  a  sacred  holiness  in  the  still  quiet  of  a 
country  Sabbath  morning  which  fills  the  soul  of  man  with 
reverence  and  awe !  The  sweet  songs  of  the  birds  that  gather 
in  the  branches  that  overhang  the  window  seem  like  hymns  of 
praise  to  that  great  I  AM  that  alike  made  them  and  us.  Then 
it  is  we  feel  and  know  that  God  is  omniscient,  omnipresent 
and  of  illimitable  power.  With  equal  might  and  no  more 
effort,  He  made  worlds,  suns  and  systems,  and  the  minutest 
organisms,  that  require  the  human  sight  to  multiply  a  million 
times  to  see  them,  all  with  equal  and  absolute  perfection,  as  if 
each  alone  were  the  subject  of  His  effort  and  the  object  of  His 
care.  Then  we  feel  His  awful  presence,  as  if  filling  all  space 
and  knowing  all  our  thoughts  and  helping  us  with  His  great 
might,  if  we  will  but  know  and  worship  Him  as  He  hath  said 
we  should.  The  love  of  God,  with  all  our  souls,  need  not 
displace  our  other  loves,  but  hallow  them  and  consecrate  them 
to  His  service,  and  thus  magnify  our  happiness  in  its  full 
fruition.  It  gives  us  strength  to  fulfill  His  divine  purpose  in 
our  creation,  and  enables  us  to  feel  and  know  that  we  were 
not  made  in  vain,  but  constitute  a  part  of  His  great  scheme, 
contemplated  from  the  beginning  of  all  time.  It  helps,  with 
hopes,  to  meet  life's  bitter  trials  without  despair,  but  gladly 
and  with  confidence  in  His  might  and  strength  to  overcome 


lo8  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

them.  Such  thoughts  beget  serenity  in  the  minds  of  young 
and  old,  and  sweeten  the  cup  of  temporal  bliss,  though  it  be 
filled  with  nectar  to  the  brim.  Or  if  our  cup  at  times  be  filled 
with  gall,  then,  too,  the  love  of  God  will  sweeten  it,  and  make 
us  feel  that  though  bitter,  we  still  can  drink  it. 

Such  thoughts  as  these  that  quiet  Sabbath  morning  could 
not  but  temper  and  subdue  the  tumult  of  my  happiness, 
inspired  by  the  smiles  and  favors  that  I  met  on  every  side. 
The  morning  kiss  from  sweet  lips  I  might  now  almost  call  my 
own,  was  sweeter  still  because  I  felt  that  God  did  look  benignly 
on  our  love,  and  that  He  would  surely  favor  us  if  only  we 
would  live  worthy  of  His  favor.  The  simple  fervor  that 
ascended  from  the  family  altar,  pointing  directly  to  our  case 
and  asking  God  to  smile  upon  and  bless  us  ever,  seemed  like 
an  angel  voice  pleading  with  the  Father  for  those  she  loved, 
and  I  felt  assured  that  such  a  holy  plea  ascending  from  a  soul 
so  good  could  never  be  denied  by  One  who  is  Himself  all 
goodness. 

ANOTHER   SCENE  AT  THE   SAME  CHURCH. 

Except  Mr.  Sherrill  and  James,  who  had  preceded  us,  and 
Mrs.  Sherrill  who  was  yet  too  feeble  to  go,  we  all  walked  to  the 
church  together.  A  tall  young  man,  surrounded  by  a  bevy  of 
beauty,  the  prettiest,  as  I  thought,  of  all,  hanging  on  his  arm, 
was  evidently  a  novel  sight  as  we  passed  along  the  street,  for 
many  windows  were  filled  with  curious  observers.  We  design- 
edly waited  till  the  congregation  should  be  pretty  much 
assembled,  though  nearly  all  the  young  men  at  least  had  not 
taken  their  seats,  but  were  gathered  around  the  door  as  if 


Another  Scene  at  the  Same  Church.  109 

something  unusual  had  detained  them  outside.  Miss  Julia  and 
her  sister  Harriet  led  the  way,  and  were  followed  immediately 
by  Miss  Laura  and  myself,  while  the  rear  was  brought  up  by  the 
t\vo  youngest  sisters.  The  gaping  crowd,  who  stared  as  if  they 
were  at  a  circus,  opened  a  passage  as  we  came  and  let  us  pass 
without  a  word,  though  by  some  there  was  a  simple  bow  and 
recognition  of  the  ladies.  I  felt  a  tremor  in  the  hand  upon 
my  arm  as  we  passed  the  throng,  but  her  step  was  firm  as  if 
we  were  walking  in  a  solitary  hall.  I  again  rejoiced  to  see  the 
force  of  will  triumph  over  the  agitated  nerves,  and  the  self- 
control  she  had  at  her  command.  For  myself,  I  cast  my  eye 
over  the  crowd  with  a  single  glance,  but  recognizing  no  one, 
I  passed  along  with  a  bold  but  respectful  step.  Feeling  no 
embarrassment,  I  had  none  to  conceal,  but  I  felt  a  lofty  pride 
in  being  thus  publicly  acknowledged  as  the  accepted  suitor  of 
one  I  knew  was  so  much  esteemed.  If  her  beauty  had 
attracted  their  admiration,  her  goodness  of  heart,  her  mental 
endowments  and  her  many  accomplishments  had  ever  been  the 
theme  of  praise  among  both  old  and  young.  Might  I  not  well 
feel  proud  that  I  had  dashed  in  among  them  so  suddenly,  and, 
apparently  without  an  effort,  captured  what  all  acknowledged 
was  so  great  a  prize.  Must  I  acknowledge  the  unworthy 
weakness  ?  I  did  feel  a  sort  of  vain  satisfaction  at  believing 
that  I  saw  in  the  expression  of  the  faces  of  many  a  sort  of 
envy,  for  which  I  had  no  heart  to  pity  them.  I  thought  I  was 
passing  through  an  atmosphere  of  jealousy,  which  I  felt  was 
really  refreshing.  If  in  this  I  showed  the  vain  and  foolish  boy, 
remember  how  young  I  was,  and  that  I  must  not  be  expected 
at  all  times  to  act  and  think  the  full  grown  man.  Why  should 


no  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

I  have  been  expected  to  be  above  a  weakness  too  common  to 
human  nature  at  such  a  time  of  life,  and  with  such  surround- 
ings? At  any  rate  —  and  think  the  worse  of  me  for  it  if  you 
will  —  I  confess  I  was  not,  and  I  did  not  try  to  be.  I  felt  a 
pardonable  pride,  too,  that  the  dear  girl  with  me  would  thus 
publicly  tell  them  all  that  she  preferred  me  to  the  best  of  them, 
and  was  not  ashamed  to  own  it.  How  changed  the  situation 
since  the  occurrence  of  the  former  scene  in  that  same  church, 
which  I  have  described.  How  changed  my  feelings  and  my 
prospects,  too,  as  I  passed  that  door  then,  from  what  they  had 
been  when  I  had  passed  it  last  before. 

As  we  entered  the  church  and  walked  up  through  the 
aisle,  a  lively  sensation  was  very  manifest.  A  turning  in  pews 
and  a  rustling  of  silks  were  quite  audible,  and  even  whispers 
of  "Here  he  comes!"  were  sufficiently  excited  to  reach  our 
ears.  The  parson  in  his  desk  seemed  to  appreciate  that  some- 
thing a  little  unusual  was  going  on,  for  he  raised  his  head  and 
looked  earnestly  at  the  approaching  party.  We  paraded  the 
whole  length  of  the  aisle  with  as  much  apparent  indifference 
to  the  little  excitement  around  us  as  possible,  and  found  Mr. 
Sherrill  standing  by  the  door  of  a  slip,  into  which  one  of  her 
sisters,  with  Miss  Laura,  entered,  and  I  followed  and  took  a 
seat  beside  her,  while  the  old  gentleman  re-seated  himself  next 
the  door  and  closed  it  as  if  nothing  unusual  had  happened. 
His  composure  was  indeed  admirable.  The  young  ladies  with 
James  filled  the  next  seat  in  front,  and  in  another  moment  all 
was  profoundly  still.  For  a  little  while  I  looked  steadily  at  the 
desk,  while  Miss  Laura  dropped  her  eyes  for  a  single  moment, 
and  then  raised  them  in  the  same  direction  with  a  sort  of 


Another  Scene  at  the  Same  Church.  \  \  \ 

defiant  firmness,  which  seemed  to  say,  "Now  look  to  your 
heart's  content ! "  She  had  for  a  long  time  previously  sat  in 
the  gallery  with  the  choir,  so  that  her  leaving  it  and  taking  a 
seat  below  was  of  itself  a  circumstance  which  marked  the 
event  the  more  emphatically,  and  associated  her  still  more 
distinctly  with  the  coming  of  the  stranger. 

Soon  the  services  commenced,  and  before  long,  especially 
when  we  stood  up  at  the  singing  of  the  hymn,  I  cast  around  a 
few  glances,  and  so  was  enabled  more  fully  to  comprehend 
the  situation.  It  appeared  as  if  every  seat  in  the  whole  church 
was  filled ;  indeed,  I  was  informed  that  such  a  church-going 
impulse  had  never  before  been  known  in  that  community.  Well 
was  it  if  it  were  entirely  devotional.  I  really  think  I  was  never 
so  much  stared  at  before  or  since  in  the  same  length  of  time. 
While  some  had  seen  me  in  the  streets,  most  of  them  had 
only  heard  of  me,  and  now  they  must  make  full  amends  for 
the  want  of  former  opportunities.  I  was  as  much  of  a  curiosity 
as  would  have  been  a  buffalo  from  the  Western  wilds.  A  man 
from  the  far  West  was  then  as  much  of  a  rarity  there  as  a 
Chinaman  would  be  now  ;  and  they  were  evidently  surprised 
to  see  that,  after  all,  I  looked  very  much  like  other  young  men 
of  rather  large  proportions.  When  I  was  standing  up  they 
seemed  to  have  the  best  opportunity  to  satisfy  their  curiosity, 
for  being  taller  than  most  around  me,  I  was  a  convenient  mark 
for  their  gazing.  There  were  several  old  spinsters,  who  ap- 
peared to  be  particularly  interested  and  could  hardly  take  their 
eyes  from  me  during  the  whole  service.  They  all  wore  glasses, 
which  every  little  while  they  would  remove  from  their  crooked 
noses  and  wipe  off  the  perspiration,  then  rub  each  eye  alter- 


1 1 2  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Zlarriage, 

nately,  as  if  to  rest  it,  with  a  knuckle  of  their  skinny  fingers  and 
replace  their  spectacles,  and  re-commence  the  survey  with  more 
earnestness  than  as  if  they  had  been  reading  the  Scriptures.  I 
could  not  help  suggesting  to  my  friends  on  our  return  from 
church,  that  I  much  feared  there  would  be  several  cases  of  sore 
eyes  in  that  congregation  after  that  service.  As  I  do  not 
remember  even  the  subject  of  the  sermon,  I  infer  that  there 
was  nothing  very  remarkable  in  it,  still  my  general  recollection 
is  that  it  was  very  good.  The  preacher  was  well  dressed  and 
well  behaved,  but  his  mode  of  speaking  was  dry  and  hard,  and 
so  not  very  attractive.  I  thought  he  preached  as  much  at  me 
as  all  the  rest  of  the  congregation,  judging  alone  from  his 
frequently  looking  directly  at  me,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  What 
do  you  think  of  that,  young  man  ?"  but  no  allusion  was  made 
to  me  or  any  thing  connected  with  me,  so  far  as  I  now 
remember.  Had  there  been,  I  should  hardly  have  forgotten  it. 
He  reserved  all  that  for  a  subsequent  occasion,  of  which  it 
will  be  necessary  hereafter  to  make  particular  mention.  If  he 
thought  of  the  gold  pieces  which  he  had  in  prospect,  he  only 
indicated  it  by  his  looks. 

After  service  we  got  out  of  the  church  with  the  usual 
amount  of  jostling,  and  our  little  party  made  its  way 
through  the  throng,  now  led  by  Mr.  Sherrill,  whose  look 
seemed  to  indicate  satisfied  contentment  with  the  family 
that  was  following  him.  Any  one  might  well  be  proud  of 
such  a  group  of  daughters,  and  with  little  Jimmy  at  his 
side. 

We  attended  service  again  in  the  afternoon,  when  curiosity 
seemed  somewhat  abated.  This  time  I  received  an  introduc- 


Another  Scene  at  the  Same  Church.  113 

tion  to  some  of  the  friends  of  the  family  whom  we  chanced  to 
meet  on  the  way. 

After  this  second  service  came  dinner,  which  in  that  family 
was  always  later  on  Sunday  than  on  the  other  days  of  the 
week.  After  dinner  I  enjoyed  a  walk  through  the  grounds 
with  Miss  Laura  alone;  but  as  the  eyes  of  others  might  be 
upon  us  a  necessary  restraint  was  imposed,  which  made  the 
interview  less  pleasurable  than  when  alone  in  the  parlor. 
Lovers  must  be  entirely  alone  to  be  truly  happy.  The  bare 
possibility  of  a  strange  eye  or  a  strange  ear  reaching  them 
restrains  them  to  a  degree  of  formality  not  in  keeping  with 
their  real  feelings,  and  suppresses  indications  of  affection 
which  may,  without  impropriety,  be  manifested  in  a  thousand 
little  words  and  acts  which  spring  up  on  the  impulse  of  the 
moment,  which  perhaps  would  hardly  bear  the  formal  criti- 
cism of  a  strange  observer.  After  tea  the  young  ladies  and  a 
few  callers,  who  had  dropped  in  one  by  one,  disappeared  from 
the  parlor,  the  last  one  prudently  shutting  the  door  after  her, 
and  we  again  found  ourselves  alone.  I  have  described  as 
much  of  these  private  interviews  as  I  deem  necessary  to  show 
how  supremely  happy  we  were  when  thus  alone.  How  much 
we  talked  over  future  plans  of  life  and  what  resolutions  we 
formed  to  ever  try  to  make  each  other  happy,  may  better  be 
imagined  than  I  can  tell,  if  I  have  not  already  made  it  plain. 
Those  who  have  been  there  can  well  remember  how  it  was 
with  them  ;  those  who  have  not,  may  well  be  pitied. 


1 14  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

I   ASK   CONSENT  AND   GET   IT — HOW. 

Before  we  separated  that  night  it  was  arranged  that  Miss 
Laura  should  intimate  to  her  father  and  mother  that  I  would 
like  a  private  interview  with  them  after  breakfast  the  next 
morning.  I  was  particular  to  embrace  in  my  express  request 
the  presence  of  Mrs.  Sherrill.  It  is  too  often  the  case  that  the 
formal  consent  of  the  father  is  thought  alone  to  be  necessary. 
I  have  ever  been  of  opinion  that  a  proper  respect  to  the 
mother  requires  that  she  shall  be  formally  consdlted  as  well 
as  the  father.  Generally,  as  in  this  case,  it  is  but  a  formal 
ceremony,  the  approbation  of  the  parents  having  been  already 
obtained  by  the  young  lady,  and  the  parental  consent  having 
already  been  given  to  the  gentleman  by  the  conduct  of  the 
parents  towards  him.  So  far  as  an  approval  of  the  marriage 
is  concerned  it  may  be  only  formal ;  but  beyond  this  it  gives 
the  parents  an  opportunity  to  make  any  observations  or 
inquiries  which  they  might  otherwise  want.  The  relations 
existing  between  a  lover  and  the  parents  of  the  lady  are  often 
such  that  it  is  not  easy  for  them  to  get  into  familiar  conversa- 
tion on  the  subject  of  the  marriage  and  matters  proper  to  be 
considered  in  relation  thereto.  At  such  formal  interview  it 
must  be  considered  exceedingly  proper  for  the  parents  to 
make  as  full  inquiry  as  to  circumstances,  prospects,  purposes 
and  expectations  of  the  gentleman  as  they  choose,  and  it  may 
be  presumed  that  they  may  make  these  more  searchingly  than 
the  young  lady  may  have  felt  inclined  to  do.  Should  not  the 
mother,  then.be  permitted  to  satisfy  herself  on  these  subjects 
as  well  as  the  father  ?  If  we  look  upon  this  formal  interview 


/  Ask  Consent  and  Get  It —  How.  1 1 5 

as  but  a  mere  matter  of  ceremony,  then  it  is  designed  as  a 
mark  of  respect  to  the  parents  of  the  young  lady,  and  surely 
both  parents  are  entitled  to  equal  consideration  in  this  regard. 
The  mother  surely  feels  as  much  interest  in  the  welfare  and 
future  happiness  of  the  daughter  as  the  father,  and  is  as 
capable  of  forming  correct  conclusions  as  to  her  future  pros- 
pects, and  is  entitled  to  equal  marks  of  respect  with  the  father. 
From  every  consideration,  then,  it  is  most  fitting  and  proper 
that  in  all  matters  of  the  sort  both  parents  should  be  treated 
with  equal  attention  and  equal  consideration.  To  neglect  the 
mother  on  such  an  occasion  is  a  slight  to  her  which  can  not 
fail  to  be  keenly  felt,  and  must  rankle  long  in  a  sensitive 
mind,  although  she  may  think  proper  to  ever  conceal  it.  For 
myself,  as  before  stated,  I  was  very  particular  to  make  a 
special  request  that  Mrs.  Sherrill  might  be  present  if  she  were 
able  to  be  up,  and  if  not,  that  the  interview  might  take  place 
in  her  room,  if  she  would  allow  me  so  great  a  favor.  Miss 
Laura  could  not  conceal  the  satisfaction  she  felt  at  this  mark 
of  consideration  toward  a  mother  whom  she  loved  so  much 
and  for  whom  she  felt  such  reverence.  I  shall  not  tell  in  what 
way  she  sealed  the  expression  of  her  gratification.  I  shall 
only  say  that  it  was  not  unusual  or  improper,  and  has  never 
been  neglected  since  as  a  mode  of  testifying  her  approval  of 
my  conduct.  It  is  a  good  thing  to  do  under  the  circumstances, 
where  the  action  flows  from  the  genuine  emotions  of  the  heart. 
Our  interview  was  protracted  scarcely  an  hour  when  we 
separated  for  the  night,  and  I  again  found  myself  alone  in 
what  I  looked  upon  as  the  bridal  chamber.  If  I  say  nothing 
of  my  reflections  on  the  second  night  I  passed  in  that  chamber 


Ii6  Our  Coiirtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

it  is  not  because  my  thoughts  were  less  active  than  before,  but 
because  it  would  be,  to  a  certain  extent,  a  repetition  of  what  I 
have  already  written,  and  such  repetition  here  would  be  with- 
out interest. 

On  Monday  morning,  July  2oth,  1835,  some  time  after 
breakfast,  Miss  Laura  and  myself  again  found  ourselves  alone 
in  the  parlor  of  her  father's  house.  After  we  had  been  a  little 
while  together  she  opened  the  blinds  to  let  in  the  full  light  of 
day,  arranged  the  books  and  flowers  on  the  tables,  placed  the 
chairs  in  proper  position,  suggesting  that  a  particular  one  was 
a  good  place  for  me  to  sit,  mischievously  telling  me  not  to  be 
frightened  but  to  show  myself  a  man,  for  it  would  be  a  terrible 
blow  to  her  should  I  break  down.  She  expressed  a  wish  for 
my  good  fortune  and  withdrew,  shaking  her  finger  as  she 
disappeared.  If  I  had  tried  I  believe  that  I  could  not  have 
remembered  one  of  the  dozen  or  more  eloquent  and  rapturous 
speeches  which  she  had  playfully  invented  for  me  to  recite, 
when  the  time  should  come,  and  I  made  no  effort  to  compose 
one  for  myself.  I  determined  to  trust  to  the  promptings  of  the 
moment.  I  had  never  "heard  what  others  had  said  on  such 
occasions  but  assumed  that  among  sensible  people  it  should 
be  a  straightforward  business  transaction,  quite  destitute  of 
those  passionate  declarations  which  might  be  quite  allowable 
between  lovers  themselves. 

I  had  not  long  to  wait  till  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Sherrill  made  their 
appearance,  the  former  taking  a  seat  by  the  open  window  on 
my  left  and  the  latter  by  another  on  my  right.  The  moment 
of  silence  that  ensued  I  think  we  all  felt  was  a  little  embarrass- 
ing, and  so  I  thought  it  best  to  proceed  to  business  at  once. 


I  Ask  Consent  and  Get  It — How.  117 

Necessarily,  the  initiative  was  with  me,  and  it  was  easier  to 
enter  upon  the  business  of  the  meeting  before  any  other  subject 
was  introduced  than  to  come  to  it  afterwards.  I  first  spoke  : 
"Mr.  and  Mrs.  Sherrill,  I  assume  that  you  are  aware  of  the 
relations  existing  between  your  daughter  and  myself.  May  1 
express  the  hope  that  they  may  receive  your  approbation  ?"  If 
when  I  commencend  speaking  I  did  not  know  how  I  should 
conclude  my  oration,  what  I  did  say  has  never  been  forgotten 
since  ;  no,  not  a  single  word.  If  I  felt  embarrassed  I  think  I 
showed  it  but  slightly.  I  really  thought  there  was  as  much 
embarrassment  manifested  on  the  other  side  as  was  shown  by 
me.  The  old  gentleman  sat  with  his  right  arm  resting  on  the 
window-sill,  and  before  he  answered  I  observed  him,  as  if 
trying  to  brush  away  some  motes  from  the  board  on  which  his 
arm  rested,  when  I  knew  there  was  nothing  there  for  him  to 
remove,  for  I  always  found  the  room  to  have  been  dusted  with 
the  most  scrupulous  neatness.  "  Well,  as  Laura  is  the  most 
interested,  and  seems  to  have  made  a  choice  of  you,  I  do  not 
feel  called  upon  to  interpose  any  objection,  but  must  give  it 
my  sanction."  This  reply  of  the  good  man  was  probably  as 
long  a  speech  as  he  had  ever  made  in  his  life,  for  he  was  as 
little  inclined  to  set  speeches  as  General  Grant.  It  was, 
however,  straightforward  and  to  the  point,  and  as  business-like 
as  my  own  had  been.  I  now  turned  to  Mrs.  Sherrill  and 
remarked  to  her  that  I  trusted  she  would  not  withhold  her 
consent  to  intrust  the  care  and  happiness  of  her  daughter  to 
my  keeping,  with  the  assurance  that  it  should  be  the  constant 
effort  of  my  life  to  treat  her  with  the  greatest  tenderness  and 
affection.  She  said  it  had  been  a  great  trial  to  her  to  think  of 


n8  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

parting  with  her  daughter,  especially  to  go  so  far  away  among 
strangers,  and  with  one  who  was  so  much  a  stranger,  yet  as 
she  was  satisfied  that  there  was  existing  between  us  that  degree 
of  affection,  which  was  indispensable  to  happiness  in  conjugal 
life,  she  felt  constrained  to  give  her  consent,  especially  as  from 
all  the  inquiries  they  had  been  able  to  make  there  was  no 
objection  to  my  moral  character  or  habits,  or  to  my  prospects 
in  life.  That  it  was  no  objection  to  her  that  I  did  not  inherit  a 
fortune,  so  long  as  I  had  the  ability  and  the  disposition  to  earn 
a  support  for  myself.  As  for  themselves  they  had  commenced 
life  poor,  but  she  did  not  believe  they  had  been  the  less  happy 
for  it.  She  expressed  particular  satisfaction  in  a  confident 
belief  in  the  purity  of  my  principles  and  moral  character, 
which  in  her  judgment  constituted  the  surest  guarantee  for  the 
happiness  of  her  daughter  which  I  could  possibly  furnish  ;  at 
least  she  prized  it  above  all  others,  and  was  sure  I  should  find 
it  the  greatest  source  of  domestic  enjoyment.  She  then  made 
particular  inquiries  about  the  immediate  future,  as  to  whether 
I  proposed  boarding  or  keeping  house,  the  character  and 
extent  of  society  in  Chicago,  religious  privileges  furnished  by 
the  place,  and  many  other  similar  inquiries;  —  all  of  which  I 
knew  must  be  simple  matter  of  form,  for  through  her  daughter 
she  no  doubt  had  already  learned  all  that  I  could  tell  her  on 
the  subject  in  three  hours  ;  still,  it  might  be  some  satisfaction 
to  hear  how  I  could  state  the  prospects  of  the  future  so  she 
might  judge  a  little  as  to  the  confidence  to  be  placed  in  my 
views.  I  gave  her  full  explanations  of  all  the  matters  inquired 
about,  and  declared  to  her  the  extreme  satisfaction  I  felt  at 
the  confidence  she  had  expressed  in  the  purity  of  my  moral 


I  Ask  Consent  and  Get  It — How.  119 

character.  That  without  that  I  believed  complete  domestic 
happiness  could  not  be  expected ;  that  I  trusted  my  conduct 
would  ever  be  such  as  to  justify  the  favorable  opinion  she  had 
formed  of  me  and  her  hopes  for  the  future  ;  that  I  fully  appre- 
ciated the  great  charge  which  they  were  about  to  commit  to  my 
hands  ;  that  I  had  no  fortune  to  offer  with  my  hand,  but  only 
a  stout  heart  and  a  resolute  will,  with  an  established  business, 
the  present  income  of  which  was  sufficient  to  afford  us  a 
respectable  support,  which  I  might  well  hope  would  increase 
in  the  future  if  I  only  proved  worthy  of  it,  which  it  should  be 
my  endeavor  to  do.  Without  such  prospects  I  should  not  have 
ventured  to  propose  so  important  a  step  as  I  was  now  about  to 
take  ;  that  I  knew  I  was  very  young  to  undertake  so  great  a 
responsibility,  especially  considering  the  disadvantages  under 
which  I  had  labored,  but  still  I  felt  I  was  ready  for  the  step, 
and  trusted  and  believed  that  neither  their  daughter  nor  them- 
selves would  ever  have  cause  to  regret  the  confidence  they 
were  placing  in  me.  This  is  a  short  epitome  of  that  interest- 
ing interview  with  my  future  mother-in-law,  to  which  Mr. 
Sherrill  listened  without  a  word  of  interruption.  Indeed,  he 
seemed  to  acknowledge  that  she  was  the  best  talker,  and  ap- 
peared rather  pleased  to  leave  the  burden  of  the  conversation 
with  her,  and  I  have  rarely  met  with  one  more  capable  of 
conducting  it  in  the  most  admirable  way.  Her  manner  was 
exceedingly  quiet  and  unaffected.  She  expressed  herself  with 
ease  and  perspicuity.  She  managed  to  put  me  at  ease  at 
once,  almost  as  much  as  if  talking  with  my  own  mother,  not- 
withstanding the  embarrassment  of  my  position.  At  last  Mr. 
Sherrill  excused  himself  on  account  of  some  business  engage- 


120  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

ment,  and  soon  Mrs.  Sherrill  followed,  with  a  renewed  expres- 
sion of  her  hopes  for  our  future  happiness.  Thus  ended  this 
important  interview,  which  I  have  given  much  more  at  length 
than  I  had  intended  when  I  commenced  the  account  of  this 
day's  proceedings. 

After  all,  since  I  have  treated  you  with  so  much  confidence, 
and  have  so  often  let  you  look  behind  the  curtain,  I  thought  I 
would  not  commence  to  be  reserved  at  a  point  when  possibly 
you  might  still  feel  an  interest  to  know  just  how  the  affair  was 
managed.  Perhaps,  if  a  thousand  others  were  to  give  an 
account  of  their  own  experience  in  such  an  emergency,  each 
would  differ  very  widely  from  the  others.  If  in  fictions, 
imaginary  accounts  of  such  interviews  have  been  written  by 
those  skilled  in  that  class  of  composition,  it  has  probably 
rarely  happened  that  an  account  has  been  given  of  such  a 
transaction  in  real  life  with  the  strictest  fidelity  to  truth.  When 
the  time  comes,  let  each  one  do  the  best  he  can  for  himself  in 
his  own  way. 

AFTERWARDS. 

I  was  not  left  long  alone,  for  Miss  Laura  soon  made  her 
most  welcome  appearance  again,  looking  very  happy,  and 
said,  "  Well,  what  did  they  say ;  for  mother  refuses  to  give  me 
a  word  of  satisfaction,  and  you  know  how  curious  women 
always  are?"  This  question  was  put  in  such  a  winning  way  as 
to  be  almost  irresistible.  I,  however,  inquired  what  I  should 
have  replied  had  her  mother  insisted  on  knowing  all  that  was 
said  and  done  when  she  consented.  "Why,"  she  said, 
"tell  her,  of  course;  there  was  nothing  I  am  ashamed  of." 
"Well,  then,"  I  said,  "if  you  insist  upon  it,  listen.  Your 


Afterwards.  121 

father  seemed  exceedingly  anxious  on  one  point.  He  said 
you  had  from  infancy  shown  a  great  fondness  for  a  particular 
kind  of  fruit,  for  which  my  ancestors  in  the  Green  Isle  are 
said  to  have  had  almost  a  passion,  and  which  across  the  chan- 
nel is  called/0/«w<?  de  terre;  and  that  you  also  had  a  weakness 
for  milk,  especially  towards  the  top.  That  these,  in  fact,  con- 
stituted your  principal  diet,  and  that  he  was  satisfied  that 
without  them  in  abundance,  especially  the  esculent,  you  would 
get  along  very  badly — in  truth,  that  I  should  have  serious 
trouble,  and  that  he  must  be  satisfied  on  this  point  before  this 
affair  proceeded  any  further.  I  told  him  that  this  information 
filled  me  with  joy  unspeakable,  for  several  reasons.  In  the  first 
place  I  considered  it  an  evidence  of  good  taste,  and  a  high 
compliment  to  my  ancestry ;  but  above  all,  I  was  sure  it  dis- 
closed the  secret  of  your  extraordinary,  your  captivating, 
beauty,  which  so  far  surpassed  anything  I  had  ever  seen  or 
heard  of  before ;  that  clear,  almost  transparent,  complexion  — 
that  wonderful  cheek,  in  which  the  red  and  the  white  are  so 
perpetually  contending  for  the  mastery,  where  it  is  impossible 
to  tell  which  is  in  the  ascendancy  at  any  given  moment,  though 
I  may  be  looking  directly  at  you.  That  there  is  something 
about  the  lips  so  soft,  so  sweet,  so  subduing,  so  captivating,  I 
might  say  so  thrilling  in  their  influence,  that  they  never  can  be 
accounted  for  in  any  other  way  than  by  the — "  Here  my 
mouth  was  stopped  and  my  story  cut  short  before  I  had  time 
to  explain  that  pinkeyes  grew  marvelously  in  the  prairies,,  and 
as  for  the  rich  fluid,  why, the  whole  prairies  were  covered  with 
the  most  nutritious  grass,  that  made  the  common  milk  as  rich 
as  Eastern  cream,  and  that  it  would  absolutely  cost  nothing  to 


122  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

support  her  in  the  most  luxurious  manner.  All  this,  however, 
I  explained  so  soon  as  I  could  get  my  breath,  and  also  drew 
an  animated  picture  of  our  little  domestic  circle,  consisting  of 
us  two,  when  we  should  be  seated  on  either  side  of  a  deal 
table,  about  two  feet  wide,  with  a  jug  of  milk  and  a  great 
plate  of  roasted  potatoes  smoking  hot  between  us.  As  for 
my  story  she  said  she  knew  I  was  making  it  all  up  as  I  went 
along,  for  her  father,  she  would  positively  assert,  never  spoke 
a  word  of  French  in  his  life,  and  cautioned  me  never  to  do  so 
indiscreet  a  thing  in  his  presence,  of  it  might  be  the  worse  for 
both  of  us,  for  any  interruption  now  to  the  course  of  our  true 
love  would  quite  break  her  heart.  She  would,  however,  forgive 
it  all  if  she  could  only  be  sure  of  realizing  the  domestic  picture 
I  had  drawn,  which  was  the  highest  ideal  of  contented  happi- 
ness of  which  it  was  possible  to  conceive.  That  "love  in  a 
cottage"  had  always  been  her  passion,  and  she  hoped  it  was 
now  about  to  be  realized.  Charming  girl!  who  should  wonder 
I  was  and  ever  have  been  since  perfectly  enslaved,  only  my 
mistress  has  never  used  her  power  over  me  tyrannically,  but 
only  for  good,  and  to  make  me  what  I  am,  and  happy.  I  fear 
that  she  had  the  power,  had  she  chosen,  to  have  made  me 
almost  anything  else. 

WITH   MY   MOTHER  AGAIN. 

I  took  my  leave  before  dinner,  but  whether  to  go  to  Deans- 
ville  or  Utica,  I  do  not  remember,  nor  do  I  remember  what 
time  I  appointed  for  my  next  visit,  nor  even  how  many  times 
I  called  that  week.  Most  of  the  time  that  I  was  not  with  her 
I  was  with  my  mother,  for  next  to  the  society  of  my  affianced, 


With  My  Mother  Again.  123 

that  of  my  mother  was  most  agreeable  to  me,  and  besides, 
as  I  was  to  leave  her  so  soon,  without  a  child  in  the  country, 
she  had  claims  upon  me  not  to  be  overlooked,  even  if  I 
could  have  been  equally  happy  in  the  society  of  younger 
companions  ;  but  I  could  not.  There  is  a  charm  in  maternal 
love  which  when  duly  appreciated  is  next  to  that  of  a  beloved 
wife.  I  enjoyed  it  the  more,  as  I  was  so  soon  to  leave  her, 
though  it  was  to  try  and  prepare  a  place  to  which  I  could  take 
her  where  I  could  smooth  the  path  of  her  declining  years,  and 
make  her  last  days  happy,  surrounded  by  all  her  remaining 
children.  Alas!  how  little  thought  I  then  that  in  so  short  a 
time  I  should  be  called  back  by  her  last  sickness,  and  required 
to  perform  for  her  the  last  sad  offices  of  dutiful  affection.  Well 
was  it  that  I  did  not  know  the  future,  else  should  I  have  been 
deprived  of  that  rich  anticipation,  which  afforded  me  so  much 
happiness,  to  picture  to  myself  the  time  when  I  should  be  able, 
by  providing  for  her  every  comfort  and  every  luxury,  to  repay, 
though  in  but  a  small  degree,  all  the  labor,  all  the  care  and  all 
the  suffering  she  had  endured  on  my  account,  and  by  my  life 
and  actions  to  testify  to  her  that  her  lessons,  her  admonitions 
and  her  prayers,  had  not  been  wasted  or  forgotten.  Little  did 
I  then  appreciate  that  in  the  very  consciousness  of  her  work  of 
love  —  of  having  done  her  duty  faithfully,  she  had  been  richly 
paid  for  all,  and  that  the  evidence  she  believed  she  had  of  their 
good  fruits  was  to  her  the  greatest  comfort  that  could  have 
been  vouchsafed  to  her,  far  greater  than  all  worldly  wealth. 
She  entered  into  my  hopes,  my  future  plans  and  prospects,  in 
a  way  that  brought  an  expression  of  satisfaction  to  her  bright 
black  eye,  which  told  of  joys  more  than  words  expressed.  She 


124  Oiir  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

examined  all  my  wardrobe  many  times,  and  put  everything  in 
the  most  perfect  order,  saying  it  would  be  a  shame  that  Laura 
should  find  such  work  to  do  at  the  very  first.  She  neatly 
folded  and  placed  the  shirts  and  stockings,  handkerchiefs  and 
many  other  things  she  had  made  with  her  own  hands,  in  my 
trunks,  calling  my  attention  to  where  they  were.  So  did  she 
busy  herself  almost  all  the  time,  with  her  little  half-orphan 
granddaughter  always  clinging  to  her.  She  was  happy  then, 
and  so  was  I. 

Thus  passed  the  week,  with  probably  one  or  two  calls  at 
New  Hartford,  till  Saturday.  My  mother  intimated  that  while 
no  doubt  it  would  be  very  pleasant  for  both  Laura  (as  is  the 
custom  among  Friends,  she  always  called  all  by  their  simple 
names)  and  myself  to  be  together  much  of  the  time,  yet  I 
must  remember  that  I  had  precipitated  a  great  deal  upon 
them  and  allowed  them  but  a  very  short  time  to  get  ready, 
and  that  my  visits  there  must  interrupt  them  more  or  less. 
That  she  was  happy  to  believe  that  we  loved  each  other  very 
much  and  that  we  were  worthy  of  each  other;  yet  I  must 
not  forget  that  in  a  few  days  we  could  be  together  as  much  as 
we  pleased  and  without  any  restraint,  and  that  I  should  be 
content  to  deny  myself  a  little  now,  especially  in  considera- 
tion of  the  peculiar  circumstances.  I  saw  this  was  all  very 
reasonable,  and,  besides,  my  cousin  Hannah  had  made  a 
similar  suggestion  in  much  stronger  terms,  so  that  I  even 
suspected  she  spoke  partly  by  authority.  For  these  reasons  I 
spent  much  less  of  my  time  at  New  Hartford  than  I  should 
otherwise  have  done.  Had  I  followed  my  own  inclinations  I 
should  have  been  there  most  of  the  time,  which,  upon  reflec- 


My  Last  Visit.  125 

tion,  I  saw  would  be  quite  improper.  As  it  was,  perhaps  I 
absented  myself  a  little  more  than  was  strictly  required ;  but  I 
was  very  anxious  to  conduct  myself  with  a  manly  bearing  and 
to  rise  quite  above  the  conduct  of  a  love-sick  boy  incapable  of 
restraining  his  own  passionate  impulses.  By  this  course  I 
believed  I  should  command  more  respect,  and  prove  that  I 
was  capable  of  discharging  the  high  duties  I  was  about  to 
assume  better  than  by  yielding  to  my  inclinations  and  running 
there  every  day  in  the  week.  While  I  would  avoid  any 
appearance  of  indifference,  I  must  also  avoid  any  appearance 
of  childish  weakness.  Although  young  in  years  I  claimed  to 
be  a  man,  and  it  became  me  to  act  the  part  of  a  man,  and  I 
tried  to  do  so. 

MY  LAST  VISIT. 

It  was  previously  arranged  that  I  should  go  up  on  Saturday, 
and  again  spend  Sunday  with  the  family.  I  arrived  to  dinner. 
I  found  there  half  a  dozen  young  ladies,  the  intimates  of  Miss 
Laura,  a  part  of  whom  I  had  met  before.  They  assured  me 
they  had  come  to  help  things  along ;  for  I  was  in  such  a  dash- 
ing hurry  it  required  the  work  of  a  whole  neighborhood  to 
keep  pace  with  me.  However,  it  was  quite  refreshing  to  have 
the  old  dull  neighborhood  stirred  up  once  in  awhile  in  this 
way  by  the  display  of  a  little  spirit ;  and  finally,  if  there  were 
any  more  young  gentlemen  of  like  enterprise  out  West,  to 
send  them  along  at  once,  and  they  should  be  received  cor- 
dially. I  told  them  that  the  reception  I  had  met  with  assured 
me  of  that.  That  the  streets  of  Chicago  were  full  of  the  most 
captivating  fellows  imaginable,  while  a  young  lady  could 
hardly  be  met  with  in  a  day's  walk ;  that  it  was  truly  pitiable 


126  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

to  see  that  kind  of  business  in  so  one-sided  a  condition.  For 
myself  I  had  got  heartily  sick  of  it,  and  had  no  doubt  many 
others  were  in  the  same  frame  of  mind,  only  they  did  not 
know  where  to  come  as  well  as  I  did ;  but  I  was  sure  when  I 
should  make  a  profert  of  a  New  Hartford  lady  in  Chicago  it 
would  set  the  whole  lot  of  them  in  a  ferment,  and  that  the 
inquiry  would  go  up  at  once  if  there  were  any  more  left  like 
her.  That  if  I  could  not  answer  them  fully  in  the  affirmative 
I  should  take  great  pleasure  in  the  assurance  that  there  were 
plenty  nearly  as  good,  which  was  as  much  as  any  sane  man 
ought  to  ask.  In  fine,  if  I  could  but  turn  those  I  then  saw 
before  me  into  the  streets  of  Chicago  it  would  create  a  greater 
excitement  than  the  land  sales  had  done,  and  a  greater  compe- 
tition, too,  which  event  had  caused  the  greatest  scramble  ever 
heard  of.  Much  more  of  the  same  sort  of  bantering  took 
place,  which  it  is  unnecessary  to  relate.  It  is  sufficient  to  say 
that  they  were  a  spicy  gathering  who  could  keep  even  any- 
where, and  who  seemed  to  enjoy  the  present  occasion  im- 
mensely. 

At  our  private  conference  that  evening  there  was  much 
of  interest  to  be  discussed  and  arranged.  We  had  really 
been  together  so  little,  that  thousands  of  those  minor  subjects 
which  it  is  so  pleasant  for  parties  in  our  situation  to  talk 
over  in  every  possible  bearing,  were  left  untouched,  and  so 
they  must  be  till  after  the  wedding,  the  time  for  which  was  so 
rapidly  approaching.  We,  however,  improved  what  time  we 
could  be  together  to  the  utmost  advantage,  and  forgetting 
ourselves,  sat  up  a  little  later  than  usual.  I  explained  why  I 
had  not  spent  more  of  my  time  with  her  during  the  week  most 


My  Last  Visit.  127 

frankly,  and  in  the  same  way  I  have  here  done,  which  she 
kindly  accepted  as  a  sufficient  excuse  for  my  absence,  while 
she  assured  me  it  was  a  delicacy  quite  uncalled  for  by  the 
occasion ;  that  she  had  felt  quite  lonely  while  I  was  away,  not- 
withstanding the  bustle,  confusion  and  excitement  going  on 
around  her,  and  that  she  should  have  always  found  time 
gladly  to  devote  to  me,  without  the  least  inconvenience  to  any 
one. 

I  observed  that  she  generally  had  some  light  sewing  with 
her,  but  I  observed  also  that  very  little  of  it  was  done  when 
we  were  alone.  After  all,  we  did  not  keep  late  hours,  either 
that  night  or  the  next,  consoling  ourselves  with  reflections 
which  were  not  expressed. 

The  next  day  we  attended  church  the  same  as  the  week 
before,  and  if  curiosity  had  abated,  it  was  so  only  with  a  part 
of  the  congregation.  However,  I  had  many  more  acquaint- 
ances than  the  Sunday  before,  as  well  among  the  young 
gentlemen  as  the  ladies,  who  greeted  me  with  a  kind  recog- 
nition. 

I  had  by  this  time  made  the  acquaintance  of  the  large 
circle  of  family  connections  who  lived  in  the  neighborhood, 
all  of  whom  treated  me  very  kindly. 

I  had,  at  one  of  my  visits  during  the  week,  but  on  what 
day  I  do  not  remember,  taken  a  long  walk  about  the  neighbor- 
hood with  Miss  Laura  and  returned  many  calls,  and  called  on 
many  of  her  relatives.  I  did  not  inquire  if  it  had  been 
arranged  beforehand,  but  all  seemed  quite  prepared  to  receive 
us. 

She  was  a  little  above  the  medium  height,  as  straight  as  an 


128  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

arrow,  of  the  most  perfect  form  and  exact  proportions  —  as 
you  have  already  learned  —  and  so  dressed  as  to  give  unre- 
strained action  to  the  chest  and  lungs.  The  elasticity  and 
vigor  of  her  every  movement  gave  her  a  most  charming 
appearance  on  the  street.  When  walking  with  her,  I  confess  I 
feared  something  from  the  contrast,  but  as  my  own  height 
and  avoirdupois  were  liberal  enough  and  proportioned  as  well 
as  I  could  have  wished,  I  tried  to  carry  myself  in  such  a  way 
that  she  would  not  be  ashamed  of  her  companion,  and  it  was 
evident  that  her  partiality  made  her  quite  well  satisfied. 
Indeed  if  she  was  as.  much  so  as  I  was  with  her  carriage  during 
our  walk,  she  must  surely  have  been  contented.  The  kind 
compliments  of  our  most  intimate  friends,  and  the  accounts 
we  received  of  the  expressions  of  others  were  so  flattering  that 
they  produced  more  satisfaction  than  we  chose  to  express  to 
others.  If  I  acknowledge,  in  the  confidence  of  the  domestic 
circle,  these  little  streaks  of  vanity  when  we  were  young, 
hopeful  and  ambitious  of  such  opinions  as  we  heard  expressed, 
am  I  acknowledging  more  than  others  feel  at  that  time  of  life 
and  under  such  circumstances,  though  they  be  less  willing  to 
acknowledge  it  now  than  they  will  be  a  third  of  a  century 
hence,  when  those  feelings  shall  have  become  displaced  by 
others,  though  a  pleasant  memory  of  them  may  remain  ?  After 
so  many  years  have  intervened,  with  the  teeming  scenes  of  an 
eventful  life,  when  other  thoughts,  other  ambitions,  and  I  may 
add,  other  successes,  induce  expression  of  other  approbations 
—  after  old  events  have  long  transpired,  new  events  have 
intervened,  and  new  surroundings  have  placed  us  on  new  and 
different  standpoints,  then  we  may  look  back  on  our  own 


My  Last  Visit.  129 

feelings  and  conduct  as  if  they  had  been  the  feelings  and 
conduct  of  other  persons.  In  the  course  of  time  we  become, 
in  a  measure,  new  beings,  and  may  more  fairly  become  the 
censors  of  our  former  selves ;  and  so  we  may  with  the  more 
propriety  speak  of  our  early  lives  with  a  freedom  which 
would  have  lacked  somewhat  of  propriety  at  the  time.  Hence 
it  is  that  I  have  allowed  myself  to  speak  of  our  feelings  and 
our  actions  then  more  as  if  speaking  of  third  persons  and  in 
a  way  that  would  not  have  been  admissible  at  that  time. 

I  now  think  that  we  were  justified  in  the  belief  that  we  made 
as  fine  an  appearance  in  the  street  as  any  couple  to  be  often  met 
with,  and  when  each  commended  the  appearance  of  the  other 
there  was  at  least  a  tacit  recognition  of  this  fact  by  both,  and 
so  we  really  believed  that  the  expressions  of  admiration  by 
others,  which  somehow  reached  us,  although  very  grateful,  as 
was  most  natural,  did  us  no  more  than  justice.  I  need  the 
same  apology  for  the  way  in  which  I  have  spoken  of  my 
former  self  in  many  places.  If  I  thought  it  then  I  could  not 
have  said  it  with  the  same  propriety  as  now. 

When  in  the  outskirts  of  the  town  and  beyond  the 
observation  of  others,  we  walked  more  slowly,  that  we  might 
talk  more  familiarly  and  confidentially  than  when  we  felt 
called  upon  to  assume  a  more  dignified  mien  from  the  con- 
sciousness that  we  were  observed  by  others.  I  was  rather 
amused  in  the  course  of  this  walk,  when  the  lace  of  one  of  her 
boots  got  untied  and  I  offered  to  arrange  it  for  her,  she  thanked 
me  and  said  she  would  not  trouble  me,  and  stooped  down  and 
fixed  it  so  quietly,  that  I  suspected  she  only  tucked  it  within 
the  boot  without  re-tying ;  but  I  did  not  scrutinize  the  job  so  as 


130  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

to  verify  my  suspicions,  although  ladies  at  that  time  wore  much 
shorter  walking  dresses  than  they  do  now,  so  that  a  close 
observation  would  have  told  whether  the  boot  was  well  laced 
or  not.  It  was  my  place  and  my  pleasure  not  to  be  behind  her 
in  delicacy,  and  so  no  other  allusion  was  made  to  the  subject 
—  till  long  after.  If  I  was  rather  pleased  with  this  manifesta- 
tion of  delicacy,  which  others  might  have  thought  over-sen- 
sitiveness, I  was  greatly  gratified  to  learn  from  the  act 
that  she  was  so  dressed  that  she  could  stoop  to  reach  her  foot 
with  as  much  freedom  and  ease  as  I  could  have  done.  Here  I 
had  a  new  evidence  of  her  good  sense,  which  was  to  me  a  new 
source  of  admiration.  While  a  waist,  not  so  contracted  as  to 
suggest  the  idea  of  weakness  or  constraint,  which  young  ladies 
too  often  persuade  themselves  is  so  attractive  to  the  other  sex, 
and  is  often  the  subject  of  rude  remarks,  induced  by  a  feeling 
of  disgust  at  an  exhibition,  of  artificial  deformity,  had  told  me 
plainly  that  no  such  false  notions  were  entertained  by  her,  yet 
I  now  knew,  also,  that  her  form  was  not  brought  to  its  perfect 
proportion  by  undue  constraint  made  necessary  by  too  much 
fullness  in  the  waist  for  perfect  symmetry.  After  all,  I  hardly 
needed  this  proof,  for  her  every  motion  and  action  since  the  first 
moment  I  saw  her  told  me  that  there  was  nature  unoppressed 
and  free,  which  accounted  in  a  great  measure  for  her  vigorous 
constitution  and  robust  health,  she  having  hardly  been  sick  a 
day  in  her  whole  life.  If  this  walk  has  been  long  enough,  we 
will  close  it  here. 

At  that  time  clergymen  had  to  earn  their  living  by  harder 
work  than  is  thought  profitable  to  impose  on  them  now.  A 
regular  service  was  deemed  necessary  morning,  afternoon  and 


The  Last  Good-Xight.  131 

evening,  in  order  to  afford  the  people  what  was  deemed 
necessary  religious  instruction.  I  had  received  notice  from 
my  friend  Tom  Williams,  of  Vernon,  that  he  would  be  unable 
to  serve  me  as  groomsman,  so  it  became  necessary  to  procure 
a  substitute.  Mr.  A.  K.  Hadly,  now  a  lawyer  of  distinction, 
who  has  been  practicing  nearly  ever  since  at  Albany,  N.  Y., 
and  who  was  an  acquaintance  of  the  family,  called  that 
evening,  and  it  was  arranged  that  he  should  take  Mr.  Williams' 
place,  with  Miss  Emily  as  bridesmaid,  and  that  Mr.  B.  P.  Bub- 
cock,  who  was  a  native  of,  and  at  that  time  resided  in,  the 
town,  but  for  the  last  twenty  years  has  been  a  distinguished 
citizen  of  Livingston  county,  in  this  State,  should  officiate  in 
a  like  capacity  with  Miss  Hannah  Dean  for  his  partner.  Mr. 
Hadly  joined  our  party,  and  escorted  Miss  Emily  to  the  church 
that  evening. 

THE   LAST  GOOD -NIGHT. 

As  this  was  the  last  evening  I  expected  to  spend  with  Miss 
Sherrill,  I  really  thought  that  for  my  part  I  could  have  profit- 
ably dispensed  with  the  services  at  the  church,  but  I  did  not 
venture  the  suggestion,  and  if  another  entertained  any  such 
feeling,  she  was  still  less  inclined  to  say  so.  However,  after 
we  returned  from  service,  we  managed  to  get  a  good  hour 
together,  and  when  we  parted  I  ventured  to  express  the  hope 
that  it  was  the  last  good-night  greeting  I  should  ever  give  her  on 
separating,  for  it  had  been  arranged  that  when  I  should  leave 
in  the  morning  I  should  not  see  her  again  till  I  should  come 
finally  on  Tuesday  for  the  great  event. 


132  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

THE  PARSON  SUMMONED. 

On  Monday  morning  I  wrote  a  note  to  the  Rev.  Mr.  Searls, 
requesting  his  services  on  the  evening  of  the  next  day,  at  the 
house  of  Jacob  Sherrill,  Esq.,  to  join,  etc.,  and  left  it  with  Miss 
Laura  to  be  forwarded,  after  having  shown  her  the  contents 
and  requested  her  suggestions  as  to  its  form,  for  I  assumed 
that  the  substance  was  satisfactory.  Now,  that  the  writing 
materials  were  there,  I  intimated  that  I  would  very  much  like 
to  see  how  her  name  would  look  with  Caton  added  to  it, 
written  by  herself,  for  I  confessed  I  knew  how  it  looked  when 
written  by  me,  and  that  I  must  say  I  thought  it  an  improve- 
ment. She  would  not  deny  that  she  had  seen  the  name  so 
written,  but  compelled  me  to  suspend  my  curiosity  for  a  while 
longer;  then  she  would  gladly  show  me.  I  wish  I  could 
remember  on  what  occasion  I  first  saw  the  name  so  written  by 
her.  I  would  now  give  a  large  sum  for  that  autograph. 

MY   LAST  PARTING  WITH   MISS   SHERRILL. 

Still  it  was  hard  to  drive  away  the  serious  aspect  of  the 
situation  by  any  attempt  at  playfulness  or  levity,  for  the 
remembrance  of  the  fact  was  all  the  while  present  that  we 
were  now  making  our  last  visit  together.  Our  subsequent 
meetings  could  never  be  called  by  the  distant  and  formal 
name  of  visits.  Our  meetings  after  would  always  bear  a 
different  and  a  nearer  name.  It  was  arranged  that  we  should 
never  meet  again  till  we  met  in  our  .marriage  garments.  Is  it 
strange,  then,  that  we  lingered  long  before  we  could  resolve  to 
separate  thus  ?  Is  it  strange  that  we  separated,  then,  with  still 


My  Last  Parting  with  Miss  Sherrill.  133 

new  feelings,  differing  from  any  we  had  experienced  at  any 
other  parting  ?  How  could  we  avoid  anticipating  our  sensa- 
tions when  we  should  the  next  day  meet  thus  arrayed  and  in 
the  presence  of  others?  Our  interview  was  prolonged  till 
toward  noon,  and  when  we  did  separate,  the  subdued  light  of 
the  parlor  could  not  hide  the  moistened  eye,  the  blanched 
cheek  and  the  quivering  lips  and  the  heaving  bosom  that 
testified  to  the  hard  struggle  within.  Nor  did  I  feel  less  affected. 
Words  had  lost  their  power  to  express  sensibilities,  so  few  were 
spoken  at  the  last  and  those  alone  in  whispers.  The  parting 
itself  was  delayed  till  it  actually  became  cruelty  to  both,  but  it 
came  at  last  and  it  was  over.  I  left  her  leaning  on  the  sofa, 
and  dare  not  look  back  even  from  the  door,  lest  my  resolution 
should  fail  me  and  I  should  return  to  her  again.  My  heart 
sank  within  me,  and  I  felt  that  my  boasted  firmness  had 
almost  forsaken  me.  Whatever  you  may  think,  I  know  it  was 
a  trying  place.  Had  I  loved  her  less,  the  trial  would  have 
been  less.  I  even  allowed  fears  to  torture  me,  that  something 
might  intervene  before  the  morrow's  evening  to  rob  me  of  the 
bliss  I  hoped  for  —  fears  that  never  before  had  I  allowed  to 
trouble  me.  I  know  it  was  an  unworthy  weakness,  but  who 
have  lived  without  weak  moments?  And  yet  in  emergency  it 
is  most  fitting  that  we  show  our  manliness.  But  manhood 
might  give  way  in  other  trials,  with  consequences  to  be  more 
regretted.  After  all,  no  great  harm  was  done  by  my  temporary 
weakness,  for  I  soon  regained  my  self-control,  and  before  I 
met  another  face  I  was  myself  again. 

It  has  ever  been  to  me  among  the  unaccountables,  why  we 
should  have  both  been  thus  affected  at  this  last  meeting  and 


134  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

last  parting  before  our  marriage.  It  does  seem  as  if  it  would 
have  been  more  fitting  and  more  natural  that  our  hearts 
should  have  been  full  of  a  less  depressing  gladness  at  the 
thought  that  we  should  so  soon  meet  to  part  no  more  as  we 
then  were.  It  would  seem  that  joy  should  have  reigned 
supreme  at  the  thought  that  the  longing  desire  of  our  hearts 
would  be  so  soon  consummated  by  our  indissoluble  union. 
But  it  was  not  sorrow,  though  I  fear  I  have  conveyed  that  idea. 
I  can  hardly  define  the  feeling.  It  was  rather  anxiety  and 
solicitude  which  at  the  time  was  depressing,  though  it  is  strange 
that  the  joy  of  hopes  so  soon  to  be  realized  did  not  in  a 
moment  banish  the  depression,  and  leave  all  bright  and 
jubilant. 

I  made  my  way  to  Utica,  where  I  spent  the  rest  of  the  day 
v/ith  my  dear  mother,  with  whom  I  could  console  myself  for 
the  want  of  the  society  of  one  whom  I  loved  no  more,  for  I 
could  love  no  one  more,  than  I  did  her  on  whose  bosom  I 
had  slept  in  infancy,  but  it  was  love  of  a  different  character 
altogether. 

OF  THE  ANALYSIS   OF   LOVE. 

I  do  not  know  that  any  one  has  ever  attempted  to  analyze 
the  different  kinds  of  love  of  which  the  human  heart  is 
susceptible.  Still  I  do  not  think  it  would  be  an  impossible  task 
so  as  to  give  their  different  elements,  emotions  and  impulses, 
the  motives  which  induce  them  or  the  fountains  whence  they 
flow.  We  should  find  them  divided  into  various  classes, 
of  varied  intensity,  sometimes  in  harmony  and  sometimes 
hostile  to  each  other.  Our  love  to  God ;  conjugal  and  its 


The  Night  Before.  135 

antecedent  love  ;  parental  love  and  filial  love  ;  fraternal  love 
and  the  love  for  children  generally,  which  some  of  us  feel  as  a 
gushing  impulse  of  the  heart ;  love  for  our  fellow-men ;  love 
of  country  and  our  native  land;  love  for  good  in  every  form 
and  shape ;  love  for  the  beautiful  in  nature  and  in  art ;  for  the 
harmony  of  music  ;  and  love  for  pets  prompted  by  a  peculiar 
sympathy.  All  these  and  many  more  find  separate  places  in 
our  hearts,  and  are  not  necessarily  hostile,  but  frequently 
augment  and  support  each  ether.  There  are  other  loves,  at  the 
head  of  which  stands  love  of  self,  which  array  themselves 
against  and  always  war  with  all  other  loves.  I  say  it  might 
not  be  difficult  to  analyze  the  human  heart,  so  as  to  pick  them 
thread  by  thread  from  the  woof  of  our  human  nature,  so  that 
we  could  individually  examine  each,  and  trace  it  back  to  the 
base  from  whence  it  comes,  and  compare  all  with  each  other, 
and  study  their  harmony  or  hostility;  but  I  am  so  anxious  to 
have  this  wedding  happily  over  that  I  shall  at  this  time  at  least 
forego  the  temptation  to  enter  upon  this  dissertation,  fearing 
that  a  certain  lovely  girl  might  get  tired  of  waiting  for  me. 
Besides,  if  I  hasten  to  the  wedding  so  slowly,  I  fear  you  will 
think  I  am  not  so  anxious  for  the  arrival  of  the  happy  moment 
as  I  have  appeared  to  be,  and  that  my  ecstacy  at  the  thought 
of  its  approach  is  in  part  at  least  assumed.  Now  no  suspicion 
could  do  me  greater  injustice.  I  actually  counted  the  minutes, 
while  I  contrived  a  thousand  ways  to  get  them  by  unnoticed. 

THE  NIGHT   BEFORE. 

A  long  walk  at  evening  helped  to  dispose  of  an  hour,  but 
there  was  the  long  tedious  night  before  me,  and  how  was  that 


136  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

to  be  disposed  of?  Finally  I  retired,  but  my  mind  was  too 
much  occupied  to  invite  sleep.  A  little  reflection  told  me  that 
I  was  not  acting  a  very  wise  or  manly  part  to  make  myself  so 
uncomfortable,  when  I  should  be  really  happy,  and  if  I 
allowed  myself  to  be  thus  excited  all  night  long  I  should  make 
but  a  very  indifferent  appearance  on  the  morrow.  I  must 
expel  the  subject  from  my  mind  and  go  to  sleep,  and  I  did  so. 

FRIENDS  —  THEIR   DISCIPLINE. 

I  awoke  in  the  morning  refreshed  and  in  fine  spirits.  I 
arose  and  completed  such  arrangements  as  were  necessary. 
During  the  forenoon  I  sent  my  trunks  to  New  Hartford.  I 
spent  most  of  the  time  with  my  mother.  She  could  not  con- 
sistently, with  the  Discipline  of  Friends,  be  present  at  my 
marriage.  That  a  member  of  that  order  shall  not  witness  a 
marriage  ceremony  solemenized  in  any  other  mode  than  that 
prescribed  by  its  own  rules,  is  no  doubt  a  very  unreasonable 
law,  but  it  was  not  for  me  to  question  it  with  her.  Whether 
her  judgment  approved  it,  or  whether  she  conformed  to  it 
simply  because  it  was  the  law  of  the  church,  I  never  ventured 
to  inquire.  So  long  as  she  felt  it  her  duty  to  observe  it,  it  was 
my  duty  to  acquiesce,  however  painful  it  might  be. to  me.  I 
was  very  thankful  that  she  found  no  such  arbitrary  rule  requir- 
ing her  to  withhold  her  consent  to  my  marriage  to  one  not  a 
member  of  the  church.  As  both  my  parents  were  Friends 
when  I  was  born,  that,  according  to  the  rules  of  the  denomina- 
tion, made  me  a  birth-right  member  in  full  standing,  until  for 
some  misconduct  or  breach  of  discipline,  I  should  be  disowned, 
which  would  cut  me  off  from  the  church  and  all  its  privileges. 


Friends —  Their  Discipline. 


137 


The  marriage  I  was  about  to  contract  would  be  a  breach  of 
discipline,  which  would  justify  such  act,  but  they  are  scrupu- 
lously just  in  the  administration  of  their  laws.  A  regular 
complaint  had  to  be  made  and  a  committee  appointed  whose 
duty  it  would  be  to  wait  on  the  supposed  delinquent,  and  hear 
his  explanation  or  defense.  I  do  not  know  how  much  contri- 
tion must  be  shown  in  such  a  case  as  mine  to  avoid  the  extreme 
penalty,  but  presume  the  offense  was  looked  upon  as  rather 
venial,  and  that  very  slight  atonement  would  condone  it,  if 
only  the  offender  expressed  a  desire  to  continue  his  former 
church  relations.  Indeed,  the  matter  can  not  but  be  regarded 
as  a  very  delicate  affair,  for  it  would  be  asking  more  than  any 
man  worthy  of  the  name  would  be  willing  to  say,  to  confess 
that  he  was  sorry  that  he  had  married  the  woman  of  his  choice, 
and  the  only  one  in  the  world  with  whom  he  thought  he  could 
live  happily.  Probably  it  would  be  deemed  sufficient  if  he 
should  express  regret  that  the  object  of  his  choice  had  not  been 
so  fortunate  as  he  had,  to  be  born  in  the  bosom  of  the  church, 
and  that  he  still  desired  to  continue  his  membership,  firmly 
believing  its  essential  doctrines  to  be  the  true  religion.  How- 
ever this  may  be,  they  could  cut  no  one  off  as  an  infected 
branch  of  the  true  vine  without  this  regular  and  formal  trial, 
and  as  I  have  ever  since  been  out  of  the  territorial  jurisdiction 
of  the  "  Monthly  Meeting  "  to  which  I  belonged,  I  have  never 
been  waited  upon  by  such  committee,  even  if  any  complaint 
was  ever  made  or  notice  taken  of  my  breach  of  discipline  ;  so 
I  am  now  and  ever  have  been  a  regular  member  in  full  stand- 
ing of  the  religious  society  of  Friends.  It  is  hardly  necessary 
to  say  that  had  I  been  labored  with,  I  should  have  probably 


138  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

expressed  so  much  contentment  with  my  choice,  that  it  would 
have  been  very  difficult  to  find  sufficient  evidence  of  penitence 
to  excuse  them  from  the  duty  of  cutting  me  off — or  disowning 
me. 

CONDUCT   AND   TENETS   OF   FRIENDS. 

During  the  life  of  my  mother,  I  had  extensive  facilities  for 
judging  of  this  denomination  of  Christians,  and  I  unqualifiedly 
express  the  opinion  that  it  contained  as  much  real  piety — as 
much  sincere  religion,  as  any  other,  in  proportion  to  its  num- 
bers. None  are  more  sincere  in  their  belief;  none  are  more 
influenced  by  conscientious  convictions  of  the  right;  none  will 
make  greater  sacrifices  for  the  cause  which  they  profess  ;  none 
are  more  charitable;  none  are  more  scrupulously  upright  in 
their  dealings ;  none  will  suffer  more  for  the  truth,  as  they 
believe  it.  While  I  have  ever  believed  that  many  of  their 
rules  of  discipline,  which  they  elevate  almost  to  the  standard 
of  articles  of  faith,  are  impolitic,  unjust,  and  scarcely  in  har- 
mony with  true  religion,  as  I  have  always  comprehended  it, 
those  religious  tenets,  which  should  be  really  regarded  as  such, 
harmonize  in  all  essential  particulars  with  those  of  other  de- 
nominations, usually  designated  Evangelical  Christians,  with 
the  exception  of  what  is  known  as  the  Sacraments,  which  they 
look  upon  as  a  sort  of  form-worship,  like  the  adoration  of  the 
Mother  and  the  worship  of  Saints.  They  believe  that  all  such 
forms  and  symbols  were  finished  and  ended  with  Christ,  whose 
true  service  is  purely  spiritual; — that  the  supper  is  a  spiritual 

supper,  and  the  baptism  is  the  baptism  of  the  spirit  only.     To 

* 
one  who  so  reads   and   understands   the    Holy  Scriptures,  it 


Conduct  and  Tenets  of  Friends.  139 

would  be  a  dreadful  mockery  and  an  abomination  to  conform 
to  that  ceremonious  worship,  which  is  so  consoling  to  others, 
who  believe  it  an  imperative  duty,  if  not  a  saving  work,  to 
observe  it.  Is  there  any  Protestant  more  earnest  and 
sincere  in  the  observance  of  what  he  calls  the  Sacraments 
than  is  the  earnest  Catholic,  who  addresses  his  devotions  to 
his  patron  saint?  And  yet,  were  he  constrained  to  conform  to 
the  sincere  belief  of  the  latter  he  would  feel  that  he  was 
forced  to  commit  a  great  sin,  and  should  he  do  it  voluntarily, 
he  would  feel  convicted  of  hypocrisy,  amounting  almost  to 
the  unpardonable  sin.  May  he  not  then  suppose  that  others 
may  have  consciences  as  tender  as  his  own,  and  not  condemn 
them  as  unworthy  the  precincts  of  heaven,  because  in  the 
Reformation  they  have  gone  a  little  further  in  their  departure 
from  the  forms  of  the  ancient  Church,  and  discarded,  as  alike 
inconsistent  with  the  teachings  of  Christ,  all  form-worship  and 
symbolic  sacrifices,  and  believe  in  the  supreme  reign  of  the 
Holy  Spirit?  So  long  as  universal  observation  and  experience 
show  that  men  of  equal  capacity  to  judge,  of  equal  means  of 
knowledge,  and  equally  desirous  to  find  the  truth,  often  under- 
stand the  Scriptures  in  senses  quite  opposite  to  each  other, 
should  not  each  one,  in  charity,  admit  that  he  may  possibly  be 
a  little  wrong,  and  his  brother  some  times  a  little  right,  rather 
than  send  all  to  hell  who  can  not  see  the  road  by  the  light  of 
his  lantern  ?  Which  is  obstinate  bigotry  ?  Which  is  Christian 
charity  ? 

My  mother,  then,  could  not  be  present  at  my  marriage 
consistently  with  her  sense  of  duty,  and  it  did  not  become  me 
to  wrestle  with  her  convictions.  Her  whole  life  had  shown 


140  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

me  that  no  more  devoted  Christian  ever  lived.  Her  conscience 
was  as  sensitive  as  the  apple  of  her  eye,  and  while  her  soul 
was  full  of  charity  for  others,  she  must  be  allowed  to  entertain 
her  own  belief  of  duty,  and  to  conform  to  it  in  her  actions. 

I   START  —  THE   WAY   TO   THE  WEDDING. 

It  was  arranged  that  on  the  morrow,  after  returning  from 
Commencement,  I  should  come  down  and  introduce  to  my 
mother  my  bride  and  make  our  parting  visit,  for  on  the  morn- 
ing following  we  were  to  start  for  our  Western  home.  I 
had  desired  to  introduce  them  long  before,  but  my  mother 
always  excused  herself,  assuring  me  that  she  already  loved 
her  well  because  I  loved  her,  and  because  from  all  she  heard 
she  believed  her  to  be  so  worthy.  Whether  this  course  was 
dictated  by  any  sense  of  duty  connected  with  her  church 
relations  I  know  not ;  yet  I  could  then  and  can  now  imagine 
none  other,  and  I  did  not  feel  at  liberty  to  press  her  on  the 
subject.  She  had  that  air  of  mild  dignity,  without  the  least 
austerity,  which  inspired  a  reverence  that  forbade  a  single 
question  of  the  propriety  of  her  final  resolutions. 

Sometime  after  dinner,  I  kissed  my  mother  a  warm  good-by, 
embraced  my  little  niece  who  hung  about  my  neck  till  I  had 
often  promised  that  I  would  bring  her  new  aunt  Lora  to  see 
her  the  next  day.  I  then  went  to  the  livery  stable  and  ordered 
a  carriage  to  be  at  Mr.  Sherrill's  on  the  next  morning,  and 
then  repaired  to  my  barber's,  who  did  his  best  to  make  me 
presentable.  He  knew  the  importance  of  the  occasion,  and 
from  the  time  he  took  must  have  exhausted  all  his  art.  He 
worked  away  till  he  almost  dug  the  beard  out  by  the  roots,  so 


I  Start — The  Way  to  the  Wedding.  141 

that  the  cuticle  closed  over  it,  and  I  suffered  from  it  the  next 
day  when  it  grew  out  again.  When  he  had  finished  no  infant 
had  a  smoother  or  a  softer  face  than  mine.  I  believe  the 
malicious  dog  knew  well  what  would  be  the  result,  but  even 
had  I  known  it  I  fear  I  should  not  have  told  him  to  abate  any 
of  his  efforts. 

When  the  bath  was  finished  and  I  could  think  of  no  more 
to  improve  my  person,  and  could  contrive  no  way  to  while 
away  another  minute,  except  in  sheer  idleness,  which  at  that 
time  would  have  been  worse  than  torture,  I  finally  took  my 
seat  in  a  stage  coach,  and  set  my  face  toward  New  Hartford. 
If  there  were  other  passengers  on  board  I  do  not  remember  it, 
even  if  I  knew  it  at  the  time.  The  way  was  along  the  same 
road  I  had  often  traveled  from  boyhood.  Over  it  I  had  driven 
the  loaded  team,  beside  which  I  walked  with  the  whip  under 
my  arm.  It  was  the  same  road  I  walked  when  I  had  gone  to 
the  church  to  get  a  glimpse  of  her  I  was  then  going  to  marry, 
and  who  that  very  evening  would  be  my  wife,  and  it  was  the 
same  over  which  I  had  slowly  returned  two  years  before,  after 
the  Sunday  School  scene  which  I  have  related.  Every  house 
and  every  tree,  every  meadow,  every  lawn  and  every  distant 
hill,  had  been  familiar  to  me,  and  almost  all  were  associated 
with  her  name  and  form,  for  at  some  time  when  I  had  looked 
at  each  I  had  thought  of  her,  and  so  was  established  that  asso- 
ciation, and  so  was  each  telling  me  how  much  I  had  thought 
of  her  in  former  times,  and  what  had  been  my  meditations 
then.  So  did  they  bring  up  other  associations  of  earlier 
times ;  if  less  pleasing  and  exciting,  they  were  of  more  quiet 
if  not  contentment.  I  had  enough  to  think  of  then  durintr 


142  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

that  short  four  mile  ride  through  that  sweet  valley,  filled  with 
fragrant  meadows  and  flower  gardens,  so  that  the  road  did  not 
seem  long. 

MY   ARRIVAL  —  SOME  THOUGHTS  —  MY   TOILET. 

I  arrived  at  New  Hartford  perhaps  by  five  o'clock,  at  least 
an  hour  earlier  than  was  necessary.  I  was  shown  directly  to 
the  East  chamber,  where  I  found  my  trunks  and  everything  in 
perfect  order  to  make  my  toilet.  Although  the  house  seemed 
still,  yet  I  could  hear  the  tread  of  rapid  feet,  and  the  note  of 
the  preparation  that  was  going  on.  I  knew  the  house  was  full 
of  ladies,  and  I  felt  I  was  occupying  more  room  than  belonged 
to  me  ;  yet  it  must  be  so,  for  I  could  not  mingle  with  those  so 
busy,  should  I  finish  my  toilet  in  fifteen  minutes.  It  was  still 
nearly  three  hours  to  eight  o'clock,  and  I  must  remain  a 
prisoner  all  that  time.  Little  Jimmy  called  in  a  few  times  to 
inquire  if  I  wanted  anything,  and  I  detained  him  as  long  as  I 
could  for  his  company,  but  he  soon  hastened  away  as  if  he  had 
a  report  to  make.  I  could  write  a  book  of  what  I  thought  and 
how  I  felt  that  long  tedious  while,  during  which  I  could  have 
dressed  ten  times  or  more,  but  I  have  already  more  than 
exhausted  all  your  patience  in  similar  descriptions,  although 
on  each  occasion  the  situation  has  been  a  little  different,  and 
so  it  was  now,  and  calculated  to  inspire  new  thoughts  and 
different  shades  of  sensibilities,  so  I  shall  say  but  little  of  them 
here. 

I  felt  it  would  be  very  pleasant  to  be  with  my  Laura,  if  but 
for  a  single  half  hour  of  this  lone  time,  and  yet  my  judgment 
told  me  it  was  better  as  it  was.  Miss  Laura  (it  may  be  this  is 


My  Arriral — Some  Thoughts— My  Toilet.  143 

the  last  time  I  shall  write  it  so)  had  enough  to  do  and  enough  to 
think  of  without  entertaining  me,  however  much  she  might 
have  wished  to  do  so.  I  knew  I  had  a  lesson  of  self-denial  to 
learn,  even  in  regard  to  her  who  was  so  soon  to  be  my  wife,  and 
the  more  I  should  practice  it  cheerfully  and  contentedly,  so 
much  the  better  for  us  both.  As  you  have  seen,  I  had  acted 
with  this  same  thought  in  view  from  the  very  beginning,  and 
resolved  anew  never  to  play  the  part  of  the  spoiled  child,  and 
allow  my  inclinations  to  control  my  reason.  This  very  self- 
denial,  whenever  dictated  by  the  judgment,  is  one  of  the  great 
practical  lessons  of  life,  which  no  one  can  learn  too  well,  and 
is  indispensable  to  any  measure  of  success.  Nay,  it  serves  as 
a  condiment  to  life's  enjoyments,  without  which  they  might 
become  satiety.  Can  he  who  never  gets  hungry  enjoy  the 
banquet,  however  rich  may  be  the  feast  ?  To  learn  never  to 
repine  at  temporary  self-denial,  is  to  learn  how  to  avoid  dis- 
content; but  more,  it  learns  us  how  to  spice  our  happiness, 
and  gives  a  new  zest  to  joy  itself.  So  I  then  schooled  myself, 
as  I  often  had  before,  and  so  have  I  ever  since,  and  so  would 
I  recommend  to  all  who  would  be  truly  happy.  The  road  of 
life  must  have  its  jolts  and  jars,  which  we  must  look  upon  as 
necessary  to  promote  digestion  and  make  us  healthy,  strong 
and  vigorous. 

And  so  I  whiled  away  my  time,  which  never  moved  so 
slowly.  Long  habit  had  made  it  tedious  to  consume  an  hour 
or  two  in  dressing.  At  last  my  toilet  was  finished,  and  I  could 
think  of  nothing  more  to  help  the  outer  man.  Black  pants 
and  swallow-tail  coat,  of  the  finest  broadcloth,  and  of  the 
nicest  fit  Solomon  Lincoln  could  make  —  for  I  felt  a  little 


144  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

ambition  to  show  that  Chicago  even  then  could  afford  a  good 
tailor.  The  pearl-white  vest,  which  I  had  procured  in  Detroit, 
on  my  way  down — white  silk  stockings,  and  a  pair  of  low- 
quartered  seal-skin  shoes — which  was  then  the  fashion  for 
such  occasions  —  completed  my  outer  covering,  save  the  white 
kid  gloves,  which  I  drew  on,  and  then  removed  several  times, 
that  the  groomsman's  task  might  be  easily  performed  when 
the  time  should  come.  As  other  silly  people  sometimes  do,  I 
had  got  my  shoes  a  size  too  small,  so  that  it  required  great 
effort  to  get  them  on,  and  then  I  limped  across  the  floor  many 
times  to  stretch  them,  till  I  could  endure  the  pain  of  wearing 
them.  A  fine  linen  shirt,  with  a  full  ruffle  in  front,  and  a 
broad  collar,  which  turned  over  almost  to  my  shoulders,  and  a 
white  silk  cravat,  finished  up  that  department  of  my  dress.  I 
had  never  worn  any  jewelry  excepting  a  pin,  a  little  golden 
key,  in  the  bosom  of  my  shirt.  I  first  inserted  this  in  the 
ruffle,  and  then  removed  it,  and  for  the  last  time,  and  oblite- 
rated every  mark  that  would  show  that  it  had  ever  been  there. 
Though  perhaps  I  should  not  say  it,  yet  I  will  avow  it,  while 
I  was  thus  occupied  alone,  sometimes  an  inquiring  thought 
would  stray  away  to  some  other  chamber — I  wondered  where 
—  to  imagine  how  another  toilet  was  progressing.  The  returns 
were  very  unsatisfactory,  for  to  me,  as  yet,  a  lady's  toilet  was 
a  sealed  volume.  If  others  are  allowed  to  learn  a  little  from 
their  sisters,  I  had  been  with  mine  so  seldom  since  we  were 
children,  that  I  had  learned  nothing  of  the  art  or  process,  and 
hardly  knew  the  names  of  half  of  a  lady's  garments,  much 
less  the  mysterious  process  by  which  they  could  be  adjusted 
and  made  so  becoming  as  they  seemed  to  me.  Certainly,  they 


Our  Meeting  in  Full  Attire.  145 

did  not  grow  there,  for  they  were  often  changed;  but  how? 
That  was  as  great  a  mystery  to  me  as  the  most  occult  science 
could  ever  be  to  a  sheer  barbarian.  No  doubt  she,  of  whom  I 
thought,  was  surrounded  by  half  a  dozen,  pulling  and  tugging 
to  get  things  to  rights,  but  how,  I  never  could  imagine.  But 
stop !  as  yet  it  was  none  of  my  business.  I  had  no  right  to 
know  or  think  about  it,  and  I  shrunk  within  myself,  rebuked, 
but  with  the  whispered  promise  that  soon  I  should  be  initiated 
into  all  the  mysteries  of  that  hidden  world,  and  might,  ere 
long,  be  called  upon  to  help,  when  other  and  better  help  could 
not  be  had.  Zounds!  thought  I,  I  will  do  the  best  I  can,  if  I 
prick  every  finger  till  it  bleeds.  Yes,  I  even  felt  anxious  to  be 
a  martyr  in  such  a  glorious  cause,  and  shed  my  blood,  if  need 
be,  to  prove  my  zeal,  though  thereby,  also,  I  should  prove  my 
awkwardness. 

OUR   MEETING   IN   FULL  ATTIRE. 

At  length  one  of  the  groomsmen  made  his  appearance  to 
see  how  I  was  progressing.  I  assured  him  I  was  now  ready 
for  any  enterprise  of  good  promise,  and  inquired  how  things 
were  progressing  elsewhere.  He  said  that  he  learned  the 
ladies  were  nearly  ready  ;  that  the  parson  was  quietly  talking 
with  uncle  Jacob  on  the  front  porch,  and  that  the  guests  were 
already  beginning  to  arrive  ;  that  the  good  people  of  that  place 
were  always  prompt  at  weddings,  if  never  at  other  times.  I 
assured  him  that  they  could  not  be  too  prompt  for  me.  He 
led  the  way  down  the  back  stairs  to  the  dining-room,  which 
had  been  reserved  for  the  assembling  of  the  bridal  party.  We 
were  the  first  to  enter  it,  but  were  soon  joined  by  the  other 


146  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

• 
groomsman.      We   had  not  long  to   wait  till  a  rustling   was 

heard,  by  the  way  we  had  come,  and  in  a  moment  the  door, 
which  was  standing  ajar,  opened  wider  and  half  a  dozen  ladies 
entered,  with  Miss  Julia  at  the  head.  It  was  a  brilliant  sight 
surely.  This  meeting  was  so  arranged  as  to  occur  when  the 
light  of  day  had  become  a  little  mellowed  by  the  approach  of 
evening,  and  before  the  lights  had  been  brought  in.  Perhaps 
it  was  thought  best  that  our  meeting  then  should  not  be  in  too 
strong  a  light.  But  such  precautions  were  unnecessary. 
There  was  no  danger  of  a  scene  when  I  should  thus  meet  my 
bride  all  dressed  for  the  occasion.  In  the  presence  of  others, 
I  chose  to  manifest  no  excitement  or  enthusiasm  ;  then  a 
proper  decorum  must  be  maintained.  Miss  Julia  kissed  me 
first,  then  all  the  ladies  round,  for  all  were  sisters  now  (almost  >, 
except  Miss  Dean,  who  was  my  cousin.  It  was  a  very  con- 
siderate way  to  let  me  kiss  my  own  without  marking  the 
circumstance.  As  I  took  her  hand  I  slipped  into  it  the  little 
golden  key,  which  was  the  pin  she  had  always  seen  in  the 
bosom  of  my  shirt,  and  when  she  saw  what  it  was  and  observed 
that  it  was  missing  from  its  former  place,  she  comprehended 
the  token.  I  intended  that  she  should  understand  that  now 
she  held  the  key  to  all  my  confidence,  all  my  love,  and  to  all 
my  treasure.  So  she  understood  it,  and  so  has  she  ever  held 
it,  and  to  no  truer,  no  more  faithful,  or  more  devoted  hand  was 
key  ever  intrusted. 

THE  TOILETS   OF  THE   BRIDESMAIDS   AND   OF   THE   BRIDE. 

Now  I  suppose  it  will  be  expected  that  I  shall  describe  how 
the  bridesmaids  and  the  bride  were  dressed,  and  this  may  be 


The  Toilets  of  the  Bridesmaids  and  of  the  Bride.       147 

but  reasonable,  especially  since  I  have  inserted  so  many  other 
things  of  far  less  interest,  to  most  young  people  at  least.  Yet 
I  am  the  least  qualified  for  this  of  any  task  which  could 
possibly  be  assigned  me.  I  was  never  a  close  observer  of  a 
lady's  costume,  and  rarer  still  have  I  studied  it  in  detail,  if 
indeed  I  ever  did.  Most  of  all  was  I  then  least  likely  to  make 
such  note.  I  knew  well  enough  the  general  effect  was  pleasing, 
but  whether  it  was  the  blue,  white  or  green  that  pleased  me,  I 
never  stopped  to  question  ;  I  doubt  if  the  next  morning  I  could 
have  told  of  what  color  was  the  bridal  dress,  or  what  was  worn 
by  the  bridesmaids.  They  were  all  beautiful  girls,  and  I  knew 
they  were  beautifully  arrayed.  There  was  a  harmony  through- 
out, which,  like  the  harmony  of  music,  soothes  and  pleases  the 
senses  as  a  whole,  while  the  separate  notes  which  compose  the 
tune,  if  taken  singly,  might  not  please  so  much.  So  it  often  is 
with  female  beauty,  and  so  also  with  a  lady's  dress.  On  this 
point,  therefore,  I  do  not  speak  from  my  own  memory  so  much 
as  from  information  more  reliable.  Miss  Dean  and  Miss 
Emily  Sherrill  were  the  bridesmaids  ;  both  were  handsome 
girls,  and  blondes — the  former  the  lightest  of  the  two.  She 
was  tall  as  the  bride  herself,  but  more  slender.  She  had 
dimpled  cheeks  and  chin  (so  had  the  bride),  and  also,  like  the 
bride,  her  front  teeth  were  rather  short,  as  white  as  pearls,  and 
slightly  separated  from  each  other,  and  a  little  serrated.  Her 
eyes  were  light  blue,  her  skin  almost  as  white  as  snow,  and  her 
hair  like  a  great  skein  of  silk  so  soft  and  delicate  was  it,  and 
scarcely  darker  than  a  light  drab.  The  other,  sister  Emily — for 
she  must  allow  me  that  name  —  was  shorter,  yet  not  below  the 
common  height ;  not  so  slender  as  Miss  Dean,  yet  not  too  full 


148  Our  Coiirtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

of  form.  Her  cheeks  were  red,  her  skin  was  fair,  her  eyes 
were  grayish  blue,  her  hair  was  light  brown,  and  the  expres- 
sion of  her  face  was  very  pleasing.  If  there  was  a  contrast 
between  the  two,  there  was  still  a  harmony  which  made  the 
same  style  of  dress  and  ornament  equally  becoming,  and  so 
both  were  dressed  alike.  Both  wore  white  Swiss  mull  dresses, 
with  blue  satin  trimmings  and  white  flowers,  not  so  long  as 
have  since  been  worn,  for  they  trailed  the  ground  scarcely 
half  a  yard  at  most.  They  were  low  in  the  neck,  with  short 
sleeves.  Both  wore  the  hair  in  ringlets,  flowing  over  the 
shoulders  and  down  the  back,  while  flowers  fastened  back 
the  curls. 

The  bride  was  dressed  in  a  low-necked,  short-sleeved  rich 
silk,,  no  longer  in  the  skirt  than  the  others,  nor  fuller,  but  all 
were  rather  full.  Over  this  was  a  rich  lace  dress  with  open 
flowing  sleeves,  very  richly  trimmed  with  white  satin  and  rich 
lace  edging  with  broad  linen  lace  around  the  bottom  of 
the  skirt.  Her  hair  was  dressed  partly  in  curls,  fastened  back 
and  flowing  down  the  neck,  and  partly  in  loose  open  braids, 
confined  with  a  peculiar  ornament  of  white  flowers,  most 
beautifully  becoming.  All  wore  white  kid  shoes,  and  long 
white  kid  gloves.  None  of  the  party  wore  costly  jewelry,  but 
perhaps  some  simple  ornament,  if  anything  of  the  kind. 

Now  I  know  this  is  a  very  tame  description  of  the  costume 
of  a  bridal  party,  which  was  really  beautiful  and  most  becom- 
ing, and  elicited  many  expressions  of  admiration,  but  I  am  no 
Jenkins  and  can  do  nothing  creditably  in  that  way,  probably 
because  I  so  rarely  analyze  a  dress,  but  content  myself  with  its 
general  effect. 


The  Marriage.  149 

THE   MARRIAGE. 

Miss  Julia  kept  up  a  constant  sparkle  of  her  wit,  which  kept 
all  lively  and  in  good  spirits  while  waiting  to  be  summoned  to  the 
parlor.  We  had  not  long  to  wait,  for  soon  it  was  announced 
that  all  was  ready.  Preceded  by  an  usher,  Mr.  Babcock  and 
Miss  Dean  led  the  way,  followed  by  Mr.  Hadley  and  Miss 
Emily ;  we  entered  next,  the  right  hand  of  the  bride  resting 
on  my  left  arm.  The  other  ladies  followed.  The  parlor  was 
full,  but  a  way  was  opened  for  us,  and  a  space  cleared  in 
front  of  the  sofa,  where  in  another  instant  we  found  our- 
selves standing  before  the  man  of  God,  who  had  come  to 
do  his  office.  For  a  single  instant  all  was  still  as  death. 
I  improved  this  time  to  take  a  short  survey  of  that  sea 
of  faces,  all  intently  gazing  at  us.  The  father  and  mother 
and  the  rest  of  the  family  of  the  bride  stood  immediately 
in  front  of  us  and  just  behind  the  parson.  They  looked 
anxious,  as  was  unavoidable,  but  no  emotion  sufficient  to 
attract  attention  was  observable.  I  had  not  long  to  look, 
for  soon  his  hands  were  raised  and  the  officiating  clergyman 
invoked  a  blessing  long  enough  to  give  us  an  abundance  of 
time  to  compose  ourselves.  After  this  he  proceeded  with  the 
ceremony  in  all  the  formalities  he  had  been  able  to  study  up 
for  the  last  ten  days.  At  last,  and  —  I  thought  it  would  never 
come — the  kids  were  removed  and  our  hands  were  joined,  and 
then  at  last  we  were  pronounced  "  MAN  AND  WIFE — Whom 
God  hath  joined  together,  let  no  man  put  asunder!"  These 
were  solemn  words,  solemnly  pronounced,  and  solemnly 
received.  If  I  felt  any  new  sensation  at  this  moment  as  extra- 


150  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

ordinary  as  I  had  expected,  I  can  not  now  remember  it.  I  did 
reflect  that  the  great  deed  was  done  ;  that  we  were  now  indis- 
solubly  one,  beyond  the  reach  of  accident ;  that  we  were  not 
the  strangers  now  that  we  had  been  but  a  single  minute  before, 
but  a  unity  of  interest,  a  unity  of  sympathy,  a  unity  of  confi- 
dence, had  by  that  solemn  ceremony  been  established.  I  loved 
her  no  more  fondly,  and  I  would  die  for  her  no  quicker  now 
than  then,  for  I  loved  her  all  that  I  was  capable  of  loving,  and 
was  ready  to  risk  my  life  for  her  at  any  moment,  just  as  freely 
as  I  ever  could.  I  had  felt  before  that  I  was  truly  married  to 
her  in  soul,  and.  that  this  ceremony  had  done  for  us  personally 
what  had  been  already  done  in  a  more  ethereal  sense.  Still  I 
could  look  upon  her  now  as  mine,  all  mine,  as  I  never  could 
before.  The  hand  I  held  in  mine  was  now  my  hand.  Though 
before,  she  had  often  said  it  was,  yet  I  knew  it  was  not  mine 
till  now.  I  knew  she  had  only  said  it  in  a  figurative  sense,  or 
as  a  sort  of  promise  —  now  it  was  really,  truly  so,  and  I  was 
sure  I  knew  how  absolutely  it  now  was  mine,  how  freely  and 
entirely  it  had  been  given  me.  As  for  a  single  instant  I  looked 
upon  her  face,  I  thought  I  saw  the  confidence  of  love 
unreserved  now,  which  before  was  checked  and  hampered,  as 
it  was  right  and  proper  that  it  should^be.  That  face  now  was 
mine,  she  all  was  mine,  and  I  was  hers,  and  happy  above  all 
things  that  I  now  could  devote  my  life  with  all  its  energies  to 
promote  her  welfare,  her  honor  and  her  greatest  good.  All 
this  was  but  a  flash  of  thought,  taking  no  more  time  than  the 
parson  took  to  make  his  pause  after  his  great  effort. 

No\v,  I  thought,  all  was  over;  that  the  man  had  earned  his 
money,  and  would  let  us  go  —  which  was,  by  this  time,  becom- 


The  Marriage.  151 

ing  very  essential  to  my  comfort.  As  I  said  before,  my 
shoes  were  a  size  too  small,  and  they  had  been  cramping  my 
feet  for  nearly  an  hour,  till  now  my  agony  had  almost  reached 
the  culminating  point.  Indeed,  it  was  so  great,  that  I  did  not 
know  but  I  should  have  the  lock-jaw,  though  I  felt  if  no  such 
uncontrollable  calamity  should  intervene,  I  could  put  on  an 
appearance  of  contentment,  no  matter  how  great  the  pain. 
I  had  borne  up  bravely  through  all  this  tedious  form,  till 
the  solemn  words  I  have  quoted  were  pronounced,  thinking 
that  there  would  be  the  end,  when  I  could  move  about 
at  least,  or  soon  be  seated,  and  thus  find  some  relief,  till 
the  promiscuous  intermingling  of  the  assemblage  would 
allow  me  to  whisper  a  word  of  explanation  to  my  wife,  and 
slip  away  and  get  something  on  more  comfortable.  What 
horror  seized  me  then !  what  then  was  my  despair,  when  I  saw 
the  reverend  father  square  himself  away  for  a  regular  lecture, 
which  no  doubt  had  been  long  the  subject  of  his  study! 
First,  he  told  us  what  a  solemn  thing  we  had  just  done,  almost 
as  if  we  had  done  something  wrong,  and  to  be  repented  of. 
Then  he  enlarged  upon  the  duties  we  owed  each  other  now  — 
buch  as  can  only  exist  where  this  holy  estate  has  been  estab- 
lished— and,  especially,  how  we  might  now,  nay,  we  should, 
indeed,  love  each  other — just  as  if  it  had  been  wrong  for  us  to 
love  before.  After  he  had  gone  over  all  this  in  good  set  terms, 
I  thought  surely  he  must  close.  But  no !  after  a  long  pause, 
and  a  wise  look  around  the  room  —  as  much  as  to  say,  now 
listen  all — he  struck  out  for  the  West,  and  reminded  every- 
body that  I  was  going  to  take  my  bride  away  to  a  barbarous — 
to  a  heathen  land — all  the  disadvantages  of  which  he  painted 


r  52  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

in  exaggerated  colors — as  if  the  horrible  was  his  peculiar 
forte — and  even  intimated  that  it  was  an  awful  thing  to  think 
of  doing  so ;  although,  really,  he  meant  it  all  in  kindness,  and 
even  in  praise  of  our  resolution.  But  I  was  not  in  a  humor  to 
put  the  best  construction  on  what  he  said,  and  as  I  saw  him 
"swinging  round  the  circle"  of  all  these  great  prairies  —  while 
my  agony  was  all  the  time  increasing — I  confess  I  allowed 
myself  to  get  provoked — ridiculous  as  it  may  seem,  and 
laughable — at  what  now  appeared  to  me  as  nothing  but  rant 
and  cant.  I  understood  but  little  of  what  he  said;  but  could  I 
remember  every  word,  I  have  stated  as  much  of  it  as  is 
deserved.  Well,  as  all  things  must  have  an  end,  so,  at  last, 
did  his  sermon,  and  finally  he  pronounced  the  job  completed, 
with  a  benediction,  in  keeping  with  all  the  rest.  Then  came 
congratulations  of  family  and  friends,  in  usual  form,  except 
that  little  Jimmy  did  not  appear  with  the  rest.  He  had 
slipped  away  unnoticed.  Poor  boy !  Laura  had  been  a  favorite 
sister.  During  early  childhood  his  mother  had  seen  much 
sickness,  and  Laura  had  taken  upon  herself  his  care  to  a  con- 
siderable extent — his  older  sisters  being  away  to  school — and 
he  did  not  hesitate  to  declare  his  preference  to  sleep  with  her 
to  any  of  the  others.  At  length  some  one  found  him  out  and 
brought  him  to  kiss  her,  but  the  poor  fellow  was  crying  as  if 
his  heart  would  break.  Till  he  had  actually  seen  her  married, 
he  had  not  fully  realized  that  she  was  going  away,  and  he  was 
going  to  lose  her.  This  little  incident  affected  his  sister  more 
than  any  thing  else  that  had  occurred,  and  I  then  first  assumed 
the  office  of  comforter.  Soon  the  impression  of  that  little 
occurrence  passed  by,  and  it  was  not  long  before  the  formali- 


The  Marriage.  153 

ties  of  the  party  were  broken  up,  when  I  made  the  necessary 
explanation  to  the  bride,  and  slipped  away  to  the  chamber  and 
got  on  my  boots  again. 

The  company  was  joyous  and  the  evening  was  a  pleasant 
one.  The  assemblage  was  quite  as  large  as  the  house  would 
well  accommodate,  and,  as  was  perhaps  very  natural,  we 
several  times  got  separated,  and,  I  confess  when  this  did  occur, 
I  missed  her,  and  was  not  long  in  making  search  among  the 
gay  throng  for  my  new  made  wife.  Once  we  met  in  a  small 
hall,  where  we  were  quite  alone.  Then  both  our  hands  met 
and — "My  dear,"  said  I,  "  I  was  looking  for  you;  where  have 
you  been  so  long?"  "I  have  been  searching  for  you!"  she 
replied.  "  Where  have  you  kept  yourself?"  With  her  arm  in 
mine  we  made  our  way  back  among  the  moving  mass  of 
people.  The  evening  passed  as  usual  on  such  occasions.  The 
older  members  of  the  party  dropped  off  early  and  left  more 
room  for  the  younger.  There  had  been  a  fine  shower  in  the 
forenoon,  which  had  cooled  the  atmosphere,  freshened  and 
awakened  the  vegetation,  which  poured  forth  its  balmy 
fragrance  till  in  the  evening  the  air  was  loaded  with  the  rich 
perfume.  The  night  was  bright  and  deliciously  cool  outside, 
and  many  were  strolling  in  the  flower  garden,  through  the 
grounds  and  among  the  shrubbery.  How  many  talked  of  love 
in  a  qyjiet  way,  I  have  no  means  of  knowing;  but  many  couples 
seemed  inclined  to  converse  apart,  and  such  occasions  tend  to 
lead  conversation  into  that  channel  and  make  young  people 
whisper  low  their  thoughts,  with  a  gentle  pressure  of  the  hand, 
more  suggestive  than  words  themselves.  The  chirping  of  the 
cricket  among  the  climbing  vines,  the  low  soft  hum  of  other 


154  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

insects  that  love  the  night  to  sing  their  sweet  melodies,  the 
bark  of  a  distant  dog,  or  the  lowing  of  the  herd  beyond  the 
meadows  in  the  outskirts  of  the  country  village,  presented  a 
rural  scene,  which  has  a  charm  unknown  to  city  life,  which 
awakens  in  the  human  heart  a  pleasing  harmony  of  thought, 
which  makes  men  and  women  love  each  other,  in  a  purer 
sense,  than  where  nature  with  her  hallowing  influence  is 
banished  far  away,  and  all  around  only  speaks  of  the  handi- 
work of  fallen  man.  This  evening  I  made  njany  new  acquaint- 
ances among  both  young  and  old,  and  found  hardly  a  moment 
to  be  alone  with  any  one,  and  least  of  all  with  her  with  whom 
I  so  much  longed  to  be. 

The  crowd  at  last  grew  thinner,  and  before  one  o'clock  all 
had  gone  who  were  going ;  Miss  Dean  and  several  other 
ladies  were  to  remain  all  night.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Sherrill  had 
long  since  disappeared.  Then  Julia  came  and  took  my  arm 
and  said  she  wanted  me,  and  asked  the  rest  to  follow.  She 
led  the  way  to  the  great  kitchen,  which  was  large  enough  for 
a  common  parlor,  and  had  a  great  old-fashioned  fire-place, 
almost  as  large  as  those  I  had  often  seen  in  the  frontier  cabins. 
This  was  my  first  introduction  to  that  mysterious  realm  where 
reigns  the  cook  with  despotic  sway.  In  the  midst  stood  the 
kitchen  table,  loaded  to  profusion  with  all  the  goodies  that 
could  be  thought  of,  and  there  stood  Biddy  more  pleased  than 
scared,  for  I  was  the  only  stranger  to  her,  and  me  she  had  no 
doubt  often  seen  by  peeking  through  the  cracks.  There,  too, 
stood  Jimmy  Rusk,  an  old  household  servant,  who  had  seen 
them  all  grow  up  from  childhood.  He  was  as  much  at  home 
as  if  he  owned  it  all,  and  so  did  he  continue  when  the  old 


The  Marriage.  155 

homestead  had  passed  into  the  children's  hands,  who  still  pro- 
tected him  with  a  tender  care  till  he  no  longer  wanted  an 
earthly  home.  No  one  ever  knew  whence  he  came  or  how,  or 
anything  of  his  previous  history.  Of  these  he  never  uttered  a 
single  word,  and  so  the  mystery  died  with  him.  Evidently,  in 
old  Ireland,  he  had  seen  better  days,  and  moved  in  circles  far 
above  the  place  he  chose  to  occupy.  His  wardrobe  when  he 
first  came  was  of  the  finest,  and  he  knew  not  how  to  perform 
any  kind  of  labor.*  He  concealed  as  far  as  possible  that  he 
was  well  educated,  though  in  spite  of  all  his  caution  this  fact 
soon  became  apparent.  He  was  mild  and  gentle  in  all  his 
ways,  and  never  would  converse  with  any  one,  except  with 
little  Jimmy  when  a  child,  of  whom  he  was  very  fond  and 
petted  with  great  tenderness.  With  him  he  would  indulge  in 
childish  talk,  but  as  he  grew  up  all  this  ceased,  and  he  became 
as  silent  to  him  as  all  the  rest.  He  assumed  nothing,  but 
chose  a  servant's  place,  always  careful  and  industrious ;  though 
he  never  pretended  to  do  a  day's  work  like  the  laboring  men 
upon  the  farm,  he  was  always  busy  about  the  house  and  barn 
and  waiting  upon  any  who  required  his  services,  answering 
any  question  kindly  and  respectfully,  but  in  the  shortest  way, 
and  rarely  asking  one.  There  was  that  about  him  which  so 
inspired  respect  that  every  member  of  the  family,  from  Mr. 
Sherrill  down  to  the  lowest  servant,  always  addressed  him  as 
Mr.  Rusk.  Although  in  my  walks  about  the  grounds  I  had 
often  seen  him,  he  always  avoided  me,  so  that  I  never  could 
address  him,  and  yet  his  demeanor  indicated  rather  diffidence 
than  a  desire  to  avoid  me  from  any  other  cause  ;  still  there 
must  have  been  some  other  most  cogent  reason  which  he  ever 


156  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

studiously  concealed.  That  he  was  born  and  educated  a  gentle- 
man was  evident,  and  yet  he  voluntarily  and  persistently,  when 
in  the  prime  of  life,  chose  a  servant's  place  and  would  be 
nothing  else.  He  manifested  no  disposition  to  intemperance, 
or  any  other  vice.  He  veiy  rarely  left  the  place,  and  for  ten 
years  he  never  passed  the  bounds  of  the  little  village.  Once, 
at  the  end  of  about  that  time,  he  arose  early  in  the  morning, 
dressed  himself  with  scrupulous  care  and  went  to  Utica, 
four  miles  distant,  without  a  word  of  explanation,  but  before 
evening  he  returned.  It  was  believed  that  he  went  to  meet 
some  appointment,  but  this  was  only  a  suspicion.  He  volun- 
teered no  explanation  and  no  one  chose  to  question  him.  This 
was  the  only  time  he  went  so  far  from  home  during  all  the  time 
he  lived  there.  If  he  remained  in  the  kitchen  voluntarily  that 
night,  as  I  think  he  did,  to  meet  me,  it  was  exceptional  in  his 
conduct.  Ever  after  when  I  met  him  he  greeted  me  most 
kindly,  but  in  the  fewest  words. 

MRS.  CATON  introduced  her  husband  to  Mr.  Rusk  and  the 
cook ;  she  shook  my  hand  as  if  she  had  been  an  old  friend. 
He  took  it  respectfully  but  timidly,  and  courteously  wished 
me  joy,  and  then  gracefully  said  some  words  of  warm  com- 
mendation of  the  bride,  which  she  highly  appreciated.  We 
then  took  seats  around  the  table,  and  to  me  it  was  right 
welcome,  as  I  had  tasted  nothing  since  dinner  but  a  little  cake, 
as  a  matter  of  the  sheerest  form,  which  left  an  appetite  such  as 
youth  and  strength  are  apt  to  have,  and  which  even  the  scenes 
of  that  night  could  not  satisfy  or  banish.  We  all  ate  heartily, 
or  at  least  I  did.  I  thought  there  was  too  much  disposition  to 
linger  around  the  board  when  all  seemed  satisfied,  but  I 


The  Serenade.  157 

assumed  the  appearance  of  contentment,  well  knowing  that 
the  old  family  clock  would  not  stop  more  than  time  itself,  and 
so  our  little  meeting  must  have  its  end  at  last.  Fin.olly,  Julia 
led  the  way  to  the  dining-room,  perhaps  because  that  same  old 
clock  stood  there,  and  all  must  see  how  late  it  was.  There  we 
all  followed  and  tried  to  chat  a  while  in  a  familiar  way.  I  was 
now  the  only  gentleman  of  the  party  among  that  crowd  of 
ladies.  These  kept  going  out  and  coming  in  as  if  they  were 
very  busy.  At  length  I  noticed  some  did  not  return,  and  so 
gradually  the  party  grew  less  and  less  till  it  consisted  only  of 
myself  and  wife. 

THE  SERENADE. 

About  two  o'clock  perhaps,  or  later,  in  the  morning,  when 
sleeping  so  profoundly  that  I  had  lost  all  consciousness  of 
where  I  was,  my  wife  awakened  me  to  listen  to  strains  of 
music  from  the  lawn  beneath  the  window  so  soft  and  sweet 
that  they  might  have  come  from  an  houri's  bower ;  and  in  a 
bewildered  state,  before  I  was  quite  awake,  I  half  believed  I 
was  in  some  enchanted  place,  and  when  I  saw  who  awakened 
me,  the  illusion  seemed  confirmation,  and  I  must  acknowledge 
that  for  a  single  instant  I  felt  scared,  but  a  moment  after  I 
realized  where  I  was  and  why.  Then  the  momentary  trepi- 
dation vanished,  and  I  was  very  well  content  and  listened  to 
the  music,  and  we  admired  it  there  together.  That  was  a 
charming  serenade,  and  we  felt  duly  grateful  for  the  courteous 
compliment  paid  us  by  the  bride's  long-familiar  friends  and 
associates.  Some  tunes  were  gay  and  lively,  some  were  slow 
and  staid.  She  knew  each  voice,  and  could  tell  in  whose 
hand  each  instrument  was  held. 


158  Our  Courtship  ainf  Our  Marriage. 

The  last  tune  they  played,  the  last  song  they  sang,  was 
"  Home,  Sweet  Home,"  a  reminder  I  would  gladly  have  dis- 
pensed with  then ;  for  I  feared  its  associations  might  bring  a 
shade  of  sadness  to  a  breast  whose  every  impulse,  whether 
of  sorrow  or  of  joy,  must  thenceforth  be  reflected  in  a  ten-fold 
degree  directly  on  my  own.  She  evidently  anticipated  my 
fears,  and  wisely  spoke  of  her  new  home,  where  she  would  be 
happy,  with  me,  hardly  mentioning  the  old,  and  softly  laid  her 
head  upon  my  shoulder  so  confidingly  that  all  fear  that  she 
would  even  for  a  single  moment  allow  a  shade  of  regret  to 
come  and  mingle  with  her  happiness,  took  flight  at  once  and 
left  me  gladder  than  before.  Surely  any  music  might  have 
sounded  sweetly  then.  Neither  of  us  thought  it  necessary  to 
disturb  ourselves,  and  get  up  and  move  the  blinds  of  the  open 
window  in  recognition  of  their  kind  attention.  At  last  they 
quietly  departed,  without  knowing  certainly  that  we  were  still 
alive. 

When  we  are  young  and  need  the  fostering  care  of  friends, 
acts  of  kindness  and  attention  make  a  much  stronger  impres- 
sion on  our  minds  than  when  we  are  older  and  feel  less 
dependent.  It  is  sweet  now,  yes,  it  is  very  sweet,  to  remem- 
ber every  act  of  kindness,  every  manifestation  of  good  will, 
which  I  then  received  from  any  one,  as  well  as  to  remember 
the  many  other  sources  of  the  extreme  happiness  which  I  then 
enjoyed,  with  a  vividness,  as  I  do,  which  shows  how  strong  the 
impression  then  made  was. 

MEMORY. 

Memory  is    an    endowment   of   the    immaterial,   unseen, 


Memory.  1 59 

intangible  part  of  our  being  which  subordinates  and  controls 
the  material  or  outer  part,  and  which,  by  the  aid  of  faith, 
inspired  by  an  impulse  —  a  sensibility  which  seems  to  be 
ingrained  into  every  grade  of  the  human  family  and  consti- 
tutes a  part  of  our  very  being,  we  believe  and  think  we  know 
must  be  immortal.  Without  memory  the  mind  itself  would  be 
a  useless  wreck,  far  below  that  which  the  brutes  possess.  By 
it  alone  are  we  enabled  to  reason — to  compare  one  thing  with 
another,  and  so  draw  conclusions  of  what  may  come  to  pass, 
which  is  the  secret  of  all  human  progress.  By  it  we  store  up 
facts  and  bring  them  forth  at  will,  to  be  utilized,  and  so  has 
man  been  elevated  from  the  lowest  state  to  that  high  position 
he  now  occupies  in  the  great  family  of  created  things,  and  so 
may  he  continue  to  rise  higher  and  higher,  if  not  in  the  scale 
of  being,  still  in  the  scale  of  advancement,  to  a  point 
of  which  we  can  not  now  conceive.  While  the  stature  of  his 
body  may  conform  forever  to  a  given  standard,  the  measure 
of  his  mental  growth  may  be  almost  illimitable,  as  well  in  the 
individual  after  he  lays  down  mortality  as  in  the  successive 
generations  of  the  human  family  here. 

But  besides  this  utilitarian  view  of  the  faculty  of  memory, 
it  augments  our  happiness  and  multiplies  our  pleasures  and 
our  joys;  for  by  its  aid  they  are  many  times  repeated.  How 
tame  and  tasteless  would  be  each  pleasure  were  it  to  die  the 
moment  it  is  tasted  and  leave  no  record  that  we  had  once 
been  so  happy ! 

Memory  is  the  great  volume  of  human  life,  in  which  is 
recorded  all  its  acts  and  incidents,  which  we  may  peruse  and 
re-peruse,  and  keep  all  fresh  before  us,  or  we  may  neglect  it 


160  Our  Courts  hip  and  Our  Marriage. 

till  it  is  hard  to  find  a  single  passage  in  it  to  tell  us  of  the  past. 
If  there  are  many  records  there  we  gladly  would  forget 
because  they  cause  us  pain,  we  may  perhaps  "forget  them, 
unless  they  tell  of  faults  which  should  be  punished,  that 
reformation  may  succeed.  In  the  memory  is  secreted  that 
worm  that  never  dieth,  whose  gnawings  shall  never  cease 
while  sin  remains  for  it  to  feed  upon. 

The  memory  of  a  well-spent  life  is  fragrant  with  the 
incense  arising  from  the  gums  and  spices  which  we  have  piled 
upon  the  altar  of  our  loves,  which  have  prompted  us  to  do 
good  acts,  and  as  we  inhale  the  odor  ever  after,  we  feel  that 
we  are  still  worshiping  at  that  altar  whose  fires  we  hope  may 
never  be  extinct. 

How  often,  by  the  aid  of  memory,  do  we  live  over  again 
our  lives,  and  enjoy  with  a  new  relish,  ever  fresh  and  green, 
the  joys  we  knew  in  earlier  life;  and  so  are  they  oft  repeated. 
Who  would  forget  his  former  happiness?  Who  would  blot 
from  the  book  of  his  remembrance  the  record  of  the  good  he 
is  conscious  he  has  done  ?  The  retrospect  of  a  well-spent  life 
is  to  the  liver  like  that  life  repeated  as  we  appreciate,  when  the 
remembrance  of  former  happiness  comes  and  makes  us  again 
happy  as  before. 

How  sensibly  do  I  appreciate  that  this  is  true,  as  in  this 
retrospect  the  past  comes  up  before  me,  and  I  feel  transported 
back  to  the  time  of  which  I  write,  when  all  my  soul  was  full 
of  joy  unspeakable,  feeling  a  deep  conviction  that  my  acts  and 
thoughts  and  all  that  I  enjoyed  were  right  and  proper  in  the 
highest  sense,  and  that  God,  from  His  high  place  in  heaven, 
looked  benignly  on  us  His  approval. 


The  Morning  After.  161 

THE   MORNING   AFTER. 

The  next  morning  we  must  be  astir  betimes,  and  so  we 
were,  for  the  carriage  was  ordered  for  nine  o'clock,  to  take  us 
to  Commencement,  as  had  been  arranged  before.  It  was 
again  a  beautiful  morning,  and  to  me  all  seemed  lovely. 
Before  we  left  our  room  together,  I  gave  my  wife  the  keys  to 
my  trunks,  under  the  pretense  that  she  might  wish  to  pack 
some  things  in  them,  though,  in  truth,  there  was  not  much 
space  to  spare.  I  wished  to  give  her  some  new  evidence  of 
my  confidence,  and  could  think  of  nothing  better  at  the 
moment.  We  met  the  family  cheerfully  and  happily,  and  had 
a  merry  breakfast  all  together.  But  little  time  was  found  for 
packing  and  getting  ready  for  our  long  journey,  for  to  dress 
for  the  excursion  was  all  that  could  be  expected  of  the  ladies 
till  the  carriage  came.  When  assembled  for  the  start,  I 
thought  the  bride  looked  more  beautiful,  if  possible,  in  her 
excursion  dress  than  she  had  even  the  night  before.  An 
apple-green  silk,  fitted  to  absolute  perfection ;  a  French  em- 
broidered pelerine  cape — which  was  then  in  high  favor  on 
such  occasions  —  close-laced  boots,  and  a  love  of  a  white  hat — 
which  was  declared  by  all  the  ladies  to  be  perfection  —  a 
wreath  of  white  flowers,  attached  to  one  side,  spanned  the 
crown,  and  hung  pendant  down  the  other,  nearly  to  the 
shoulder,  set  off  the  outfit  in  a  most  charming  way.  We  all 
admired  the  dress  combined,  as  well  as  her  who  wore  it.  I 
found  the  ladies  much  more  free  to  talk  with  me  about  it  than 
they  would  have  been  the  day  before.  They  seemed  to 
tacitly  admit  that  I  had  then  a  right  to  know  something  about 


1 62  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

a  lady's  dress.  So  much  already,  thought  I,  for  the  situation. 
I  had  a  quiet  moment  to  declare  my  admiration  to  her  who 
wore  that  lovely  hat,  which  she  received  as  if  pleased  to  hear 
me  thus  express  myself.  She  had  that  happy  look  of  content- 
ment which  must  ever  be  so  gratifying  to  one  in  my  position 
She  saw,  too,  that  I  was  extremely  happy,  and  this  seemed  the 
source  of  her  greatest  joy,  and  so  has  it  been  ever  since.  If 
she  could  but  see  that  I  was  happy,  her  own  was  then  secure. 
But  a  word  and  a  look  were  all  that  time  allowed  till  we  were 
called  away  to  the  carriage. 

COMMENCEMENT. 

If  it  would  have  been  pleasanter  to  both  to  have  staid  at 
home  together,  the  thought  even  could  not  be  breathed  to 
others.  But  I  confess  it  did  seem  to  me  they  might  have 
let  us  had  the  carriage  to  ourselves,  at  least.  But  no !  So 
poor  were  they  at  making  excuses,  that  the  first  invitation 
I  gave — though  they  might  have  known  that  it  was  the 
merest  form  —  was  accepted  at  once,  and  we  found  our- 
selves packed  in  with  two  others,  where,  in  truth,  there 
was  only  room  for  two.  I  thought  they  should  have  appre- 
ciated how  much,  we  should  have  enjoyed  the  ride  could  we 
have  had  the  carriage  to  ourselves.  The  morning  after  their 
own  marriages,  if  they  thought  of  it,  they  understood  that 
more  than  two  were  too  many  for  one  carriage.  But  there 
was  no  help  for  it,  so  we  seated  ourselves  as  best  we  could, 
and  drove  away  at  a  rapid  rate  towards  Clinton,  followed 
by  several  other  carriages,  with  the  others  of  the  party.  All 
nature  smiled  around  us,  and  I  was  in  a  frame  of  mind  to 


The  Contrast.  163 

enjoy  her  smiles,  although  I  should  have  been  better  pleased 
to  have  had  no  others  with  us.  When  we  arrived  at  the  old 
church,  which  occupied  the  middle  of  the  Green,  around  which 
the  village  was  built,  we  "found  it  quite  full,  though  the  exer- 
cises had  not  commenced,  and  we  were  well  satisfied  to  get 
seats  for  the  ladies,  and  standing  room  for  ourselves  in  the 
aisle  near  by  them.  When  we  entered,  all  seemed  to  appre- 
ciate that  it  was  a  bridal  party,  and  had  no  trouble  to 
recognize  the  bride  and  groom.  Indeed,  the  bride  had  a  very 
large  circle  of  acquaintances  in  that  town,  who  had  heard  of 
the  event  and  expected  her  appearance,  and  a  number  of 
whom  had  been  at  the  wedding  the  night  before.  She  had  for 
a  year  or  two  attended  a  young  ladies'  seminary  there,  and 
being  but  five  miles  from  her  residence,  of  course  the  ac- 
quaintance had  been  kept  up  by  the  interchange  of  calls  and 
visits.  It  may  be  remembered  that  it  was  while  she  was 
attending  that  school,  and  in  the  streets  of  that  same  town, 
that  I  had  first  seen  Miss  Laura,  and  received  a  passing  intro- 
duction to  her  on  the  walk,  and  that  by  that  single  glance  I 
had  received  the  wound  which  had  never  healed  before,  and 
never  could  have  been  healed  except  by  the  events  of  the  pre- 
ceding evening. 

THE  CONTRAST. 

I  do  not  believe  that  I  was  much  interested  in,  or  took  much 
notice  of,  the  exercises  of  the  day.  They  had  no  great  interest 
for  me  then ;  although  I  had  often  attended  similar  exercises 
there  in  years  before,  and  always  with  deep  interest,  for  they 
told  me  of  the  advantages  of  a  regular  education,  which  I 


164  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

could  not  get,  as  those  had  whom  I  then  saw  graduating,  and 
for  the  want  of  which  I  must  work  all  the  harder.  I  now  felt 
their  equal  at  the  least,  and  that  I  had  got  such  a  start  that 
with  proper  industry  I  could  maintain  my  ground.  It  was 
natural  that  the  past  should  come  up  before  me.  In  that  same 
neighborhood,  I  had  worked  on  a  farm  at  five  dollars  per 
month.  And  in  that  same  church,  in  my  homespun  dress,  I 
had  almost  hid  myself  away  to  witness  just  such  exercises,  but 
no  one  knew  that  in  the  bosom  of  the  rustic  lad  who  remained 
unnoticed  there  was  a  work  going  on  which  should  bear  its 
fruits  in  after  years.  No  one  observed  the  clenched  hand  and 
the  compressed  lip,  and  the  sparkling  eye  which  could  have 
testified  to  the  workings  of  a  fixed  determination  from  which, 
with  a  young  ambition,  were  evolved  resolves  which  should 
place  him  above  his  fortune  and  as  the  peer  of  those  who  stood 
before  him  and  then  acted  their  parts  upon  the  stage  to  the 
admiration  of  those  present.  Might  I  not  look  back  on  this, 
and  then  with  a  sense  of  secret  satisfaction  see  where  now  I 
stood  and  how  my  future  looked,  and  draw  the  contrast,  and 
know  that  I  myself  had  done  it  almost  all.  At  the  moments 
of  such  thoughts  as  these,  I  looked  upon  the  fair  face  of  my 
beloved  bride,  who  returned  the  quiet  glance,  as  if  she  too  felt 
proud  of  the  choice  she  had  made.  I  would  not  ask  even  of 
myself — it  would  have  been  unfair,  ungenerous,  if  not  cruel,  to 
have  asked  what  she,  a  blooming  little  miss,  admired,  flattered 
and  petted  (but  not  spoiled)  as  she  had  ever  been,  would  have 
thought  at  that  former  time,  had  that  uncouth  youth  in  such 
plain,  though  tidy  clothes,  spun,  woven  and  made  up  by  his 
own  dear  mother,  who  loved  him  then  as  well  as  ever  after, 


The  Contrast.  165 

been  pointed  out  as  her  future  husband.  If  at  the  same  time 
his  future  could  have  been  also  told  her,  she  might  have 
accepted  the  prophecy  with  complacency,  but  no  one  then, 
at  least,  would  have  ever  thought  thus  to  prophesy,  or 
that  she  should  be  his  wife,  but  I  am  ready  to  aver,  without  a 
single  doubt,  that  had  I  chanced  to  see  her  then  I  should  have 
resolved  to  marry  her,  as  I  did  when  first  I  saw  her,  however 
hopeless  to  others  might  have  seemed  the  undertaking.  This 
brought  me  back  to  the  time  when  I  did  first  meet  her  as  I 
have  related,  and  of  the  purpose  then  resolved,  and  to  follow 
down  the  events  of  the  last  four  years,  till  now  my  wish,  my 
hope,  my  prayer,  my  firm  determination,  were  consummated, 
and  I  looked  before  me  and  saw  the  object  of  such  a  love  as 
mine,  my  own.  Now,  indeed,  had  fruition  come  and  taken 
the  place  of  that  bright  anticipation,  which  had  warmed  and 
comforted  me  so  long,  and  stayed  my  hands  and  kept  my  feet 
from  slipping  in  the  path  I  had  been  obliged  to  tread,  and 
which  I  had  already  learned  to  love  to  travel.  In  this  pres- 
ence I  may  be  allowed  to  tell  that  a  feeling  of  self-gratulation 
came  up  which  I  did  not  even  try  to  suppress.  It  was  very 
sweet  and  I  feasted  on  it. 

If  similar  reflections  were  several  times  awakened  by 
old  associations,  which  told  me  of  what  I  was,  and  how  I 
thought  when  I  first  resolved  to  raise  myself  to  a  higher  scale 
of  usefulness,  I  must  repeat  them  to  make  you  comprehend 
the  chain  of  thought  which  then  possessed  me,  and  to  give 
you  glimpses  of  my  former  history,  which  I  have  probably 
omitted  in  another  place.  Thus,  too,  I  hope  to  make  the 
lesson,  which  is  the  great  object  of  this  writing,  more  impres- 


1 66  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

sive,  and  I  trust  more  profitable.  I  do  not  propose  to  write  a 
systematic  treatise  on  any  one  or  more  subjects,  but  a  personal 
narrative,  interspersed  with  such  suggestions  as  may  occur  to 
me  as  I  go  along,  and  which  I  may  hope  will  be  instructive  to 
you. 

So  far  as  my  own  success  in  life  may  be  suggestive,  I  may 
here  remark  that  mine  is  not  an  isolated  case,  but  one  of  a 
class  met  with  all  over  the  country,  which  embraces  within  it 
very  many  of  the  most  prominent  and  useful  men,  who 
attract  the  attention  and  command  the  respect  of  mankind. 
While  isolated  cases  of  this  class  of  men  are  to  be  met  with  in 
the  history  of  other  lands,  our  institutions  seem  to  foster  and 
encourage  them  more  than  others,  and  so  they  are  much  more 
numerous  here  than  where  a  different  form  of  government 
prevails.  Those  same  elements  of  character  which  have 
enabled  them  to  succeed,  tend  to  make  them  a  little  vain  of 
their  success,  and  so  very  few  are  ashamed  to  acknowledge 
their  former  low  estate,  which  in  other  countries  would  be  by 
many  looked  upon  as  a  stigma. 

At  last  when  I  had  ruminated  long  upon  such  thoughts  as 
above  related,  I  looked  around  me  and  directly  at  my  side  I 
saw  the  Misses  Case,  two  very  pretty  and  very  worthy  young 
ladies,  daughters  of  Dr.  Case,  of  Vernon.  They  had  treated 
me  with  marked  politeness  during  the  winter  I  had  been 
studying  there  with  Mr.  Collins.  I  was  delighted  to  meet  them, 
and  all  the  more  so  that  I  knew  they  must  admire  my  wife. 
They  had  heard  of  my  return  and  of  the  object  of  my  visit, 
and  so  congratulated  me  most  cordially,  and  expressed  in 
unmeasured  terms  their  admiration  of  my  choice.  This 


My  Mothers  Farewell.  167 

pleased  me  O  !  how  much,  for  I  felt  much  more  covetous  for 
admiration  of  her  than  of  myself.  I  knew,  too,  that  every- 
body else  who  saw  her  must  think  the  same.  This  was  all 
wonderfully  pleasant  to  me.  All  I  saw  who  knew  me  spoke  to 
me  very  kindly,  and  so  did  those  to  whom  I  was  introduced  by 
Mrs.  Caton  or  her  sisters.  She  had  hosts  of  friends  there,  who 
overwhelmed  her  with  attentions,  and  some  with  their 
sympathies  that  she  was  going  away  so  far.  She  did  not  covet 
their  sympathy,  for  she  thought  it  quite  misplaced,  but  received 
their  kind  wishes  with  becoming  gratitude. 

MY  MOTHER'S  FAREWELL. 

We  reached  home  perhaps  soon  after  one  o'clock  and 
dined;  and  then,  as  soon  as  practicable,  with  Miss  Julia,  again 
took  the  carriage,  and  proceeded  to  Utica  to  visit  and  bid  fare- 
well to  my  mother.  We  found  her  waiting  for  us,  her  little 
granddaughter,  as  usual,  with  her.  Of  course,  the  meeting  be- 
tween the  mother  and  daughter-in-law  was  cordial  —  all  I  could 
have  wished.  My  mother  had  been  long  taught  to  love  her, 
and  she  did  so  most  sincerely;  but  I  had  no  doubt  she  would 
have  much  preferred  a  plain  Quaker  bonnet  to  the  chaste  and 
beautiful,  but,  as  I  presume  my  mother  thought  the  too  gor- 
geous, hat  which  adorned  her  head.  Still  it  was  all  a  perfect 
white,  though  the  form  and  fashion  might  have  betrayed  more 
of  show  than  utility,  and  especially  she  may  have  thought 
there  was  more  of  the  trimmings  than  was  necessary.  What- 
ever she  may  have  thought,  there  was  not  the  least  expression 
of  the  kind  manifested.  She  assured  her  that  she  was  greatly 
gratified  that  I  had  found  a  wife  whom  I  loved  so  much  as  she 


1 68  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

knew  I  did  her,  and  whom  she  believed  so  worthy  of  all  my 
love;  and  she  did  not  hesitate  to  assure  her  that  she  would 
always  find  me  a  true  and  faithful  husband,  always  influenced 
by  the  most  honorable  motives,  and  that  I  would  ever  endeavor 
to  make  her  happy;  that  she  had  always  tried  to  so  bring  me 
up  and  instill  into  my  mind  such  lessons  as  would  tend  to  make 
me  a  good  companion  for  some  one,  and  that  she  believed  that 
I  had  always  heeded  her  advice;  that  I  had  always  been  a 
good  son  to  her,  which  she  considered  a  guarantee  that  I  would 
make  a  good  husband.  And  much  more  she  said  to  the  same 
purport.  She  gave  us  much  good  advice  as  to  how  to  conduct 
ourselves  towards  each  other.  This  seemed  to  be  the  only 
theme  that  interested  her  or  she  thought  worthy  of  her  atten- 
tion during  our  visit.  Julia  expressed  her  regret  that  my 
mother  had  not  been  able  to  visit  them  before  the  wedding, 
and  gave  her  a  cordial  invitation  to  do  so  as  soon  as  possible, 
and  to  stay  as  long  as  she  could  make  it  convenient  and 
pleasant  to  herself,  assuring  my  mother  that  her  parents  were 
very  anxious  to  make  her  acquaintance.  My  mother  promised 
to  visit  there  as  soon  as  she  could ;  and  I  was  very  happy  to 
learn,  some  time  after,  that  she  had  spent  some  days  at  New 
Hartford,  and  that  our  mothers  became  very  intimate  and  con- 
fidential, as  I  knew  must  be  the  case  so  soon  as  they  should 
meet.  It  would  be  really  interesting  to  know  if,  during  the 
whole  time  they  were  together,  they  ever  talked  of  anything 
but  us.  Till  I  had  children  of  my  own  to  feel  solicitous  about, 
I  did  not  dream  how  much  more  interesting  than  all  others 
must  have  been  the  discussion  of  our  happiness,  our  interests 
and  our  welfare.  Our  parting  was  characterized  by  a  due 


Another  Farewell — A  Hard  Parting.  169 

composure,  for  my  mother  was  as  firm  as  a  mountain  when- 
ever she  chose  to  be ;  but  it  was  a  hard  inward  struggle  for  us 
both. 

THE  SECOND   EVENING. 

It  was  dusk  before  we  reached  New  Hartford.  As  we  were 
to  start  for  our  home  in  the  West  at  eight  o'clock  the  next 
morning,  of  "course  it  was  a  busy  evening  to  get  the  last  things 
ready.  As  for  myself,  of  course  I  was  ready,  and  there  were 
many  willing  hands  to  do  what  must  be  done  for  Laura. 
While  I  lay  on  the  sofa  in  the  parlor  quite  alone,  and  thinking 
that  surely  she  might  be  spared  a  few  minutes  to  keep  me 
company,  Emily  came  in  and  sidled  up  to  me,  and  said  my 
room  was  ready.  I  pretended  to  have  overlooked  how  late  it 
was,  though  in  truth  it  was  scarce  past  nine  o'clock.  As  the 
girl  had  gone  away  as  soon  as  she  had  delivered  her  message, 
I  did  not  think  it  worth  while  to  stay  there  long  alone,  and  so 
retired. 

The  next  morning  it  seemed  to  me  that  the  house  was  all 
astir  much  earlier  than  necessity  required ;  but  it  would  not  do 
for  us  to  be  behind,  and  so  we  started,  too.  Then  traveling 
suits  had  to  be  put  on,  the  last  of  all  our  goods  packed  away, 
the  trunks  well  strapped  down,  and  all  piled  upon  the  front 
porch ;  then  breakfast  was  announced. 

ANOTHER   FAREWELL — A   HARD   PARTING. 

Dr.  Cadwell,  who  then  resided  in  Auburn,  had  come  down 
to  attend  the  wedding,  and  was  to  return  with  us  and  take 
along  Mrs.  Cadwell.  I  had  accordingly  taken  seats  for  them 
in  an  extra  stage,  which  I  had  ordered,  with  the  arrangement 


170  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

that  we  could  lay  over  nights ;  for  I  did  not  want  to  make  the 
first  of  a  long  journey  too  hard.  Prompt  to  the  time,  the 
stage  drove  up;  but  not  before  we  were  ready.  Still  there 
must  be  a  few  minutes  of  bustle  and  activity  in  getting  on  the 
baggage,  and  then  in  bidding  adieu.  It  was  a  hard  parting, 
but  I  can  not  dwell  upon  it.  I  had  expressed  the  hope  that  in 
a  year  or  two  we  might  return  and  visit  them.  That  was  the 
most  I  dared  to  promise.  Our  good  mother  stopped  us  both 
together  near  the  door,  threw  her  arms  about  our  necks  and 
kissed  us  fervently,  and  said  the  single  words,  "Love  each 
other!  "  and  released  us.  I  now  know  how  it  wrung  her  heart 
to  part  with  her  dear  child,  with  all  the  uncertainty  of  the 
future,  but  I  could  not  realize  it  then.  My  darling  took  my 
arm,  when  the  last  farewell  was  said,  and  we  hastened  to  the 
coach. 

WE  START  —  OUR   TRAVELING   COMPANIONS. 

There  we  found  two  sisters  and  a  brother,  old  enough  to 
have  been  married  fifteen  years  before,  but  still  in  single  bless- 
edness, as  they  no  doubt  thought.  As  we  had  a  large  coach, 
with  seats  for  nine,  we  could  not  complain,  and  so  we  took 
our  places  hastily  and  gave  the  word  to  start,  and  our  long 
journey  had  commenced.  Our  fellow-passengers  had  evi- 
dently been  apprised  that  a  juvenile  couple  were  to  join  them 
here  who  had  been  so  indiscreet  as  to  get  married,  and  so  they 
scrutinized  us  very  closely  for  a  time,  and  evidently  pitied  us 
for  our  folly.  Still  we  were  content  if  they  were,  and  pitied 
them  as  much  as  they  could  us.  They  were  well-dressed 
people,  and  evidently  well  brought  up.  We  learned  after- 


At  Auburn  —  The  Last  Farewell.  171 

wards  they  were  from  Baltimore,  and  were  to  accompany  us  to 
Buffalo.  They  were  rather  of  the  straight-laced  order,  and 
had  they  come  from  New  England  we  should  have  thought 
them  rather  of  the  puritanical  cast.  The  roads  were  fine,  the 
day  pleasant,  and  we  made  rapid  progress.  By  degrees  the 
aching  of  the  heart,  with  which  we  had  started,  wore  away, 
and  we  enjoyed  our  ride  as  well  as  we  could  have  wished.  I 
had  previously  consented  to  escort  Mrs.  William  Flusky  to 
Chicago,  where  her  husband  had  been  for  perhaps  a  year, 
while  she  had  remained  with  her  friends  at  Rome.  She  was 
now  anxious  to  join  him,  and  as  it  was  not  easy  to  find  an 
escort  then  for  such  a  journey,  she  gladly  placed  herself  under 
my  charge.  She  joined  us  at  Vernon,  as  had  been  arranged. 
Here,  too,  I  took  on  board  my  library,  weighing  probably  four 
hundred  pounds,  for  which  I  had  made  a  special  arrangement, 
and  had  it  on  the  way-bill.  When  this  was  lifted  into  the 
bottom  of  the  boot  by  three  stout  men  I  heard  some  hard 
words,  and  but  for  the  note  on  the  way-bill  no  doubt  it  would 
have  been  left.  However,  when  once  on  board  and  the  trunks 
on  top  I  felt  contented ;  for  unless  we  should  break  down  it 
would  not  be  removed  till  we  should  get  to  Buffalo. 

AT  AUBURN  —  THE   LAST   FAREWELL. 

We  reached  Auburn  about  nine  o'clock  in  the  evening, 
which  had  given  us  a  rapid  ride.  Here  the  last  link  was  to  be 
broken.  My  wife  was  to  separate  from  the  last  of  her  family. 
Here  she  parted  with  her  sister,  Mrs.  Cadwell.  Fortunately, 
there  was  no  time  for  lamentation.  The  stage  stopped  at  the 
hotel,  and  only  waited  for  us  to  get  out,  to  take  them  to  their 


1/2  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

house.  As  we  had  to  start  at  five  o'clock  in  the  morning,  of 
course  we  could  not  think  of  accepting  their  proffered  hospi- 
tality. We  took  a  hasty  supper  and  retired.  I  slept  so  soundly 
that  it  did  not  seem  that  I  had  been  sleeping  five  minutes,  when 
the  porter  thundered  at  the  door  and  announced  that  the  stage 
was  ready.  I  could  have  choked  the  rascal  on  sight  for  this 
untimely  waking,  but  a  single  thought  showed  that  not  a  mo- 
ment could  be  lost,  and  so  incontinently  there  was  active  work, 
for  of  all  others,  we  should  not  be  the  last,  else  our  ancient 
friends  from  Baltimore  would  be  absolutely  horrified  at  such 
shocking  improprieties.  They  might  lay  in  bed  till  we  should 
wait  an  hour,  and  all  would  be  well,  but  if  we  should  stay  a 
moment  past  the  time  it  would  be  a  hanging  matter.  So,  for 
their  sakes,  also,  we  must  be  active.  For  myself,  I  wanted  no 
more  than  three  minutes  to  wash  and  dress  completely,  but  I 
suspected  it  was  not  so  with  my  partner.  And  so  it  proved. 
When  I  was  ready,  she  had,  so  far  as  I  could  judge  by  a 
stolen  glance  or  two,  hardly  made  a  fair  commencement.  I 
then  kindly  offered  my  assistance,  if  I  could  be  of  any  service 
in  the  emergency,  while  I  freely  owned  that  want  of  knowl- 
edge on  the  subject  might  make  me  rather  awkward.  She 
did  not  look  as  if  she  much  regretted  that  want  of  opportunity 
had  left  me  in  such  utter  ignorance  of  the  art.  She  thanked 
me,  but  declined  my  services,  and  said  she  would  be  ready 
very  soon.  As,  in  other  situations,  often  is  the  case,  I  thought 
a  slight  embarrassment,  which  could  not  be  concealed,  beyond 
all  doubt  retarded  the  urgent  work,  so  with  as  little  ceremony 
as  was  fitting,  I  excused  myself  to  see  that  all  was  right 
below  and  pay  the  bill,  and  left  her.  I  would  wager  much 


The  Next  Days  Ride.  173 

that  she  was  gladder  then  to  see  my  back  than  she  had  ever 
been  before.  Fortunately  I  met  Mrs.  Flusky  in  the  upper  hall, 
who  inquired  if  Mrs.  Caton  was  nearly  ready.  I  said,  Yes,  I 
thought  so,  but  was  not  quite  sure,  so  she  had  better  go  and 
see,  and  then  I  pointed  to  the  door.  She  evidently  compre- 
hended the  situation,  and  with  a  playful  smile  hastened  to 
render  more  acceptable  service. 

THE  NEXT  DAY'S  RIDE. 

Soon  we  were  all  on  board,  fortunately,  as  we  thought,  the 
old  maids  being  the  last  to  come.  With  a  pleasant  good 
morning  all  around,  we  rolled  rapidly  away.  In  the  coach  we 
found  Judge  Kirkland,  of  Utica,  who  had  built  the  house  where 
my  wife  was  born  and  where  we  were  married,  and  had  sold  it 
to  my  father-in-law.  The  country  then  was  new,  and  he  had 
cleared  away  the  forest  for  a  place  on  which  to  build  the  house. 
He  was  a  lively  and  a  very  pleasant  old  gentleman,  and  was 
a  very  intimate  friend  of  our  family.  He  regretted  that  he  had 
not  been  able  to  be  at  the  wedding,  but  was  much  rejoiced  to 
meet  us  now  and  make  my  acquaintance.  He  told  me  right 
before  her  that  I  had  got  a  gem  of  a  wife ;  and  he  knew  enough 
of  human  ways  to  see  by  my  looks  that  I  loved  her  most 
desperately,  and  he  felt  perfectly  assured  that  we  should  be 
very  happy  together;  for,  said  he,  she  can  not  conceal  that  she 
loves  you  just  as  much.  He  said,  so  soon  as  he  returned  he 
should  tell  her  father  this,  and  make  such  report  as  would 
make  a  happy  household  in  the  paternal  mansion.  Mrs. 
Caton  blushed  to  crimson,  for  a  bride  not  three  days  old  is 
more  diffident  than  a  maiden  is.  Still,  I  know  it  made  her 


174  Our  Coiirtship  and  Our  Zfarriage. 

very  happy.  He  had  insisted  that  I  should  sit  beside  her  on 
the  forward  seat,  while  he  with  Mrs.  Flusky  and  the  bachelor 
occupied  the  middle,  and  the  two  old  maids  sat  in  the  one 
behind  them.  He  enforced  the  propriety  of  this  by  saying 
that  I  ought  not  to  be  tempted  to  look  in  such  a  face  all  day 
long,  while  he  and  his  friend  beside  him  (to  whom  he  grace- 
fully inclined  his  head)  had  passed  the  time  of  life  when  such 
temptations  could  do  much  harm.  This  hit  at  the  bachelor  of 
forty,  by  the  facetious  judge  of  seventy  or  more,  seemed  to 
tell  severely  on  the  squire  and  the  maiden  dames,  whose  faces, 
we  could  see,  could  not  conceal  their  disgust  at  the  encourage- 
ment he  gave  us  for  our  mutual  fondness,  which  perhaps  we 
could  not  always  entirely  conceal  from  their  scrutinizing  watch- 
fulness. He  had  evidently  early  comprehended  them,  and 
amused  himself  by  playing  upon  their  sensibilities.  Mrs. 
Flusky,  too,  enjoyed  the  scene  as  much  as  any  one.  When 
he  left  us  a  few  hours  later,  we  regretted  it  as  much  as  they 
felt  relieved.  They  could  better  put  up  with  our  young  follies, 
as  they  manifestly  considered  every  look  and  word  between  us, 
than  with  the  home  thrusts  of  his  sharp  rapier.  After  he  was 
gone,  they  seemed  to  take  courage,  and  looked  around  as  if 
they  thought  they  could  deal  with  two  love-sick  juveniles  as 
we  deserved ;  but  I  met  the  gaze  of  the  male  biped  in  a  way 
which  I  meant  should  say,  "What  do  you  propose  to  do  about 
it?"  However,  in  the  course  of  the  day,  things  tempered 
down  a  little,  and  I  managed  to  get  some  conversation  out  of 
the  party,  which  served  to  while  away  the  time. 

Some  time  after  noon  we  reached  Canandaigua,  where  Mrs. 
Caton  had  attended  school  for  several  years,  and  she  expressed 


The  Next  Days  Ride.  1/5 

a  desire  to  call  at  the  seminary  and  pay  her  respects  to  her 
former  teachers.  Now  this  pleased  me  much,  for  I  thought 
she  felt  ambitious  to  show  them  what  sort  of  a  husband  she 
had  got,  so  I  made  arrangements  with  the  agent  that  they 
should  take  half  an  hour  to  change  the  horses.  The  walk  was 
not  long,  nor  had  we  long  to  wait  when  they  saw  our  cards. 
They,  of  course,  overwhelmed  the  bride  with  their  congratu- 
lations, and  told  her  frankly  they  thought  she  had  done 
excellently  well,  so  far  as  they  could  judge  from  appearances 
only.  We  made  but  a  short  call,  and  soon  hastened  back  and 
resumed  our  seats  again  and  went  on  our  way,  but  not  without 
some  grumbling  from  our  antiquated  neighbors,  who  sorely 
grudged  the  loss  of  time,  for  I  suspected  from  a  little  malice 
toward  us,  they  had  made  up  their  minds  to  go  to  Buffalo  that 
night  if  we  could  be  brought  to  consent.  Although  by  special 
arrangement,  I  had  the  right  to  insist  on  laying  over,  we  had, 
on  private  consultation,  concluded  to  humor  them.  So  we 
consented  to  go  directly  through.  We  had  made  much  more 
rapid  progress  than  I  had  expected,  and  as  I  could  not  yet 
learn  when  the  steamer  was  to  leave  for  the  upper  lakes,  I 
thought  the  chances  of  a  few  hours  might  be  worth  saving,  and 
this  reconciled  us  to  the  proposed  arrangement.  However, 
luckily,  as  I  then  thought,  and  so  it  proved  eventually,  when 
we  reached  Avon,  near  sunset,  either  one  or  both  of  the 
amiable  spinsters  gave  out,  and  so  we  professed  to  make  a 
virtue  of  necessity,  though  with  some  affected  grumbling  on 
our  part,  and  changed  our  plans  agair  so  as  to  stay  there  over 
night.  It  was  a  little  town  on  the  top  of  a  rising  ground,  where 
travelers  rarely  stopped.  Our  neighbors  found  accommodation 


176  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

at  the  most  promising  looking  house,  but  they  filled  it  full. 
So  we  had  to  seek  for  quarters  at  the  hotel  across  the  green. 
There  the  landlord  said  he  had  but  one  spare  bed  in  the  whole 
house.  But  if  the  ladies  could  sleep  together,  he  would  make 
me  up  the  nicest  place  in  the  world  on  the  sofa  in  the  parlor, 
a  little  room  which  he  showed  me,  about  ten  by  twelve  feet. 
Now  this  proposition  did  not  suit  my  notions  of  propriety  — 
no,  not  by  a  great  deal,  and  so  I  told  him,  but  he  could  not  see 
it  until  I  finally  explained  that  I  thought  it  would  be  unpardon- 
able neglect  to  turn  my  wife  off  with  Mrs.  Flusky,  when  I  had 
never  done  so  rude  a  thing  in*all  my  life,  or  rather,  to  speak 
more  accurately,  since  we  were  married,  although  as  that  event 
had  occurred  not  three  days  before,  in  truth  I  had  had  but  little 
opportunity  to  do  so.  Still  I  thought  it  very  rude  to  be  guilty 
of  such  neglect  so  soon.  At  last,  with  all  this  circumlocution, 
he  became  enlightened,  and  declared  that  he  had  not  sus- 
pected the  case  was  so  imminent,  and  finally  concurred  with 
me  on  the  question  of  propriety  I  had  raised,  though  still  that 
could  not  make  another  bed ;  I  then  asked  him,  as  I  confessed 
to  a  little  delicacy  on  the  subject,  if  he  would  not  go  to  Mrs. 
Flusky  and  offer  her  the  cot  on  the  sofa,  and  assure  her  that 
she  should  meet  with  no  interruption  there;  and  so  the  matter 
was  arranged.  Mrs.  Flusky  declared  in  the  morning  her  bed 
was  nice,  and  that  she  never  rested  better,  and  we  went  on  our 
way  rejoicing. 

We  reached  Buffalo  not  long  after  noon,  I  think.  Here  we 
parted  with  the  three  celibates  who  had  been  our  traveling 
companions  for  the  last  two  days,  whose  frozen  hearts  had 
refused  to  soften  in  the  genial  warmth  which  surrounded  us, 


At  Buffalo — I  Find  Some  Friends.  177 

which  I  thought  at  least  should  have  melted  ice  itself,  although 
\ve  kept  it  to  ourselves  as  much  as  possible.  They  selected  a 
different  hotel  from  ours,  and  so  we  never  saw  them  more. 
We  wished  them  peace,  but  as  for  happiness,  in  its  higher 
sense,  I  fear  it  was  not  in  store  for  them.  What  are  such 
people  made  for  ? 

AT   BUFFALO  —  I   FIND   SOME  FRIENDS. 

I  secured  nice  quarters  at  a  good  hotel,  and  after  we  had 
dined  I  left  the  ladies  in  their  respective  rooms  to  make  them- 
selves % comfortable,  and  went  to  the  office.  There  I  met 
several  Chicago  friends.  We  were  delighted  to  see  each  other. 
I  was  the  recipient  of  their  cordial  congratulations,  and  they 
expressed  great  desire  to  see  Mrs.  Caton,  which  pleasure  I 
promised  them  so  soon  as  she  could  make  herself  presentable 
after  so  long  and  dusty  a  journey.  My  friends  were  smoking 
their  post-prandial  cigars,  and  of  course  I  joined  them,  forget- 
ting that  I  had  not  touched  a  particle  of  tobacco  for  the  last 
three  weeks.  I  had  never  told  Miss  Sherrill  or  Mrs.  Caton 
that  I  did  not  use  tobacco  in  every  form,  except  as  might  be 
inferred  from  my  present  abstinence.  The  subject  had  never 
been  alluded  to  between  us.  I  smoked  up  the  cigar  without 
once  thinking  of  the  subject  in  the  interest  I  felt  with  my 
friends,  learning  what  had  transpired  in  Chicago  since  I  had 
left,  and  telling  them  in  a  general  way  how  I  had  been 
occupied,  and  especially  giving  them  assurance  that  I  was 
taking  home  the  best  and  the  prettiest  girl  ever  raised  east  of 
the  lakes.  After  spending  an  hour  with  them,  and  learning 
that  the  departure  of  the  steamer  had  been  again  postponed, 
13 


178  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

for  perhaps  ten  days,  and  thinking  that  now  Mrs.  Caton  had 
had  plenty  of  time  to  make  her  toilet,  I  went  up  to  her  room. 

THE  TOBACCO  SCENE. 

I  found  her  dressed,  and,  if  possible,  more  lovely  and 
blooming  than  ever.  She  received  me  as  she  should,  alleging 
that  I  had  been  gone  so  long  she  did  not  know  but  that  I  had 
got  sick  of  her  already  and  ran  away.  Before  I  had  time  to 
make  reply  to  this  rally,  somehow  or  other — I  have  ever  been 
at  a  loss  to  tell  how — she  discovered  I  had  been  smoking. 
She  was,  no  doubt,  a  little  surprised  at  the  discovery,  and  I 
presume  regretted  it;  but  she  did  not  even  say  that  much. 
When  I  attempted  some  explanation  she  said  I  need  not  fear 
an  unpleasant  scene  or  the  least  reproof;  that  I  should  always 
smoke  just  as  much  as  I  liked;  that  she  knew  I  had  sense  and 
firmness  enough  not  to  use  tobacco  to  excess ;  that  her  father 
had  always  used  it,  and  had  made  none  the  worse  a  husband 
or  father  on  that  account;  and  on  the  whole  she  was  rather 
inclined  to  the  opinion  it  was  a  good  thing,  for  she  believed 
men  were  never  angry  when  they  smoked.  If  its  soothing 
influence  was  so  beneficial  as  that,  she  thought  ladies  should 
always  encourage  it.  For  her  part  she  detested  those  wives 
who  were  always  picking,  and  thrusting,  and  teasing  their 
husbands  about  their  filthy  tobacco.  She  never  knew  such  a 
course  to  stop  any  man,  who  was  of  any  account  at  least,  from 
using  it,  and  if  she  were  a  man  she  would  use  all  the  more  for 
it.  That  she  would  take  care  that  my  cigar  box,  my  pipes  and 
tobacco  box  should  have  the  nicest  place  in  all  the  house,  and 
never  be  mislaid  if  she  could  help  it.  She  insisted  I  had  not 


The   Tobacco  Scene.  179 

deceived  her  in  the  least  about  tobacco.  It  was  very  justifia- 
ble to  leave  it  off  when  I  was  so  anxious  to  appear  to  the  best 
advantage,  without  a  stain  on  my  teeth  or  a  taint  in  my 
breath.  But  that  she  would  have  loved  me  all  the  same  if  I 
had  used  it  constantly. 

This  course  on  her  part  took  me  down  completely.  It  was 
the  first  thing  that  ever  had  occurred  which  could  have  given 
her  any  cause  of  complaint  or  reproof — had  she  been  never  so 
complaining — and  it  was  the  very  occasion  which  perhaps  too 
many  women  would  have  embraced,  to  complain  or  reprove. 
Some,  no  doubt,  even  if  they  had  felt  no  real  objection  to  the 
habit,  would  have  considered  the  opportunity  too  good  to  be 
lost,  always  delighted  to  find  cause  for  some  little  fault  which 
they  can  notice.  My  wife  thought  differently,  and  no  doubt, 
wisely.  That  was  a  time  when  it  was  of  the  utmost  import- 
ance that  she  should  secure,  or  rather  retain,  all  my  confi- 
dence— all  my  good  feeling — and  all  her  influence  over 
me.  This  could  never  be  done  by  allowing  any  circumstance 
to  come  between  us  and  disturb  our  harmony  of  thought  and 
feeling. 

I  can  not  describe  how  I  thanked  her  for  her  kindness,  but 
much  more  for  her  discretion  and  wisdom.  While  there  was 
one  little  flash  in  her  observations,  which  showed  she  had  no 
lack  of  spirit,  it  was  manifest  that  that  spirit  would  never 
show  itself  in  unkindness  to  me,  unless  I  should  provoke  it 
beyond  endurance  by  unkindness  on  my  part.  This  little 
incident  opened  a  door  for  a  very  early  and  mutual  discussion 
of  the  whole  subject  of  conjugal  treatment  and  intercourse  — 
which  I  shall  have  occasion  to  mention — while  on  our  voyage 


I  So  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

home,  when  we  had  plenty  of  leisure  to  talk  up  the  whole 
subject  in  all  its  bearings.  For  the  present  it  is  sufficient  to 
say  that  this  interview  of  half  an  hour,  while  she  sat  in  my 
iap  with  her  arm  on  my  shoulder,  and  mine  around  her  waist, 
opened  to  me  a  new  chapter  in  her  character  and  disposition, 
Avhich  promised  even  more  than  I  could  have  expected  for  our 
future  happiness,  and  I  resolved  anew  that  she  should  never 
exceed  me  in  devotion  and.  self-denial,  and  I  think  I  made  her 
understand  this.  I  assured  her  on  the  spot  that  I  could  quit 
the  use  of  tobacco  without  regret  or  any  great  sacrifice,  and 
that  I  should  be  unworthy  of  such  a  wife  if  I  could  not,  or  if  I 
would  not,  in  case  she  desired  it;  that  I  had  abstained  from  it 
for  three  weeks  on  account  of  my  love  to  her,  and  that  I  was 
ready  to  prove  that  I  could  abstain  from  it  for  thirty  years,  or 
more,  should  we  so  long  live,  for  that  same  love.  She  had 
but  to  say  the  word  and  the  thing  was  done  irrevocably.  She 
said  no;  she  did  not  ask  it;  she  did  not  wish  it.  If,  in  the 
least,  it  would  add  to  my  comfort,  she  wished  me  to  continue 
it;  that  she  should  be  much  happier  to  see  me  thus  enjoy 
myself,  than  to  reflect  that  she  had  deprived  me  of  a  single 
comfort ;  that  it  was  in  no  way  disagreeable  to  her,  if  it  were 
only  neatly  done,  and  not  in  such  excess  as  to  be  injurious. 
That  she  already  anticipated  much  pleasure  in  keeping  my 
smoking  apparatus  all  in  the  finest  order.  Ah,  how  nice  it 
would  be  after  tea,  when  we  should  be  all  by  ourselves,  to 
bring  me  my  slippers,  smoking  cap  and  cigar,  or  pipe,  if  I 
chose  it.  Indeed,  she  had  to  thank  me  for  a  new  source  of 
enjoyment,  which  she  had  not  anticipated  when  she  thought 
she  had  exhausted  all  manner  of  contrivances  as  to  how  she 


The  Tobacco  Scene.  181 

might  add  but  the  least  particle  to  my  pleasure  or  my  comfort. 
At  this  new  proof  of  a  desire  to  make  me  happy,  at  this  new 
exhibition  of  goodness,  at  this  development  of  a  new  trait  of 
character,  think  you  not  my  heart  swelled  out  even  more  than 
ever  before !  What  could  I  say  to  all  this  ?  Words  could  not 
express  my  feelings.  Acts  then  and  ever  must  testify  to  what 
words  could  not. 

I  promised  much ;  I  have  ever  tried  to  keep  those  promises. 
That,  I  may  say,  was  really  the  first  opportunity  she  ever  had 
to  exhibit  those  traits  of  character,  that  extraordinary  disposi- 
tion, which  have  characterized  her  conduct  throughout  what 
may  be  termed  a  long  conjugal  life;  which  have  had  such  a 
powerful  influence  in  moulding  my  own  character ;  and  which 
have  contributed  so  essentially  to  our  mutual  happiness,  and  I 
hope  have  not  been  without  their  influence  on  our  children. 
These  were  not  mere  ebullitions  of  what  may  be  called  the  first 
flush  of  love.  They  were  exhibitions  of  permanent  traits  of 
character,  which  have  been  ever  growing  and  expanding,  a 
blessing  to  herself  and  to  her  family,  and  indeed  to  all  within 
her  influence.  Would  that  all  young  married  women  could 
thus  commence  to  manage  their  husbands.  Would  that  they 
could  appreciate  that  the  more  they  give  the  more  will  they 
surely  receive.  Would  they  do  so,  surely  there  would  be  more 
good  husbands  in  the  world;  there  would  be  more  happy 
wives  and  contented  households  than  there  now  are.  We  all 
love  to  be  led  and  controlled  by  kindness  and  love ;  and  so  do 
we  hate  to  be  driven  and  coerced,  to  the  discharge  even  of  a 
plain  duty. 


1 82  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

1   INTRODUCE   HER  TO   MY   FRIENDS. 

But  we  have  made  this  private  interview  long  enough,  for 
those  gentlemen  below  will  get  impatient  waiting  for  my  re- 
turn, which  I  promised  should  be  soon.  When  I  told  her 
some  young  gentlemen  from  Chicago  desired  an  introduction, 
and  were  really  half  dying  to  see  one  of  whom  they  had  heard 
so  much  from  various  sources,  she  expressed  an  equal  anxiety 
to  see  if  all  the  Chicago  gentlemen  were  like  the  one  whose 
acquaintance  she  had  so  lately  made.  Any  little  readjustment 
of  dress  deemed  necessary  was  soon  made,  and  she  announced 
herself  ready,  and  then  we  went  together  to  the  parlor. 

My  friends  soon  appeared,  and  my  wife  made  her  first 
acquaintance  with  some  of  that  society  among  which  she  was 
afterwards  to  move.  Of  course  the  call  was  very  pleasant. 
When  it  was  over,  she  thought  them  very  agreeable  and  well 
accomplished.  While  they  declared  it  was  a  mystery  past 
finding  out  how  I  had  managed  first  to  find  and  then  obtain 
such  a  girl ;  I  could  only  say  the  first  was  by  accident,  but  for 
the  other  I  never  could  tell  myself — it  must  ever  remain  a 
mystery.  Of  course  these  compliments  had  to  be  repeated, 
and  were  no  doubt  gratifying ;  for  what  woman  ever  lived,  who 
was  fit  to  live,  who  was  not  pleased  to  know  that  any  excellency 
she  might  be  thought  to  possess  was  well  appreciated  by  all 
who  knew  or  saw  her  ? 

BUSINESS  —  THE  QUEEN   CHARLOTTE. 

But  business  must  now  be  attended  to.  We  could  not  wait 
ten  days  there  for  the  steamer.  That  could  not  be  thought  of. 


Btistness — The  Queen  Charlotte.  183 

We  could  take  a  passage  any  day  for  Detroit,  and  go  thence  by 
stage  to  Chicago ;  but  I  dreaded  this,  for  we  had  heard  fearful 
reports  of  sickness  in  Michigan,  and  to  take  my  wife  at  once 
through  a  country  believed  then  to  be  filled  with  malaria,  I 
would  not  do  at  any  sacrifice.  Besides,  I  had  promised  her 
mother  I  would  take  her  around  the  lakes,  and  avoid  what  was 
then  thought  to  be  almost  a  pestilence.  It  was  even  better  to 
spend  ten  or  twenty  days  in  a  sail  vessel,  if  one  could  be 
found  with  comfortable  accommodations.  In  these  counsels 
Mrs.  Flusky  of  course  participated.  She  voted  strongly  for 
proceeding  any  way,  if  a  chance  could  only  be  procured. 

I  started  for  the  wharves  to  make  inquiries  and  then  report. 
I  soon  came  upon  the  Queen  Charlotte,  Captain  Cotton,  and 
learned  that  she  was  loading  for  Chicago.  She  was  one  of  the 
vessels  taken  by  Perry  at  the  battle  of  Erie,  on  the  tenth  of 
September,  1814,  after  which  she  had  been  sunk  in  Erie  Bay, 
where  she  had  laid  under  water  for  more  than  twenty  years, 
and  had  just  been  raised  and  newly  rigged  and  fitted  out,  and 
was  now  loading  for  her  first  voyage.  She  was  a  brig  of  about 
five  hundred  tons.  She  had  a  nice  cabin,  with  ten  state-rooms 
neatly  furnished  with  three  berths  each,  with  new  clean  linen, 
and  each  room  with  a  nice  little  wash-stand.  I  could  have  a 
choice  of  rooms.  She  was  to  sail  four  days  hence,  or  on  the 
morning  of  the  Wednesday  following. 

I  returned  and  reported  progress.  I  described  every  thing 
as  minutely  as  possible.  The  state-rooms  were  small  no  doubt, 
but  large  enough  to  dress  in  comfortably ;  the  berths  were  nar- 
row, it  was  true,  but  one  person  could  sleep  in  one  very 
nicely;  they  promised  good  fare,  and  I  had  no  fears  that 


1 84  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

we  should  starve  ;  I  had  met  some  of  the  passengers  who 
were  going,  and  they  seemed  nice  pleasant  people.  At  any 
rate  it  was  worthy  of  further  consideration,  and  so  thought 
we  "all  of  us."  It  was  decided  that  the  ladies  should  visit 
the  brig  in  the  morning,  when  we  would  come  to  a  final 
determination. 

We  called  that  evening  on  some  friends  of  Mrs.  Caton  in 
the  city,  and  on  the  whole  our  first  half-day  in  Buffalo  passed 
very  pleasantly. 

WE  BOOK  FOR  THE  VOYAGE  IN  THE  QUEEN. 

After  breakfast  the  next  morning  we  took  a  pretty  long 
walk  about  the  town  and  finally  reached  the  Queen  Charlotte. 
The  Captain  treated  us  very  politely,  and  was  evidently  pleased 
at  the  idea  of  adding  our  names  to  his  list  of  passengers.  The 
cabin  looked  really  charming,  everything  was  so  clean  and 
neat.  He  explained  to  us  that  before  we  should  sail,  all  the 
boxes  and  bales  which  now  encumbered  the  deck  would  be 
cleared  away,  and  showed  us  what  a  fine  promenade  we  should 
then  have  for  exercise ;  that  he  would  have  settees  and  seats 
brought  on  deck  as  we  should  want,  and  showed  us  that  we 
should  really  be  more  comfortable  than  on  a  steamer,  and  with 
fair  winds  we  would  be  but  little  longer  on  the  way.  Of  course 
I  left  the  decision  to  the  ladies,  who  finally  settled  it  in  the 
affirmative,  and  selected  their  state-rooms.  Mrs.  Caton  dis- 
covered that  the  third  berth  in  our  room  was  just  the  thing  to 
serve  in  place  of  a  wardrobe.  Mrs.  Flusky  could  take  a  room- 
mate or  not,  as  she  pleased. 


;!/>/  Wife  Disposed  to  Help  Me.  185 

A   PROFESSIONAL  OBJECT  IN  VIEW. 

For  myself,  I  had  a  professional  object  in  view,  which 
induced  me  to  desire  to  make  this  voyage,  which  I,  however,  did 
not  explain  to  Mrs.  Caton  till  after  the  decision  was  made.  No 
proctor  can  be  properly  qualified  for  maritime  litigation 
without  having  some  practical  knowledge  of  navigation  of 
that  class  involved  in  his  practice.  Some  maritime  business 
had  already  occurred  in  Chicago,  and  there  was  no  doubt  it 
was  destined  to  become  very  large,  and  I  was  determined  to 
qualify  myself  for  it  as  thoroughly  as  possible.  To  do  this,  I 
must  become  familiar  with  the  names  of  all  the  rigging,  under- 
stand all  the  nautical  terms  used  in  giving  orders  for  sailing  a 
vessel ;  understand,  practically,  the  force  of  the  wind  on  all 
the  sails,  when  placed  in  different  positions,  with  reference  to 
its  course;  and,  in  fine,  get  as  thorough  a  knowledge  as 
possible  of  all  that  related  to  practical  navigation  on  the  lakes, 
at  least  as  to  the  working  of  the  vessel.  One  possessing  such 
knowledge  must  have  a  great  advantage  over  one  ignorant  in 
such  matters.  There  were  then  few  brigs  in  the  lake  marine, 
and  it  might  be  long  before  I  could  have  another  opportunity 
of  sailing  in  one,  while  almost  any  day  I  could  make  a  trip  in 
a  schooner.  Then  it  was  turning  to  good  account  time  which 
might  otherwise  not  be  so  well  spent. 

MY  WIFE   DISPOSED   TO   HELP  ME. 

When  I  explained  all  this  to  Mrs.  Caton,  after  the  decision 
was  finally  made,  and  we  were  fairly  booked  for  the  voyage, 
she  entered  into  the  advantage  of  the  arrangement  fully,  and 


1 86  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

reproved  me  gently  for  not  having  explained  it  before,  that 
she  might  console  herself  with  the  belief  that  my  advancement 
had  had  its  influence  in  her  determination ;  and  averred  that 
for  that  purpose  she  would  make  the  voyage  in  almost  any 
vessel,  even  if  it  took  a  month,  and  assured  me  that  I  should 
ever  find  her  ready  to  submit  to  any  inconvenience  or  personal 
sacrifice  deemed  necessary  to  help  me  along  in  my  profession, 
or,  indeed,  any  of  my  enterprises.  It  was  our  success  we 
must  both  work  for.  She  claimed  to  have  as  much  interest  in 
that  success  as  I  had,  and  that  it  was  as  much  her  right  and 
her  duty  to  work  for  it  as  it  was  mine ;  that  no  couple  could 
ever  rise  in  the  world  if  one  was  pulling  down  while  the  other 
was  struggling  to  get  up;  that  woman  had  her  duties  to  per- 
form as  well  as  man,  which,  though  of  a  quite  different 
character,  were  not  less  imperative,  and  perhaps  not  less 
important ;  that  she  could  at  least  comfort,  stimulate  and 
encourage  him,  if  she  could  not  take  hold  and  actually  labor 
with  him  in  his  specific  work,  and  that  it  even  might  happen 
that  she  could  in  some  exceptional  instances  do  this,  and  when 
that  should  occur  she  would  not  be  found  wanting.  Grand 
words  these,  and  grandly  have  they  been  fulfilled,  as  her  hand- 
writing on  the  files  of  the  courts  where  I  practiced  long  years 
ago  will  attest.  What  man,  worthy  the  name  of  man,  would 
not  work  and  struggle  with  such  support  as  this  ?  With  the 
ambition  and  resolution  which  had  always  animated  me  and 
helped  me  along  so  far,  how  perfectly  did  her  tastes  and  judg- 
ment accord  with  my  own.  If  I  had  loved  her,  as  it  were  by 
a  sort  of  inspiration,  before  I  really  knew  her,  what  could  be 
the  appropriate  description  of  my  sensibilities  towards  her,  as 


My  Wife  Disposed  to  Help  Me.  187 

her  character,  thoughts  and  feelings  were  thus  by  degrees 
unfolded  ?  If  I  had  all  the  while  believed  that  she  was  an 
extraordinary  woman,  I  had  hardly  anticipated  all  this.  It 
was  filling  full  that  measure  of  ideal  perfection  which  I  had 
hardly  believed  could  ever  be  found  in  real  life.  If  my  love 
for  her  made  me  think  that  every  thing  which  she  said  and  did 
was  better  than  as  if  the  same  had  been  said  and  done  by 
another — well,  let  me  think  so.  I  hope  others  may  think  the 
same  of  their  own.  They  surely  should  when  they  find  them 
so  true,  so  faithful,  so  sensible,  so  appreciative,  so  unselfish 
and  self-sacrificing;  of  so  clear  a  judgment  in  all  things,  and 
yet  so  gentle,  mild  and  unobtrusive. 

Perhaps  I  should  not  remember  all  these  early  incidents, 
which  so  lit  up  my  hopes  and  so  stimulated  my  energies,  had 
not  every  promise,  every  sentiment  and  every  thought  then 
expressed,  been  so  fully  carried  out  through  so  many  years  of 
varied  fortune.  Well,  whenever  I  forget  myself  and  wander 
off  in  that  direction,  I  never  know  when  to  stop;  and  I  do  not 
know  but  that  I  may  some  time  get  started  on  that  course  and 
not  stop  at  all.  It  is  a  theme  I  delight  to  dwell  upon,  and  why 
should  I  not? 

Whenever  a  new  trait  was  developed  in  the  characteristics 
of  my  wife,  which  my  limited  acquaintance  with  her  had  not 
enabled  me  before  to  see  distinctly,  although  I  may  have  be- 
lieved that  she  possessed  it,  my  mind  naturally  traced  out  its 
consequences,  and  so  I  set  them  down  here  as  they  occurred; 
and  so  I  let  you  see  what  she  was  by  degrees,  as  her  character 
and  disposition  were  manifested  to  me,  rather  than  to  group 
all  together  in  some  one  place,  with  such  comments  as  justice 


1 88  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

and  my  own  inclination  demand  I  should  say  about  her, 
although  this  course  may  sometimes  compel  an  appearance  of 
repetition. 

WE  VISIT   HER   BROTHER. 

After  this  matter  was  thus  settled,  we  found  three  days  on 
our  hands  before  we  should  go  on  board,  and  Mrs.  Caton  pro- 
posed that  we  should  go  to  Fredonia  and  see  her  brother 
Henry,  where  he  was  attending  school.  Nothing  could  have 
suited  me  better ;  so  after  dinner  we  took  a  steamer,  and  before 
night  found  ourselves  in  nice  snug  quarters  at  the  hotel  in  that 
little  town,  near  the  lake.  A  note  to  Henry  soon  brought  him 
over,  as  well  as  two  cousins,  sons  of  uncle  Lewis,  who  was  so 
embarrassed  when  we  met  in  the  stage  on  my  way  down.  We 
were  glad  to  meet,  and  so  we  spent  a  pleasant  evening.  It 
took  till  late  to  talk  up  all  about  the  family  and  what  was  said 
about  the  West. 

The  next  day  we  dined  with  them  at  their  boarding-house, 
and  did  the  town  very  thoroughly.  I  remember  nothing  of 
especial  interest,  except  the  gas  works,  which  consisted  of  a 
large  gas-holder  or  reservoir,  built  in  the  usual  form  over  a 
large  spring,  whence  natural  gas  was  continually  escaping, 
which  furnished  tolerable  illumination,  and,  I  think  I  under- 
stood, sufficient  to  supply  the  town. 

On  the  day  following  we  returned  to  Buffalo,  where  Mrs. 
Flusky  had  remained,  and  found  her  well,  though  she  com- 
plained that  she  had  been  rather  lonely  while  we  were  away. 

WE  GO  ON  BOARD. 

We  now  finished  up  the  sights  of  Buffalo,  to  be  ready  to  go 


We  Get  Under  Way.  189 

on  board  the  brig  according  to  appointment.  By  ten  o'clock 
the  next  morning  all  were  snugly  on  board,  our  baggage 
stowed  away,  and  such  articles  from  the  trunks  as  we  should 
require  during  the  voyage,  or  at  least  those  constantly 
required,  in  our  state-rooms,  of  which  we  took  full  possession. 
The  wind  was  fair  and  we  were  impatient  to  be  off.  But  so  I 
suspect  it  is  almost  always.  Freight  was  still  coming  on 
board  as  lively  as  ever,  and  the  mate  went  bustling  around  to 
stow  it  away  below. 

WE  GET  UNDER  WAY. 

We  did  not  get  under  way  till  about  four  o'clock  in  the 
afternoon,  and  I  suppose  got  a  little  impatient  at  the  delay; 
but  we  had  a  very  good  dinner  and  gave  very  little  expression 
to  our  impatience.  I  should  think  there  were  not  more  than 
fifteen  passengers,  which  left  us  plenty  of  room.  There  were 
quite  a  number  of  children,  which  promised  some  music  in 
the  cabin,  not  always  of  the  most  harmonious  kind;  but  we 
made  up  our  minds  not  to  notice  that.  We  had  been  children 
once,  and  no  doubt  annoyed  some  one,  and  so  must  it  be  there- 
after, else  the  world  would  be  become  depopulated. 

When  we  sailed,  the  decks  were  all  clear,  the  hatches 
battened  down  and  all  made  snug  and  clean.  The  sights  and 
scenes  were  pretty  as  we  passed  out  of  the  harbor  and  laid  our 
course  westward.  We  stood  in  a  group  at  the  stern  of  the 
vessel,  and  watched  the  city  and  the  shipping  in  the  harbor  as 
we  slowly  moved  away,  and  objects  became  gradually  less  and 
less  sharply  defined.  The  wind  was  fair  but  light,  and  the 
sensation  was  pleasurable  as  we  moved  silently  over  the 


1 90  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage, 

waters,  whose  surface  was  but  slightly  ruffled.  We  occasion- 
ally met  a  vessel  bound  down,  which  of  course  was  observed 
with  interest ;  for  we  already  began  to  experience  that  feeling 
which  I  believe  is  universal  when  sailing  on  a  large  body  of 
water,  as  the  ocean  or  our  great  lakes,  of  taking  an  interest  in 
every  object  which  comes  into  view,  which  increases  as  we 
approach  it.  While  the  shades  of  evening  began  to  gather 
around  us,  the  city  was  still  plainly  visible ;  but  as  we  stood 
over  on  the  north  side,  the  Canada  shore  was  much  nearer,  the 
trees  upon  which  were  easily  distinguished. 

NAUTICAL   LESSONS. 

I  had  already  commenced  studying  my  nautical  lessons. 
Even  in  the  stowing  away  the  last  of  the  cargo,  in  battening 
down  the  hatches  and  getting  all  snug,  I  had  taken  an  interest; 
but  I  had  been  more  particularly  attentive  when  the  order  was 
given  to  cast  off  the  lines,  and  the  mate  gave  directions  to 
some  of  the  sailors  to  get  up  the  flying-jib,  and  others  the  fore- 
sail, and  the  brig  began  to  move  slowly  from  the  dock,  but 
with  constantly  accelerated  motion,  as  one  sail  after  another 
was  exposed  to  the  light  breeze,  till  all,  including  the  studding- 
sails,  were  fully  set  and  drawing  beautifully.  Although  I  had 
often  sailed  in  schooners,  and  always  observingly,  I  was  never 
in  a  brig  before,  and  found  many  new  things  to  learn.  I  tried 
to  fix  upon  my  mind  the  meaning  of  all  the  terms  I  heard 
used,  and  to  comprehend  the  reason  of  every  act  I  saw  per- 
formed. By  the  time  night  closed  in,  I  felt  that  I  had  already 
stored  away  new  knowledge  which  I  should  afterwards  turn  to 
good  account;  and  so  it  was. 


Sail  Through  Lake  Erie.  191 

SAIL  THROUGH   LAKE   ERIE. 

The  evening  was  deliriously  cool  and  pleasant,  and  we  all 
enjoyed  it  on  deck  till  a  late  hour,  when  we  retired  to  our  little 
state-rooms.  We  found  them  small  enough,  so  that  but  one 
could  undress  or  dress  at  a  time ;  but  as  time  was  now  of  no  par- 
ticular importance,  this  was  no  great  inconvenience,  and  when 
fairly  shelved  we  found  the  beds  comfortable,  and  we  slept  well. 

When  we  awoke  in  the  morning,  I  observed  there  was 
much  more  motion  on  the  ship  than  there  had  been  the  day 
before,  and  I  inquired  of  the  lady  in  the  berth  below  how 
she  had  rested,  and  if  she  began  to  feel  any  sickness?  She 
had  slept  as  well  as  could  be  expected  under  the  circumstances, 
and  did  not  yet  feel  any  sea-sickness.  I  advised  her  to  remain 
in  bed,  the  longer  the  better,  for  she  would  be  less  likely  to  be 
affected  by  the  motion  of  the  vessel  than  when  sitting  up.  I, 
too,  had  had  a  good  night's  sleep,  and  we  resolved  to  console 
ourselves  the  best  we  could  while  in  that  little  den.  I  soon  left 
her  in  the  entire  possession  and  went  on  deck,  where  I  found 
we  were  running  free  before  a  fine  breeze,  and  going  through 
the  water  at  a  spanking  rate.  A  brig  does  not  roll  as  much, 
when  right  before  the  wind,  as  a  schooner  does  when  her  main 
and  foresail  are  wing  and  wing,  and  the  only  motion  to  be 
observed  in  the  Queen  that  morning  was  fore  and  aft,  which 
does  not  disturb  the  stomachs  of  landsmen  as  much  as  a  roll- 
ing motion  from  side  to  side.  Although  the  wind  was  fresh, 
yet  none  except  the  studding-sails  had  been  taken  in  or  reefed. 
I  was  careful,  so  soon  as  the  ladies  made  their  appearance,  to 
get  them  on  deck,  and  as  near  amidships  as  possible,  and 


192  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

brought  them  their  breakfasts.  By  this  means  the  sickness  I 
had  feared  was  almost  entirely  avoided.  I  felt  that  such  a 
day's  sail  as  we  had  before  us  would  accustom  them  to  the 
motions  of  the  seas,  and  that  every  hour  of  such  experience 
was  an  additional  guarantee  for  the  future.  By  noon  the  wind 
had  perceptibly  increased,  but  we  run  before  it  with  such  speed 
that  we  hardly  felt  it  on  deck;  at  least,  it  was  in  no  degree 
uncomfortable,  but  just  cool  and  refreshing,  ( for  you  must 
remember  that  this  was  in  the  first  week  of  August — the 
hottest  season  of  the  year.  In  the  afternoon  the  mate  got  out 
a  large  line,  which  he  attached  to  the  main  topmast,  and 
braced  it  to  the  stern  rail,  and  attached  heavy  blocks,  with 
which  he  drew  it  very  taut.  The  necessity  for  such  precaution 
showed  what  a  tremendous  strain  there  was  upon  the  rigging ; 
and  it  must  have  been  so,  from  the  rate  at  which  we  were 
going.  In  answer  to  my  inquiry,  the  mate  expressed  the 
opinion  that  we  were  running  fourteen  or  fifteen  knots  an 
hour.  His  name  was  Aull;  he  was  an  old  sailor,  and  evidently 
understood  his  business  well.  This  was  his  first  voyage  on 
the  lakes.  He  seemed  to  prefer  the  Atlantic,  for  he  thought 
there  was  too  much  land  about  the  lakes. 

When  we  retired  we  were  still  running  at  a  very  rapid  rate, 
which  produced  an  exhilarating  sensation.  If  the  wind  was 
strong,  it  was  very  steady,  and  our  canvas  was  not  reduced, 
yet  the  most  vigilant  watch  was  maintained  to  detect  the  first 
symptoms  of  any  thing  giving  way. 

Friday  the  wind  was  still  fair,  but  not  so  fresh  as  the  day 
before,  but  a  little  more  quartering,  which  nearly  made  up  for 
the  loss  of  force  by  exposing  more  canvas  to  its  action. 


Becalmed  in  the  River.  193 

BECALMED   IN  THE   RIVER. 

On  Saturday  morning  we  found  ourselves  at  anchor  in  the 
mouth  of  the  Detroit  river,  where  the  wind  had  left  us  shortly 
after  we  had  passed  out  of  the  lake.  Here  we  had  a  beautiful 
view  of  some  islands  and  both  banks  of  the  river.  Several 
windmills  in  sight  interested  the  ladies  very  much,  as  they 
were  the  first  they  had  ever  seen.  They  regretted  that  there 
was  no  wind  by  which  they  could  see  them  in  motion.  The 
heat,  for  the  first  time  since  we  had  come  on  board,  was  found 
to  be  rather  oppressive.  We  had  had  a  very  fine  run  through 
Lake  Erie  in  two  and  one  half  days,  and  without  any  suffering 
from  sea-sickness,  and  this  gave  us  hopes  of  a  pleasant  and 
quick  passage,  if  we  could  but  get  through  into  Lake  Huron 
without  detention.  The  brig  had  proved  herself  a  fine  sailer, 
and  had  behaved  beautifully  in  a  heavy  sea.  Both  officers 
and  sailors  were  loud  in  her  praise,  in  which  the  passengers 
were  ready  to  join  them.  Before  noon  the  steamer  Daniel 
Webster  appeared.  She  belonged  to  the  same  company  as 
the  brig,  and  on  a  signal  from  the  Captain,  she  came  along- 
side and  took  us  in  tow,  when  we  soon  reached  Detroit.  In 
the  course  of  the  afternoon  a  fair  wind  sprang  up,  and  we 
started  up  the  river,  and  early  the  next  morning  we  were  at 
the  foot  of  Lake  St.  Clair. 

CROSSING  THE   FLATS  —  AGAIN   HARD   AGROUND. 

About  daylight  the  Daniel  Webster  came  up  and  took  us 
in  tow  again.  No  doubt  the  owners  knew  we  were  drawing 
too  much  water  for  the  safe  navigation  of  the  channel  across 


194  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

the  flats.  The  steamer  brought  a  local  pilot,  a  Canadian 
Frenchman,  who  was  supposed  to,  and  probably  did,  know 
the  channel  well.  After  breakfast,  by  iirvitation,  we  went  on 
board  the  Webster,  where  we  spent  most  of  the  day.  We 
moved  very  slowly  up  the  channel,  the  brig  being  lashed  to 
the  side  of  the  steamer.  The  muddy  water  behind  the  brig 
showed  that  she  was  touching  the  bottom,  and  she  moved 
slower  and  slower,  while  they  put  on  more  and  more  steam, 
till  every  thing  trembled  violently.  In  the  emergency,  I  was 
much  amused  to  see  the  little  French  pilot  almost  beside 
himself,  first  swearing — half  in  English  and  half  in  French  — 
at  one  thing  and  then  another,  but  always  protesting  she  was 
in  the  very  best  kind  of  water.  At  last  we  stopped  altogether. 
Now  here  I  was  for  the  second  time  hard  aground  on  the  St. 
Clair  Flats.  The  first  time  it  was  Sunday  evening  and 
Monday,  the  fourth  day  of  July.  Now  it  was  Sunday,  the 
ninth  of  August. 

FOREKNOWLEDGE  NOT   DESIRABLE. 

How  much  had  been  done  and  how  changed  the  situation 
in  the  intervening  month!  Had  some  kind  astrologer,  when 
there  the  month  before,  cast  my  horoscope  and  told  me  of  the 
events  so  rapidly  to  transpire,  and  how  soon  again  I  should  be 
there,  with  her  I  loved  so  much  along,  and  so  happy  with  me, 
too,  how  much  I  would  have  blessed  the  prophet,  and  almost 
worshiped  at  his  feet.  Yet  now  it  was  plain  to  see  that  all 
was  wisely  ordered  for  the  best,  and  that  such  foreknowledge 
would  have  destroyed  the  rich  flavor  of  the  events  as  one  by 
one  they  came  along,  with  as  much  rapidity  as  I  could  well 


A  Frightful  Incident.  195 

digest  the  happiness  produced  by  each.  When  they  came 
without  foreknowledge,  each  incident  had  a  freshness  and  a 
fragrance  which  would  have  been  wanting  had  I  known  that 
it  was  fore-ordained  and  certainly  must  come  to  pass.  Even 
the  gambler  would  take  no  pleasure  in  the  play  if  he  certainly 
knew  beforehand  whether  he  should  win  or  lose.  It  is  the 
uncertainty  of  the  future  which  gives  the  zest  and  stimulates 
poor  feeble  man  to  exert  his  tiny  might  to  shape  the  future  as 
he  could  wish  it.  If  he  knew  that  future  certainly,  he  would, 
more  or  less,  lose  his  interest  in  it,  and  he  would  lack  the 
stimulant  which  gives  us  pleasure  to  exercise  our  energies.  I 
could  now  see  it  was  far  better  as  it  was. 

The  stopping  of  the  vessel  had  the  contrary  effect  on  our 
French  pilot  to  what  it  had  on  Captain  Blake.  The  former 
was  conscious  he  had  done  all  he  could,  and  that  the  stoppage 
was  unavoidable,  and  he  felt  quite  easy.  The  latter  knew  that 
he  was  to  blame,  and  so  he  was  terribly  enraged.  The  Web- 
ster drew  less  water  than  the  Queen,  and  so  could  work  round 
her,  first  pulling  her  bow  round  and  then  her  stern.  It  was  a 
hard  day's  work,  full  of  excitement  and  bustle,  and  there  was 
no  quiet  for  any  one. 

A   FRIGHTFUL   INCIDENT. 

A  little  before  sunset  we  got  over,  when  the  brig's  yawl 
came  to  the  steamer  for  us.  To  get  on  board  the  brig  we  had 
to  ascend  perpendicular  steps  for  about  twelve  feet,  and  hence 
it  was  very  proper  that  the  ladies  should  go  up  last,  and  so 
the  Captain  directed.  I  left  my  wife  in  the  yawl  with  great 
reluctance,  but  there  was  no  help  for  it.  After  I  got  on  deck, 
I  stood  close  by  watching  the  ladies  ascending  the  ladder  one 


196  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

by  one.  As  mine  was  the  youngest,  she  was  the  last.  When 
the  last  before  her  stepped  onto  the  ladder,  she  was  half  fright- 
ened out  of  her  wits,  and,  without  intending  it,  gave  the  boat, 
now  light  upon  the  water,  a  violent  shove,  which  threw  Mrs. 
Caton,  who  was  standing  off  her  guard  and  on  one  side,  quite 
from  her  balance,  and  she  made  a  start  to  go  overboard  head- 
foremost! I  had  been  fearful  all  the  time  that  something 
would  happen  to  her.  The  accident  so  shocked  me  that  I 
grew  faint  and  weak.  However,  she  had  the  discretion  to 
drop  down,  which  kept  the  center  of  gravity  inside,  and  she 
escaped  with  only  wet  hands  and  a  slight  bruise.  Before  I 
could  even  start  to  go  down  after  her,  as  quick  as  a  cat  she 
sprung  up  the  steps,  and  in  an  instant  she  was  at  the  top. 
When  I  helped  her  over  the  bulwarks,  I  felt  as  if  I  was 
receiving  her  almost  from  death  itself.  In  all  my  life  I  had 
never  before  received  such  a  shock.  I  am  not  easily  excited 
or  moved  by  anger  or  alarm,  but  when  it  does  occur,  I  am 
much  more  affected  than  a  more  excitable  person.  I  am  gen- 
erally calm  and  collected  in  the  greatest  peril,  and  so  should  I 
have  been  now  had  the  peril  been  to  myself,  but  some  way  this 
took  hold  of  me  in  every  nerve  and  every  fiber.  I  felt  pros- 
trated and  hurried  away  with  her  to  the  cabin,  where  we  were 
quite  alone,  all  the  others  remaining  on  deck  looking  at  the 
Webster  as  she  steamed  away  towards  Detroit.  I  fear  I  acted 
a  little  foolish.  There  being  no  one  by  to  impose  restraint,  I 
hardly  tried  to  restrain  my  feelings.  She  soon  managed  to 
calm  down  my  excitement,  but  I  felt  the  effects  of  it  for  some 
days ;  something  similar  to  what  I  have  observed  on  the  very 
few  occasions  when  I  have  become  really  angry,  which  may 


/;/  the  St.  Clair  Rircr.  197 

be  better  expressed  by  saying  terribly  mad,  when  I  have  felt 
sore  all  over  for  a  considerable  time.  If  I  am  not  easily  pro- 
voked to  any  degree  of  anger,  when  it  does  come  it  sweeps 
over  me  like  a  tornado  in  violence,  but  is  much  longer  in 
duration.  This  excitement  did  not  subside  immediately,  but 
became  rather  intermittent,  for  it  kept  returning,  in  spite  of 
myself,  every  time  my  mind  recurred  to  the  fearful  circum- 
stance, each  time  fairly  suspending  the  action  of  the  heart. 
Even  yet  I  can  not  remember  it  without  something  of  the 
same  feeling.  But  let  it  pass  now.  I  dislike  to  think  of  it, 
though  its  remembrance  often  will  come  back. 

When  we  went  on  deck  we  were  moving  slowly  to  the 
northward.  At  last  the  wind  died  entirely  away,  when  our 
anchor  was  dropped,  and  all  was  quiet  except  my  throbbing 
heart,  which  was  sorely  agitated  as  often  as  I  thought  of  the 
terrible  calamity  which  had  so  nearly  befallen  me.  I  know 
not  how  late  that  night  I  sat  on  the  floor,  my  head  leaning  on 
the  berth  where  she  lay,  tormenting  myself  with  a  picture  of 
the  condition  of  things  had  the  worst  happened.  Would  I 
have  gone  on  or  turned  back?  No;  I  would  have  stopped 
there  till  I  had  found  her,  and  then  taken  her  back.  But  what 
a  return  would  it  have  been !  I  say,  how  long  I  sat  there,  dis- 
tressing myself  and  her  too  with  these  reflections,  I  know  not. 
At  length,  however,  she  persuaded  me  to  become  quiet,  or  at 
least  for  her  sake  I  assumed  to  be  so,  and  crawled  away  to 
my  shelf  above. 

IX   THE  ST.   CLAIR   RIVER. 

I  think  it  took  us  two  days  before  we  cleared  the  river  and 
passed  into  Lake  Huron.  During  most  of  the  day-time  we 


198  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

lay  at  anchor  for  the  want  of  sufficient  wind  to  move  us 
against  the  current.  Several  times  the  Captain  sent  the  boat 
ashore  with  passengers,  to  allow  them  a  walk  there;  but  I 
refused  to  expose  my  precious  freight  to  such  another  peril. 
On  the  second  day  we  reached  a  little  dock  covered  with 
shingles,  when  we  enjoyed  a  ramble  through  the  adjoining 
woods,  and  gathered  a  basket  of  wintergreen,  which  consoled 
us  for  our  week's  confinement  on  board. 

THE  CAPTAIN   RUDE. 

When  we  returned  we  were  surprised  to  find  the  deck 
covered  with  shingles  up  to  the  top  of  the  bulwarks.  I 
mildly  suggested  to  the  Captain  that  I  feared  the  ladies  would 
not  find  the  promenade  on  deck  as  delightful  as  he  had  sug- 
gested before  we  sailed.  He  answered  me  in  a  very  rude 
tone,  in  the  presence  of  the  ladies,  that  I  had  better  attend  to 
my  own  business,  and  he  would  to  his.  Although  I  felt  out- 
raged and  indignant  at  his  insulting  rudeness,  I  did  not  allow 
myself  to  get  mad,  but  appreciated  that  it  was  neither  time  nor 
place  for  an  altercation.  Not  one  of  my  party  spoke  to  him 
again  during  the  voyage,  unless  to  answer  some  question  in 
the  shortest  possible  way.  The  other  passengers  seemed  to 
feel  the  insult  as  offered  to  all,  and  treated  him  in  a  similar 
manner.  Although  he  was  naturally  a  rude,  insolent  man,  as 
was  manifested  several  times  by  his  treatment  of  his  subordi- 
nates, yet  he  knew  how  to  appear  to  be  a  gentleman  if  he 
chose.  This  enabled  him  to  feel  the  silent  rebuke  much  more 
than  he  would  have  done  an  angry  reply.  He  was  evidently 
very  uncomfortable  under  it  before  we  reached  Chicago,  but 


A  Storm  —  Sea-Sickness.  199 

he  had  not  the  good  sense  to  make  an  apology ;  and  when  he 
found  he  could  not  re-establish  friendly  intercourse  with  the 
passengers  without  it,  he  became  morose,  but  he  only  exhibited 
this  feeling  to  those  under  him,  without  seeking  further  discord 
with  us. 

Some  time  after,  when  I  got  him  on  the  witness-stand,  I 
can  not  deny  that  I  managed  to  make  him  remember,  without 
direct  allusion  to  it,  that  we  had  met  before,  with  a  deck  load 
of  shingles.  Perhaps  I  ought  not  to  have  taken  advantage  of 
my  position  to  make  him  uncomfortable,  but  for  the  life  of  me 
I  could  not  help  it. 

A  STORM  —  SEA-SICKNESS. 

Almost  as  soon  as  we  got  into  the  lake,  a  strong  southwest 
wind  came  on,  and  we  ran  before  it  a  day  and  a  night  at  a 
very  rapid  rate,  and  were  already  congratulating  ourselves  on 
the  prospect  of  reaching  Mackinaw  the  next  day,  when  the 
wind  died  away,  and  then  came  in  from  the  north  with  a 
violence  of  which  we  had  thus  far  had  no  example.  The  sails 
were  all  taken  in  except  the  mainsail,  foresail  and  jib,  which 
were  close  reefed,  and  under  these  the  brig  fairly  quivered. 
Fortunately  we  had  plenty  of  clear  sea-room  behind  us ;  but 
the  result  was  we  were  driven  a  long  way  back  into  Lake 
Huron  during  the  two  days  the  gale  lasted,  and  when  it  did 
abate  the  weather  was  not  favorable  for  regaining  our  lost 
ground.  During  this  storm,  most  of  the  passengers  suffered 
severely  from  sea-sickness,  and  my  ladies  had  their  first  real 
experience  of  it.  Fortunately  I  was  not  affected  by  it  —  I  have 
very  rarely  felt  mal  de  mcr — so  I  was  enabled  to  bestow  upon 
them  all  my  attention. 


200  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

SHORT   RATIONS — HARD-TACK. 

When  the  gale  was  over,  and  the  passengers  felt  sufficiently 
recovered  to  think  of  nourishment,  it  was  discovered  that  our 
supplies  had  all  given  out  except  sea-bread,  or  hard-tack,  and 
we  all  had  to  live  on  that  till  we  reached  Mackinaw. 

During  that  storm  I  had  an  opportunity  of  showing  off  my 
best  points  as  a  nurse.  If  I  did  not  do  it  well,  it  was  not  for 
want  of  effort.  To  see  my  young  wife  so  deathly  sick  tried  me 
most  severely,  and  I  wished  a  thousand  times  that  we  could  have 
changed  conditions.  I  do  think  I  suffered  more  from  sym- 
pathy than  she  did  from  sickness,  and  I  know  this  is  saying 
much.  I  was  with  her  most  of  the  time,  doing  all  I  could, 
which  was  in  reality  very  little,  except  only  what  comfort  my 
sympathy  may  have  afforded.  I  did  all  I  could  for  Mrs. 
Flusky,  also. 

AN  EXCITING   RUN. 

At  length,  on  Sunday  morning  when  I  went  on  deck,  I 
found  a  stiff  breeze  blowing  on  our  larboard  quarter,  and  we 
were  dashing  along  at  a  terrible  rate  in  almost  perfectly  still 
water,  but  a  short  distance  from  some  islands  covered  with 
evergreens,  which  prevented  the  water  from  being  agitated  by 
the  high  wind  which  was  forcing  us  along  so  rapidly.  I  knew 
we  must  be  near  Mackinaw,  and  hastened  below  with  the 
encouraging  assurance  that  we  would  have  whitefish  for 
dinner.  To  go  at  one  step  from  hard-tack  to  whitefish  seemed 
almost  too  much  for  belief.  All  hastened  on  deck  as  soon  as' 
possible,  and  climbed  up  on  the  piles  of  shingles  as  well  as  we 
could;  and  certainly  never  before  or  since  have  I  enjoyed  such 


In  Mackinaw — Whitefish.  20 1 

a  sail  as  we  had  that  morning.  The  brig  listed  over  to  the 
command  of  the  wind,  which  had  now  become  a  little  more 
abeam ;  and  except  on  the  May  Powell,  I  think  I  have  never 
traveled  faster  on  any  vessel.  The  water  was  so  still  that  we 
could  observe  no  motion  except  that  of  progression  alone ;  but 
this  was  so  great  that  it  was  very  exhilarating,  to  say  the  least. 

IN   MACKINAW  —  WHITEFISH. 

About  ten  o'clock  on  Sunday  morning,  the  sixteenth  of 
August,  we  rounded  to  in  the  little  harbor  at  Mackinaw.  Soon 
after  our  arrival,  the  little  Mission  church  bell  pealed  out  its  call 
to  congregate  the  worshipers.  It  was  that  same  bell  which  had 
so  much  interested  me  on  my  way  down,  of  which  I  have 
already  spoken.  Some  of  the  passengers  inquired  of  the 
Captain  if  he  would  remain  in  port  long  enough  to  allow  us  to 
attend  the  service;  but  he  declined  to  promise  this,  although 
the  wind  was  still  blowing  as  strong  as  ever,  and  nearly  from 
the  direction  we  must  go  when  we  should  start.  No,  he  might 
sail  in  half  an  hour,  and  there  was  no  safety  but  to  remain 
on  board,  although  I  have  not  the  least  doubt  that  he  knew  he 
was  wind-bound  for  the  entire  day;  and  the  result  showed  that 
we  did  not  move  till  the  next  morning.  However,  we  con- 
soled ourselves;  though  with  watering  mouths,  in  anticipation 
of  our  whitefish  dinner,  of  which  the  arrival  of  a  fine  lot  from 
some  Indian  canoes,  which  came  along-side  almost  as  soon  as 
we  dropped  our  anchor,  fully  assured  us.  When  it  did  come, 
and  it  came  in  good  season,  we  made  amends  for  our  four 
days'  fast  on  hard-tack. 

During  the  afternoon  the  Captain  deigned  to  let  us  know 


2O2  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

that  he  would  not  sail  before  evening,  and  that  those  who 
desired  to  go  on  shore  could  do  so.  I  think  all  availed  them- 
selves of  the  privilege.  The  officers  of  the  fort  treated  us  very 
politely,  and  showed  us  around  the  grounds  and  through  the 
quarters.  Our  two  hours  ramble  about  the  Island  was  a  great 
relief  after  our  long  confinement,  aggravated  by  the  want  of  a 
yard  of  deck  room  for  exercise. 

A   STEAMER  —  SAIL   THROUGH   THE  STRAITS. 

The  next  morning  the  wind  was  light  but  fair,  and  we  set 
our  sails  and  laid  our  course  up  the  straits.  Just  as  we  were 
getting  under  way,  that  steamer  which  had  tantalized  me  so 
much  came  in.  Had  she  been  an  hour  earlier,  we  could  have 
taken  passage  on  her,  and  left  the  Queen  and  Captain  Cotton 
and  his  deck-load  of  shingles;  but  now  it  was  too  late,  and  we 
must  possess  ourselves  with  contentment  as  best  we  might. 
In  truth,  I  had  taken  enough  nautical  lessons,  at  least  for  the 
present,  and  was  very  anxious  to  get  my  party  into  more  com- 
fortable quarters ;  but  regrets  were  useless,  and  so  we  deter- 
mined to  make  the  best  of  it.  Before  a  great  while  the 
steamer  overtook  and  passed  us;  but  by  the  time  she  had  got 
a  few  miles  ahead,  the  wind  increased  to  a  stiff  breeze — about 
as  much  as  the  brig  could  stagger  under,  without  taking  in 
some  of  the  canvas  —  and  she  again  showed  her  sailing  quali- 
ties beautifully,  and  manifestly  gained  upon  the  steamer,  till 
the  latter  bore  away  on  her  course  for  Green  Bay.  Before 
night,  however,  the  wind  died  entirely  away,  and  we  lay  per- 
fectly becalmed  among  the  islands. 


In  Lake  Michigan  —  Pig  Seas.  203 

A   SQUALL. 

At  last,  about  sunset,  every  man  on  deck  sprang  to  his  feet 
apparently  at  the  same  instant,  as  if  by  a  common  impulse. 
The  Captain  gave  his  orders  quick  and  short.  Some  of  the 
men  jumped  into  the  rigging,  while  others  sprang  to  the  hal- 
yards and  let  everything  go  with  a  run.  It  seemed  to  me  I 
never  saw  men  work  so  fast,  but  they  were  none  too  quick, 
for  before  they  had  the  sails  half  furled,  or  all  even  clewed 
up,  a  gust  of  wind  struck  us  from  the  northwest,  it  seemed 
almost  with  the  force  of  a  cannon  shot.  I  did  not  see 
how  it  was  possible  for  the  men  aloft  to  keep  from  being 
blown  away,  and  the  unconfined  but  loosened  sails  snapped 
in  the  wind  like  a  volley  of  musketry,  and  the  vessel  ca- 
reened over  as  if  she  must  go  on  her  beam  ends,  for 
it  struck  her  broadside.  For  a  few  moments  nothing  could 
be  done  but  to  hold  on  and  get  the  brig  before  the  wind. 
The  little  tornado,  however,  only  lasted  a  few  minutes,  and  as 
soon  as  it  moderated,  some  of  the  sails  were  furled  and  Others 
were  reefed,  and  we  dashed  on  our  course  again,  thankful  that 
we  had  escaped  the  squall  so  well,  for  we  had  but  little  sea- 
room  ;  and  thankful,  also,  that  we  again  had  the  means  of 
moving  on  our  way. 

IN  LAKE  MICHIGAN — BIG  SEAS. 

In  the  morning  we  passed  the  Manitous  and  launched  out 
into  the  broad  waters  of  Lake  Michigan.  The  wind  now  came 
from  the  south  of  west,  but  not  too  fresh  for  our  purpose,  though 
it  seemed  very  strong  to  us  on  deck,  for  we  were  running  as 


204  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

close-hauled  as  we  possibly  could,  and  it  was  as  much  as  ever 
then  that  we  maintained  our  distance  of  not  more  than  two  or 
three  miles  from  the  shore.  The  wind  having  the  full  sweep 
of  the  lake,  had  got  up  a  tremendous  sea,  which  sent  the  ladies 
to  their  berths  again.  Running,  as  we  were,  quartering  across 
the  seas,  there  seemed  to  be  a  sort  of  twist  to  the  motion  of  the 
ship  that  was  well-calculated  if  there  was  anything  loose  in 
one's  stomach  to  find  it  out,  and  for  a  little  while  I  was  not 
sure  but  that  was  my  case ;  but  presently  all  came  right  again, 
and  I  was  enabled  to  do  what  could  be  done  for  others.  Had 
such  a  sea  came  on  the  first  day  out,  I  do  not  know  but  they 
would  have  died,  but  twelve  days  upon  the  water,  with  some 
pretty  sharp  experience,  had  prepared  them  to  stand  any  ordi- 
nary motion  of  the  vessel  without  inconvenience,  and  even 
mitigate  the  effects  of  this  the  worst  of  all  which  we  expe- 
rienced on  that  voyage,  or  that  I  have  almost  ever  seen  on  lake 
or  ocean. 

We  passed  the  high  sand-bank  on  which  rests  the  Sleeping 
Bear  as  near  as  I  -have  ever  been  to  it,  and  nearer  than  I 
desired  to  be  just  then.  The  great  waves  broke  upon  the  sandy 
beach  just  under  our  lee  all  day  long  with  a  roar  which,  in  a 
lull,  we  could  sometimes  hear,  covering  the  whole  line  of  coast 
with  a  white  bank  of  foam.  Off  to  windward,  the  white  caps, 
breaking  on  the  tops  of  all  the  waves,  gave  the  lake  the  appear- 
ance of  frozen  snow,  only  all  seemed  moving  directly  toward 
us,  as  if  each  was  determined  to  get  on  board,  an  enterprise  in 
which  many  succeeded.  Every  few  minutes  a  great  wave 
would  come,  which  it  seemed  must  engulf  us,  and  I  interested 
myself  very  much  standing  near  the  wheel,  where  the  mate 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  205 

was  watching  and  giving  particular  directions  to  the  wheel-man 
how  to  meet  them.  It  was  surprising  how  a  little  turn  of  the 
wheel  would  enable  the  vessel  to  mount  a  wave  without  spilling 
a  drop  on  deck,  Avhich  if  differently  met  would  break  clear 
over  us. 

That  day  to  those  who  could  come  on  deck  the  shingles 
did  good  service.  Those  on  the  starboard  side  served  as  an 
effectual  breakwater  to  such  of  us  as  could  climb  upon  those 
piled  on  the  larboard  quarter.  It  was  easy  to  see,  by  observ- 
ing objects  on  the  coast,  that  we  were,  after  all,  making  good 
progress.  When  night  shut  in  we  had  gained  a  better  offing, 
and  when  I  went  to  my  bunk  I  had  little  fear  that  the  morning 
would  find  us  on  the  beach. 

CHICAGO   IN  SIGHT. 

Of  what  we  saw,  where  we  were,  or  what  we  did,  on  the  fol- 
lowing day,  I  have  not  the  most  distant  recollection.  Every- 
thing seems  a  perfect  blank  from  that  evening  till  we  woke  up 
on  the  second  morning  after — Thursday,  the  twentieth  day  of 
August,  in  sight  of  Chicago,  perhaps  six  miles  south  of  west 
of  us,  with  a  sweet  little  breeze  which  was  wafting  us  slowly 
to  the  roadstead.  We  had  been  on  board  the  vessel  fifteen 
days. 

ETHICS   OF   EARLY   CONJUGAL  LIFE. 

I  have  thus  far  omitted  to  mention  by  far  the  greatest 
advantage  we  derived  from  this  long  and  in  some  respects 
tedious  voyage.  That  was,  the  uninterrupted  private  inter- 
views we  had  together  at  the  very  commencement  of  our 
married  life.  These  were  employed  in  discussing  together  the 


206  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

manner  in  which  we  should  treat  each  other,  in  order  to 
secure  the  greatest  amount  of  harmony  and  happiness.  We 
frankly  recognized  the  fact,  that  although  our  feelings  now 
might  tell  us  that  nothing  could  ever  arise  that  could  give 
birth  to  the  least  discord  or  alienation,  even  for  a  single 
moment,  yet  from  the  imperfections  of  human  nature,  from 
which  we  knew  we  were  not  exempt,  we  must  recognize  the 
fact  that  such  occurrences  might  and  must  arise  in  the  course 
of  our  lives;  and  that  it  was  much  better  to  anticipate  them 
now,  and  talk  them  over,  and  form  resolutions  how  to  meet 
them,  when  propositions  from  either  could  not  be  referred  by 
the  other  to  any  past  event  which  might  give  rise  to  a  feeling 
that  possibly  a  censure  was  intended  by  the  simple  suggestion 
as  to  the  mode  of  meeting  such  contingency.  Yes,  the  oppor- 
tunity to  lay  plans  and  form  resolutions  for  future  self-govern- 
ment in  the  very  beginning,  when  such  rules  can  in  no  way 
have  been  suggested  by  any  past  occurrence,  avoids  the  possi- 
bility of  awakening  any  unpleasant  sensibility,  and  allows  the 
parties  to  discuss  their  own  case  with  the  same  calmness  and 
impartiality  that  they  could  the  case  of  third  persons.  Such 
was  our  position  then.  No  word,  no  act,  had  occurred  which 
either  even  wished  otherwise.  Not  only  perfect  harmony,  but 
entire  and  complete  approbation  had  resulted  from  everything 
that  had  occurred  between  us. 

Then  was  the  time,  for  instance,  to  resolve  and  agree 
together,  that  if  one  should  ever  speak  a  cross  word  or  do  an 
unkind  act  to  the  other,  that  the  latter  should  not  resent  it,  or 
answer  it  in  the  same  tone  or  spirit,  but  if  noticed  at  the  time, 
to  do  it  in  the  spirit  of  kindness  and  affection.  That  after  the 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  :   - 

irritation  should  be  passed,  it  should  be  talked  over  in  kind- 
ness, and  resolves  renewed  to  secure  harmony  and  continued 
affection. 

\Ve  can  not  overlook  the  fact  that  we  all  possess  a  sort  of 
selfishness  or  self-pride,  which  in  our  softer  moments  is  buried 
quite  out  of  sight,  but  in  moments  of  irritation  will  spring  up 
and  persuade  us  that  we  have  been  wronged,  and  that  becom- 
ing self-respect  requires  us  to  resent  the  wrong,  even  though 
the  offender  be  one  whom  we  love  most  of  all  besides,  and  we 
have  believed  and  declared  a  thousand  times  we  loved  more 
than  ourselves,  and  for  whom,  to  prove  it,  we  have  been  ready 
a  thousand  times  to  sacrifice  even  life  itself.  Now  of  all 
things,  this  concealed  self-love  or  spirit  of  pride,  when  it  is 
tolerated  and  allowed  to  assert  itself,  is  the  most  dangerous  to 
conjugal  happiness,  and  is  the  cause  of  more  alienations 
between  husbands  and  wives,  where  real  and  genuine  love  has 
existed,  than  perhaps  all  other  causes  combined. 

An  inadvertent  act  wounds  the  feelings  of  one  party,  per- 
haps severely,  without  the  least  intentional  wrong  by  the 
other.  The  latter  takes  umbrage  that  the  former  has  taken 
offense  when  none  was  intended,  and  none  should  have  been 
taken.  Both  feel  themselves  equally  in  the  right,  and  to  have 
been  certainly  wronged.  Then  this  selfishness  will  try  to 
show  itself  and  to  smother,  though  as  yet  it  can  not  blot  out, 
the  love  existing  between  the  parties,  but  whispers  both  that 
self-respect  requires  them  not  to  yield  by  making  the  first 
advances,  but  to  stand  upon  dignity  and  make  the  other 
submit  or  take  the  consequences.  When  this  state  of  feeling 
has  once  established  itself,  then  each  one  experiences  a  sort  of 


2o8  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

bitter  pleasure  —  an  uncomfortable  happiness,  in  folding  to  trie 
bosom  this  feeling  of  acrimony,  although,  like  the  viper  which 
it  is,  it  is  all  the  time  striking  with  its  poisoned  fangs.  While 
poor  human  nature  is  so  prone  to  nurse  such  a  feeling,  which 
really  arises  from  the  sort  of  self-love  which  I  have  mentioned, 
and  which,  of  all  things,  it  is  the  most  difficult  to  recognize, 
much  less  to  discard,  it  requires  a  high  degree  of  what  may  be 
termed  stoicism  to  act  as  true  wisdom  dictates,  and  trample 
under  foot  that  selfish  pride,  and  make  a  single  step  towards 
reconciliation,  which  in  all  probability  would  be  cordially  met. 

It  is  the  reluctance  —  I  may  almost  say  self-abasement — 
which  one  feels  to  take  the  first  step  which  might  be  construed 
into  an  apology  —  this  sort  of  bitter  sweetness  which  one  tastes 
in  nursing  resentment  when  one  feels  only  a  little  wronged, 
and  the  idea  of  compelling  the  other  to  make  the  first  advance 
to  a  reconciliation  is  so  consoling  to  this  unworthy  feeling — 
which  is  our  worst  enemy — that  explains  how  it  has  happened 
that  so  many  who  have  lived  long  .and  happily  together,  and 
who  really  loved  each  other,  have  become  finally  estranged, 
and  lived  out  their  days  in  the  gall  of  bitterness — while  the 
single  pang  which  it  would  have  cost  to  selfishness  to  make 
one  single  step  toward  reconciliation  by  either  party  would 
have  secured  to  them  domestic  happiness  all  their  days. 
None  who  have  had  large  experience  in  our  courts  of  justice, 
where  domestic  difficulties  are  too  often  exposed  to  the  rude 
gaze  of  an  unsympathizing  crowd,  can  fail  to  recognize  this  as 
a  true  picture  of  what  they  have  often  witnessed  and  have  as 
often  deeply  regretted. 

Now  the  very  first  step  to  be  taken  to  avoid  the  danger  to 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  209 

arise  from  this  kind  of  egotism,  is  to  fully  and  determinately 
recognize  the  fact  that  human  judgments  differ  as  to  what  is 
right,  just  or  proper,  in  a  given  case,  even  where  third  persons 
alone  are  interested;  how  much  more  then  must  we  expect 
this  to  be  true  when  we  ourselves  are  interested — when  we 
become  the  judges  in  our  own  case?  We  must,  then,  first 
recognize  the  fact  that  we  are  just  as  likely  to  be  in  the  wrong 
as  the  other  party,  although  it  may  appear  to  us  we  are  clearly 
in  the  right,  and  the  other  party  is  in  the  wrong.  We  must 
remember  that  the  other  may,  with  the  same  sincerity,  believe 
us  to  be  in  the  wrong  and  the  abuse  on  the  other  side. 

Now,  there  is  no  pride  of  feeling  involved  when  a  couple 
are  first  married,  and  not  a  shade  of  a  sense  of  even  the  most 
imaginary  wrong  is  felt  by  either,  in  talking  over  this  infirmity 
of  human  nature,  and  mutually  agreeing  to  act  in  view  of  it  and 
to  crush  out  the  feeling  which  it  begets  whenever  it  attempts 
to  assert  itself.  But  even  this  is  not  enough  to  avoid  the 
possibility  of  fatal  consequences;  it  must  be  further  under- 
stood and  firmly  resolved,  with  a  deep  determination  by  each 
never  to  depart  from  the  resolution,  that  if  one  should  fail  to 
keep  the  promise  the  other  will  not  resent  such  failure,  but  will 
keep  it  all  the  more  devotedly,  with  the  most  entire  confidence 
that  the  party  who  had  forgotten  the  promise  and  the  obliga- 
tion will  sooner  or  later  come  to  recognize  it.  By  carrying 
the  understandings  and  promises  to  this  extent,  a  double 
security  is  given  for  the  settlement  of  future  misunderstand- 
ings— a  double  guarantee  is  given  for  the  continuance  of 
domestic  happiness. 

How  often  all  this,  with  many  other  views  of  mutual  duty, 


2io  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

o 

was  gone  over  between  us,  and  how  often  we  renewed  our 
pledges  to  act  as  we  then  resolved,  it  would  be  impossible  to 
tell.  If  it  was  as  often  said,  as  we  sincerely  believed,  that 
we  loved  each  other  so  dearly  that  surely  no  difficulty  or 
misunderstanding  could  ever  arise  between  us  which  could 
make  it  necessary  to  put  in  practice  the  line  of  conduct  thus 
resolved  upon,  yet  we  both  admitted  that  at  least  such  resolu- 
tions could  do  no  harm,  and  might  even  tend  to  avoid  the 
possibility  of  such  contingency  ever  arising. 

With  all  our  confidence  in  the  all-controlling  influence 
which  the  deep  affection  we  felt  for  each  other,  which  was 
surely  as  deep  and  firm  as  ever  two  human  beings  could  feel, 
scarcely  three  months  elapsed  before  I  had  occasion  to  put  in 
practice  that  very  resolution — to  keep  in  both  letter  and  spirit 
those  very  promises. 

While  we  were  boarding  with  that  same  Mrs.  Flusky, 
with  a  very  pleasant  mess,  mostly  young  married  people,  I 
came  in  one  evening  very  late  for  tea  ;  worn  down  with  fatigue 
and  oppressed  with  care,  by  which  I  felt  almost  crushed,  and 
everything  that  was  irritable  in  my  nature  was  awakened  by 
some  occurrences  which  had  been  exceedingly  provoking,  and 
found  the  party  at  the  table  and  nearly  through  their  tea.  I 
took  the  vacant  seat  beside  my  wife,  perhaps  with  scarcely  so 
cordial  a  greeting  as  usual,  and  yet  without  the  want  of  it  even 
attracting  her  notice.  She  made  some  inquiry  which  seemed 
to  me  in  my  state  of  feeling  implied  a  shade  of  complaint, 
which  at  the  moment  seemed  unreasonable,  and  I  made  an 
answer,  the  tone  of  which,  if  not  the  words,  gave  expression 
to  that  feeling.  At  least  it  was  a  departure  from  that  uniform, 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  2 1 1 

kind  and  affectionate  tone,  which  she  had  always  before  heard 
from  me. 

I  saw  in  a  moment  she  felt  hurt;  and  the  first  impulse  was 
to  think  that  she  was  unreasonable  to  take  offense  at  my 
answer,  which  was  certainly  civil,  and  when  justly  considered, 
was  not  unkind  ;  that  she  ought  not  at  such  a  time  to  have 
asked  a  question  which  would  bear  such  an  implication,  and 
that  she  was  really  becoming  too  exacting  to  take  exception  to 
my  reply,  to  which  she  seemed  inclined  to  give  a  wrong  con- 
sfruction.  I  say  such  was  my  first  impulse,  under  my  irritation, 
when  I  observed  that  she  had  allowed  her  feelings  to  be  so 
easily  wounded,  without  reflecting  that  the  more  she  loved  me 
and  the  more  tenderly  and  kindly  I  had  always  treated  her  the 
more  sensitive  must  her  feelings  have  been  to  the  least  appear- 
ance of  unkindness  from  me.  This  was  the  prompting  of  that 
same  selfishness  or  egotism  of  which  I  have  spoken,  and  which, 
like  the  Devil's  whisper,  is  ever  ready  to  do  mischief. 

Probably  there  was  not  enough  of  all  this  to  attract  the  atten- 
tion of  another  one  at  the  table.  She  made  no  reply,  but  soon 
excused  herself  and  went  to  our  room.  A  moment's  reflection 
enabled  me  to  become  myself  again  and  to  see  that  now  was 
the  time  to  redeem  the  oft-repeated  promise  I  had  made  during 
this  voyage.  Immediately  I  began  to  discuss  the  question  on 
her  side,  when  I  at  once  saw  how  wrong  I  was.  My  love  for 
her  did  not  return,  for  it  had  never  gone — no,  not  a  particle; 
but  it  now  blazed  up  anew,  and  I  overwhelmed  myself  with 
self-reproaches.  My  supper  was  soon  ended,  and  I  hastened  to 
our  room.  As  I  feared,  I  found  her  in  tears.  In  an  instant  I 
had  her  in  my  arms,  and  asked  her  forgiveness  earnestly 


212  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

and  sincerely,  and  with  many  self-reproaches,  and  with  many 
promises  never  to  be  guilty  of  another  act  of  unkindness, 
if  she  would  but  forgive  me  that  once  ;  and  by  way  of  excuse 
explained  how  I  had  been  oppressed,  vexed  and  harassed, 
which  had  made  me  almost  beside  myself,  before  I  came  in. 

In  a  single  minute  she  was  insisting  that  I  had  done 
nothing  wrong,  that  I  had  not  spoken  unkindly  to  her,  that 
she  alone  was  to  blame  for  not  seeing  that  I  felt  badly,  and  for 
asking  such  a  question  at  such  a  moment;  that  her  place  and 
her  duty  was  to  try  to  comfort  me  when  I  felt  oppressed,  and 
not  by  her  indiscretion  add  to  my  burdens ;  that  she  was  the 
one  who  needed  forgiveness,  and  not  I. 

This  wholesome  controversy  went  on  for  some  time ;  but  at 
length  gradually  tended  to  a  calm  discussion  of  the  situation 
and  a  cordial  approval  of  the  course  we  had  both  taken  after 
the  little  unfortunate  incident  had  occurred,  and  drawing  a 
picture  of  our  future  unhappiness  had  we  taken  a  different 
course,  which  might  have  resulted  in  an  actual  breach,  and 
finally  in  alienation.  However,  this  was  absolutely  impos- 
sible where  there  was  so  much  real  love  and  respect  as  we  felt 
for  each  other.  Of  course  the  conferences  that  had  taken 
place  on  the  brig  were  remembered  and  all  talked  over  again, 
and  all  our  promises  and  resolutions  renewed  and  repeated, 
with -many  more  of  a  similar  kind. 

I  may  add  right  here  that  nothing  more  serious  than  I  have 
related  has  ever  occurred  between  us.  That  really  a  cross 
word  has  never  passed  from  one  to  the  other  during  the  more 
than  thirty-four  years  we  have  lived  together.  What  other 
woman  could  any  man  ever  live  with  so  long  and  say  more  ? 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  213 

I  have  related  this  incident  to  illustrate  the  propriety  of  the 
suggestions  I  have  made  and  the  wisdom  of  the  course  I  have 
recommended. 

I  have,  however,  only  suggested  one  of  the  very  many 
points  which  we  then  considered,  and  which  should  be  well 
considered  and  faithfully  acted  upon  at  the  commencement  of 
married  life.  It  is  no  doubt  a  very  important  one,  and  never 
should  be  overlooked  or  departed  from.  It  shows  the  true 
spirit  which  should  ever  animate  the  conduct  of  husband  and 
wife  toward  each  other,  and  which,  if  constantly  adhered  to 
by  both  or  even  either,  will  go  very  far  toward  insuring  a 
happy  family. 

Somebody  has  somewhere  cautioned  young  wives  against 
showing  too  much  affection  for  their  husbands  or  too  much 
fondness  for  their  society,  lest  they  might  presume  too  much 
upon  the  first,  or  soon  feel  satiety  from  the  last ;  that  all 
evidence  of  their  love,  however  ardent  and  sincere  it  may  be, 
should  be  suppressed  as  much  as  possible. 

While  I  believe  that  few  women  have  adopted  this  theory 
as  the  true  foundation  for  domestic  happiness,  yet  it  is  to  be 
feared  that  it  is  too  much  acted  upon  practically;  even  to  such 
an  extent  as  to  do  violence  to  that  affection  which,  if  allowed 
its  true  development,  would  insure  a  full  measure  of  conjugal 
bliss.  If  there  is  any  thing  in  the  world  of  which  a  man  is 
covetous,  it  is  the  full,  entire,  unqualified,  unlimited,  unre- 
strained love  of  his  wife,  provided  only  he  loves  her.  If  he  is 
indifferent  to  her,  then,  indeed,  he  may  not  covet  her  love,  but 
will  be  better  pleased  with  her  respectful  indifference;  but  if 


214  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

he  really  loves  her,  nothing  can  be  so  painful,  so  really  heart- 
crushing,  as  the  least  evidence  of  a  want  of  return  of  that 
affection  he  so  freely  gives.  The  more  evidence  she  can  give 
him  of  her  love,  the  more  fondness  she  can  manifest  for  his 
society,  the  more  happy  will  she  make  him  and  the  more  will 
he  delight  to  make  her  happy  in  return.  It  is  not  in  human 
nature  to  bestow  love  for  any  great  length  of  time  and  exact 
nothing  in  return.  Love  naturally  begets  love,  or  if  it  does 
not  it  must  soon  consume  itself  and  die  out,  or  else,  if  treated 
with  contumely,  the  saccharine  is  converted  to  an  acid. 

I  would  say  to  any  wife,  if  she  desires  to  secure  her  own 
happiness  and  to  make  her  husband  happy,  she  should  not 
only  love  him  with  her  whole  heart,  but  study  in  every  possible 
way  to  show  to  him  that  love.  Cultivate  and  nourish  it  with  the 
most  assiduous  care,  and  omit  no  proper  occasion  to  testify  it. 
Fear  not  that  he  will  think  you  forward,  or  that  your  advances 
are  unbecoming.  Think  not  that  your  real  feelings  toward  him 
should  be  in  the  remotest  degree  suppressed.  It  is  a  false 
modesty  which  imposes  restraint  upon  the  manifestations  of 
affection  between  husband  and  wife.  It  is  not  delicacy  but 
unpardonable  prudishness  which  should  dictate  to  a  wife  to 
manifest  a  reserve  which  she  does  not  feel  toward  her  husband. 
Of  course  the  more  delicately  and  tenderly  her  manifestations 
of  affection  can  be  exhibited,  so  much  the  better,  so  that  no 
reserve,  no  hesitancy,  no  affectation  of  prudery  be  allowed  to 
come  in  and  qualify  the  manifestations  of  her  love  and  impose 
restraint,  the  want  of  which  is  not  inconsistent  with  refinement 
of  thought  and  action.  Ardent  love  may  lead  to  what,  to  others, 
would  be  considered  extravagant  acts  and  expression.  Look 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  215 

upon  such  as  only  the  more  emphatic  expressions  of  love  and 
as  such  court  them.  Husband  and  wife  should  always  strive 
as  far  as  possible,  to  destroy  all  idea  of  duality,  and  to  cultivate 
to  the  utmost  extent  an  absolute  unity  or  oneness,  in  feeling, 
in  interest,  in  ambition,  in  thought,  in  conduct,  in  intercourse, 
in  judgment,  in  tastes  and  in  their  estimate  of  the  proprieties 
of  life.  The  more  they  can  be  amalgamated,  as  it  were,  into 
one  in  confidence,  interest  and  in  tastes,  the  nearer  will  they 
attain  that  abnegation  of  individual  existence,  that  obliteration 
of  individual  selfishness,  which  can  and  should  only  be  found 
in  the  conjugal  state,  and  which  is  the  surest  guarantee  of  com- 
plete conjugal  happiness,  which  the  least  restraint,  reserve,  or 
embarrassment,  when  alone,  must  tend  to  a  greater  or  less 
degree  to  destroy.  Let  the  natural  promptings  of  the  affections, 
so  far  as  they  can  tend  to  show  the  depth  and  strength  of  that 
love  which  is  publicly  avowed  at  the  altar,  and  should  never  be 
denied  by  the  remotest  implication  in  private  life,  have  their 
sway.  Let  no  act  of  fondness  which  that  love  can  prompt  be 
ever  suppressed,  for  all  such  acts  will  be  treasured  up  as  jewels 
in  the  casket  of  the  heart,  to  be  taken  out  and  examined  a 
thousand  times,  when  necessity  compels  a  temporary  separa- 
tion. Nor  should  such  separations,  when  unavoidable,  be 
lamented,  however  painful  they  may  be  at  the  time.  If  the 
parties  are  constantly  together  every  day  of  their  lives,  no 
matter  how  happy  they  may  be  in  each  other's  society,  they  can 
hardly  appreciate  how  much  they  do  really  love  each  other, 
while  absence  fans  their  love  into  a  brighter  flame,  when  such 
absence  is  constrained  by  a  sense  of  duty.  It  is  then  the  mind 
fondly  reverts  to  every  act  of  tenderness  and  love,  to  every 


21 6  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

mark  of  kindness  and  affection,  and  self-promises  are  made 
and  self-resolutions  are  formed  to  love  more  than  ever  before, 
to  be  kinder  than  ever  before,  to  sacrifice  more  of  self  than 
ever  before,  to  be  more  faithful,  more  true  and  more  devoted 
than  ever  before,  when  happily  they  shall  be  permitted  to  be 
together  again.  Such  separations  should  be  no  oftener  and  no 
longer  than  are  necessary,  for  when  they  are  unnecessarily 
enforced  by  either  party  a  painful  sense  of  neglect  is  liable  to 
take  the  place  of  that  stimulating  influence  on  the  affection 
which  unavoidable  separations  may  tend  to  promote ;  and  then 
there  is  a  possibility  of  a  revulsion  of  feeling,  which  dampens 
that  ardor  of  our  love,  which  no  circumstance  should  be 
allowed  to  chill,  even  in  spite  of  every  effort  and  every  wish 
to  keep  it  bright  and  active. 

Love  is  said  to  be  exacting,  and  so  no  doubt  it  is,  but  it  is 
only  exacting  for  love  returned.  When  this  demand  is  fully 
met — when  its  cravings  for  such  return  are  fully  satisfied,  then 
it  becomes  exacting  no  more,  or  for  nothing  else,  but  becomes 
generous,  grateful  and  sympathetic ;  ever  anxious  to  testify 
its  appreciation  of  the  return  received.  It  becomes  forbearing, 
blind  to  faults  which  others  would  detect  in  its  object,  and 
even  self-accusing. 

The  husband  can  never  tell  his  wife  too  often  how  lovable 
she  is  and  how  much  she  is  beloved  by  him,  and  it  is  no  less 
true  that  the  husband  can  not  receive  too  frequent  assurances 
of  the  love  which  his  wife  bears  him. 

On  one  other  point  I  may  add  a  word,  although  if  you  follow 
the  suggestions  I  have  made,  you  will  have  practically  accom- 
plished what  I  am  about  to  recommend.  Let  the  wife  study 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  217 

by  every  possible  means  to  make  his  home  such  that  her 
husband  will  prefer  to  be  there  to  all  other  places;  so  that 
when  his  business  will  permit  he  will  turn  his  face  toward  his 
home  with  the  highest  satisfaction,  and  with  a  perfect  con- 
sciousness that  he  will  there  meet  a  cheerful  countenance,  a 
cordial  welcome,  and  a  genuine  sympathy.  This  is  as  easily 
done  in  the  humblest  cottage  as  in  the  most  gorgeous  palace ; 
and  if  the  wife  will  have  this  object  steadily  in  view,  she  will 
easily  manage  to  contrive  something  every  day  which  will 
add  to  the  attractions  of  herself  and  her  home.  If,  when  the 
labors  of  the  day  are  over,  and  he  sets  his  face  toward  his 
house  or  his  room,  the  complaining,  reproachful  face  of  a  dis- 
contented wife  presents  itself  to  his  imagination,  he  will  turn 
away  to  find  some  excuse  for  longer  absence,  or  his  homeward 
steps  will  be  reluctant  and  slow.  She  should  not  be  too 
exacting  for  his  society,  nor  need  she  be  if  she  will  but  make 
herself  and  her  home  as  attractive  as  she  may ;  he  will  delight 
in  nothing  so  much  as  to  spend  his  time  with  her. 

But  the  parallel  duty  of  the  husband  is  no  less  important  or 
imperious.  He  should  so  bear  himself  that  his  appearance  will 
always  create  a  heartfelt  joy.  Let  him  always  contrive  some 
new  way,  if  possible,  every  day,  to  add  to  the  happiness  and 
the  contentment  of  his  family,  if  it  only  be  by  look  or  word, 
or  some  fond  act.  How  much  sweeter  the  reflection,  when  his 
footfall  is  heard,  that  a  heart  within  his  door  will  leap  for  joy  at 
his  coming,  rather  than  sink  within  her,  dreading  some  unkind 
word  or  look  when  he  comes.  If  he  will  but  try  to  soothe  her 
pains  and  cares,  to  lighten  all  her  burdens,  to  relieve  by  warm- 
hearted sympathy  at  least — if  he  can  do  nothing  more — her 


218  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

anguish  when  it  comes,  study  her  tastes  and  inclinations — yes, 
even  her  little  fancies  —  and  always  contrive  how  to  gratify 
and  humor  them,  if  right,  or  correct  them,  if  wrong,  but  in  a 
way  so  kind  and  gentle  that  she  will  hardly  know  it,  how 
grateful  will  be  her  feelings,  how  will  she  strive  to  meet  his 
views  in  all  things,  and  how  complete  may  be  their  happiness ! 
But  above  all  things,  before  you  act — even  in  the  kind  and 
gentle  way  suggested — on  the  assumption  that  she  is  wrong, 
remember  that  you  are  not  infallible,  and  indeed  are  as  likely 
to  be  wrong  in  your  judgment  or  your  tastes  as  she  is,  so  that 
the  case  must  be  very  marked  before  you  should  even  admit 
to  yourself  she  has  misjudged  or  is  in  the  wrong.  Husband 
and  wife  should  consult  together  very  often  —  in  that  spirit 
which  desires  enlightenment,  and  not  in  a  controversial  way  — 
so  that  their  judgments,  their  tastes,  their  estimates  of  the 
proprieties  of  life,  and  their  views  of  all  things  which  affect 
their  interests  and  their  personal  relations,  may  harmonize  as 
perfectly  as  possible.  Although  the  husband  at  last  must  take 
the  responsibility,  especially  in  business  matters,  to  which  he 
devotes  his  time  and  thoughts  more  exclusively,  while  those 
of  his  wife  are  more  especially  engaged  in  her  own  domestic 
sphere,  he  may  often  find  a  relief  and  a  consolation  in  consult- 
ing her,  receiving  her  encouragement  and  her  support,  unless 
she  be  of  a  temperament  to  find  fault  and  discourage  him, 
for  the  gratification  which  fault-finding  affords  her,  of  which 
there  will  be  no  danger  if  she  will  but  act  up  to  the  spirit  of 
the  advice  which  I  have  given  her.  It  is  not  necessary,  how- 
ever, that  he  burden  her  with  all  his  troubles  and  vexations,  espe- 
cially when  she  is  weighed  down  with  her  own  perplexities 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  Life.  219 

and  embarrassments,  which  may  often  be  the  case,  when  he 
should  tenderly  apply  himself  to  console  and  relieve  her. 

Especially,  let  the  most  unreserved  confidence  and  truth 
exist  always  between  the  parties.  In  both  great  and  little 
things  let  no  shade  of  duplicity  or  deception  ever  inter- 
vene. They  should  have  no  secrets  of  their  own,  which 
they  would  wish  to  conceal  from  each  other;  while  there  may 
be  secrets,  especially,  which  may  be  confided  in  a  business 
way,  which  are  not  their  own,  which  neither  should  desire  to 
have  disclosed  by  the  other.  But  I  repeat,  as  between  them- 
selves, and  as  to  matters  which  pertain  to  them  personally, 
they  should  think  and  act  toward  each  other  as  if  they  were 
really  one.  A  window  should  be  ever  open  in  the  breast  of 
each,  through  which  the  other  may  at  all  times  look  and  see 
the  secret  thoughts. 

I  may  not  omit  to  mention  one  other  point,  which  is  too 
often  overlooked,  and  on  which  I  fear  false  notions  are  too 
often  entertained.  Whether  in  your  private  closet  or  in  the 
presence  of  others,  avoid  every  appearance  of  inattention  or 
neglect,  and  always  manifest  that  respect  which  you  really  feel 
for  each  other.  How  unnatural,  nay,  how  disgraceful,  it  is 
for  a  man  to  treat  the  woman  of  his  choice  with  less  respect, 
with  less  consideration  and  with  less  attention  after  marriage 
than  before,  and  yet  how  often  do  we  see  married  people  of 
respectability,  in  the  face  of  the  whole  world,  treat  each  other 
with  an  inattention,  which  would  have  been  really  offensive 
and  would  probably  have  broken  off  the  match  had  it  been  man- 
ifested before  marriage ;  while  in  truth  their  affection,  their  feel- 
ings of  kindness  and  their  personal  attachment  doubtless 


220  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

have  been  augmented  by  the  new  and  nearer  relation  thus 
created.  If  they  woujd  exert  themselves  by  kind  attentions 
and  pleasant  words  to  please  each  other  before  marriage, 
how  much  more  so  should  they  endeavor  to  make  themselves 
thus  agreeable  afterwards.  Then  is  the  time  for  them  to 
appreciate  that  they  are  dependent  on  each  other  for  happi- 
ness, more  than  on  all  the  world  beside ;  and  yet  how  many 
act  as  if  the  marriage  ceremony  releases  them  from  all  obliga- 
tion to  make  themselves  pleasant  to  each  other.  They  have 
charming  smiles  and  pleasant  words  for  all  they  meet,  except 
for  those  for  whom  their  smiles  should  be  the  sweetest  and 
their  words  the  softest  and  most  interesting.  Fatal  error! 
Yes,  married  people  sometimes  act  as  if  they  thought  it  not 
reputable  for  them  to  manifest  too  much  attention  and  respect 
for  each  other,  and  yet  if  they  will  but  look  about  them  and 
reflect  a  moment,  they  will  remember  that  whenever  they 
have  observed  a  couple  treat  each  other  with  more  marked 
attention  and  respect  than  they  did  any  body  else,  how  much 
it  increased  their  own  respect  for  them,  and  how  much  it 
elicited  the  commendations  of  other  observers;  however,  the 
fact  that  such  a  course  attracts  observation,  tells  us  how 
lamentably  rare  is  such  a  bearing  toward  each  other  by  hus- 
bands and  wives,  at  least  when  in  the  presence  of  others.  If 
the  father  ever  omits  to  manifest  the  highest  respect  for  the 
mother,  how  can  the  children  be  expected  to  respect  her?  and 
so  when  we  reverse  the  case.  Nothing  but  a  false  notion  of 
the  conjugal  relation,  or  a  real  contempt  for  his  wife,  could 
ever  induce  him  to  treat  her  in  public,  or  in  private,  with  less 
attention  than  he  would  a  stranger,  who  has  no  claims  upon 


Ethics  of  Early  Conjugal  1 

him,  and  for  whom  his  feelings  are  nothing  but  indifference. 
I  repeat,  then,  let  both  husband  and  wife  ever  manifest  every 
attention  and  every  respect  for  each  other,  and  thus  testify  to 
all  who  see  them  the  sentiments  they  really  bear  toward  each 
other. 

When  such  relations  of  respect,  confidence,  harmony  and 
good  will  exist  between  husband  and  wife,  how  joyfully  will 
the  sound  of  the  footfall  come,  which  brings  them  together 
again,  even  after  the  shortest  separation.  How  sweet  the 
incense  which  will  ascend  from  that  family  altar,  and  what  a 
halo  of  domestic  happiness  will  hang  over  that  hearth-stone ! 

This  is  the  summary  of  the  whole  lesson  I  would  inculcate 
to  the  wife:  Let  her  never  fear  that  her  husband  will  think 
she  loves  him  too  much,  or  that  she  can  give  him  too  much 
evidence  of  the  existence  or  the  ardor  of  that  love.  Fear  not 
that  he  will  think  you  forward  in  the  manifestation  of  your 
affection  for  him  or  your  devotion  to  his  happiness.  Let  your 
constant  study  be  to  contrive  new  ways  to  exhibit  the  depth 
and  earnestness  of  your  feeling.  Give  him  your  whole  confi- 
dence, and  conceal  nothing  from  him,  and  make  his  home  his 
paradise,  for  so  are  you  constantly  laying  up  treasures  which 
will  be  counted  over  every  day,  and  for  which  he  will  anxiously 
pay  you  the  most  exorbitant  interest. 

To  the  husband,  let  me  further  say,  that  from  the  very  be- 
ginning you  should  treat  your  wife  with  the  softest  tenderness, 
with  the  truest  constancy  and  the  most  devoted  love.  Show 
her  by  your  bearing  that  she  possesses  your  whole  heart,  with 
all  its  gushing  sympathies.  The  more  evidence  you  give  that 
you  deeply  love  her  the  more  happy  will  you  make  her  and 


222  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 


yourself.  Remember  that  woman's  choicest  jewel  is  love, 
and  the  brighter  she  sees  it  sparkle  the  more  she  will  esteem  it 
— with  the  more  joy  will  it  fill  her.  We  all  love  to  be  loved, 
and  especially  with  that  sort  of  love  of  which  I  have  said  so 
much.  But  it  has  been  said  that  this  sentiment  is  stronger  in 
women  than  in  men.  Whether  this  be  so  or  not  I  will  not 
stop  to  consider.  It  is  strong  enough  in  the  latter — those  of 
us  who  have  hearts  worth  ke-eping  and  souls  worth  saving — 
to  make  it  indispensable  to  conjugal  happiness,  and  should 
be  regarded  and  gratified  without  artificial  restraint  and  without 
reserve.  Let  her  feel  and  know  that  she  possesses  your  entire 
confidence,  and  she  will  be  thus  made  worthy  of  it. 

Neither  must  be  too  exacting,  and  demand  or  ask  too 
much.  If  either  or  both  fall  far  short  of  the  standard  I  have 
presented,  it  does  not  follow  that  they  must  live  in  discord  or 
unhappily.  We  may  always  hope  to  see  some  —  yes,  many, 
of  the  characteristics  which  I  have  pointed  out  as  so  excellent 
in  a  husband  or  a  wife.  Let  these  be  nursed  and  cherished  by 
both,  or  if  not  by  both,  then  by  either,  and  they  will  grow  and 
expand,  and  bear  rich  fruits.  Be  patient,  forbearing,  indulgent, 
forgiving,  confiding,  respectful,  refusing  to  take  offense  at  any 
provocation,  always  striving  to  promote  the  pleasure  and  the 
happiness  of  your  companion ;  for  by  this  course,  if  he  or  she 
is  not  a  confirmed  brute,  the  time  will  come,  and  is  not  far 
distant,  when  you  will  have  a  happy  household. 

Let  me  conclude  my  dissertation  by  repeating  that  it  is  of 
the  greatest  moment  that  you  commence  right;  that  you 
embrace  the  first  moments  of  wedded  life  to  lay  the  founda- 
tion, and  that  you  lay  it  so  deep  and  strong  that  the  seas  of 


First  Glimpses  of  a  Ne<iu  Home.  223 

passion  or  of  trouble  can  not  shake  it.  Then  is  the  time  to 
form  resolutions  for  future  conduct,  and  to  so  fix  them  that 
they  shall  never  be  abandoned  or  disturbed. 

READINGS. 

We  had  time  also  for  other  interesting  occupations  while 
on  the  brig,  besides  laying  plans  and  forming  resolutions  for 
our  future  conduct  toward  each  other.  My  wife  was  a  very 
fine  reader.  She  had  a  voice  soft  and  melodious.  Her  enun- 
ciation was  clear  and  distinct,  and  her  accent  beyond  criticism. 
She  spent  many  hours  in  reading  to  me,  while  Mrs.  Flusky 
was  frequently  one  of  the  audience,  when  we  could  find  a 
place  among  the  shingles  which  would  comfortably  accommo- 
date three.  From  her  little  store  of  choice  books,  she  had 
saved  out  several  of  both  prose  and  poetry,  with  which  we 
became  quite  familiarly  acquainted  before  the  voyage  was 
ended.  The  reading  was  frequently  suspended, '  and  the 
subject  of  the  text  or  the  sentiments  of  the  author  discussed 
and  criticised.  This  served  to  occupy  time  pleasantly  and 
profitably,  which,  under  other  circumstances,  might  have 
become  tedious. 

If  some  one  can  tell  where  this  passage  occurs,  one  of  the 
books  which  was  then  read  may  be  known : 

"Awake,  awake,  my  beautiful, 
Awake — " 

The  book  has  long  been  lost,  and  I  have  not  been  able 
to  find  the  passage  since. 

FIRST   GLIMPSES   OF  A   NEW   HOME. 

As  we  slowly  approached  the  roadstead,  and  the  city  came 


224  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

more  and  more  into  view,  the  ladies  stood  by  me  anxious  to  see 
as  much  as  possible  of  the  place  which  was  so  soon  to  become 
their  home.  I  pointed  out  the  long  clean  beach,  and  a  little 
back  the  many  sand  hills,  green  with  low  juniper  trees,  where 
I  had  wandered  so  many  moonlight  nights,  dreaming  dreams 
of  her  and  love ;  where  I  had  a  thousand  times  drawn  the 
picture  of  coming  into  port  some  fine  morning,  with  her  stand- 
ing at  my  side,  all  radiant  with  hope  and  happiness  —  in  fact, 
a  picture  most  faithfully  true  to  the  very  scene  before  us ; 
only  I  imagined  that  my  happiness  would  be  more  tumultuous 
but  less  profound  than  I  now  experienced.  She  recognized  the 
shore  and  the  sand  hills  to  the  south,  and  the  evergreen  forest  to 
the  north,  which  I  had  so  often  described  to  her  in  my  letters 
and  which  she  was  prepared  so  much  to  admire,  nay,  which  she 
had  so  long  admired  from  my  descriptions  alone,  and  inquired 
how  long  it  would  be  before  we  could  together  walk  over  the 
same  ground — which  to  her  had  become  classic  ground — and 
thus  realize  some  of  her  own  bright  imaginings.  I  promised  it 
should  be  that  very  evening,  for  I  too  longed  to  be  with  her  at 
the  place  where  I  had  thought  of  her  the  most — where  I  used 
to  retire  to  give  myself  up  unreservedly  to  my  love  dreams. 

AIR  CASTLES. 

Along  that  shingly  beach  and  reclining  on  those  sandy  hil- 
locks, beneath  the  evergreen  junipers,  I  had  built  enough  air 
castles  to  make  a  great  city,  which  I  decorated  most  extrava- 
gantly. I  am  not  prepared  to  admit  that  such  dreams  of  the 
future,  in  which  the  imagination  reduces  our  anticipations  to 
something  like  an  appreciable  form,  is  evidence  of  an  un- 


We  Land — An  Affecting  J feeling.  225 

healthy  mental  condition.  If  there  is  enough  of  us  to  bear  the 
stimulant,  it  serves  to  stimulate  the  youthful  energies  to  a 
healthy  endeavor,  if  possible,  to  imitate  in  reality,  at  least 
in  some  degree,  the  fancy  sketches  thus  formed.  Indeed, 
the  pleasure  of  such  imaginings  consists  in  the  hope  and 
the  resolution  to  realize  them,  or  something  like  them,  at 
some  future  time.  Yes,  such  structures,  formed  by  an  ar- 
dent imagination,  are  the  necessary  concomitants  of  an 
ardent  ambition  to  do  great  things  in  the  future.  They  are 
only  hurtful  when  the  imagination  becomes,  as  it  were,  dis- 
eased and  immeasurably  oversteps  the  bounds  of  possibility, 
and  there  is  a  lack  of  energy  in  the  person  to  persistently 
endeavor  to  support  the  ambition  that  would  realize  them. 
Whenever  there  is  a  vigorous  ambition,  such  hopes  of  the 
future  must  arise  continually,  for  it  must  assume  a  form  and 
shape,  else  it  is  aimless  and  useless.  With  a  relentless  will  to 
realize  something  of  the  pictures  thus  formed,  many  of  them 
may  be  often  more  than  realized.  Under  these  conditions,  the 
mind  is  ever  on  the  stretch  to  attain  the  consideration  so  much 
longed  for,  while  without  such  aims  it  would  exhaust  itself  in 
erratic  and  fruitless  efforts,  till  it  becomes  exhausted  and  aban- 
dons effort. 

WE   LAND  — AN   AFFECTING   MEETING. 

By  ten  o'clock  the  anchor  dropped  and  the  yawl  was 
brought  around.  Captain  Cotton  invited  me  and  my  party  to  go 
ashore  with  him,  and  said  that  he  would  send  off  a  lighter  for 
the  others  of  the  passengers  and  the  baggage  — an  invitation 
we  were  not  slow  to  accept.  As  we  passed  up  the  river,  young 

16 


226  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

Chamberlin,  who  was  a  second  cousin  of  Mrs.  Caton,  but  had 
never  seen  her,  with  some  others  of  my  friends,  discovered  us 
and  gave  us  hearty  cheers  of  welcome,  which  I  returned  with  a 
swing  of  my  hat. 

We  landed  at  the  little  wharf  at  the  foot  of  Dearborn  street, 
from  which  I  had  embarked,  seven  weeks  before,  on  my  im- 
portant mission,  and  were  met  first  by  Mr.  Flusky,  who 
received  his  wife  in  a  way  which  testified  how  cruel  had 
been  that  long  year  of  separation,  and  how  fervent  were 
their  feelings  at  asain  meeting.  There  is  something  sacred 
in  such  a  meeting,  which,  when  witnessed  by  others,  in- 
spires a  kind  of  reverence  for  the  deep  emotions  which  can 
not  be  restrained ;  which  makes  one  feel  like  uncovering  his 
head  as  in  a  sacred  presence.  So  soon  as  he  could  receive 
an  introduction  to  Mrs.  Caton  and  thank  us  for  our  care  of 
his  wife,  they  walked  away  together,  as  happy  as  mortals 
need  wish  to  be,  to  quarters  he  had  prepared  for  her.  We 
had  written  from  Buffalo  on  what  vessel  we  should  come, 
and  so  we  were  expected,  and  the  sight  of  her  that  morning 
must  have  been  joyful  to  him.  The  brig  was  readily  recog- 
nized by  her  size  and  rig. 

More  of  my  friends  met  us  at  the  dock  than  Mrs.  Caton 
would  have  wished,  as  she  would  have  preferred  to  have  got 
her  trunks  and  maderher  toilet  before  meeting  strangers  ;  but 
still  she  could  not  but  feel  gratified  at  the  marks  of  attention 
which  testified  respect.  As  for  myself,  I  was  proud  to  show 
her  as  she  was,  bright  and  beautiful,  as  I  knew  she  must  appear 
to  all ;  and  then  she  had  had  abundant  time  that  morning  to 
put  all  things  to  rights,  and  I  thought  she  looked  as  charming 


The  Indians.  227 

in  that  snug-fitting  chestnut-colored  silk  traveling  dress  and  a 
white  straw  hat  trimmed  with  blue,  as  she  could  in  any  other. 

In  dress,  as  in  all  things  else,  we  instinctively  regard  a 
fitness  for  time  and  place,  and  as  her  dress  was  exactly  suited 
to  the  occasion,  she  must  have  been  more  pleasing  in  it  then 
and  there  than  as  if  dressed  more  befitting  another  scene. 

Those  who  met  us  were  my  most  intimate  friends,  and  so 
disposed  to  look  favorably  on  mine.  They  all  received  us 
cordially  on  the  little  wharf,  and  told  how  anxiously  they  had 
been  looking  over  the  waters  to  see  the  sail  they  knew  should 
bring  us. 

THE  INDIANS. 

We  took  our  way  up  Water  street  to  La  Salle  and  then 
across  to  Lake  to  the  Sauganash  Hotel,  which  stood  upon 
the  ground  occupied  by  the  great  Republican  Wigwam,  lately 
burned,  near  the  corner  of  Lake  and  Market  streets,  where  we 
found  a  snug  little  room  all  ready  for  us.  On  the  way  we  met 
perhaps  twenty  Pottawattamie  Indians.  The  men  scarcely  wore 
more .  clothing  than  was  worn  by  our  first  parents  when  first 
they  dressed  themselves.  I  took  the  way  that  would  most 
avoid  them,  for  I  saw  at  once  my  wife  was  really  shocked.  1 
did  not  know,  or  if  I  knew  I  had  forgotten,  that  the  whole  tribe 
would  be  now  assembled  in  the  town  to  receive  their  payment 
from  the  Government,  else  I  should  have  prepared  her  for  such 
sights.  This  was  a  little  damper  for  the  start.  It  was  but 
natural  she  should  ask  the  question,  if  there  was  no  real  danger 
from  them,  since  there  were  more  than  two  Indians  to  one 
white  person  in  the  town,  as  appeared  from  what  we  saw,  and 
as  was  actually  the  case.  It  was  my  task,  of  course,  to  re-assure 


228  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

her  as  soon  as  possible,  but  I  still  think  that  after  she  professed 
to  be  perfectly  at  ease  she  felt  uncomfortable ;  so  I  remained 
with  her  most  of  the  afternoon  and  all  of  the  evening.  Under 
these  first  impressions  she  felt  little  inclination  to  take  that 
evening  walk  along  the  beach  which  we  had  that  morning 
planned. 

THE   BEACH  —  THE   MOONLIT   LAKE. 

However,  not  long  after,  when  the  Indians  had  all  gone  to 
their  new  home  west  of  the  Mississippi,  we  did  take  our  way 
down  to  the  old  fort,  and  then  down  the  beach,  when  I  pointed 
out  many  places  where  I  had  sat  and  thought  of  her,  and 
there  she  saw  the  moon,  as  I  had  often  told  her,  rise  out  of 
the  waves  and  cast  a  broad  belt  of  silvery  light  along  the 
rippling  waters  to  our  very  feet.  We  often  walked  there  after- 
wards, and  as  often  did  I  draw  the  contrast  between  my  former 
visits,  when  I  could  only  think  of  her,  and  wonder  if  heaven 
could  have  such  happiness  in  store  for  me  as  to  allow  that  she 
should  ever  be  there  with  me,  or  whether  it  all  should  be  but  a 
bright  dream,  till  some  rude  shock  should  come  and  wake  me 
up  to  disappointment  and  a- life-long  woe;  and  now,  when 
those  happy  hopes  were  fully  realized  —  when  she  now  stood 
in  living  person  by  my  side,  more  beautiful  and  more  excel- 
lent than  I  had  ever  dared  to  hope — I  experienced  a  quiet 
contentment  which  words  can  not  describe.  Oh,  indeed,  those 
were  happy  times  to  us;  and  the  old  lake  shore,  then  as  it 
had  been  ten  thousand  years  before  fashioned  as  God  had 
made  it  by  his  winds  and  waves,  was  far  more  charming  than 
since  the  defacing  hand  of  man  has  marred — yes,  destroyed  — 
its  beauty,  by  placing  there  broad  avenues  and  great  marble 


Our  Little  Home.  229 

palaces,  as  destitute  of  harmony  and  grandeur,  when  com- 
pared with  the  handiwork  of  nature's  Architect,  as  man's 
littleness  is  beneath  Him  who  made  all  things  well. 

OUR   LITTLE   HOME. 

My  wife  seemed  pleased  when  ushered  into  our  little  room, 
full  one-third  of  which  was  occupied  by  the  bed, .which  was 
white  and  clean.  A  plain  white-wood  wash-stand,  with  a 
bowl  and  pitcher,  a  looking-glass  twelve  by  fourteen  at  the 
most,  a  little  table  just  large  enough  to  write  a  letter  on,  and 
two  new  chairs — but  one  was  a  good  large  rocker — and  this 
was  all !  I  stood  silent  as  she  surveyed,  not  without  fears  that 
she  would  draw  a  painful  contrast  between  the  luxuries  she 
had  left  behind  and  the  little  den  to  which  I  had  brought  her. 
When  she  had  completed  the  survey — there  was  not  enough 
to  take  her  long — she  turned  to  me  most  affectionately  and 
confidingly,  and  said: 

"  You  do  not  know  how  happy  I  am  to  feel  that  I  am  the 
mistress  of  our  little  home.  It  is  all  you  promised  me  it  should 
be,  and  I  will  be  happier  with  you  here  than  I  could  be  with 
any  other  in  the  richest  palace  that  was  ever  built.  If  it  is 
small,  it  is  large  enough  to  hold  us  two,  for  I  will  always  cling 
to  you  so  closely  that  it  shall  take  scarcely  more  room  for  two 
than  one.  Now  you  shall  see  how  good  a  housewife  I  can 
make,  and  how  nicely  I  can  contrive  things.  See  here,  the  bed 
is  just  high  enough  to  let  the  trunks  under,  and  large  enough 
for  all.  The  wash-stand  drawer  will  hold  the  combs  and 
brushes,  and  the  table  drawer  will  hold  the  things  for  writing 
and  even  a  good  deal  more ;  for  you  know  you  promised  to 


230  Otfr  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

give  me  some  writing  to  do,  and  if  you  do  not  I  shall  think 
your  business  has  fallen  off  since  your  marriage ;  whereas,  I 
expect  it  will  increase  greatly  and  work  you  half  to  death, 
unless  I  help  you,  and  if  it  does  not  I  shall  be  ashamed  that  I 
have  no  influence  to  help  in  your  advancement — we  shall  see. 
If  I  do  not  write  so  good  a  hand  as  some,  all  the  better,  for  it 
will  be  the  more  lawyer-like,  you  know.  That  glass,  too,  it 
looks  so  nice  and  tidy,  just  fitting  the  size  of  the  room,  and 
much  better  than  a  great  awkward  gilt  one,  which  would  be 
in 'harmony  with  neither  our  feelings  nor  our  surroundings. 
True  there  is  no  wardrobe  ;  but  see  those  hooks  behind  the 
door,  where  I  can  hang  as  many  dresses  as  I  please,  and  pro- 
tect them  from  the  dust  by  some  light  things.  But  what  are 
trunks  made  for  but  to  keep  clothes  in  ?  and  I  shall  have  plenty 
of  time  to  pull  them  out  and  put  them  back  again.  So  long  as 
we  can  have  a  room  to  ourselves  it  is  all  I  ask.  This  is  really 
a  luxury  and  I  am  more  than  satisfied;  and  the  chairs,  too,  see 
they  have  got  an  extra  one,  which  I  must  set  into  the  hall  to 
make  more  room,  for  this  is  large  enough  for  both  of  us  ;  just 
let's  try  and  see;"  and  she  was  in  my  lap  in  the  rocking-chair, 
with  both  arms  around  my  neck,  before  I  had  time  to  say  a 
word  ;  nor  did  she  give  me  an  opportunity  to  do  so  for  some 
little  time. 

I  saw  that  her  cheerfulness  was  not  assumed,  that  her  hap- 
piness was  not  affected,  but  sincere,  at  the  thought  that  we 
could  have  a  place  we  could  call  our  own,  where  we  could  be 
alone  together ;  that  she  had  made  up  her  mind  to  even  worse 
accommodations  than  she  now  found,  which  were  after  all  com- 
fortable, if  she  would  but  think  so.  Although  I  was  not  really 


Our  Little  Home.  231 

disappointed,  yet  I  was  more  than  gratified  at  finding  my 
fondest  hopes  in  that  regard  fully  realized.  I  thanked  her  even 
more  than  words  could  express,  for  what  I  thought  her  real 
greatness,  thus  in  a  single  moment  and  by  a  single  effort  to 
rise  above  the  inconveniences  of  her  present  surroundings,  and 
avow  that  she  could  be  happy  with  me  anywhere.  I  told  her 
all  this  and  more,  and  assured  her  that  if  we  prospered  the 
time  would  come,  and  I  hoped  was  not  far  distant,  when  I 
could  make  her  the  mistress  of  a  real  home  of  our  own,  where 
I  trusted  she  might  find  at  least  all  the  real  comforts.  In  a 
little  more  than  a  year  we  did  move  into  our  own  house, 
abundantly  large  and  well  furnished,  and  where  we  were 
exceedingly  happy.  It  was  the  first  house  built  on  the  school 
section  west  of  the  Chicago  River.  It  is  still  standing,  on  the 
corner  of  Harrison  and  Clinton  streets,  and  was  called  the 
"  Prairie  Cottage."  She  said  it  was  much  better  to  begin  there 
in  that  little  room  and  work  up  to  something  better,  than  to 
begin  in  a  mansion  and  then  come  down  to  the  small  quarters 
we  were  then  in.  Still,  if  misfortunes  should  come  and  bring  us 
still  lower  down,  I  should  not  find  her  wanting,  but  she  would 
cheerfully  take  hold  and  help  build  up  again  to  something 
even  better  than  before.  It  would  be  a  shame,  indeed,  and  she 
would  be  unworthy  to  be  my  wife,  if  she  could  not  be  happy, 
as  really  comfortable  as  we  were  there,  when  she  remembered 
how  I  had  lived  and  what  I  had  endured  for  the  last  two  years, 
and  that,  too,  all  alone,  with  no  one  to  cheer  me  on  and  help  me, 
and  as  she  would  persuade  herself,  or  as  I  had  persuaded  her, 
at  least,  partly  for  her  sake.  It  was  now  her  place  to  show  me 
that  she  was  not  unworthy  of  the  estimate  I  had  placed  upon 


232  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

her.  That  she  had  the  most  unwavering  confidence  in  my 
ability,  my  energy  and  endurance,  and  that  it  should  be  her 
care  that  she  would  do  all  she  could  to  develop  the  first,  and 
as  for  the  rest,  she  would  try  to  be  not  far  behind  me. 

Now  this  was  a  wholesome  and  a  cheering  interview.  It 
well  sustained  those  admirable  characteristics  of  which  I  had 
already  seen  so  many  evidences,  though  not  before  when  put 
to  so  practical  a  test.  It  spoke  Well  for  the  future.  That 
future  has  always  shown  that  they  were  firmly  fixed,  and  con- 
stituted a  part  of  her  very  being.  They  have  been  ever 
constant,  never  wavering  under  the  most  trying  circumstances 
—  more  trying  than  either  of  us  could  then  have  anticipated  — 
still  ever  the  same  —  yes,  ever. 

A   GOOD   HOUSEWIFE  —  HER   FAULTS. 

When  the  cottage  on  the  prairie  was  completed,  where 
it  now  stands  in  the  midst  of  the  great  city — and  she  enjoyed 
the  building  and  arranging  of  it  as  much  as  she  ever  could 
enjoy  its  occupancy  —  my  wife  first  had  an  opportunity  to 
show  how  complete  had  been  her  education  in  what  may  be 
termed  the  domestic  duties,  which  has  added  very  much  to  the 
comfort  of  our  lives.  It  was  then  shown  how  perfectly  she 
nad  practically  learned  every  branch  of  the  culinary  art,  and 
indeed  every  other  department  pertaining  to  the  duties  of  a 
good  housewife.  Nor  did  she  then  or  ever  since  think  it 
unbecoming  or  inconsistent  with  her  dignity  to  take  hold  and 
work  herself,  whenever,  as  has  often  unavoidably  been  the  case, 
necessity  required  that  she  should  do  so,  to  make  all  go 
smoothly  on.  No  false  pride  has  ever  been  allowed  to  come 


Dinner  and  an  Afternoon  Walk.  233 

and  tell  her  that  it  was  beneath  her  place  to  apply  her  own 
hands  to  any  work  necessary  to  secure  the  completest  har- 
mony in  the  running  of  the  household  machinery,  of  which 
she  has  always  been  engineer-in-chief.  The  greatest,  yes,  the 
only  fault,  I  have  found  in  her,  is  that  she  has  allowed  these 
duties  to  become  too  onerous  on  herself,  when  really  not  able 
to  perform  them.  There  have  been  times  when  I  should  have 
been  much  more  happy  if  she  would  have  spared  herself,  and 
let  domestic  affairs  take  their  chance  and  go  a  little  wrong,  if 
they  must,  without  her  care. 

Well,  there !  It  is  a  great  relief  to  me  to  find  one  fault,  of 
which  I  feel  that  I  can  justly  complain,  in  one  whom  I  have 
been  obliged  to  describe  as  so  near  perfection,  for  now  you  can 
see  I  was  not  totally  blind  to  her  faults  when  she  had  them. 
No  doubt  my  partiality  has  made  me  overlook  many  which 
others  might  have  seen,  but  I  must  believe  they  were  small 
ones,  and  I  doubt  not  that  we  have  been  the  happier  that  I 
could  not  see  them.  Blindness  in  such  a  case  is  desirable, 
and  I  never  wish  to  cure  it,  but  to  the  last  I  will  avow  that 
her  faults  are  very  few  and  very  little  ones. 

DINNER  AND   AN   AFTERNOON   WALK. 

Soon  the  dinner-bell  told  us  that  it  was  time  to  get  up  from 
that  big  chair.  There  was  little  to  do  to  get  ready,  for  our 
trunks  had  not  come,  and  she  had  no  clothes  to  change.  We 
managed  to  come  in  contact  with  few  of  my  acquaintances  at 
the  table,  for  the  table  is  a  poor  place  for  introductions.  She, 
however,  had  to  submit  to  almost  as  close  a  scrutiny  as  that 
to  which  I  had  been  subjected  at  New  Hartford,  when  I  first 


234  Our  Cottrlship  and  Our  Marriage. 

attended  church  with  her.  There  was  one  advantage  which 
she  readily  recognized  in  being  obliged  first  to  go  to  the  table 
in  her  traveling  dress,  which,  of  course,  would  have  been 
proper  at  any  public  table,  especially  under  the  circumstances. 
It  gave  her  an  opportunity  of  seeing  how  the  other  ladies  at 
the  table  were  dressed,  whom  I  well  knew  to  be  real  ladies  of 
worth  and  judgment,  so  she  could  avoid  any  thing  like 
extremes  either  way.  There  was  no  effort  at  display ;  no  par- 
ticular kind  of  dress  was  required.  Plain  and  neat ;  that  was 
all.  After  dinner  I  left  her  in  our  room  and  went  to  the  office 
to  see  how  business  looked;  but  I  soon  hastened  back,  for  I 
knew  she  must  be  very  lonely,  to  say  the  least",  and  I  thought  it 
best  not  to  leave  her  long  to  her  own  reflections,  lest  some  of 
her  good  resolutions  might  begin  to  give  way.  I  had  never 
left  her  alone  since  we  had  been  married,  hardly  more  than 
time  enough  to  dress,  unless  I  may  sometimes  have  gone  on 
deck  during  the  storm,  while  she  was  confined  to  the  state- 
room on  the  brig.  I  appreciated  that  I  ought  to  be  with 
her  now  as  much  as  possible,  till  I  could  get  her  acquainted 
with  the  ladies  in  the  house,  with  whom  she  could  spend  her 
leisure  time.  After  I  returned,  we  took  a  walk  through  the 
town,  when  she  was  more  in  a  condition  to  observe  it  than 
when  we  had  walked  up  to  the  hotel.  Almost  the  whole  of 
the  town  then  consisted  of  Lake  and  Water  streets,  not  one- 
half  of  which  was  built  up  with  even  balloon  buildings, 
though  there  were  some  good  houses  on  the  North  Side,  which 
we  could  see,  and  some  few  little  buildings  scattered  along 
Clark  and  Dearborn  streets,  and  some  at  Wolf  Point,  west 
of  the  junction  of  the  two  branches  of  the  river.  We  met 


Some  Callers.  235 

a  good  many  Indians  in  our  walk,  as  I  expected,  but  she  now 
had  become  a  little  accustomed  to  them. 

One's  feelings  or  sensibilities  are  the  creatures  of  custom  or 
familiarity  in  reference  to  such  exhibitions  as  she  was  now 
unexpectedly  called  upon  to  witness,  and  the  more  she  should 
become  accustomed  to  them  the  less  would  her  sensibilities  be 
affected.  The  fact,  too,  that  all  the  ladies  she  saw  took  no 
notice  of  these  Indian  shows,  and  cared  nothing  for  them,  had 
a  very  considerable  influence  in  reconciling  her  to  them. 

SOME  CALLERS. 

Towards  evening  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Flusky  called  around  to 
see  us,  and  also  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Foot.  The  latter  was  a  second 
cousin  of  Mrs.  Caton,  and  although  they  had  never  met  before 
they  knew  of  each  other  very  well.  This  brought  her  into  the 
parlor,  where  I  introduced  her  to  Mrs.  Garrett,  and  probably 
some  other  ladies.  So  she  was  already  beginning  to  make 
some  pleasant  acquaintances  in  the  house. 

The  only  lady  residing  in  Chicago  whom  she  had  ever  met 
was  Mrs.  John  H.  Kinzie,  who  had  formerly  resided  in  New 
Hartford,  and  of  course  she  had  looked  forward  to  a  renewal 
of  an  acquaintance  with  her  with  much  satisfaction.  The 
next  day  Mrs.  Kinzie  came;  and  although  she  had  to  meet  her 
in  her  traveling  dress,  the  trunks  not  having  yet  been  brought 
on  shore,  she  was  truly  glad  to  see  her.  Mrs.  Kinzie  was  by 
nature  and  education  a  lady,  and  she  took  especial  pains  to 
manifest  the  greatest  cordiality  toward  Mrs.  Caton.  She  had 
come  to  the  West,  a  bride,  five  years  before,  and  in  the  most 
graphic  way  described  what  the  West  was  then,  when  she  was 


236  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

glad  to  get  a  tent  or  an  Indian  wigwam  to  live  in,  and  pointed 
out  what  a  grand  improvement  it  was  for  her  to  find  such  nice 
quarters  now  in  Chicago  as  that  hotel  afforded.  She  reminded 
her  that  this  was  a  new  country,  where  every  thing  had  to  be 
done  to  build  up  society  and  to  make  people  comfortable, 
and  how  rejoiced  she  was  to  see  such  ladies  as  Mrs.  Caton 
coming  in  almost  every  day,  till  even  now  there  were  a  great 
many  there  whom  she  would  be  proud  to  meet  in  any  circle. 
She  then  expressed  the  hope  that  Mrs.  Caton  would  take  hold 
and  help  her  organize  these  strangers  who  were  daily  arriving, 
and  that  in  a  very  short  time  they  would  find  themselves  in  as 
pleasant  and  polished  a  community  as  she  had  left.  In  fact, 
that  ever  since  she  had  heard  of  the  prospect  of  her  becoming 
a  resident  of  Chicago  she  had  rejoiced  at  the  hope  of  such 
assistance  as  she  knew  she  should  receive  from  her  in  this 
important  but  pleasant  task.  Now  it  is  impossible  to  conceive 
how  much  good  all  this  did  me.  Its  tendency  was,  as  it  was 
no  doubt  designed,  to  make  my  wife  contented  with  things  as 
she  found  them.  It  implied  a  high  compliment  to  her  ability  to 
assist  in  an  important  work,  the  necessity  for  which  was  most 
evident,  and  afforded  a  field  already  opened  for  some  meas- 
ure of  usefulness,  and  a  promise  of  more  pleasant  society 
than  she  had  ventured  to  hope  for.  All  this  must  tend  to 
drive  away  that  homesickness  which  I  had  so  much  reason  to 
fear,  for  I  had  always  foreseen  and  often  told  her  that  home- 
sickness must  inevitably  come,  but  that  it  should  be  my  care 
to  make  it  as  light  as  possible.  Some  pleasant  occupation, 
\\  ith  a  consciousness  that  she  would  be  doing  something  useful, 
would  be  my  greatest  auxiliary  in  keeping  her  contented. 


History  of  the  Pottawattamies.  237 

HISTORY   OF  THE  POTTAWATTAMIES. 

The  Pottawattamies  are  a  tribe  of  the  great  Algonquin 
Nation,  whose  power  was  so  severely  felt  by  the  British  in 
the  last  century,  and  whose  allies  they  were  in  the  war 
with  the  United  States  of  1812.  Neither  history  nor  tradition 
pretends  to  go  back  to  their  origin.  The  first  mention  we  find 
in  history  of  the  Pottawattamies  is  in  1670,  when  Fathers 
Allones  and  Dablon  established  a  mission  at  Green  Bay.  They 
found  this  tribe  located  on  the  shores  of  the  Bay,  and  in  1671 
they  were  in  the  habit  of  visiting  the  mission  at  La  Point  on 
Lake  Superior.  In  1674,  when  Joliet  and  Marquette  returned 
from  their  discovery  of  the  Mississippi,  by  the  Illinois  River,  to 
Lake  Michigan,  among  all  the  Indians  they  met,  they  do  not 
mention  the  Pottawattamies,  and  so  we  may  reasonably  con- 
clude that  they  were  not  then  occupying  any  portion  of  this 
territory.  In  the  year  following,  when  Marquette  came  from 
Green  Bay  to  Chicago  to  establish  a  mission  in  this  region,  he 
was  attended  by  a  party  of  Pottawattamies,  and  another  of 
Illinois.  After  a  very  tedious  and  perilous  coasting  voyage  of 
four  months,  they  reached  Chicago,  and  built  a  hut  where 
Bridgeport  now  stands,  in  which  the  missionary  wintered.  In 
the  spring  he  proceeded  down  the  Illinois  River  and  estab- 
lished a  mission  below  Starved  Rock,  where  Utica  now  is, 
then  called  Kaskaskia.  This  was  the  first  mission  established 
in  Northern  Illinois.  At  that  time  the  Illinois  tribe  ranged 
from  the  Mississippi  to  the  Wabash,  and  from  the  Ohio  to  Lake 
Superior,  although  there  were  a  great  many  other  tribes 
occupying  the  same  territory ;  but  their  chief  location  was 


238  .  Our  Courtship  qnd  Our  Marriage. 

in  Northern  Illinois,  and  their  great  seat  of  power  was 
where  Utica  now  stands,  and  was  undoubtedly  the  largest  city 
ever  built  by  the  Northern  Indians.  Soon  after  it  was  discov- 
ered by  La  Salle,  they  were  attacked  by  the  Iroquois,  who  laid 
waste  their  great  city,  and  inflicted  a  blow  from  which  they 
never  recovered.  A  century  later  they  were  finally  extermi- 
nated by  the  Pottawattamies  and  Ottawas  at  Starved  Rock, 
which  overlooked  the  ruins  of  their  great  city,  and  the  scene 
of  their  first  great  defeat  and  slaughter.  As  the  Pottawatta- 
mies were  not  met  with  south  of  the  lakes  by  the  first  explorers 
we  may  presume  that  they  moved  south  not  very  long  after 
their  first  discovery  on  Green  Bay,  for  we  do  not  hear  of 
them  there  within  the  last  century  and  more.  Whether  the 
report  of  this  country,  on  their  return,  by  the  party  who 
came  to  Chicago  with  Allones  and  Dablon,  had  any  thing  to 
do  with  their  subsequent  emigration  south,  can  not  now  be 
certainly  known,  but  the  supposition  that  it  had  may  not  be 
improbable. 

In  the  middle  of  the  last  century  they  were  found  by  Cragon 
and  Bouquet  occupying  the  country  about  Forts  St.  Joseph  and 
Detroit,  who  set  down  their  numbers  at  three  hundred  and 
fifty  ;  and  Dodge,  a  quarter  of  a  century  later,  gives  their 
numbers  at  four  hundred  and  fifty  ;  while  Hutchins  places  them 
at  even  a  lower  figure  than  the  first.  These  are  manifestly 
meant  only  to  express  the  number  of  their  warriors,  for  Sir 
William  Johnson,  who  assembled  the  Algonquin  Confedera- 
tion, at  Niagara,  in  1763,  where  Colonel  Bradstreet  concluded 
a  treaty  with  them,  tells  us  that  of  the  nineteen  hundred 
and  thirty  warriors  there  present,  four  hundred  and  fifty  were 


History  of  the  Pottaicattamies.  239 

* 

Pottawattamies,  or  according  to  the  old  orthography,  Ponteota- 
mies. 

They  were  always  intimate  friends  with  the  Ottawas,  whose 
celebrated  chief,  Pontiac,  controlled  them  with  as  absolute  a 
sway  as  he  did  his  own  people,  and  so  did  they  lament  and 
resent  his  fall  as  much.  The  Pottawattamies  and  Ottawas  lived 
together  in  such  fraternal  relations  as  gave  them  the  appear- 
ance of  different  bands  of  the  same  tribe  rather  than  distinct 
tribes,  and  finally,  in  1833,  when  they  sold  the  last  of  their 
old  hunting  grounds  to  the  United  States,  and  in  1835,  when 
they  emigrated  to  Missouri,  they  were  practically  one  people. 
Their  relations  with  the  Ottawas  were  much  more  intimate 
than  with  the  Pottawattamies  of  Saginaw,  or  Hurons,  as  they 
were  sometimes  called,  who  were,  in  fact,  their  relatives  only 
in  name. 

If  we  can  not  tell  at  what  time  they  extended  their  posses- 
sion over  Northeastern  Illinois,  we  know  it  must  have  been 
more  than  a  century  ago,  for  M&ichette,  the  oldest  Pottawat- 
tamie  chief,  when  I  became  acquainted  with  them,  associated 
his  earliest  recollections  with  their  occupancy  of  this  country. 
His  recollection  extended  back  to  the  siege  of  Starved  Rock, 
at  which  he  was  present  as  a  boy,  and  his  account  of  it  is 
perhaps  the  most  authentic  of  that  event  of  any  to  be  had, 
although  I  am  not  aware  that  it  has  ever  been  put  in  print. 
After  the  assassination  of  Pontiac,  which  occurred  in  1766,  the 
Ottawas  and  Pottawattamies  made  war  on  the  Illinois,  whom 
they  held  responsible  for  the  death  of  their  great  chief,  and 
finally  drove  the  remnant  of  that  tribe  upon  Starved  Rock, 
or  the  old  Fort  St.  Louis  of  La  Salle,  where  they  besieged 


240  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage, 

them.  How  long  the  siege  lasted  he  could  not  tell,  but  at  last 
the  besieged,  in  their  extremity,  took  advantage  of  a  very  dark 
and  stormy  night,  and  made  a  rush  to  break  through  the  be- 
sieging lines.  All  the  Illinois  were  massacred  except  eleven, 
who  seized  some  canoes  of  their  enemies  and  started  down 
the  river.  So  soon  as  this  was  discovered  they  were  pur- 
sued, and  it  became  a  race  of  life  or  death  all  the  way  to 
St.  Louis,  where  the  eleven  arrived  just  in  time  to  escape 
their  enemies,  and  were  protected  by  the  Spanish  authorities, 
who  refused  to  give  them  up  to  the  Pottawattamies.  They 
afterwards  crossed  the  Mississippi  River  and  joined  some  tribe 
in  Southern  Illinois,  but  if  Me"achette  stated  what  tribe  I 
can  not  remember  it  now. 

This  extinction  of  the  Illinois  Indians  extended  the  posses- 
sions of  the  confederate  tribes  to  the  lands  of  the  Peorias 
upon  the  Peoria  lake.  They  claimed  as  far  west  as  Rock 
River,  but  their  right  to  a  district  of  country  on  the  east  side  of 
that  river  was  disputed  by  the  Sac  and  Fox  Indians,  and  that 
dispute  led  to  bloodshed  at  last ;  but  I  can  not  stop  here  to  give 
an  account  of  that.  Their  possessions  extended  down  the 
Wabash  to  below  Danville,  and  up  into  Wisconsin  to  near 
Milwaukee,  though  their  northern  boundary  seems  not  to  have 
been  very  well  defined.  Their  friendly  relations  with  the 
Chippewas  of  Wisconsin  seem  to  have  left  no  room  for  diffi- 
culty between  them  on  that  account. 

Chicago  was  always  an  important  point  in  their  dominion, 
and  the  first  treaty,  as  well  as  the  last  which  they  ever  held  with 
the  Government,  was  at  this  point.  The  first  was  in  1821, 
when  the  Pottawattamies,  the  Ottawas,  and  the  Chippewas 


History  of  the  Pottaicattamies.  241 

ceded  to  the  United  States  five  millions  of  acres  in  Michigan  ; 
and  the  last  was  in  1833,  at  which  I  was  present,  when  they 
ceded  all  of  their  remaining  territory  (excepting  some  reserva- 
tions for  some  of  their  prominent  chiefs),  and  agreed  to  remove 
to  Clay  county,  Missouri,  opposite  Leavenworth,  at  the  end  of 
two  years  from  that  time.  When  I  arrived  in  Chicago  with 
my  wife  the  entire  tribe,  with  whom  the  Ottawas  had  become 
practically  amalgamated,  were  assembled  here  to  receive  their 
annuity  from  the  Government,  and  preparatory  to  their 
removal  to  their  new  homes.  This  removal  was  at  the  expense 
of  the  Government.  A  single  word  as  to  the  subsequent 
history  of  these  Indians,  with  some  of  whom  I  became  so  well 
acquainted  at  the  time  of  which  I  write,  may  be  of  interest. 

The  hostility  manifested  toward  them  by  the  settlers  in  that 
part  of  Missouri  necessitated  another  removal  after  perhaps  a 
couple  of  years,  when  they  were  located  by  the  Government 
near  Council  Bluffs.  Here  again  their  home  was  of  short  dura- 
tion, for  they  were  again  removed  to  the  lands  now  occupied 
by  them  in  Kansas.  These,  however,  they  have  now  sold,  and 
are  about  to  remove  again  to  a  new  location  in  the  Indian 
country,  south  and  west  of  Kansas.  Those  who  resided  in 
Indiana  and  Michigan  were  known  here  as  the  Indians  of  the 
Woods,  while  those  of  Illinois  were  called  the  Prairie  Indians. 
The  former  were  much  more  tractable  than  the  latter,  and  a 
large  portion  of  them  embraced  Christianity  under  the  Catholic 
missionaries  and  joined  the  church,  and  in  Kansas  have,  to  a 
large  extent,  adopted  agriculture  as  a  means  of  subsistence. 
Out  of  seventeen  hundred  and  fifty,  sixteen  hundred  are 
reported  as  subsisting  by  agriculture.  But  the  Prairie  Indians 


242  Our  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

show  no  inclination  to  civilized  habits,  and  eke  out  a  scanty 
living  with  their  annuities  and  by  hunting. 

As  I  am  not  aware  that  any  thing  like  a  connected  history 
has  ever  been  written  of  these  Indians,  I  thought  this  short 
sketch  of  them  might  be  interesting  to  you,  and  so  I  have  put 
it  down  here. 

Although  I  have  not  the  official  report  before  me,  I  remem- 
ber that  it  was  well  understood  at  the  time  that  there  were 
about  five  thousand  of  them  in  Chicago,  though  their  number 
has  since  dwindled  down  to  three  thousand  and  five  hundred, 
or  probably  less,  at  this  moment.  While  they  were  here  they 
were  feasted  gloriously  by  the  Government  on  beef,  flour  and 
tobacco.  I  could,  from  recollection,  give  many  interesting 
incidents  which  occurred  during  the  treaty  of  1833  and  the 
payment  of  1835,  but  it  would  take  up  too  much  space  for  my 
present  purpose. 

MY   INDIAN   RIVAL. 

It  may  be  germane  to  my  purpose,  however,  to  mention 
that  while  my  wife  was  visiting  one  afternoon  with  a  number  of 
other  ladies,  at  Mrs.  J.  K.  Boyer's,  a  young  Indian  came  along 
and  stuck  his  head  in  at  the  window,  and  took  a  good  look  at 
the  party.  One  of  them  who  could  talk  with  him  a  little,  asked 
him  which  of  the  ladies  present  he  would  select  for  his  squaw, 
assuring  him  that  he  should  have  his  choice.  He  was  a  young 
chief  and  of  consequence,  at  least  in  his  own  estimation,  and 
was  painted  in  the  gayest  colors  imaginable.  After  examin- 
ing the  whole  with  due  deliberation  and  gravity,  he  indicated 
Mrs.  Caton  as  the  one  of  his  choice.  The  lady  told  him  that 


The  Indian    War-Dar.  24.} 

she  was  not  ready  to  go  yet,  but  to  come  back  after  a  while. 
In  a  short  time  he  returned  with  several  friends,  and  pointed  out 
to  them  the  one  he  had  chosen,  which  elicited  very  emphatic 
exclamatory  grunts  from  his  friends,  which  no  doubt  were 
designed  as  high  compliments  to  her  beauty,  and  afforded 
much  amusement  to  the  party  of  ladies.  The  young  man 
was,  however,  put  off  again,  but  as  soon  as  he  had  gone,  Mrs. 
Caton,  thinking  the  affair  was  assuming  rather  a  serious  aspect, 
as  the  young  sachem  understood  it  all  in  the  most  sincere 
earnestness,  and  not  being  quite  ready  to  give  me  up  for  the 
young  red-skin,  hastened  home  about  as  soon  as  she  could 
get  there.  The  tawny  gentleman  soon  came  back  again  to 
take  her  to  his  wigwam  and  seemed  sorely  disappointed  that 
she  was  not  there.  And  so  he  returned  every  day  after,  so  long 
as  they  remained,  for  his  white  squaw,  but  of  course  met  with 
disappointment  each  time,  and  as  this  was  reported  to  her,  she 
felt  quite  relieved  when  they  were  all  gone.  For  myself,  while 
I  commended  the  gentleman's  taste,  I  was  not  prepared  to 
forego  my  own  claims  in  favor  of  the  gallant  native,  even 
though  it  should  break  his  heart ;  but  as  I  never  heard  after- 
ward that  any  young  chief  had  pined  away  and  died  of  a 
broken  heart,  I  have  no  doubt  he  consoled  himself  in  some 
other  way. 

THE   INDIAN   WAR -DANCE. 

I  shall  close  my  notice  of  the  last  aborigines  who  occupied 
the  soil  where  we  now  live,  by  giving  an  account  of  the  great 
war-dance,  which  came  off  a  few  days  after  our  arrival,  but 
before  the  occurrence  last  noticed.  It  was  the  last  war-dance 


244  ()l"'  Courtship  and  Our  Marriage. 

ever  held  by  the  natives  on  the  ground  where  now  stands  that 
great  city,  though  how  many  thousands  had  preceded  it  no 
one  can  tell. 

As  before  stated,  the  number  of  Indians  then  computed  to 
be  in  the  city,  I  well  remember,  was  about  five  thousand,  and 
such  is  the  recollection  of  Colonel  R.  A.  Kinzie.  There  were 
engaged  in  the  dance  probably  five  hundred  braves ;  at  least, 
there  were  all  that  the  five  thousand  Indians  then  in  and 
about  the  town  could  furnish.  They  assembled  at  the  council- 
house,  near  where  the  Lake  House  now  stands,  on  the  north 
side  of  the  river.  All  were  entirely  naked,  except  a  strip 
of  cloth  around  the  loins.  Their  bodies  were  covered  all  over 
with  a  great  variety  of  brilliant  paints.  On  their  faces,  particu- 
larly, they  seemed  to  have  exhausted  their  art  of  hideous 
decoration.  Foreheads,  cheeks  and  noses,  were  covered  with 
curved  stripes  of  red  or  vermilion,  which  were  edged  with 
black  points,  and  gave  the  appearance  of  a  horrid  grin  over 
the  entire  countenance.  The  long,  coarse,  black  hair,  was 
gathered  into  scalp-locks  on  the  tops  of  their  heads  and  deco- 
rated with  a  profusion  of  hawk's  and  eagle's  feathers,  some 
strung  together  so  as  to  extend  down  the  back  nearly  to  the 
ground.  They  were  principally  armed  with  tomahawks  and 
war-clubs.  They  were  led  by  what  answered  for  a  band  of 
music,  which  created  what  may  be  termed  a  discordant  din  of 
hideous  noises  produced  by  beating  on  hollow  vessels  and 
striking  sticks  and  clubs  together.  They  advanced,  not  with  a 
regular  march,  but  a  continued  dance.  They  proceeded  up 
and  along  the  bank  of  the  river,  on  the  north  side,  stopping  in 
front  of  every  house  they  passed,  where  they  performed  some 


The  Indian    W\w-I)ance.  245 

extra  exploits.  They  crossed  the  North  Branch  on  the  old 
bridge,  which  stood  near  where  the  railroad  bridge  now  stands, 
and  thence  proceeded  south  along  the  west  side  to  the  bridge 
across  the  South  Branch,  which  stood  south  of  where  Lake 
street  bridge  is  now  located,  which  was  nearly  in  front  and  in 
full  view  from  the  parlor  windows  of  the  Sauganash. 

So  soon  as  the  dance  commenced,  I  hastened  home,  think- 
ing my  wife  would  require  some  re-assurance  upon  observing 
such  an  exhibition.  With  all  the  ladies  of  the  house,  we  filled 
the  windows  of  the  parlor,  which  was  on  the  front  of  the 
second  floor,  whence  the  exhibition  could  be  seen  to  the  best 
advantage.  Although  the  din  and  clatter  had  been  heard  for 
a  considerable  time,  they  did  not  come  into  view  till  they  had 
proceeded  so  far  west  as  to  come  on  a  line  with  the  house, 
which  was  before  they  had  reached  the  North  Branch  bridge. 
From  that  time  on,  they  were  in  full  view  all  the  way  to  the 
South  Branch  bridge,  right  before  us,  the  wild  band,  which 
was  in  front  as  they  came  upon  the  bridge,  redoubling  their 
blows  to  increase  the  noise,  closely  followed  by  the  warriors, 
who  had  now  wrought  themselves  into  a  perfect  frenzy. 

The  morning  was  very  warm,  and  the  perspiration  was 
pouring  from  them  almost  in  streams.  Their  eyes  were  wild 
and  blood-shot.  Their  countenances  had  assumed  an  expres- 
sion of  all  the  worst  passions  which  can  find  a  place  in  the 
breast  of  the  savage  —  fierce  anger,  terrible  hate,  dire  revenge, 
remorseless  cruelty  —  all  were  expressed  in  their  terrible  fea- 
tures. Their  muscles  stood  out  in  great  hard  knots,  as  if 
wrought  to  a  tension  which  must  burst  them.  Their  toma- 
hawks and  clubs  were  thrown  and  brandished  about  in  every 

* 


246  Our   Courtship  and  Our 

direction,  with  the  most  terrible  ferocity,  and  with  a  force  and 
energy. which  could  only  result  from  the  highest  excitement, 
and  with  every  step  and  every  gesture,  they  uttered  the  mo.st 
frightful  yells,  in  every  imaginable  key  and  note,  though  gen- 
erally the  highest  and  shrillest  possible.  The  dance,  which 
was  ever  continued,  consisted  of  leaps  and  spasmodic  steps, 
now  forward  and  now  back  or  sideways,  with  the  whole  body 
distorted  into  every  imaginable  unnatural  position,  most  gen- 
erally stooping  forward,  with  the  head  and  face  thrown  up,  the 
back  arched  down,  first  one  foot  thrown  far  forward  and  then 
withdrawn,  and  the  other  similarly  thrust  out,  frequently 
squatting  quite  to  the  ground,  and  all  with  a  movement  almost 
as  quick  as  lightning ;  their  weapons  were  brandished  as 
if  they  would  slay  a  thousand  enemies  at  every  blow,  while  the 
yells  and  screams  they  uttered  were  broken  up  and  multiplied 
and  rendered  all  the  more  hideous  by  a  rapid  clapping  of  the 
mouth  with  the  palm  of  one  hand. 

To  see  such  an  exhibition  by  a  single  individual  would 
have  been  sufficient  to  excite  a  sense  of  fear  in  a  person  not 
over  nervous.  Five  hundred  such,  all  under  the  influence  of 
the  strongest  and  wildest  excitement,  constituting  a  raging  sea 
of  dusky,  painted,  naked  fiends,  presented  a  spectacle  abso- 
lutely appalling. 

When  the  head  of  the  column  had  reached  the  front  of  the 
hotel,  leaping,  dancing,  gesticulating  and  screaming,  while 
they  looked  up  at  the  windows,  with  hell  itself  depicted  on  their 
faces,  at  the  " chentokonian  squaws"  with  which  they  were 
filled,  and  brandishing  their  weapons  as  if  they  were  about  to 
make  a  real  attack  in  deadly  earnest,  the  rear  was  still  on  the 


The  Indian    \Viir-Dcincc.  247 

other  side  of  the  river  two  hundred  yards  off;  and  ail  the  inter- 
vening space,  including  the  bridge  and  its  approaches,  was 
covered  with  this  raging  savagery  glistening  in  the  sun,  reeking 
with  streamy  sweat,  fairly  frothing  at  their  mouths  as  with 
unaffected  rage,  it  seemed  as  if  we  had  a  picture  of  hell  itself 
before  us,  and  a  carnival  of  the  damned  spirits  there  confined, 
whose  pastimes  we  may  suppose  should  present  some  such 
scenes  as  this.  It  was  well  that  I  was  near,  and  it  may  well  be 
supposed  that  she  who  now  looked  to  me  for  support  and  pro- 
tection clung  closer  to  my  side  as  she  breathed  short  and  quick 
in  actual  fear.  If  the  other  ladies  near  us  had,  during  the  two 
weeks  or  more,  while  the  town  had  been  overrun  with  Indians, 
become  accustomed  to  look  upon  their  naked  forms  and  horrid 
faces,  and  had  acquired  a  confidence  that  there  was  no  real 
danger  from  their  presence,  it  was-not  so  with  her,  who  had 
but  just  seen  them  for  the  first  time  and  knew  nothing  of  the 
wild  Western  Indians  but  what  she  had  learned  of  their 
savage  butcheries  and  tortures  in  history  and  legends.  The 
question  forced  itself  on  even  those  who  had  seen  them  most, 
what  if  they  should,  in  their  maddened  frenzy,  turn  this  sham 
warfare  into  a  real  attack  ?  how  easy  it  would  be  for  them  to 
massacre  us  all,  and  leave  not  a  living  soul  to  tell  the 
story.  Some  such  remark  as  this  was  often  heard,  and  it 
was  not  strange  if  the  girl  beside  me  trembled  and  stood  in 
need  of  some  re-assurance  and  encouragement.  She  stood 
it  bravely,  though,  and  saw  the  sight  to  its  very  end,  except 
that  once  she  retired  to  her  room  for  a  few  minutes,  but  I 
was  not  sorry  when  the  last  had  disappeared  around  the 
corner  as  they  passed  down  Lake  street,  and  only  those 


248  OKI    Courtship  ami  Our 

horrid  sounds  which  reached  us  told  that  the  war-dance  was 
still  progressing. 

YOU   LEAVE   US   IN   OUR   HAPPY   LITTLE    HOME. 

When  they  were  gone  we  retired  to  our  little  room,  which 
had  now  become  so  dear  to  us,  because  we  were  so  happy  there 
alone.  Confidence  and  love  gave  us  contented  hearts,  and  we 
have  seen  no  happier  hours  since,  though  blessed  with  worldly 
goods  and  worldly  honors,  justly  earned  by  untiring  industry 
and  just  and  upright  lives,  so  far  as  we  have  known  how  to 
practice  them.  That  little  place  with  the  plainest  and  simplest 
furniture,  such  as  I  have  described,  was  richer  to  us  because 
it  was  garnished  with  contentment  with  each  other,  and  that 
secured  contentment  with  all  around.  If  we  now  enjoy  larger 
halls  and  more  elaborate  decorations,  it  is  no  richer  to  us  now 
than  were  our  quarters  to  us  then.  It  is  the  contented  heart, 
the  loving  disposition,  undoubting  confidence,  and  unbending 
truth, — hopes  based  on  faith,  a  belief  in  our  own  powers  and 
resolutions,  and  pictures  of  the  future  which  they  shall  realize, 
that  constitute  such  happiness  as  we  then  enjoyed,  for  all  those 
we  had  to  a  degree  almost  immeasurable.  These  are  greater 
treasures  than  gold  or  other  worldly  goods,  and  with  these,  all 
who  will  may  commence  the  rugged  road  of  life  together.  If 
in  the  beginning  they  are  sought  for  less  than  gold,  it  is 
because  of  false  estimates.  With  such  treasures  as  we  had 
then,  all  may  commence,  if  they  but  will  to  do  so,  and  be  more 
contented  and  more  happy  than  with  a  dowry  of  worldly 
wealth. 

How  often   we  counted   these,  our  only  treasures,  as  we 


You  Leave  Us  in  Our  Happy  Little  Home.  249 

were  alone  together  in  our  little  place,  no  one  can  ever  know ; 
but,  as  each  time  the  miser  counts  his  gold  and  gains  they  be- 
come more  precious  in  his  sight,  so  it  was  with  us  as  we  told  our 
hoard  over  every  day  —  yes,  night  and  morning.  The  remem- 
brance of  that  little  place,  where  it  may  be  said  we  spent  our 
honeymoon — though  in  truth  our  honeymoon  has  never 
ended  —  has  been  to  us  ever  sweet,  endeared  by  the  remem- 
brance of  so  much  happiness,  so  rationally  enjoyed.  There  we 
strengthened  each  other's  constancy  and  firmness ;  there  we 
oft  and  often  repeated  all  our  good  resolutions ;  there,  day  by 
day,  we  renewed  our  pledges  of  constancy,  truth,  fidelity  and 
love,  and  there  we  commenced  building  up  our  future,  on 
the  foundation  which  had  already  been  laid,  as  has  been  told, 
and  there  you  must  leave  us,  as  we  terminate  this  account  of 

OUR  COURTSHIP  AND  OUR  MARRIAGE. 


A3 
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BKRH 


